Tick. Tick. Tick. The rhythm of the clock was maddeningly consistent. Silently he willed it to fluctuate, to have some sort of variety from the monotonous ticking that filled the room. The source of the noise hung neatly on the wall opposite his bed, a clock with a small pendulum that waved back and forth at him. He'd come to know every detail of that clock, it was a side effect of having stared at it for hours on end. Blinking hard in an attempt to shift his weariness he watched as the hour hand crept towards three. After Lydia's departure he had relapsed into not sleeping, instead sitting on his bed staring at the wall opposite. Now it was three A.M a whole week after she'd disappeared, and he hadn't slept once. He had this constant spinning fear that he'd never see her again. That the last time he heard her voice would be those terrified screams in Eichenhouse. Such thoughts were counterproductive and he knew that, he had tried his best to keep them at bay but they always returned, especially at night. He missed her.
He missed the way that they used to talk to each other through the air vent at night. How he'd fall asleep to the sound of her steady breathing only a wall away. He missed the comfort she provided when his nightmares returned, her soothing tones and warm embrace as she calmed him down. Now the only sound that filled the house was Natalie's poorly concealed grieving, and the damn ticking of that stupid clock. Sighing with a mixture of exhaustion and frustration, Stiles heaved himself up and walked the short distance to the clock. He glared at the polished time piece, one of his eyes beginning to twitch in time with the second hand. "Shut up." He demanded the clock to fall silent, not caring that he was talking to a piece of furniture. Obnoxiously the clock kept ticking.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Hissing through his teeth he whispered angrily, "Shut up!" he didn't want to wake Natalie, he just wanted the stupid thing to fall silent.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
"Urghhh!" He snapped, grabbing the clock and hurtling it across the room. It hit the wall above his bedside table with a splintering crack, hitting the photo frames on the table as it fell to the floor. Staring at the broken time piece he stood panting for a moment, trying to regain control over his emotions. "I'm going crazy. I- I am completely insane. What the hell is wrong with me?" Groaning he buried his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes and slapping his cheek lightly in an attempt to waken himself up. With a loud sniff he looked up once more, shuffling over to inspect the damage. The clock was shattered into several pieces on the carpet, broken beyond repair. Crouching down he began picking up the pieces, fitting them together in his hands like a puzzle. "At least it's not ticking anymore." He sighed before tossing the pieces onto his bed. Turning his attention to the bedside table, he set about rearranging the fallen photographs. One by one he picked them up, setting them down exactly where Lydia had originally put them. Surprise jolted him for a moment when he came to Lydia's drawing of the Nemeton. There was a folded up piece of white paper taped to the back. Originally the picture had lived at his old house, on his desk. On the back he had stored a letter that he had written to Lydia, expressing all of his feeling for her. He had never planned to give it to her, he just wanted to have it all written down in case anything ever happened to him before he could tell her. He had used his best handwriting to scrawl, "For Lydia" on the little piece of folded up paper. However, when he picked up the frame to look more closely, his fingers went numb. Instead of his messy writing on the paper, there were Lydia's neatly penned letters which spelled out, "For Stiles."
Face locked into an expression of shock, he closed the small distance between himself and the carpet, sitting with a thump of the ground. Cross legged beside his bed and still clutching the frame in his lap, he resembled a child on Christmas morning. With shaky hands he reached down, gently peeling the tape from the letter. Painstakingly slowly he unfolded the paper, heart rate increasing with every movement. Finally he held the fully open letter in his hands. At first he couldn't bring himself to read it, simply sitting and staring at the elegant writing that filled the page. However, his curiosity inevitably got the better of him and he held it close to his face so that he could read it. He imagined her voice dictating the words to him:
Stiles.
I'm not very good with words, and I'm not very good with relationships or love either. I went through most of my life pretending to be dumb for other people, kidding myself into believing that I was in love with people I hated. My entire existence was a complete lie and I lost myself somewhere along the way. I was afraid that I was never going to find that girl again. But then I got my own personal miracle. Some weird, dorky kid with big brown eyes snowballed into my life and made me question everything I was doing. Stiles, when I first started spending time with you I was really thrown by you, because I had spent years and years building this character that everyone else believed, but you saw straight through it. I really wasn't sure how I felt about that until we went ice skating with Scott and Alison and you started talking about perfect combinations. I shrugged it off at the time, but you made me realise that what I had with Jackson and all of my friends was the complete opposite of that. I changed who I was for them and hated the end result. But with you I could be smart, and interested in things, I could talk to you about science or fashion and I knew that whatever it was you would listen because you genuinely cared about what I had to say. Then Alison set us up for Prom –we have so much to thank that girl for- and it was another one of those startling moments that I realised how well we fit together. I was so busy playing queen bee that I never saw you coming. You called me out on my crap and got me to dance with you. You told me I was smart, made me believe that I could actually do something with my brains rather than my beauty. I haven't won that Fields Medal yet, but when I do I'm gonna want you sitting in the front row.
After that, there were just all of these little moments between us, and I didn't realise what was happening until it was too late to stop it. I was best friends with Stiles Stilinski. I wanted to be more than best friends with Stiles Stilinski. Being with you made me feel warm and bright and safe, and whenever we were apart I found myself craving your company. Who else could match me intellectually? You know I love our friends dearly but none of them could really keep up, if I wanted a challenge of a conversation there was only one guy I could turn to. I never planned to fall in love with you. In fact, it caught me totally by surprise. One moment I was fine, and the next I had fallen head over heels for my best friend. Since then I've never wanted to be apart from you, I wanted to be there to make you laugh and smile and to listen when you needed to be angry or sad. Alison once asked me if I remembered what it was like to be in love. She just gave me this look, and started describing this amazing sounding thing. "Remember what it feels like. All of those times in school when you see him standing down the hall and you cannot breathe until you're with him, or those times in class when you can't stop looking at the clock because you know he's standing out there waiting for you. Don't you remember what that's like?" And I had to say no, because I'd never felt anything like that. But you know, if she were to ask me again, if she could ask me again, I would say yes. Yes I know exactly what you're talking about because I feel like that every day. Every single day. And she'd laugh and stare at me and ask who could possibly make me feel like that, and when I tell her it's you, she would have the biggest smile on her face. Because she always wanted us to be together you know? She was certain it would be a perfect combination. Now I know she was right.
Enough about me though. I want you to know a few things. First of all, I love you. So much it scares me. But I do, I love you with my entire being, and when I'm not around you you're all I can think of.
Second, I will always believe you, I will always believe in you. No matter how horrible or wretched or terrifying you think I might find something. Tell me. Tell me because I want to be there to hold you and tell you that things are going to be okay, that you aren't a monster.
Which brings me to number three. You are not a monster. You never were and you never will be. You have so much goodness inside of you that the light it makes is blinding. No matter what dark thoughts or cruel words work their way into your mind, remember this: You are good. You are human. You are not a monster. You are not your demons. Your demons do not define you. I mean, your Stiles frickin' Stilinski! Come on! You are the brightest, loveliest, kindest and bravest soul I have ever had the fortune of meeting.
Lastly, if anything were ever to separate us, if the universe is suckish and cuts our time together short, then just know that every single second was amazing, and totally worth the wait. But please, don't get all heroic and risk your life for me, because I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt because of me.
Anyway, I've rambled for too long. I love you.
Lydia
For once, Stiles' hands stopped shaking. Her words had paralysed him, a delicious stillness that filled every inch of him with bliss. Never in a million years would he have expected Lydia Martin to write him that note. If he didn't know her handwriting by heart, he wouldn't have been sure it had actually come from her. A smile inched its way across his face, softening his weary features into a relaxed grin. "I love you too Lyds." Somehow saying the words to the empty room made him feel better, he hoped that wherever she was in that hellhole of an asylum, that she would hear his thought and be comforted. Comforted? Eyebrows pressing together, he glared at his own complacence. Carefully setting the note down on his bedside table, he scrambled up gripping the bed sheets for leverage. Of course she won't be comforted! She's in Eichenhouse! What have I been doing just sitting around here moping when she's in there all alone?! The thoughts chased each other frantically around his head. Each lap they made caused another spasm of surplus energy to race across his body."Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He berated himself quietly, pacing his room before slowing to a halt in front of his investigation board.
He and Scott had been writing out various plans to break Lydia out, but so far none had been promising. Their most recent attempt was scrawled in the bottom right corner of the Perspex. Although unfinished, the plan had promise. His hand dashed up to his mouth gripping his chin like a vice, his indecision causing his body no end of restless discomfort. Now that the ticking of the clock had ceased, he had no way of knowing how long he had been standing there before he came to a decision. I just have to save her, I can't leave her there alone, not again. The thought sent an unnatural stillness through his body, and he took a quivering breath before jumping into action once more. Taking three hasty steps he arrived at the door, reaching to his left to grab Lydia's car keys out of the little porcelain bowl he kept them in. A little screech escaped the bowl as the keys scraped the glaze. Wincing at the sound, Stiles shoved the keys in his hoodie pocket before throwing his bedroom door open.
"OHMYGODAHHHUHHH" Surprise causing him to step back, he caught his foot on his own heel, sending himself sprawling to the ground. Hand on his chest trying to still his racing heart, he glared up at Scott. "Dude! What the hell?"
Laughing, Scott stepped forwards, offering his hand to help Stiles to his feet. "Going somewhere?"
Brushing himself off the boy nodded a little too eagerly, "Yeah, uh, yeah I thought I'd go on a walk!"
"With Lydia's car keys?" Scott quirked an eyebrow, fixing his friend with an amused stare.
"Yes! Wait, no! Aww crap." Hanging his head in shame at being caught, he risked a glance up at Scott.
The Alpha was simply staring sadly at him, the previous trace of humour gone from his warm gaze. "Stiles, we've talked about this. You can't just run off and try to save her, not on your own, and not yet."
"What? Have you all got me on 24 hour surveillance or something! Scott this is ridiculous!" The sudden outburst of anger had sucked all of his energy, and he rapidly deflated, sad eyes fixed wearily on his friend. "I miss her Scott. She must be so scared in there all on her own. Please, I just- I just need- I need to save her Scotty."
Seeing his friend looking so broken tore at Scott's heart, so he stepped forwards and enveloped Stiles in a warm hug. "I know buddy. But we're going to get her out of there. Together. But just not tonight. I promise we'll get her out. But right now? You need to sleep, come on." Turning Stiles around, he shoved him gently in the direction of the bed. Groggily the boy climbed in, sinking deep into the soft covers. With a yawn he blinked slowly at Scott before letting his eyes close completely. Just before he fell asleep, he sighed out a few words:
"Thanks, Scotty."
A/N:
I am so so sorry it's taken so long to update! I moved to University a few weeks ago and I just totally got caught up in the whirlwind and had no time to write! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and I'm going to try and be more regular with my updates from now on :)