A/N: Duh duh duh duuhhhh... You guys didn't think the drama was over yet, did you? There's lots more to come. Speaking of lots, I can't believe this is the 20th chapter! So exciting! I have no idea how long this thing is going to go, but I hope you like this chapter!

Thank you so very much livelovelaugh9704 (your reviews always make me smile with their enthusiasm :), anabelle12 (thanks for the LOVE!), kauraREX (yes, CB are my main love too, haha), BekaRoo (thank you very much!), RauhlPrincess (SAME - but I just can't help using them!), and finally - city that never sleeps (so glad you liked it! cool username BTW) You guys may have me going another 20 chapters, haha!

Since summer is sadly over, I will be trying my best to stick to weekly updates! Hope you all have a very happy Labor Day! Now on to #20...

Chapter 20: I Won't Give Up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

-"I Won't Give Up" Jason Mraz

Blair's next breath got stuck in her throat - and her words along with them. This was what she had expected to hear, wasn't it? Then why did it sound so new, so completely raw, like it had the very first time he'd said the words to her by his limo over a year ago? Sometimes it felt it had been that long; other times it felt shorter, and still others, it seemed as if it had always been Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck, never one without the other, eternally two parts to a whole.

"Three words, eight letters," she found herself whispering.

"Are you mine yet?" Chuck murmured back, cradling her head in his hands, warm despite the cold.

"I have been for a long time," Blair acknowledged, studying his sharp jaw line, the bow in his lips, his wide nose, and finally the slanted, dark amber eyes - she wanted it, all of him, but unlike what she had led herself to believe prior to Chuck, love wasn't that simple.

"But you're not saying it back?" It was both an observation and a question. Blair nearly laughed at the absurdity of it, that he doubted it at all, though she had admittedly wanted to hear him say it just as desperately. It wasn't that she was hungry for love; it was that she was desperate, voracious, slowly wasting away in her need for his love.

"I love you too, Chuck." She didn't even have to say the next part. It was what happened when you knew someone as well as Chuck knew her. Not only did you finish each other's words, but also you often knew what the other person was going to say before it was said.

"But?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in anticipation.

"But I haven't found myself yet like we planned," confessed Blair. "I'm still as lost as I was before, just lost with a lot more written in my day planner." A corner of Chuck's mouth perked up.

"Blair, we can find ourselves together. I need you, and I don't want to have to be penciled into your planner like I am now," he replied. "I want to own the damn book." Blair laughed but was certain in her decision.

"You always bring forth such a persuasive argument - "

"You haven't seen persuasive yet," he interjected with a smirk.

"Chuck," whined Blair teasingly, "I'm trying to be serious, and you just have to ruin it by making an asinine comment like you always do."

"I'm sorry." His tone was just as sarcastic, his expression devoid of any apology.

"You're not, but I forgive you. I am going to be serious now, though," Blair averred with an assertive lift of her chin. "Chuck Bass, I love you so much it consumes me." She gave him a slight, wobbly smile, which he returned. "So much, in fact, that if we were to get back together right now, I would throw my ambition out the window and resign myself to a life of being Chuck Bass's better half. And before you respond indignantly, I refuse to be disputed on the claim that I am your better half."

"Wasn't going to fight you on it."

"Well, good, because you would lose." They shared another grin, and Blair continued. "I still need some time to figure out what I want to do with my life, career-wise, and if I'm with you, then I'm going to want to spend every second I have free actually being with you - not at interviews or internships or committee meetings."

"I could get you a job at Bass Industries," Chuck suggested, "and then we would be together, and you would be working."

"Favoritism," she stated forlornly, shaking her head. "No, I need to do this on my own."

"But, Blair, I love you, and I really do need you." She was so close to letting go, but she used her last shred of self-preservation to hold her ground.

"And you'll have me," she assured him, beginning to walk with him through the park. "I promise that when you need me, I will be there every time. And I also promise, Private, that we will take down the Thorpes together, you and me."

"Don't talk about the mission in public, General!" he admonished her. "Someone might hear!"

"Who, the pigeons?" she speculated, rolling her eyes. "Though I do give you points for remembering my order."

"Why thank you, General. And you can start keeping your promise right now, because I need to go over a new business proposal for a hotel I'm thinking of buying. I could really use your advice," he said. "You always were my second-toughest critic."

"Third, actually," she corrected him seriously.

"Third?" wondered Chuck, racking his brain for a possible third person.

"The order was you, Bart, me. You were always your toughest critic." Chuck nodded in assent and was astonished for the millionth time at the insight Blair had on him.

"As you were yours," he added.

"Still am," she agreed. "Now tell me - what hotel were you thinking of purchasing?"

"Well, it's not exactly my usual location…" Chuck continued to describe his plans in detail and Blair listened, throwing in a question or remark here and there, until he was finished and they had circled back to their original spot.

"So I guess this is good night for real this time," Blair said.

"I guess so," confirmed Chuck. "Good night, Blair."

"Good night, Chuck. Oh and, Chuck?"

"I know, I know," he grumbled, shifting his eyes skyward. "Be ready bright and early tomorrow for a planning session." But he was grinning when he said it, and he was still smiling when he climbed into his limo, because while he and Blair weren't exactly together, she had told him that she loved him - so much it still consumed her. It had been over a year, so why did it sound so new, so completely raw, like it had the very first time she'd said the words to him? Sometimes it felt it had been that long; other times it felt shorter, and still others, it seemed as if it had always been Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck, never one without the other, eternally two parts to a whole.

And riding home in his limo, Chuck felt more whole than he had in a long time.

…

The next two weeks seemed to fly by. Serena's blog post had been a huge hit, and web viewers were flocking to The Spectator. She was settling down to write her second, a steaming mug of tea in her hand and her laptop on her pillow, when her phone buzzed.

Gossip Girl: Rumor has it that Lonely Boy has been getting some serious literary work done now that he's truly all by his lonesome. Hope your book is successful, D, because you'll be needing that commission to buy yourself some new friends. You know you love me.

Serena cringed at the blast. Gossip Girl seemed to be especially cruel lately, and it wasn't exactly Dan's fault that he didn't have any friends at the moment. No Nate? His fault. No Vanessa? His fault. No Blair and Chuck? Didn't have them to begin with. But to not have her; well, that blame could be almost entirely placed on her. Serena's guilty conscious had been weighing on her for a while, and perhaps it would be worth it to make a friendly trip to Brooklyn - completely platonic, of course, and she would even clear it with Nate first. In fact, knowing Nate, he would probably want to come with her and attempt to make up with his former friend. Serena suddenly had her inspiration for the post.

There are 26 letters in the alphabet, and out of all of them, there is only one that makes me shudder when I hear it - X. That's right - X, as in "ex." Ex-boyfriend, ex-best friend, ex-lover… Maybe it's because it tells you that everything that comes after it is over, has come to an end, and I don't like endings or goodbyes - never have, never will. But I wonder - does "ex" have to mean goodbye? Are the two synonymous and predestined, or is it really possible to defy fate and be a presence in an ex's life? It seems every time I've tried, feelings bubble back to the surface, so recently I've been living the motto of "if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen." But if I'm really serious about this whole growing up and finding myself thing, who better to teach me what I want for the future than the ghosts of my past? And if I'm being honest, I miss some of my exes, as well as the long lost parts of myself that were tucked away along with them. I just hope this kitchen doesn't go up in flames.

Fire it up!

SVDW

…

"Dan?" Nate knocked on the door to the loft he used to feel so comfortable in and shifted his feet. "Dan?" he called again, pounding louder.

"I guess nobody's home," Serena said with a shrug.

"Well, we might as well wait, considering we're already here." Nate walked over to the fake potted plant that stood guard outside the entryway and picked up the well-worn silver key from the dirt. After unlocking the door, he and Serena went inside and plopped down on the couch, exhausted from their day at work and the anticipation of the meeting that was sure to start off as painfully awkward and riddled with tension.

"Hey, what's this?" inquired Serena, lifting up a thick stack of papers. "You don't think it's - "

"His manuscript." Nate leaned over her shoulder and studied the typed sheets. "I think it is."

"Would he despise us forever if we read it?"

"I think he already hates us, so we don't really have anything to lose," commented Nate rationally. For the next several hours, Serena and Nate passed the papers back and forth; Serena would read a page and hand it to Nate since she was the faster reader, and by eleven that night, they were done with the entire novel.

"I - I don't really know what to say, or even think," Serena divulged miserably, her head in her hands. "I'm Sabrina Von Sloneker."

"You're not," Nate argued. "Well, you are, but you're not really like that."

"You mean I'm not a flighty, self-absorbed, borderline alcoholic slut?" she asked with a scowl.

"I mean you're a caring, kind, giving, incredible person. And, hey, at least you got a character! Dan didn't even put me in it!"

"What do you mean? You were Derek," Serena informed him. "He was gay and younger than the rest of us, but he other than that, he was you."

"So he mixed me with Eric is what you're telling me?" Nate surmised wryly. "I don't know whether I feel better or worse knowing I got half a character."

"It's not like you got it the worst," stated Serena. "Look at what happened to Chuck's character, Charlie Trout! He ended up committing suicide, and no one cared enough to find his body for days."

"That's true, but we both know it wouldn't be the case in real life. Also, what about Blair? I mean Clair," he amended. "That was unexpected, to say the least."

"It's actually kind of disturbing. Since when has Dan had feelings for Blair? It doesn't make any sense."

"I have no idea," Nate told her with a shake of his head. "But I know that he's been hanging around her for a couple weeks now, and it's been driving her nuts. She and Chuck have been trying to get Bass Industries stuff together, and Dan's been like a lost puppy treading on Blair's heels."

"Has she told him off yet?" Serena asked curiously.

"A few times, yeah. But Blair says it only makes him more determined. All they do is argue, but he even signed up for the same internship program at W that she's doing, and now she really can't get away from him."

"Weird."

"I know, right? And Chuck's pretty pissed about it," added Nate.

"I don't blame him," Serena declared. "If some girl started hanging on you 24/7, especially one I knew, I'd - " she abruptly stopped, realizing her blunder.

"You'd what?" Nate encouraged her with a megawatt grin.

"I'd kick her butt myself," laughed Serena. She wrapped her arms around Nate's neck and whispered, "I mean it, Archibald."

"Good. It's nice to know you'd fight for me," he answered before encircling her waist and pulling her towards him. He crushed his lips to hers and they rolled off the couch and onto the floor, tangling limbs and gasping for breath in between kisses. Only the sound of a voice broke them apart.

"What the hell is going on here?"

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Until next time - xoxo