A/N: I would like to start off by saying that Florence Welch is a flawless human being, and you need to go see her in concert ASAP. It was perfection. Okay, now that I've said that, I have to send out my thank you notes!
Cheers for: Tigger23 (I completely agree. I think his parents may be cyborgs.), anabelle12 (Aw, I'm blushing :), livelovelaugh9704 (Gracias as always), RauhlPrincess (Here's some more turkey day for you! Hope you like it!), ChairforLife (Thank you! It kills me that I'm not the one writing the show, but this is the next best thing :), kauraREX (You may be onto something ;), and finally my two guests! I would love for guests to put a pen name when they review so that I can respond! Thanks to all of you!
Oh, and Young and Careless? I think you're going to like this one. ;)
Chapter 24: Conversation 16
I think the kids are in trouble
Do not know what all the troubles are for
Give them ice for their fevers
You're the only thing I ever want anymore
-"Conversation 16" The National
"Blair, would you be so kind as to pass the cranberry sauce?" Anne gave Blair her most winning smile as Blair complied, handing the sauce from across the table.
"Of course. Here you are."
"Thank you." Witnessing the scene before her, Serena dejectedly shoved mouthfuls of turkey into her mouth, chomping morsels of it in an unladylike manner. Anne noticed. "You may want to slow down with the carnivorous devouring, Serena. Eating so quickly is very bad for digestion and your figure besides."
"You're right," mumbled Serena, pasting a fake smile on her face and lowering her fork. She took a slow sip of her drink and sighed with the drama of a Shakespearean scene. Nate gave her thigh a reassuring squeeze under the table, but it wasn't enough to improve Serena's mood or her status outside of Anne's good graces.
"So, Eric, where are you thinking of going to school next year?" asked Chuck, hoping to ease the tension.
"Columbia, perhaps?" Blair added, jumping in on the opportunity Chuck presented. "I know we'd love to add a new lion to the pride." She winked charmingly and Chuck snorted at her total lack of subtlety.
"As much as I'd enjoy being at school with you, I was actually thinking Brown," answered Eric. He cast his mother a warm smile, which she returned.
"I'm so proud of my little boy," Lily said. "I know he'll make me even prouder wherever he ends up going."
"I think it's sweet that he wants to follow the Brown path," complimented Anne. "At least someone should continue the family's legacy." She cast a pointed look at Serena.
"Well, Mom, you're going to have to have another kid if you think that's going to happen in our family," Nate said with a chuckle, assuming Anne was referring to him skipping out on Dartmouth. "Actually, I already know that's not possible, so you're all out of luck."
"Come on, Nate, there's always graduate school," his father said animatedly, thinking of the possibilities.
"Yeah, Nathaniel, at the rate you're going, you can graduate the undergrad program at Columbia when you're twenty-eight and Dartmouth's graduate school by the time you're over the hill," Chuck commented sardonically. His playful dig amused all but Nate's parents.
"Nate, are you not taking your studies seriously?" Anne had a concerned crease between her eyebrows, and Howard crossed his arms and gave Nate a steely look.
"Mom, come on, I'm a little busy with The Spectator, but I'm trying my best to get to my classes too."
"He always comes to the business class we have together," said Blair, defending her friend. "And he's doing really well."
"I'm glad to hear that," Howard said, his face relaxing.
"Well, not so much in Stats or Calculus," Nate admitted sheepishly. Blair scowled at him. Why couldn't have he just let it go and kept his parents out of it?
"Oh?" asked Anne.
"Yeah, I pretty much suck at math."
"You know what?" Blair butt in, done with the conversation. "How about I just tutor him in math? I guarantee he'll pull out a B for the year."
"Careful, Blair, you don't know what grade I have now," said Nate, grinning wryly.
"I must say, I think that's a wonderful idea." Anne clapped her hands together, and her smile looked decidedly less robotic than usual. "Blair, you have always been an extremely intelligent young woman, and Nate could learn a lot from you. I remember that when you two were dating, I would come home and see you helping him with his homework…"
"Okay, Mom, I think that's enough of a blast to the past." Nate looked over to Serena, who was folding her napkin in her lap then carefully unfolding and repeating the cycle. She suddenly looked up, squared her shoulders, and narrowed her eyes.
"Blair has to work really hard to get good grades," announced Serena loudly. She was tired of Anne always putting her down and looking at Blair like she was her future daughter-in-law! It was as if she purposely didn't catch the furtive, amorous glances Blair and Chuck were making at each other during the entire meal, and she couldn't accept that Blair and Nate's relationship had ended a long time ago. "For other people it comes more naturally. You know, I was actually accepted into Yale, and she got waitlisted. She was really mad, but they thought I was way more charming and interesting, and I was exactly the kind of student they wanted."
"Serena!" Lily and Chuck both interjected at the same moment. Lily appeared anxious; Chuck just looked livid. If Serena was really serious about making a good impression on Anne, then insulting Blair and bragging about herself wasn't the way to do it, not to mention she would quickly lose the support Blair was giving her.
"Excuse me a minute, please." Before waiting for an answer, Blair scooted out her high-backed chair and ran to the bathroom.
"Nice one there, Sis," Chuck sneered, rushing after Blair.
"Seriously, Serena, that was really mean," Eric said with more force and rancor than Serena thought possible. "You should know not to bring up Yale."
"I remember I couldn't bring up Dartmouth for a while around Dan," Rufus added, not nearly as harsh as Eric, but still with a bit of bite. "It was a sensitive issue." Serena scanned the table. Not one of the faces gave her as much as a heartening look.
"I – I didn't mean to – "
"Didn't mean to what, Serena?" asked Anne, raising her eyebrows accusatorially. "I think you knew exactly what you were doing. You were trying to impress me without caring whose expense it was at, and let me tell you, I am not impressed. Blair has been nothing but a wonderful class act as long as I have known her, and I don't believe she would do this to you."
"But she would! Don't you get it?" Serena was exasperated, shaking her head as tears pricked her eyes. "Blair only cares about herself!"
"So why did she ask for me to give you a position with Girls, Inc.?"
"She – she what?"
"Maybe you need to take a good look in the mirror, Serena, before you presume to critique the reflection you see of others. It's only a reflection, after all, and they can become distorted, especially through jealousy," said Anne.
"I'm not jealous of her," sneered Serena. "I would never want to be Blair!"
"Maybe you should change that."
"Mom!" Nate was let down by the way Serena was acting, but he knew it stemmed from her own problems rather than problems with Blair. His mother, on the other hand, had no excuse.
"Nate, I'm only looking out for her, and let's be realistic here. You have Vanderbilt blood in your body, and you need someone worthy of your social standing."
"Your mother is right," agreed Howard. He sighed and gave Blair's pie a regretful look. "Anne, I think we should head out."
"Yes, that would be a good idea," said Lily. "Thank you for coming," she tacked on, ever the gracious hostess.
"And thank you for having us," replied Anne. "Tell Blair I said goodbye, would you?" she asked Eric, who she could tell was firmly placed on Blair's side in this fight.
"I'd be happy to." Anne nodded in satisfaction, and she and Howard left arm in arm.
"I'm sorry, okay?" Serena snarled after they had gone. "I know everyone wants Blair and not me, so I'm very sorry that I happen to be Serena van der Woodsen instead of her!" Serena stormed off and the distinct slam of a bedroom door could be heard in the dining room.
"I'm going, I'm going," sighed Nate, walking to Serena's bedroom.
"And then there were three," said Rufus, glancing at the abandoned place settings around him. "So… Who wants pie?"
…
"I don't understand why she would bring up Yale of all things," cried Blair. She was seated in the middle of Chuck's bed on the verge of tears.
"Are you still disappointed that you aren't there?"
"No," confessed Blair. "I love Columbia. But she still shouldn't have said something like that after we had already gone through such a struggle with it before. Did you know that we even had a fight in the middle of Barney's?"
"A barney in Barney's," Chuck joked, climbing in next to Blair.
"You're quite the wisecrack, aren't you?"
"You've known that a while," he said, lying back on the bed and stretching out his limbs. "So why are you upset with Serena if it's not out of bitterness?"
"I'm upset with the way she's handling things," Blair said slowly, relaxing against the bed as well. "She should be mature enough not to get petty over Anne's favor. Then again, she seemed far too sad for that to be it. Maybe Anne wasn't really the problem. Maybe she only provided means of releasing the real ones."
"It sounds like you need to talk to Serena."
"I prefer talking to you." She curled up against him, leaning her head against his chest and encircling his waist with her arm.
"Everyone does," said Chuck, kissing her forehead. "But you still have to talk to my sister, because no matter how much of a pain in the ass she is sometimes, she's your best friend."
"You know what's disturbing?" asked Blair, starting on a different vein of conversation.
"Serena's nauseating dress today?" supplied Chuck. Blair frowned for a moment, considering.
"Well, yes, it does have a bit of a vomit-colored undertone, but that's not what I was going for."
"That Eric is going to college next year, and he might be a state away from us?" he tried again.
"That too, but no, so stop guessing."
"Alright, what then?"
"What is so utterly disturbing is the increasing occurrence of you being right," teased Blair. Chuck smirked, and she tightened her hold on him.
"Then you should probably listen to me and go talk to Serena now, shouldn't you?" Blair acknowledged his logic, reluctantly sat up, rising like a zombie woken from the grave, and stopped her fluid motion only when she reached the doorway.
"Thanks, Chuck. I owe you a therapy session."
"How about a dance at the Hamilton House party you've been planning instead?" Chuck blurted without consideration, his plans of a romantic gesture dashed.
"That's a debt I couldn't be happier to repay." Blair's smile convinced him it was worth it.
…
"Who is it?" Serena asked as she and Nate turned their heads to the door.
"Blair." She should have known it was Blair. No one else had the precise trio of raps down so perfectly.
"Come in," said Serena. The door cracked open, and Blair came in quietly and sat next to Serena without a word.
"Hey, S," she finally said, tiredness in her voice.
"I'll just go," Nate said, knowing he was only going to be ignored anyway. He had done his best to comfort Serena, but most of what she said couldn't be classified as coherent English, so there wasn't much he could do.
"I'm sorry," Blair began after the pregnant pause of discourse.
"You're sorry?" balked an astonished Serena. "What the hell are you sorry for?"
"I don't know actually," laughed Blair. "Um, for being so used to being the one that has to apologize that I do it without even thinking? It's like a reflex. Serena and I fight, I push her into a fountain, I apologize."
"I think you're forgetting the time I pushed you into a cake," said Serena with a chuckle. "You didn't have to apologize for that one."
"Please. I came to that party with a prostitute as my fake friend."
"Good point," ceded Serena, considering.
"Besides, you did me a favor in a way," Blair said with a mischievous smirk.
"What do you mean?"
"Let's just say Chuck was more than willing to lick every inch of that icing off my – "
"Okay, okay," Serena interrupted with a horrified expression. "That's way too gross to hear about."
"If you'd rather watch it, I'm sure Chuck could pull the tapes from the cameras in the hotel," said Blair, her eyes wide and innocent. "I'll even make popcorn."
"Ew," Serena squealed, pushing Blair's shoulders and pretending to vomit at the thought of watching her best friend and brother fornicate at the Empire. It wasn't far from the truth, as she did feel a bit of bile creep to the front of her throat. "He's corrupted you!"
"That's what I said," said Blair haughtily. "But he informed me that he wasn't the cause of the corruption, only the stimulant. Can you believe that?"
"Now that I think about it, yes. It was more of a case of further corrupting than initial corruption."
"S!" Blair gave Serena a taste of her own medicine, shoving her arm playfully, which caused both girls to giggle. "Hey, Serena?" Blair asked gravely after a moment. "Want to tell me what's really going on to make you so unhappy?"
"I'm not sure exactly," confessed Serena, relieved to finally have the chance to lift the weight off her chest. "I love Nate, and he makes me happy, but there's still something wrong!"
"And I'm sure Anne didn't make you feel any better," said Blair dryly with a bitter edge.
"No," Serena agreed. "She made me feel even more terribly about myself than I do already, and I also feel guilty about Nate."
"What do you mean?"
"To Nate, there's happy and there's unhappy," said Serena. "You know that with him there aren't any in betweens, and I think that's where I am right now, kind of a no man's land. He wouldn't understand, and he would take it to mean that I'm not happy because of him."
"Which obviously isn't true," Blair told her. "You practically glow around him."
"Thanks, B," Serena, smiling wearily. "I just don't know what to do to fix it. How can you fix something if you don't know exactly what's broken?"
"Try to fix everything I guess," said Blair with a shrug. "Though with you, that'd take a while," she added slyly. Serena rolled her eyes.
"I'm serious, Blair."
"Okay." Blair pulled her legs up to her chest and frowned as she thought about what Serena had been going through lately. According to Nate, she had been horrified by the events of two weeks ago, and while Blair was strong enough to recover relatively quickly and return to her old self, Serena had been acting somewhat strange. "S, does this have something to do with what happened with Thorpe and Louis perchance?"
"Oh my God, yes!" Serena said, nodding eagerly.
"What exactly?" pressed Blair.
"If I had been the one to, I mean if I was the one trapped and someone hadn't gotten to me in time," said Serena. "Then what would people say?"
"That the world lost an incredible person and the sun won't shine as bright without her," said Blair easily.
"No, but about what I had achieved. What have I really done, Blair? I've written a few blog posts and articles, and you have asked Anne to give me a job, but I haven't really done anything to put down in an epitaph."
"And that scares you?" asked Blair. "Serena, you're nineteen! What are you supposed to have done? Cure cancer?"
"Make fun all you want, but I know what I have to do now," said Serena soberly, her face staid. "It's something I've always wanted to do, but I've never had the guts to do it."
"What are you going to do, S?" Blair wondered, indulging Serena and satisfying her own curiosity. With all Blair's knowledge of her best friend, even she couldn't imagine what Serena said next.
"I'm moving to Africa."
…
On Friday morning, Dan stared at a book. It had a cover. It had a binding. It had pages, 342 of them. And it had his name on it – Dan Humphrey. He couldn't stop staring. So when he heard the female voice, he couldn't manage to tear himself away to look at her.
"Hey, what are you reading?"
"I'm not reading it at the moment," he answered distractedly, still overwhelmed by the vision of his book.
"Just looking at it then?"
"I guess so," he said, chuckling.
"Shall I leave you to it?" she asked.
"I'm being rude, aren't I?" Dan questioned the stranger, presenting a question in place of an answer. He finally looked up from his book and was pleased to see that the girl was attractive, her honey blond hair straight and her lips pink and pouty.
"Just a smidge," she said, her smile wide. "I'm Charlie Rhodes, by the way."
"Dan Humphrey," he answered. "Can I buy you a cup of coffee? It's the least I can do."
"I don't know if I want to get in between you and your book. It seems serious," she teased.
"I think my book will be okay without me for a while," he said. "I've recently discovered that it has been causing me to ignore pretty girls."
"Oh yeah?" asked Charlie, taking a seat across from him. "And how many have you used that line on?"
"Would you believe me if I said only you?"
"Not a chance," she replied. "You seem like a suave ladies' man."
"Pretty and smart," said Dan. "I'm impressed."
"So am I – that's your name on that book! No wonder you were staring."
"Yeah I'm pretty excited, but it's somewhat diminished by the fact that it didn't go over well with the people it's actually about."
"It's about real people?" asked Charlie, leaning closer in order to see the book better.
"Upper East Siders," said Dan. "My ex-best friend, my ex-girlfriend, my ex-infatuation, my ex-" Dan thought for a moment. "Well, he's still my enemy."
"And you won't consider name dropping by any chance?" she asked coquettishly.
"How do I know you won't tell?"
"Oh, I know how to keep a secret."
"You'll fit right in with this town then," muttered Dan cynically.
"Here's hoping. Jacksonville isn't exactly a hick town, but it sure felt like it when I stepped off the plane," said Charlie, sipping her latte and shrugging her shoulders insouciantly.
"I guess I can trust an outsider, considering I wrote this book about being one," said Dan, deciding it couldn't hurt to share. He hadn't had much interaction with living beings other than his seventy-year old neighbor and her unfriendly cat. He still had spindly white scars from the attack the cat made on him when he attempted to pet it, and he was promptly met with a tongue lashing from the old lady. It seemed everyone hated him, and if this girl was willing to talk to him, who was he to say no to a simple request? "My ex-best friend is Nate Archibald, and he's pissed because I combined his character with my step-brother, who also happens to be younger and gay. And my ex-girlfriend is Serena van der Woodsen, and she's pissed because I made her character out to be a selfish slut. My ex-infatuation is Blair Waldorf, and she's pissed because I had our characters together romantically and she also just generally hates me. My enemy is Chuck Bass, and he's always pissed."
"Don't hold back," laughed Charlie. "And wait; did you say Serena van der Woodsen?"
"Yeah, I figured you wouldn't believe that one," said Dan, rolling his eyes.
"No, I asked because she's my cousin! I'm Carol's daughter," Charlie explained.
"What a small world," mumbled Dan, annoyed by this bad turn of events. Of course she would be related to someone who hated him.
"Hey, I'm not my cousin," Charlie assured him. "I actually don't even know my cousin. I've never met her."
"Oh, well don't mention me if you do. I don't want her to take her anger out on you."
"Oh my God!" Charlie suddenly shrieked, standing up from her seat in the café. "Oh my God, that guy just got hit by a bus!"
"What?" Dan turned his head to see out the window and spotted a motionless body in the middle of the street, his shabby overcoat and worn, leather briefcase beside him. A pair of glasses was shattered by his head. "Who is that?"
"How should I know? We should go see if we can help!" Charlie grabbed Dan by the elbow after he swiped his book from the table, and the pair exited the coffee shop, sprinting to the man as soon as they reached the street. "Sir? Sir, can you hear me?" asked Charlie, grabbing his wrist to check for a pulse. "Call 911!" she ordered Dan, pressing down on the man's chest at the same time in the hope of utilizing the CPR skills she learned at the local YMCA at the age of 12. "I really don't want to do mouth to mouth, so please wake up," she mumbled as she worked.
By the time the ambulance arrived, Charlie was both exhausted and hopeless. The grim looks on the faces of the paramedics confirmed her fear – the unknown man was dead.
"My God, that's Russell Thorpe!" a woman shouted, pointing to the man on the stretcher.
"No, no that isn't possible," another countered. "He's worth billions."
"Not since he got arrested for attempted murder! They froze his assets, and he hasn't been allowed any comforts in prison. It's a wonder he managed to get the clothes he had."
"But how did he break out of prison?" a third person chimed in, furrowing his brow in bewilderment. "He was in lockdown, and I thought he was under psych watch too."
"He was," the woman answered, eyes wide with shock. "I don't understand how it was possible."
"It had to be someone on the inside!"
"I can't believe this!"
"Bass must be pleased at the end result, though!"
"Russell Thorpe is dead?"
The crowed buzzed with excitement, the voices eventually blending together as more and more people stopped to watch the ambulance drive away.
"Well," concluded Charlie. "I think you have a subject for your next book."
…
"She wants to what?"
"Go to Africa!" Blair screeched. "Can you two please tell your sister that she is insane?"
"Why does she want to go?" asked Eric, still confused by Serena's most recent decision.
"To help the orphans or something!" shouted Blair. She threw up her hands in exasperation.
"And why now?"
"Because she's all freaked out that she's going to die without accomplishing anything worthwhile," Blair moaned, pacing the room. "It's ridiculous!"
"This is because of what happened to you and Nate," Chuck guessed, mildly amused by his sister's idea and especially Blair's reaction.
"Precisely, and now I don't know how to change her mind."
"Why don't you just let her go?"
"Eric, how can you say that? She's your sister!"
"Yeah and she's stuck in her self-absorbed bubble of obnoxiousness. A little time in Africa will do her some good, bring her back to earth," rationalized Eric.
"That's stupid," Blair scoffed.
"Now I'm thinking you should go with her."
"Shut up, Eric!"
The bell to the elevator sounded, and the trio fell silent.
"Excuse me, Mr. Bass?" An attendant entered the suite of the Empire, and his voice shook from nervousness.
"What is it, Brian?"
"It's Mr. Thorpe." Chuck immediately latched onto Blair and planned on keeping her tethered to him until he knew exactly what happened. "He's dead."
"He's – he's what?" Blair's jaw dropped.
"Mr. Thorpe was hit by a bus this morning. The bus driver, name is Jay, ran a red light, and she's being charged for involuntary manslaughter."
"How did he get out?"
"That's still unknown, Mr. Bass," said Brian. "The authorities are investigating as we speak."
"Thank you, Brian." The dismissal was evident in Blair's tone.
"Miss Waldorf, Mr. van der Woodsen, Mr. Bass," said Brian, acknowledging each of them as he left.
"I'm getting Mike on this," growled Chuck under his breath. "I'm going to find out who let Russell out, and they're going to pay."
"Maybe that's not a good idea," said Blair. "Think about it. If we let this lie, then it will be over, and we can forget about it."
"How would I be able to forget that there is someone out there that helped release your attempted killer?"
"Chuck, I just – "
"No, Blair, this isn't a debate. I've made my decision, and it's final."
"Okay, Chuck," Blair yielded. "Just be careful, okay?"
"You and Lily are always telling me to be careful."
"Maybe you should stop giving them reason to," commented Eric from the sofa.
"Shut up, Eric!"
I'm a confident liar
Had my head in the oven so you'd know where I'll be
I'll try to be more romantic
I want to believe in everything you believe
But I was less than amazing
Do not know what all the troubles are for
Fall asleep in your branches
You're the only thing I ever want anymore
Until next time – xoxo