Hi hi, guys! Wow, this chapter was so nice to write :') I just automatically typed every word without even thinking, I let those emotions take over my body and I think it came out to be pretty good :D I may be the only one to think so, but I'm satisfied with this chapter.

Renato Chaos-san and Enemotou-san, thank you for those flattering words! I guess I can't be luckier :)

And Renato Chaos-san, I also wondered about it... I wanted to have him like a crybaby, but that wouldn't really fit him, so I thought I will make him behave like he normally does... but that wouldn't fit the story so... I asked myself: Why not both? ;)

And! Here it is, ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy :)

Chapter 7: For the first time

Asuka's P.O.V.

It was already noon but Izayoi-kun still didn't wake up. He has slept about fourteen hours. I suppose it's because of that hight fever...

Yesterday, when we brought him back, something seemed off. He was too hot and was sweating too much so we measured his temperature. That's when we found out that he has 39.8 degrees Celsius (103.64 degrees Fahrenheit)... pretty hight.

But that was quite understandable since he went out at night for such a long time with those wet hair. But I don't think that is the main reason he got sick.

Wow, even he can get ill.

But nothing could surprise me now, even if he turned out to be a girl, it wouldn't startle me even a little. All of those events made me get use to unexpected things... First that anemia, then his break down and now getting sick... No one have ever thought that either of those would be possible for Izayoi-kun. That Izayoi.

Sight... I was sitting on an edge of his bed and staring at the blond. He was lying there, smothered up to the neck with a cold compress on a forehead. His cheeks were red and the face looked so calm... he resembled a kid. Who would ever say he is a, as Black rabbit says, problem child?

My hand touched his face and perceived that hotness. He was burning as hell...

„Asuka" someone called me. I turned my head and saw Yo-san in the doors. „I'm coming in" she informed. I nodded and watched her as she closed the doors and approached me.

„Did the fever drop?" Yo-san asked quietly so that the boy wouldn't wake up.

„Still the same" I told her and stood up. „Shouldn't we wake him up and make him eat something?" I suggested. „It may help him."

"I also thought about it, but then... I remembered how he was acting so, I guess I'm kind of scared?" She admitted and made me think about it. How would he be acting like if he is up? What if he will get into that pathetic state? I wouldn't be able to handle him, for sure.

"You are right..." I agreed and sighed, again. "Where is Black rabbit?" a question popped in my head.

"She said she is going for a walk" Yo-san responded a little surprised by my query. "Is there something you need to tell her?"

"No, it's nothing" I told her. "But I just wanted to know she is okay" the girl looked a little confused.

"Did something happen to her?" a sign of concern was heard from her voice.

I shook my head and explained: "It's just... yesterday, when Calico and I found her, she was...well, she was looking horrible" and paused, I didn't know how to say what I wanted.

"Horrible?" the girl asked curiously. "I noticed that she was acting a little out of character, but I thought it was just because she was shocked by that... well, Izayoi's change of character?"

"You know... Yesterday, we found Black rabbit sitting on the ground with covered face and crying. It looked like she was so desperate that it made her... well, break down? She is blaming herself for letting something like this happen" I clarified and breath in. I remembered her face... that painful expression and so blameful words couldn't be described at all.

"It's not her fault" I claimed and looked at Yo-san, who also had that expression. Those guilty eyes. "It's not anyone's fault. This idiot is the one to blame!" I pointed at Izayoi-kun. "I swear that when he will return to his old self, I will kick a... ehm, excuse me, I will kick a shit out of him"

The girl who was standing next to me was now goggling her eyes. I assume it's because of what I just said. Then, she chuckled.

"There really can't be anything to shock me anymore" she said while laughing. "You know what I mean, right?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "nothing, really" and continued on talking to her. It was a while since we got to be this relaxed, wasn't it?

Izayoi's P.O.V.

Where am I? It's dark.

Why am I here? Is there a reason?

Who... am I? I don't know.

But there was something warm... I could feel those rays of kindness and love. I felt a desire to have them, to feel them. I reached out my hand hoping that I will get to touch them, but instead, they brightened up this place and made me remember. They were memories of her... Memories of the first one who ever accepted me and loved me.

I was always alone, feared because of this unnatural power of mine. Even my parents abandoned me in early age and sent me into orphanage.

"Monster!" I remember how one boy called me for a first time when I accidentally smashed a wall. I was five back then.

"Y-You monster!" Even the people taking care of us were scared of me. They weren't bad people but, really, how would somehow be able to like or care for a child with this power? How could they love me when I was so hard to handle? So dangerous?

But did anyone know that I was so hard to deal with because I was lonely? Did anyone know that I just wanted to have someone to talk to? Someone to think of me like a normal child? Or someone to give me at least... a feeling that I'm not just a rubbish? Unneeded and useless? That I'm alive?

But that was just a dream, stupid and impossible dream. Who would like to have something like me? I got used to it, to loneliness and pain. I forgot how to smile. I forgot that I could feel, words 'love' and 'happiness' were just some letters stacked next to each other with no meaning to me. Really, why was I here?

"You should have never been born"

"Shut up, useless brat"

"Monster! No one likes you! disappear!"

"What did we do that God sent us something like you?"

"Hey, why don't you just...

die?"

Yeah, I got used to it, to all of it. Those horrible words, those disgusted faces and their attitude toward me.

'Why don't I just die?' I asked myself once. 'No one would miss me or be sad anyway' But I knew that I couldn't give up so easily. I still desired to be loved, at least once in my life... even though I knew it was impossible, I just wanted to, I hoped. I was still a child after all.

In no time, I realized that it was a nonsense, a monster to be loved... what kind of fairy tale was that? I built a façade so that I would never show any weakness. Whenever someone insulted or bullied me, I just carefreely smiled and ignored them. When someone wanted to pick fight, he got a fight. Easy, right?

Easy, but empty. Empty way to live. Empty feelings to have... but wait... what feelings? How ridiculous. I wasn't even living, that couldn't be called 'living', it was more like barely surviving. Everyday at night, I put down that tough façade and cried myself to sleep. Yeah, that was the only way to make me better.

But one day, I had no tears left. As much as I cried out, no tears could be shed anymore. Why? Because I was sick of this. I was sick of living, so I made up my mind, no weeping, no weakness, no feelings, no! Nothing. I decided to shut my heart and let everything be. Someone died? So what, I didn't care. Someone tried to kill me? So what? I wouldn't really mind it at all.

Yeah, there have been many attempts to kill me. Poisoned food, stabbed by knifes, beaten to death, everything was tried on me, but I survived. Why, I wonder...

"Hey! Your face is annoying" an older boy face was making fun of me once. It was when I was out, he was chatting with that his gang and laughing at me.

I 'tsked' and wanted to go away to be left alone. But one of them shouted: "You pretty rude, brat! Want us to teach you a lesson?"

Oh? So they wanted to have a fight? How stupid, everyone knew that a mêlée with me always ended up by me winning and leaving behind beaten idiots.

"Ah, you guys are masochists, right? Want me to teach you a lesson?" I held a fist and provocatively smiled. "Fine, at least It will be fun"

"You damn jerk! Die!" and so the fist-fight started. And once again, I won without any problem.

"Boooring" I declared, smiling as I saw those pigs begging for mercy. I had no mercy though. I never understood that word, how would I since no mercy was given to me?

I didn't enjoy it. I didn't like anything, all that existed was just there to hate me. To reject me. To remind me that I'm not needed.

"Hey, is that the child everyone talks about?"

"Yeah, I heard that when he was five, he destroyed a wall by single punch."

"Really?"

"That's right, people even say that everywhere he goes, he picks a fight and beat his victims nearly to death"

"How horrible! He is so heartless!"

"I know, right? He may be only seven, but don't get tricked! He is wicked to the core, they saw him madly laughing while he was hitting some older boys."

"He is a monster"

"Indeed, a devil"

Hey... I can hear you. But you know? I can't feel anymore. I can't cry nor scream anymore. I just can't... And do you know whose fault it is?

Yours

Asuka's P.O.V.

"H-he is crying from a sleep?" I asked alarmed. Izayoi-kun was still asleep but he wept like a child... How much I hated this sight!

"A nightmare?" Yo-san came nearer to the boy and wiped his tears away. But it was in vain because new ones were appearing immediately.

"Seems like that" I agreed. "Or maybe a very sad dream"

Izayoi's P.O.V.

"Ne, ne, mom! Who is that boy? Can I go play with him?"

"No, darling! He is dangerous"

"But he is always alone"

"He is a bad boy, love. Don't get involved with him"

"Okay, mommy"

Yeah, I am a bad boy. I'm 'wicked to the core', a devil, am I wrong? Well, why not? It doesn't matter anyway. Devil or angel, I was still having all these sufferings.

Every time I heard these kind of conversations, I realized how pitiful I was. But there was no place for pity in their heart if it came to me. They were filled with hatred and fear. But that's a human nature, right? Rejecting and being scared of something they can't understand...

It just amazed me how terrible people could be, really. Judging, insensitive, stupid, uncomprehending... Was there even a word that would be able to describe them? Did even a word that would portray how much I despised them exist? How much I despised those faces?

My hope for love turned into dust. It was revived and reborn into a tolerance for those attitudes toward me though. And again, even that was destroyed and reborn. Reborn as hatred. Disbelief. Disappointment.

"Hey, what's your name?"

"I don't have a name"

"Eh? Serves you right! A monster doesn't deserve a name"

That's right, a monster doesn't deserve any right, name or love. It deserves pain and loneliness.

But what did I do?

All of this was my daily life, insults, fights, bullying, it was all a part of my life. Until one day:

"Are you alone?" a woman started speaking with me. How wierd...

"Hm"

"Where are your parents? A kid shouldn't be wandering alone" she seemed worried. Why? Why was she worried about me? A rubbish?

"I don't have them"

"You... lost them?" this was the first time anyone has ever talked to me with this tone.

"They abandoned me. I'm living in orphanage"... 'living'

"Ah, is that so?" she looked sad. "What about friends? Do you have a lot of friends?"

"Everyone hates me. I'm a monster. You heard, haven't you? About that brute boy who always fights"

She seemed a little startled. Yeah, I couldn't expect more. Right now, she will call me a monster or brat and immediately leave.

"I heard it" she said. The woman was calmer than I thought she would be. And why wasn't she yelling at me or running away?

"I heard about those rumors, but you know? You don't act or speak like a monster. I think you are a nice boy, you know?"

What did she say?

Was I dreaming?

Was she just making fun of me?

"Stop playing with me" I laughed in confusion. "I know very well you are just making a fool of me. You are the same like them! You want to kill me, right? Get rid of a trash like me"

"What? No!" she denied. Such a good liar...

"I have already learned not to believe people. You surely think-"

"NO!" she shouted. "I don't think you are a monster! I don't think you are a trash! I do not!" than she reached out her hands. "I see... I get it now. You were... alone all this time, right? Rejected and considered as a rubbish... How cruel of them." she sadly chuckled. "You are just a kid, just a little child who wants love, right?" she embraced me. "You just want to feel something else than pain, right?"

Somehow... It pierced my heart. Those words were so right, they described everything I was. They were so warm and... full of love.

After such a long time, I once again got to feel those tears. Once again, I could weep and whine. Finally, emotions were given back to me.

And what's more?

For the very first time, I got hugged. Someone knew how I was feeling. For the first time I got to taste happiness of someone understanding me and not denying my existence. I got to feel the warmth.

For the very, very first time, I understood the meaning of 'love'

So? SO? SOOO? How was it? Did you like it? I hope you did cause I really put my hopes up in this chap! Please tell me your opinion and review! :)