Hello! I know I know, It took too long to update... I'm reaallyyy sooorryy, but I had a writer's block and... just didn't know what to do, so that's why. And nope, I really didn't forget about it! Ehm, so for an atonement I made this chapter a little longer than usual, ok? :) Well, and of course, here are my thanks:
BlueBaronJack-san, Renato Chaos-san, and Enemotou-san, I'm glad you like it! I admit that I wanted that chapter to be sad, but I really couldn't imagine that someone would cry... I'm so happy! Oh, wait, not happy that you cried (I'm not such a sadist XD), but because it was success! And I guess that's because of you all who reviewed or are following/add to favorite this fanfiction. Thank you all so much! :)
Chapter 8: Name
Yo's P.O.V.
„He hasn't stopped yet" I sighed and looked at Asuka helplessly.. I haven't been wiping Izayoi's tears for such a long while, but... really, how can someone cry from sleep continuously? Not that it was something rare, but that was when people shed just one or two tears, but Izayoi was crying as hell. When I wiped one series of those drops, another were already trickling down. I bet that if I let them be, they would form a lake...
„Hm? I wonder what he is dreaming about" she said and came closer to the sleeping boy. And to my surprise, she started poking him into cheeks. "Still hot" was all she said.
I also wanted to know it, what could possibly make Izayoi cry?
His words were still flashing through my mind. He said he doesn't want to remember. Remember what? Who?
Maybe he has some kind of trauma he doesn't want to be reminded of... But what could have triggered his memories? I tried to solve this riddle... He got an attack when he was forced to eat with us. So... he is scared of food?
I violently shook my head. Of course not! Could something more stupid enter my mind?
„Ehm, Yo-san? Are you okay?" Asuka asked a little shocked by my movement.
„Ah, no, it's nothnig. I was just wondering..." yeah, I was just wondering if Izayoi is afraid of food. Sounds legit, right? Well, why not...
"What could have turn him into this?" she finished for me.
I nodded. "Yeah, but something completely absurd came to my mind" And I weakly chuckled.
"Would you mind telling me?" she sounded curious. I wouldn't really mind it, but just saying something like that was making me feel stupid.
"Do you know when it all started?" I asked but didn't wait for a reply and answered. "When we found out that Izaoyi has anemia." and now I waited for Asuka to remember how exactly he was acting.
"I recall him being a little uneasy," she confirmed.
"That's right. When he was forced by us to sleep, do you know what did he do?"
"Not really... He just went sleep, didn't he?" she sounded a little surprised and confused.
"The headphones" I told her and looked into her questioning eyes. "We put his headphones on the desk. But when we went to check him in the morning, they weren't there" I started explaining.
"You sure notice even the smallest things" Asuka praised me.
"I think he took them when we left" I stated.
"So he took them to compose himself? That would make sense since, well... those headphones made him fall asleep yesterday"
"Exactly. In my opinion, he began to behave strangely from that event. Even at the festival..." I paused, I had to find the suitable words to tell her.
"At the festival? What happened? You found him?" The curiosity was clearly heard in her tone.
"Yes, but I found him in a deserted place with no one there. He was sitting on a bench and... I didn't notice it from the far, but when I got closer, he was shaking" And again, I was thinking of a way to describe what happened.
My friend just sat next to me and waited for a full explanation of what else I saw.
"When I called him he didn't answer so I knocked on his shoulder. When he finally noticed me, he quickly stood up and turned his back on me. I though it was suspicious and asked him if anything was wrong but he kept denying it. So I just went in front of him and I saw him with... I guess I could call it tearful eyes..." I saw the shocked brunette by my side with narrowing eyes.
"Why didn't you tell anyone?" she demanded an answer. However her voice wasn't that of blame, it was a worried one.
"I knew that something was wrong but he lied pretty well about it being an allergic reaction. He even put that usual smile of his and acted like he normally does... I just told myself that it's impossible for him to cry and got satisfied with that answer..." I bowed my head and fixed my eyes on a ground.
"I know it's my fault for being so oblivi-" before I could even finish the sentence, Asuka has already interrupted me.
"No, it's not! Is this why you were all gloomy yesterday and even today? I repeat! It's not anyone's fault!" and glared at me intensively.
"She is right, miss"Calico assured me. I smiled and managed to say a simple "Thanks..."
"So he hid it from everyone?" Asuka returned to our original topic.
"Yeah," I agreed. "but I was thinking about the trigger..."
"Trigger?"
I nodded and told her about yesterday when I found him. "He was saying that he doesn't want remember. He said he didn't want to. I think there was something in his past that affected him a lot. Maybe some kind of trauma or... I don't really know. But that's just my assumption"
Asuka sighed and looked up to a ceiling. "Yeah, I also think so" she said. "But what could have happened? How are we supposed to find out? It's not like we can ask him directly since..." she didn't have to explain. I knew what she meant. Since he would very likely return into that state...
"How...?" I re-asked and let that question hang in the air.
Izayoi's P.O.V
I...-kun, I...hate...you
I violently sat down, not knowing what just happened. I bent my head down with hand pushing my chest. It somehow hurt... a lot. It was hard to breathe, I was inhaling and exhaling so fastly that I hardly heard the voices calling my name.
I think it was Ojou and Kasukabe, but I didn't really care. I was trying to comprehend what was going on. Why I was so shocked and what... what were those things falling down from my eyes?!
It hurt, my chest, my head! Why? I was still trying to catch at least a little oxygen into my lungs and loosened my hand pushing the area of heart. Slowly, the pain was dispersing and my mind was starting to work again.
The drops sliding down from my cheeks and eyes were tears, this sadness and pain was caused by that...dream. Ojou-sama and Kasukabe were next to me, screaming something about me getting hold of myself and... I just realized how cold it was!
"Izayoi-kun! Can you hear-" Ojou stopped as soon, as she noticed that I was no longer gasping.
I made one mistake and that's that I looked up at them, completely forgetting that I was weeping. As I remembered that fact, I took a blanket and covered myself under it in a blink of eye. I guess I looked like a turtle hiding in its carapace.
"Izayoi, are you okay?" Kasukabe sounded really worried.
"completely fine" I answered. Unfortunately my voice was still a little uncontrollable so I coughed so it would return to its normal tone.
"You sound horrible, Izayoi-kun" Ojou didn't put an amusement into her voice to my surprise.
"I feel horrible, it's cold" I tried to hide the fact that I was still completely disconcerted. I was so glad there was a blanket, at least they couldn't see me like this. As long as they didn't see my face, it was easy to pretend to be alright.
"Cold?" those two repeated perplexedly.
"Yeah, I'm FREEZING! What the hell happened? Did we move into North Pole?" I managed to say while quietly sniffing. Geez, those tears still didn't stop. Why don't they just f*ck of?! I don't want to be in this pathetic state. I hate it!
"It's spring, Izayoi. It's warm" Kasukabe reminded me.
"It's nothing strange, you have a pretty hight fever" Ojou informed me. ME? FEVER?!
"Fine, I don't care. Just fetch me another blanket. I'm seriously gonna die" I snapped while wiping away those annoying tears. My way of speaking and words-picking didn't fit my condition even a little. Hell, how lucky I was for this cover!
"Wait for a while" I heard the animal girl saying and then going out of a room. Now I just had to make Asuka do something.
"Hey, ojou. Can you please bring me water?"
"You know we are not your dogs, right?" she said a little irritated.
"Yeah, sorry. So could you please?" I asked for a favor.
"Going" she replied while standing up and also leaving the room. "If you are fine, than don't hide" she whispered. I ignored her words.
When no one was there, I finally got a chance to emerge from the blanket. Since no one was there to see me like this, I felt more relaxed.
I lay down and put an arm on my eyes hoping it would stop the tears. It didn't... They were still trickling down, from eyes to cheeks and then falling at a pillow. I just couldn't get rid of that dream flashing in my mind.
Why do I have to have such a good memory? Why couldn't I forget after all these years?! I was suppressing all those memories, all of those feelings all the time. I got use to ignoring them so why... Why am I unable to ignore them now?
This time the feelings were overflowing, for the first time from that event, I was reminded of them this much. I slapped myself, thinking that I would regain my composure, but those wet things were still falling down. I just couldn't forget, I wasn't allowed to forget her words.
I hate you
She had the right to say it, it was me who caused it. She would be right to curse me, hate me, want to kill me. I deserved her hatred since I was the one who caused her death. Since I was the one who killed her.
I was desperately crying, so much that I couldn't help but whine and sob loudly. I tried to restrain myself so that the two wouldn't hear me but it was impossible. Those words, that recollection of her smile and then... the body covered in blood.
"Just... fuck off" I plead with hands covering my mouth preventing me from doing any noise.
"I'm sorry, Aiharu" was the last thing I said while weeping so helplessly. "I'm so sorry"
Asuka's P.O.V.
"You saw it, right?" I started a conversation with Yo-san who was now holding another cover for Izayoi-kun. "His eyes"
She looked at the ground and gestured with head. "They were those of a hurt animal"
"It was just in a blink of eye, but... I saw it. The pain, so much pain" I closed eyes to chase away that sight from my head. It was way too much for me...
"I'm worried" I admitted and looked at Yo-san with troubled eyes. "He acts like nothing matters, but he is falling apart. Slowly and painfully"
My friend was still averting eyes and remaining silent.
"We have to help him. I can't stand it anymore" I continued. "I hate when I see him like this. It makes me want to cry too"
"I want to" Yo-san whispered. "I want to know what happened. I want to save him from it" she declared with determination in her voice.
"Yeah..."
And from then we didn't dare to say even a word. It was too intense to break this silence. We returned to Izayoi-kun's room, I with a glass of water in hand and Yo-san with a blanket.
We entered to the room and found the blond lying uncovered on the bed turned to the left side with a forearm hiding eyes. His cheeks were all wet and his sleeves were completely soaked... soaked from tears. He was apparently already asleep since he didn't bother to hide it.
I put the glass on a desk and Yo covered him by both blankets since he said he was freezing. She took his arm down and revealed those still fresh drops.
"Still burning" she informed me as she touched his forehead. "He has a habit to fall asleep while crying"
"I see" I replied, uncertain what to say. "We should let him rest, sleep is the best medicine after all" and headed to the doors.
"I know" she agreed and followed me out, leaving the boy by himself in a dreamworld.
Izayoi's P.O.V.
Why?
Why do I have to go through this again?
Why can't I forget it?
I loved the time with you but... that was exactly the reason I'm suffering now.
It's the reason why I want to forget.
The reason you died.
So I ask you again, why?
Because I deserve it? To be tortured by past?
To hear you last words again and again?
To face the guilt?
"From today on, you are my son!" she said with a big smile on her face. It has been about two weeks since I met this woman and from that day, she have been visiting me and taking me to all places to talk. I was very happy, but I didn't know how to express it so I just stayed at that cheeky behaviour.
"What?" I yelled out of shock. "Wait, WHAT?!" I swear to got that there has never been something to make me scream like this. Never.
"I said, from today, you are my son!" and hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe.
"Are you kidding me?!" I shouted again, it sounded like I was angry, but I wasn't. I was feeling... happy.
"Nope, I have done everything needed to adopt you" she started to play with my hair. I liked it but was too embarrassed so I broke away from her armful.
I just looked at her in disbelief. "Why would you do that?"
"Because I like you" she shot the response so quickly that it made me shiver.
"We know each other only two weeks"
"But I still like you. You are a different person then people say. You are so kind and sensitive" and she patted my head. I blushed for sure...
"You are a wierd one..." But the woman just smiled.
"What about calling me 'kaa-chan' now?" she said suggested and bend down on a level of my eyes. "Come on, say kaa-chan"
I was way too excited and happy and shy, so my sharp tongue slipped: "Never"
Her face suddenly got that upset expression and I gulped. I didn't want to make her sad.
"K-kaa-chan" I whispered hoping it will make her smile again.
She suddenly smiled so beautifully that I was glad I said it. I now understood what that 'smile like a flower' was.
"B-but I'm not that small to call you like that" I protested.
"Oh? You are just ten years, do you think that is much?" she chuckled and then said: "I'd prefer you calling me kaa-chan, but you can call me by my name."
"And that is?"
"Ai-ha-ru" she spelled still smiling like the biggest optimist in the world. "Ai like love and haru like spring"
"You have a nice name" I admitted and gently smiled.
"Oh! Now that I think about it, I have to think of a name for you! I can't let my son be nameless and call him just 'boy', right?"
What? I? A name? I will have a name?
"Ah! I know!" she declared out of blue, "Izayoi!" she said.
"Izayoi?" I repeated in amaze. "Why Izayoi?"
And again, that happy-go-lucky expression appeared on her face. "Because it means moon's 16'th night"
"Yeah, I know. And?"
"In 16'th night, the moon is most beautiful. Just like in my life, you are the most precious one" she explained and picked me up from a ground.
"Do you not like it?" she looked into my eyes.
"This time, I couldn't let embarrassment take over my tongue and said the truth.
"I love it"
Her mouth formed a shape of a letter U and declared: "So from now on, You are Sakamaki Izayoi! Son of Sakamaki Aiharu!"
I... have a name...
A beautiful one.
Sakamaki Izayoi.
I love this name... more than you can imagine, kaa-chan.
Uaaaaa, it's done! I hope you liked it! See ya in next chap! (if I won't die until then XD )