A/N: This chapter was written for Death the Kid Week 2016. The prompt was "Friends and Partners". Hope you enjoy!
"Mr. Rochester is an asshole!"
Kid and Liz dropped their pencils, startled by Patty's sudden, angry appearance in Liz' bedroom.
"Who the hell is that?" Liz asked, gearing up, "What did he do to you?"
Kid made a disgusted little sound and erased the errant mark that Patty had caused him to make on his sketch.
"He's a character in 'Jane Eyre'." he muttered, concentrating hard on removing every trace of his error, "She and Dad finished 'A Tale of Two Cities' and he thought 'Jane Eyre' might be a nice, calming thing to read next."
"You'd think there'd be a limit to how often one guy could be wrong, but nope." Liz looked at Patty's reflection in the dressing-table mirror and then back at her own, "For real, Patty? You made me fuck up my eyeliner over some asshat in a book?"
"He's a two-timing jerk! Why are you putting eyeliner on anyway? It's almost nighttime." Patty settled down on the floor next to Kid and watched him add in the details of her sister's vanity chair.
Liz put makeup remover on a cotton pad ,"I have a date." she said, dabbing at her lash line.
"A date?" said a voice from the doorway. More startled mistakes were made. Kid and Liz threw down pencil and cotton pad in frustration. It was impossible to draw a straight line in the house some nights.
"I'm going to go draw somewhere else in a minute!" Kid threatened, scowling as he began his involved erasing process again, "What are you doing here, anyway, Dad?"
He looked a little forlornly at his half-finished sketch of Liz, "Do I need to go to work?"
"No, you're fine, Kiddo. I just wanted to remind you about our reading rule, Patty. Do you remember what it is, honey?"
"No doing book things in real life without asking first." Patty recited in a put-upon voice. Sometimes it felt like everyone was conspiring against her simple wish to have fun.
Lord Death came in and sat on Liz's blue Aubusson rug, "Which means that under no circumstances should you set fire to any of the beds, okay? Particularly not while we're in them please."
Patty had enjoyed Dickens' story about French Revolution a little too much. Living in a house designed by a couple who'd used guillotines as a decorative in-joke had only fueled her imagination. After an unfortunate incident with the tassels on the dining room curtains and Nadine's bagel slicer, Lord Death belatedly realized that he needed to make a rule about children playing with sharp objects. Or taking literature too seriously.
"'Kay." Patty agreed and leaned against his arm while Lord Death glanced over Kid's drawing.
"Nice work, Kiddo."
"It would be better if you guys would stop making me mess up. If I erase on this paper much more it's going to tear, or get smeared. It might be a little smeared now? Does that look bad to you? Maybe I should start over..."
Kid started scratching his head with his pencil . Lord Death reached past Patty and plucked it out of his hand.
"Stop that, Kiddo. The picture is just fine. You're fine. Now stop."
Kid took a shaky breath, struggling to get himself under control. Liz whipped around, waiting to see if she needed to jump into action but his father was already on it. He embraced his son, squeezing him tightly and patting him rhythmically. Liz favored him with a proud smile. Death had actually done some research on anxiety and between the two of them they'd developed a semi-successful system of diffusing Kid's low-level breakdowns. The big ones still involved days in bed under heavy sedation, but things had gotten a little better.
"Now, what's that you said about a date?" Lord Death asked over the top of Kid's head.
"That I have one." Liz replied saucily, "Tonight."
"With whom"
"Trevor." she said happily, returning to her makeup.
Lord Death was outwardly calm, but inside he was wildly wondering what to do about this new development. He'd just gotten them into some semblance of order, for fuck's sake. There hadn't been a violent fight for almost two weeks and now, on his very limited ability as a single father, he was going to have to deal with dating? Life was not fair. He cleared his throat.
"Where, uh, did you meet him?"
"At the coffee shop." Liz' eyes narrowed.
"And does Trevor-you-met-at-a-coffee-shop know that it's a school night and that you're only fifteen years old?" Lord Death asked, not bothering to hide the suspicion in his voice.
"He's fifteen too, and what does that have to do with anything?" Liz demanded, "I've been dating since I was eleven!"
Out of respect to Lord Death she refrained from mentioning that she'd done a lot more than date.
"It means that I think you're too young to be going out at night, especially when you have to get up in the morning." he said disapprovingly.
"Oh my God. Really?" Liz turned around in her chair, "I can take care of myself. Not like I haven't done it before. Jesus."
"You're used to taking care of yourself with a gun," Death pointed out, "And I'm assuming you won't be taking Patty along on this date."
"Of course not!"
"Then how would defend yourself if necessary?"
"You seriously think Trevor might try to murder me in the middle of Deathbucks?"
"No, but-"
"Sis has beaten the shit out of people alone before," Patty piped in, "Lots of them."
"Well, what about-"
Kid turned around in his father's arms, "Or are you worried about her virtue? Because I believe that ship has sailed."
"Are you calling me a slut? At least I don't have to consider sneaking off with the Victoria's Secret catalogue a date!" Liz threw a hairbrush at Kid, who dodged it easily. It bounced off of Lord Death, who was staring at his son in shock.
"I use it for drawing!" Kid protested, blushing so hard his ears turned red, "You won't model for me very often and Patty can't sit still long enough!"
"Suuuuure you do, you little perv. There are lots of half-naked people in National Geographic, too, but I don't see that disappearing up to your room."
Kid tried to regain his composure by destroying his father's a little more.
"It's very archaic to feel proprietary over a woman's virginity." he told Lord Death, "It denotes a feeling of ownership and furthers society's patriarchal belief that sex devalues a woman. Which is wrong, especially when the inverse is held true for men."
"What he said!" Liz yelled, pointing at both Reapers, "Yeah, don't devalue me."
"I am not devaluing anybody!" Lord Death yelped, "Kid you stay out of this! Liz, I would hate for some strange boy to make unwanted demands on you, Plus you know how you get when you don't sleep enough."
"Bitchy. You get bitchy." Patty supplied, in case anyone was confused. She had no idea what half the conversation was about, but watching everyone freak out sure was interesting.
Kid nodded, "Exactly!"
"Not as bitchy as you, though." Patty told him honestly, "You can be a nasty little fucker in the morning. That's what Liz says."
"You are not helping, Patty!" Liz shouted. Kid was doing a better job of arguing her case than she was. The last thing she needed was for him to get mad at her.
"So if she comes home by bedtime and promises not to have relations with Trevor could she go out?" Kid asked his father. He sounded interested in a detached, clinical sort of way.
"I-"
"Yeah, what if she promises to come home in time to not be a bitch in the morning and to kick Trevor's balls off if he tries to have sex with her?" Patty had no idea what "relations" were and thought she should clarify the whole defense for everyone.
"I can have sex if I decide to!" Liz screamed, "I can make up my own mind!"
"Yes, there's a big difference between sex and rape, Patty. I think Dad's more concerned about the rape part." Kid said solemnly.
Lord Death hadn't felt so rattled in years. If he were capable of having a stroke, he thought he'd be on the verge right about now.
"ENOUGH!" he shouted. He held up a hand and the room went silent. It wasn't often that he used his Dad Voice, but when he did they all knew they were perilously close utter destruction. Or a weekend of grounding and extra chores, anyway.
"I agree that things may have changed since the last time I went on a date and my thinking may be not be in line with current standards-"
"I'm positive it isn't." Kid interrupted, "The last time you went on a date was 1791."
Lord Death scowled at him, "Be that as it may, I am simply looking after your safety and well-being, Elizabeth. "
"Aw, I know that." Liz said, slumping, "I just...wanna go out like a normal person once in a while, you know? Seriously, it's just meeting someone at Deathbucks. I promise I'll come right home after. No late night, no drinking anything but coffee, no sex."
"The no drugs and alcohol agreement remains in effect , as does a curfew to prevent you being overly tired and unable to do well in school." Lord Death informed her, "But I'm not telling you that you can't have sex. I just want you to have it on your terms in an environment and relationship that are physically and emotionally safe!"
Liz looked at him, wide-eyed, "And here I thought you were being the world's oldest living prude." she said, and started to giggle uncontrollably.
"Hardly," Lord Death said loftily, "One time I-"
He broke off when Kid and Patty turned big, expectant eyes on him. He cleared his throat and tried to pretend he hadn't almost told three underage children about a four hundred year old sexcapade.
"So I can go?" Liz asked, coming over to stand before the trio on the rug.
"Yes, but home by nine." Death said, trying to regain his poise.
"Thank you." Liz threw her arms around him. Kid, still leaning against his father, made a spitting sound as her long hair fell across his face.
"Well, as you said, it's just coffee." he replied gruffly.
"No, I mean thank you for giving a shit about me." she replied, resting her head against him for a moment. One of his rare smiles lit Death's face and he kissed her forehead.
"A give a lot of shits about you. " he said, getting to his feet, "If it ever seems like I'm hard on you guys, it's because I do care."
He looked at the three of them for a long moment, "And now I'm going back to work, which is full of easy negotiations. Like nuclear disarmament."
As soon as they were alone, Liz took Kid's chin in her hands, "I can't believe you stood up for me."
He shrugged. "I didn't think it was fair to hold you to old-fashioned rules. Especially when you can take care of yourself. Besides, you stick up for me sometimes."
"Cause we're partners!" Patty cried, thinking of the time Liz and Kid had covered up for her when she'd accidentally gotten marker on the wall in the breakfast room.
Kid's eyes scooted away from Liz', "You might even say we're friends." He said cautiously. Liz planted a kiss on his forehead, making sure to get it right in the center.
"Ick! Stop that, it's germy!" he squealed, pushing her away.
Liz picked up her hairbrush and returned to her vanity. "Aren't you getting a little too old for the 'girls have cooties' routine, Mr. Victoria's Secret?"
"I told you I use it for drawing! I'll give it back, okay?" Kid blushed again, and thought regretfully of the blonde model on page 23 with the long legs and the perfectly symmetrical ponytails. He hadn't thought Liz knew he had her damned catalogue. He was starting to believe she knew everything, or, as Patty claimed, had eyes in the back of her head.
Liz gave him an evil grin, "Tell you what. Since we're friends and all, I'll let you keep it." She reached over and grabbed another magazine from the edge of the dressing table.
"Here," she said, tossing it to him, "I'll throw in a copy of Cosmo, too."
Kid read the headlines and his eyes went wide in shock.
"'Best sex positions for girls'? 'Kinky sex you'll both love'? 'Orgasms guaranteed'? What IS this? And why would I want to read it? Yuck."
Liz gave her lips a coat of gloss, "Trust me, you're so weird that you're gonna have to bring something extra to the table when you start dating." she advised, smacking her lips together, "I'd start studying now if I was you. Just think of it as a little present from one friend to another."
He dropped the magazine like a hot potato, and Patty scooped it up to look at the article on '50 of the most embarrassing sex stories ever'.
"If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer a scone from Deathbucks." Kid said, desperately wondering how he continually managed to land himself in hot water, even when he was trying to be nice. He had just about determined that you just couldn't win with girls.