This chapter is dedicated to Grey Steel fan :)
Sera's POV
I open my eyes every morning to a new day… a new time… yet the same life… full with consuming thoughts. I got up before everybody. I knew that the day before wasn't easy for any of us. John called my grandparents to get me on the feeding tube again. My parents had also agreed with this decision.
Flashback yesterday afternoon
'… and the wolf said 'Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in.'
Well, he huffed, and he puffed, and he huffed and he puffed, and he puffed and huffed; but he could not get the house down. When he found that he could not, with all his huffing and puffing, blow the house down, he said:
'Little pig, I know where there is a nice field of turnips.'
'Where?' said the little pig.
'Oh, in Mr Smith's Home-field, and if you will be ready tomorrow morning I will call for you, and we will go together, and get some for dinner.'
'Very well,' said the little pig, 'I will be ready. What time do you mean to go?'
'Oh, at six o'clock.'
Well, the little pig got up at five, and got the turnips before the wolf came (which he did about six), who said:
'Little pig, are you ready?'
The little pig said: 'Ready! I have been and come back again, and got a nice potful for dinner.'
The wolf felt very angry at this, but thought that he would be up to the little pig somehow or other, so he said:
'Little pig, I know where there is a nice apple tree.'
'Where?' said the pig.
'Down at Merry-garden,' replied the wolf, 'and if you will not deceive me I will come for you at five o'clock tomorrow. And get some apples.'
Well, the little pig bustled up the next morning at four o'clock, and went off for the apples, hoping to get back before the wolf came; but he had further to go, and had to climb the tree, so that just as he was coming down from it, he saw the wolf coming, which, as you may suppose, frightened him very much. When the wolf came up he said:
'Little pig, what! are you here before me? Are they nice apples?'
'Yes, very,' said the little pig. 'I will throw you down one.'
And he threw it so far, that, while the wolf was gone to pick it up, the little pig jumped down and ran home. The next day the wolf came again, and said to the little pig:
'Little pig, there is a fair at Shanklin this afternoon, will you go?'
'Oh yes,' said the pig, 'I will go; what time shall you be ready?'
'At three,' said the wolf. So the little pig went off before the time as usual, and got to the fair, and bought a butter-churn, which he was going home with, when he saw the wolf coming. Then he could not tell what to do. So he got into the churn to hide, and by so doing turned it round, and it rolled down the hill with the pig in it, which frightened the wolf so much, that he ran home without going to the fair. He went to the little pig's house, and told him how frightened he had been by a great round thing which came down the hill past him. Then the little pig said:
'Hah, I frightened you, then. I had been to the fair and bought a butter-churn, and when I saw you, I got into it, and rolled down the hill.'
Then the wolf was very angry indeed, and declared he would eat up the little pig, and that he would get down the chimney after him. When the little pig saw what he was about, he hung on the pot full of water, and made up a blazing fire, and, just as the wolf was coming down, took off the cover, and in fell the wolf; so the little pig put on the cover again in an instant, boiled him up, and ate him for supper, and lived happy ever afterwards.' Walter finished.
'Did you like the story?' He asked again as he closed the book and laid down beside me.
'Very much Wills.' I replied as I tried getting up.
'No Sera…' He instructed as with his tiny hands he guided me back to bed. 'Mummy and daddy told me to stay with you and make sure that you don't get up…' He sweetly continued.
'Walter, I just need to get my phone…'
'I'll get it for you…' He replied again as he jumped down from the bed and brought me my phone. 'Here…' He handed it to me. '… are you thirstly?'
'I'll go get some water…' I said again as I tried getting up.
'No… daddy told me you are a bit sick, and I am going to be a good brother…' He said again as he gave me a warm loving hug. 'What do you want to drink? Mummy like irish coffee, daddy likes tea, we have water, or soft drinks… or ice tea lemon, peach and orange, I prefer peach it's more sweet.' He excitedly replied. '… and Derek loves peach and cranberry juice and soft drinks… or do you want some warm mild? Daddy makes the best hot milk even cacao!' He excitedly jumped up and down. 'Mhmm… I should go and ask daddy for one.'
'Walter… Walter…' I said as I held him from his shoulders trying to calm the kid down. 'Calm down honey… some water would be fine…'
'…but water is so boring…' He replied sadly.
'It's not boring honey… it's refreshing…' I smiled again, while John knocked on the door and entered to us.
'I heart someone jumping up and down from my study.' He said as he lifted Walter up and kissed his son. 'I asked you to keep Sera company Wills not ta drive her crazy.'
'It's fine John…' I smiled, as I tried standing up again. 'He was excited about your hot milk…'
'Woww… where are you going?' He said again as he made two steps and held me down from my shoulders.
'Daddy I told her not to get up…'
'John… I'm fine… I just need some water.'
'I'll get you some… you stay in bed… ok?' He replied again as I heard my grandparents voice from downstairs.
'Hello darling!' Grandma Grace greeted, while John sat Walter back to his feet and instructed him to go to the kitchen. 'How are you feeling?' She asked again while grandpa remained at the door with a pained look on his face.
'I'm ok grandma…' I smiled.
'She keeps wanting to move around.' John replied as he came beside me and placed back the covers on top of me.
'I'm tired in bed grandma!' I tried justifying my argument while finally grandpa Carrick moved forward.
'We missed you honey!' He smiled as he also came forward and kissed my forehead and caressed my cheek.
'How are mum and dad?' I asked them. I had been missing them more and more these days. I only received 2 calls from them during the time I was at the Flynn's except for the constant email that I kept receiving from dad. They sometimes made me smile.
'They're missing you a lot…' Grandma replied again. 'John, can I speak to you outside for a minute?' She said again while they both left and entered again few minutes later.
'Carrick…' She started as they talked visually.
'What is it?' I asked.
'Honey… John, your parents and us, decided that you should be place on a feeding tube…' Grandpa explained.
'What?'
'Honey…' John replied again. '… you need it… I explained this to you… you need to gain weight…'
'Please John…' I begged him while he hugged me gently.
'I'll be here with you… but you need this...' He replied gently. 'I know it's hard… but it will all get better I promise…'
End of flashback
He remained with me the whole time. I was embarrassed going around with the tube in my nose. It was uncomfortable… very uncomfortable… but they didn't leave me any other choice. I went downstairs and decided to make them some breakfast. I always loved cooking, and back at home I used to help Gail with many things. The least I could do to thank them is give them a home cooked meal. I took out the ingredients for the pancakes and started following everything from the recipe I had found on the internet, but soon my phone started buzzing.
From: Dad
Subject: Morning peanut!
Date: March 29th 2014 06.15
To: Sera
Rise and shine peanut! Hope you are still sleeping at this hour, but your mother and I can't wait to spend this day with you! We missed you honey.
Dad xx
His e-mail made me smile. Maybe they were becoming to what they were ones? I was hoping that deep down inside. In reality, although they had their own flaws, I still loved them dearly… I just wish for them to love me as I am.
From: Sera
Subject: Morning dad (Too excited and energetic for a morning!)
Date: March 29th 2014 06.19
To: Dad
Sorry to burst your bubble… but I couldn't get some sleep so woke up early and am making some breakfast for the Flynn's… They're not up so I can get away with moving around for some time…
I missed you too dad... BOTH OF YOU!
Sera…
I pressed the send button and returned to my chore. I placed the pan on the blazing burner, and put the pancake mixture into the pan. It wasn't something great… but at least Rhian could take it easy. I felt my leg starting to burn, but I still pushed through the pain. Soon my phone buzzed again.
From: Mum
Subject: Teasing your father R.O.C.K.S!
Date: March 29th 2014 06.22
To: Sera
Morning honey… your father literally has a frown on his face… You have to teach me your teasing methods! :p
Honey, get something warm with you… it may be cold today…
See you soon dear! :)
Mum xxx
From: Sera
Subject: You don't need my lessons! You do it on your own!
Date: March 29th 2014 06.25
To: Mum
Tell dad to /'turn your frown upside down!'/ Am watching too much Disney channel with Walter and Derek these days!
Don't worry… I have everything prepared…
Um… at what time are you coming?
Sera… xx
From: Mum
Subject: At around 7.30am
Date: March 29th 2014 06.22
To: Sera
He told you that you won't escape his wrought today :p… We missed you honey… Now GET SOME REST before we go out…
Mum xxxx
From: Dad
Subject: Not amused Sera! :p
Date: March 29th 2014 06.30
To: Sera
I may have to ask John to limit your tv viewing programmes :p ! but you made me smile kiddo! :) Do as your mother told you … GET SOME REST peanut!
See you soon! :)
Dad xxx
From: Sera
Subject: SHOUTY CAPS!
Date: March 29th 2014 06.34
To: Mum; Dad
Mum – Missed you too mum! :) …
Dad – Yes I can escape your wrought… and I don't think you can do that dad! Glad I made you smile… at least better than your usual frowns and stern looks… and glares… (mum knows what I'm talking about here!)
Both – I will… but I better get back to cooking… don't want to give the Flynn's burnt pancakes (remind you of something dad? I recall you do… **fire extinguisher incident and you freaking out [like always]**
Sera xx
From: Dad
Subject: NOOOO
Date: March 29th 2014 06.15
To: Sera
Your mother agreed with you… I wonder if sometimes both of you gang up on me… Anyhow… see you soon… and please get some rest…
Love you peanut!
Dad xxxx
I felt someone from behind me grabbing my attention. I dropped my phone on the floor and felt my heart beating at a 1000 miles per hour. I turned around only to find John behind me.
'Hey… relax honey!' He greeted as he bent down to my level and looked straight into my eyes. 'I came to check in your room and you weren't there… Are you ok?'
'Yeah…' I smiled as I picked up my phone and switched it back on. 'I wanted to do you some breakfast.'
'Sera… you know you are not supposed to do strenuous work!' He replied as he guided me to a nearby chair, while he switched off the now well-cooked pancakes. 'I appreciate the thought…but your health comes first.' He replied again as he moved to the cupboard and brought a syringe and a bag.
'I'm fine John.' I replied again as he took the end of the tube and placed the syringe at the edge of the tube. He pulled some fluid and quickly pushed it back.
'I know this is uncomfortable.' He said again as he took out the syringe and attached the end of the tube of the bag to the tube in my nose.
'How long do I have to have this?'
'Till you gain some considerable amount of weight… you dangerously malnourished Sera… I'm still appalled how your body is still functioning…'
John's POV
'You'll learn how to push through the pain John…' She admitted while I placed the bag above her head and took a seat beside her.
'What do you mean Sera?'
'Isn't it obvious?! I mean… we all learn how to push through stress… pull an all-nighters… cram... run when we feel lactic acid building up… We push through emotions… we push through every pain that is more hurtful than physical one…' She started. 'It's not how we perceive the pain… the feelings… it's how we all show it.'
'Honey… emotional pain will always be part of our lives. You're still growing up…'
'It's not that John…'
'Than what is it honey?' I replied as I removed a lock of her hair from her face.
'I look at my parents… at one point they're this happy couple like now… and then… once they see that everything is back to normal they return to what they were… I just want them to be happy… but I don't know how…'
'That is not in your decision to make munchkin… I know you love your parents… but they have to work for it!' I relied again. 'Let me ask you something… is that why you cut?'
'I… I don't cut anymore…' She quickly dismissed.
'Sera… you don't have to hide it with me… I'm not judging you…' I replied again as I reached forward for her arm before she tried pulling it away. 'No… leave it Sera… I've held you close all night and although you were afraid I proved to you that I would never ever hurt you…'
'It gives me a rush John… It's better than drugs…'
'How do you know what drugs feel like?' I asked her. She said the statement which probably meant she tried it.
'Nothing…' she relied again as she let her head drop.
'Sera!' I warned. 'You can either tell me, or I can have Christian and he will get it out of you.'
'You wouldn't.'
'Try me…' I challenged. I knew she was terrified of Christian's controlling ways in finding anything dangerous to her health. I didn't want to scare her… but I had to know what she tried. 'Sera… I need to know what you've taken…'
'John… it was nothing…'
'Sera…' I warned again. 'You need to tell me…'
'It was nothing… I smoked weed once… but didn't like the effects… I mean yes… you feel high… but it doesn't last long…'
'What else?'
'Nothing passes by you does it?' She asked almost in disbelief. I could sense there was more… and the worst part is that Christian has all that security over her and yet he never discovered about this. 'I had some happy pills for some time… but stopped… I realised they weren't quite helping.'
'From where did you obtain them?'
'A friend of mine…'
'I need a name…'
'No… she's my best friend… I'm not selling her out! Besides she obtained it from someone else…'
'I still need the names…' I asked her again. 'You can also help them.'
'Natalie doesn't do drugs anymore… we stopped together…'
'Taylor's daughter?'
'Yeah…' She admitted. 'I feel sorry for Taylor. He loves her immensely and dearly. He makes time for her… her drops everything for her… and yet she still pushes him and grumbles about him…' She commented. 'I'd give anything to have a considerate father like that…'
'Christian loves you…'
'Since when did he start getting closer to me John? Since I was close to death… then I went back home and things kind of returned to what they were… What guarantee do I have that we'll remain close like that again?' she asked in doubted
'You don't… which is why I want you to be able to face your parents and tell them everything…'
'I can't…'
'Why Sera?'
'…because… because I don't want to hurt them…'
'Just because you tell them what you feel, doesn't mean you're going to hurt them honey!' I encouraged. 'You need to let them know how you feel…you need to show them were you feel that they went wrong with you…'
'What if they don't accept it John? You know how they are… They end up making it all about themselves…'
'Let me tell you what… We'll do a family session next week, and we'll see how things go… ok?' I encouraged. 'I'll remain with you always… I won't leave your side…'
'Today you won't be… they seem excited and happy to see me…'
'What about you? How do you feel?' I asked her again. 'It's you who concerns me…'
'I don't know… Part of me wants to see them… part of me wants to be able to tell them everything…'
'What about the other part?'
'I don't know… I feel like they've left me alone… I don't feel quite comfortable talking openly with them. Dad has his control issues… He gets himself overworked over the littlest thing… and mum… well… she ends up siding with dad… what if they argue again? What if I'm in the way?' She started while her eyes darted everywhere.
'Hey… calm down… You are not a burden and their arguments aren't your fault… they have to be adults and face everything… I know it is hard seeing your parents like that… but know that it is not your fault!...' I encouraged as I looked at the time and realized that it was already 7.15am. Her bag was almost finished and moved forward and replaced it with a liquid for the tube to remain clean. 'They're soon here… I'd like you to rest a bit for now… ok?' I said again as I helped her up and moved her to the couch. 'Lie down and rest honey…' I smiled as I kissed her forehead.
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