A/N: YES I am alive! SO, SO sorry for the long wait, but I hope you like the chapter! P.S. Are you loving season six as much as I am? :)
Chapter 26: Shake it Out
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
Our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it's always darkest before the dawn
-"Shake it Out" Florence + The Machine
It had seemed like a sign when Carter called at the exact moment she was putting her suitcase in the back of her closet. She knew that Nate was right, but it still felt like she was stowing away a chance of adventure, and it may have been a while before her adventurous side saw the light of day had Carter not told her of his resignation at the Buckley family's oil reserve. She was the first person he'd called and he wanted to see her, and though Serena was a bit wary of the danger that always surrounded him, it was part of what pulled her in – her lightness gorged itself on his shadows. Besides, they'd had good times together in the past, and Carter opened her up to new experiences. She had already contacted Columbia about taking the spring semester off and finishing the work of the remaining few weeks of the fall semester online, so she figured she should take advantage of the break from school.
"So where exactly are we going?" she asked Carter, clutching his waist as they rode a motorcycle through the streets of the tiny, rural neighborhood they were currently passing through. He had purchased the bike after their cab dropped them off on the outskirts of a town in the central part of New York State. All they had with them was Serena's purse (which contained snacks and a set of extra clothing for both of them), some cash, a camera, and an untraceable, disposable cell phone.
"No idea," Carter replied easily. "And that's the best part." Serena was inclined to agree. She felt so free being away from Manhattan, not concentrating on deadlines or destinations but on the journey. She could just be.
"You're absolutely right." She giggled as the wind whipped her locks into a flurry of spun gold thread, and Carter leaned his head back to give her a quick grin.
"North or south, van der Woodsen?" he asked playfully. "I hear it's just grand in Vermont this time of year."
"Vermont is not happening. We're going as far south as we can get, because I need some warm, sunny weather." She slid her sunglasses on and closed her eyes, already imagining her skin turning tan as it soaked up the rays.
"Your wish is my command."
…
After the initial shock of seeing Bart subsided, Blair left Chuck alone with his father and now sat in a hallway flanked by Jack and Diana.
"You're looking fine tonight, Miss Waldorf."
"Don't even start with me, Jack," she bit out, tense with worry. She wasn't in the mood for the antics of Jack Bass, especially since all he ever seemed to do was cause her trouble.
"And you've regained that feisty edge," he said, nodding in approval. "I was worried Chuck sucked that out of you."
"She must have sucked it back in," said Diana with a wink in Jack's direction. He burst out laughing.
"Tell us, Blair? Is my dear nephew enjoying your intimate company once more?"
"I don't see how that's any of your business," said Blair shortly.
"Oh, you know us Bass men. We're so tight that the business of one is the business of all." He smirked and stood to languidly pace back and forth through the hall, stroking his goatee as he dragged his feet.
"Is that supposed to be a joke?"
"Don't tell me you've lost your wicked sense of humor." Jack stopped and studied her mien of grave frostiness. "On second thought, with that look I don't need to be told the answer."
"I'll bet that's a first," said Diana, crossing her legs while she applied another coat of deep fuchsia lipstick.
"That was weak," chided Jack lightly, raising his brows. "You can do better."
"That's what I was going to tell you last night, but I decided to spare your feelings." Diana didn't look up from her compact mirror as she slid her lips together, spreading the berry color to entirely cover her plump lips. "Because not only are you weak, but you're soft too." Jack applauded loudly and laughed at Diana's clever heckling, and even Blair couldn't resist a small chuckle.
"Now, that is what I'm talking about!" Jack blew Diana a kiss and returned to his seat beside Blair. "Now, Blair, you must have a few insults to throw at me as well, and they are probably more warranted than the ones I received from the cougar on your right."
"None that you haven't heard before," she sighed, taking out her cell and hoping he would leave her in peace.
"Well, it's not every day I trick someone into trading sex for a hotel," taunted Jack, his eyes glinting. "I'm sure you have some creative ones in that pretty head of yours."
"Tempting with hooks like that will only catch you Basses, Jack," rebuked Blair. "Waldorfs, however, are not taken to quarreling with just a little verbal jab. Don't forget, I'm a Waldorf."
"Not for long, I'd presume, and if that weren't enough, we all know you get off on revenge." Blair remained silent and gave him another cold glare.
"I like you more and more," Diana announced, turning to Blair. "You, too, realize that Jack is like a detestable animal, best left alone to amuse himself. All he needs is a lot of porn and a little food every few hours."
"And a car magazine," added Blair with a laugh, remember a story Chuck told her about finding a thick stack of Road and Track in the top drawer of the nightstand in Jack's hotel room. "I think he likes spending quality time with those too."
"The Jaguars do fire me up." Jack grinned, thinking of the black convertible he had test driven on the previous Tuesday.
"But not more than cougars, I imagine," Blair said with a tilting smirk.
"There she is," declared Jack loudly, pointing at Blair. "There's my clever Blair Waldorf, soon to be Bass."
"Why do you keep saying that?" asked Blair, rolling her eyes. Jack stood again and resumed his pacing. He didn't meet her eyes when he answered.
"I just have a feeling it's going to happen soon."
"Why so enigmatic, Jack? What do you know?" Blair demanded. When Jack finally looked at her, she could have sworn she saw pity in his expression.
"Nothing." He stretched his arms over his head and yawned. "Do you think father and son are almost done with their happy reunion? I'm beat."
"I don't know," answered Blair, observing his discomfort and desire to change the subject. "This conversation isn't over though, Jack."
"Yeah, yeah. You know, your persistence is disturbingly Bass-like."
"In that case, you know that, like a Bass, I'll also get what I want in the end, which means I'll find out whatever it is that you're hiding."
"That's what I'm afraid of," muttered Jack under his breath, his words escaping Blair's ears.
…
"I suppose I understand why you left. I wish I had known it was because of Russell, though. Then the whole catastrophe I went through this year wouldn't have happened," said Chuck, appraising his father. The elder Bass looked like a carbon copy of the Bart of two years past with the exception of a few more lines on his face. His eyes were still as unreadable and icy blue as ever. "But what I don't get is why you thought you had to leave tonight."
"Someone told Russell about me. How do I know whether or not he'll try to finish what Russell started?" Bart glanced out the window, and his lips twisted into a grimace. "My God, I don't know what to think, and I can't trust anyone."
"You can trust me. And you can trust Blair and Lily too." Chuck leaned against the wall and hunched his back into the concave head of a spoon. He was determined not to lose his father for a second time, because while Bart hadn't been the best parent by a long shot, they were family, tied irrevocably by blood and time.
"Chuck, I did all of this to keep you and Lily safe." Bart placed a hand on the cool window, and a translucent, gray print formed on the glass. "I can't involve you now. It's exactly what I wanted to avoid."
"I've been involved for a while now." Chuck straightened his posture and walked over to the window. "Dad, you can't do this alone, and I'm not going to let you leave right after finding out you're alive."
"What are you suggesting?" asked Bart.
"That you come back with a vengeance and tell everyone the truth." At Chuck's statement, Bart finally turned from the window to face him.
"The truth?" he echoed doubtfully.
"Think about it," Chuck said. "The entire country already knows Thorpe went off the deep end and tried to kill Nate and Blair, so it's not like anyone will doubt what actually happened. Come back, give an exclusive to 60 Minutes, and it will be over."
"You make a good point," Bart admitted. He paused a moment and then nodded. "Okay, I'll resume my life as Bart Bass, but with one condition."
"What's the condition?" asked Chuck apprehensively.
"That you let me try to make these past two years up to you," said Bart. "Actually, now that I think about it, the condition is that you let me try to make these past nineteen and a half years up to you. I wasn't the father you deserved, but you can be Goddamn sure that I'm going to be now."
…
"Why won't she answer?" barked Nate, releasing his frustration out on Eric. It had been over twenty-four hours since Serena headed off with Carter, and he hadn't been able to get ahold of her. He had also tried calling every five star hotel in New York but came up empty.
"For the trillionth time, Nate, I don't know." Eric flipped through the Sport's Illustrated Nate had on his desk and rolled his eyes. "Do have anything less mind numbing for me to read?"
"How can you read at a time like this?" Nate shouted, snatching the magazine and tossing it against the wall. "I have to find Serena!"
"Well, acting like a spaz isn't going to help," Eric pointed out. "Why don't you relax and let her be? She'll come home eventually, like she always does."
"What's going on in here?" Chuck poked his head in the door to Nate's office and was immediately concerned upon seeing Nate's rumpled clothing, unshaven face, and distraught demeanor.
"Chuck, thank goodness! Hopefully you can talk some sense into your best friend."
"And if he can't, I'm sure I can," said Blair, following in behind Chuck. She carried a bag of muffins and set them on the desk after clearing off a square of the ebony wood.
"It's Serena," moaned Nate. "She ran off with Carter, I have no idea where she is, and she won't answer her phone!"
"Baizen?" growled Chuck, remembering the time Carter had spent with Blair her senior year of high school. "I can't stand that guy."
"Oh come on, he's not all that bad." Blair bit into one of the lemon poppy seed muffins and shrugged at Chuck and Nate's baffled and slightly revolted expressions. "What? He's always been caring toward Serena, and I think he's carried a torch for her since our junior year. It's not like he'd do anything to hurt her."
"Blair, we're talking about Carter Baizen, the guy who swindled me, and indirectly Chuck, out of thousands of dollars, who stole stuff from Chuck's place, who –"
"Okay, Nate, I get it," said Blair, raising her arms in defeat. "Whatever. But just know that I want no part of your little I-Hate-Carter-Baizen Club."
"I thought you would be on my side!" Nate exclaimed, collapsing onto his chair and slamming his head flat on the desk.
"Has he been like this all day?" Blair whispered to Eric, her amusement mirroring his own.
"Unfortunately for me, because I feel like he'll do something even stupider than usual if I leave him by himself," Eric answered.
"She's ruined me!" Nate suddenly wailed, wallowing in his woe. "She's ruined me for everyone else, forever!"
"Funny, that's what I said about Chuck."
"Why is that funny? I'm in pain!"
"It's just that this family seems to cause more than their fair share of heartache," said Blair. "They're life ruiners, all of them."
"Except me," Eric said, stepping forward. "I'm the perfect one, the anomaly of the van der Bass clan."
"Jonathon," Blair countered. "It took him weeks to get you back, and he was crushed when you kept rejecting him." Before Eric could respond indignantly, Blair's cellphone rang. She didn't recognize the number but answered regardless.
"Hello?"
"Hey, B, it's Serena."Blair knew as soon as she saw Nate's anticipative expression that she had to lie about who was on the phone. If he knew it was Serena, he would want to talk to her. Blair reasoned that there was probably a reason Serena called her instead of Nate, not to mention, he would only be more miserable if Serena told him she wasn't ready to return home.
"Yes, Mother, hold on just a minute," said Blair quickly, leaving Nate's office.
"Who are you with?"
"I was with Nate, Chuck, and Eric, but I gave them the slip with my usual excuse."
"You use that one all the time. I can't believe they're still so gullible." Serena laughed, and Blair didn't know if it was just the phone line making it sound so unnatural.
"S, you know I love you, but what were you thinking leaving like that?" she asked, her brows drawn together with worry.
"I wasn't really thinking at all, B."
"Did something happen, S?"
"I already know what you're going to say," Serena sighed, paltering as she told the story. Blair could tell Serena was withholding information, and she didn't like the deceitfulness.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Blair snapped.
"Um, I ditched the hotel Carter and I were staying at in the middle of the night and took the bus until it reached its last stop, and now, I don't really know where I am." The words came out in a garbled mess.
"Serena," said Blair slowly, staying patient and keeping her tongue from lashing out at her friend. "Have you tried asking anyone?"
"Oh, I guess I should do that. Hold on a second." Serena came back on after a few moments. "Blair, you'll never guess where I am!"
"Mars?" asked Blair sarcastically.
"Waldorf! I'm in Waldorf, Maryland! Isn't that hilarious?"
"I'm bursting at the seams."
"B, lighten up a little."
"You're the one who seems to be going through some kind of personal crisis! Why did you call, Serena?" huffed Blair, her irascibility rearing its ugly head.
"I'll tell you, but not over the phone."
"Are you suggesting I travel to Maryland? Because your step-brother happens to be going through a crisis as well, and he needs me here."
"What's going on with Chuck? Is he all right?"
"He's fine physically, but emotionally…" Blair paused. "Right now, it's like that stinging sensation you get when you rip off a Band-Aid. It will fade, but we're all kind of spinning in a whirlwind of consternation at the moment."
"What happened?"
"It's Bart. He's alive," said Blair bluntly.
"You're joking," replied Serena, just as brusque and dispassionate.
"Serena, I may have a dark mind, but even I wouldn't be able to come up with that one. So for God's sake, get your ass back to New York!"
"B… I – I can't, not yet at least." Blair's concern returned as she heard the timorousness in Serena's voice.
"Serena, you can tell me anything, remember? We're sisters."
"Just get here, okay?" Blair was stunned into silence as Serena abruptly hung up and the dial tone rang in her ears.
"Serena Celia van der Woodsen," Blair whispered to the blaring stream of sound, "what the hell have you gotten yourself into?"
…
"So how was your mother?" asked Chuck when Blair returned to the office.
"Oh, um fine," she fibbed, shifting her eyes from his face. "It wasn't anything important."
"Good." Chuck placed his gaze back on Nate and crossed his arms. "Regrettably, our friend Nate here isn't so fine."
"Nate," said Blair gently, her gait becoming more cautious with every step. "I'm going to fix this, okay? Don't worry anymore."
"How?" Nate yowled, his voice breaking. "How can you?"
"Don't worry," Blair repeated, taking Nate's hand and eluding the question. "Calm down, and let me do the work."
"Yeah, man, just let Blair handle this one," Chuck said. "Keep working on The Spectator, and she'll have it solved in no time."
It took a few more minutes of coaxing, but eventually Nate was persuaded to stay out of Blair's way as she attempted to bring back Serena. Blair was sure she could do it, but she couldn't help but wonder about the mess that would no doubt be awaiting her in Waldorf or if she would be able to handle it. And if that weren't enough, she couldn't be sure whether or not Serena would stay in Maryland to wait for her. All she knew was it was going to be a challenge, and she prayed that she would be up to it.
…
Lily took a sip of her tea and sighed deeply. Rufus had flown to Seattle the previous night to scout out an up and coming punk band, and since Eric, Serena, and Jenny were nowhere to be found, she was all alone in the penthouse. She turned on the flat screen in her bedroom and flipped until she reached Say Yes to the Dress. It was kind of sad really, her obsession with the wedding show considering her number of marriages, or perhaps it was just fitting.
"I always knew you were a wedding aficionado, but I didn't realize your passion spread to television shows."
"Oh my God!" screamed Lily, seeing Bart in the doorway. "No, you're not real! Holy mother!"
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but I am real," said Bart, chuckling deeply. "And I wanted to be the one to do it."
"But – but the car accident?" Lily asked, not noticing as her wire glasses fell off her nose.
"It was all a ruse to get Russell Thorpe to stop threatening you and Chuck. I never meant to hurt either of you by it, and I was trying to protect you. I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me."
"I – of course I will," breathed Lily, still in shock.
"I'm glad," said Bart. "Just so you know, I never stopped loving you those two years in hiding, and before you say anything, I already know you're married to Rufus. You were planning on leaving me for him even prior to the accident."
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. I'm just asking that people listen when I tell them all of the things I should have told them two years ago. And what I am telling you right now, Lily, is that I love you and I'm going to fight for you."
With that, Bart Bass was gone. All Lily could do was sip her tea without tasting it and watch Say Yes to the Dress without seeing it.
…
"Stupid buses," muttered Blair after exiting one of Waldorf's white public buses. She'd spent the entire ride from Baltimore's airport pretending to listen to the lame jokes some fast food-scented loser was reciting froma book. "Stupid joke book." She stopped as she reached the lone bar in town and meandered a bit outside before entering. Her hesitation was drawn from her fear that Serena wouldn't be in it, and all of her efforts would be for naught. Sucking in a deep breath, Blair pushed the door open, and it chimed to announce her arrival.
"B, you came!" Serena immediately embraced Blair, nearly cutting off her circulation.
"Serena," Blair choked out. "You're asphyxiating me!"
"Oops, sorry," said Serena, releasing Blair.
"Thank you. Now it's time for the moment of truth, S. What's going on?" They sat down in a vacant booth in the back of the bar where no curious ears would be able to pick up their conversation.
"It all started when we got to our hotel in Baltimore," Serena began. "Carter said he had some business to do and I should stay in the room, but I insisted on coming. I had already had a few drinks, so I guess he thought I wouldn't really know what was going on."
"What was going on, S? Don't tell me he's in trouble with the Buckleys again."
"Of course not. He got away from that oil reserve as soon as he could."
"Then what?" asked Blair.
"I – I overheard him talking about what happened to you, Chuck, and Nate. He – he knew things that hadn't been released to the press, like the way you and Nate were taken," whispered Serena, darting her eyes around the room to make sure no one was listening.
"Oh my God, you think he was involved?"
"The chloroform – he supplied it. The gasoline, too, all the gasoline Russell was planning on using to burn down the buildings."
"I can't believe I defended that despicable excuse for a human being!" shouted Blair, scowling.
"I can't believe I ran off with him," moaned Serena, tears pricking her eyes. "What can we do to get back at him? I left a note saying I was homesick, so he doesn't know I found out about his involvement."
"Good, then he won't be expecting us to strike."
"But, B, he's not going to let me go so easily. He's crazier than he was when we were in high school, and he's going to follow me back. He even stole a necklace from a nice old lady two nights ago!"
"What?"
"Yeah, and I took it from the hotel when I left, because I felt so awful about it. I just wish I knew who she was so I could return it to her in person," Serena lamented.
"So you're going to turn it in when we get home?"
"Well it's not like I'm going back to Baltimore," muttered Serena bitterly.
"And I'm certainly not equipped with an abundance of time," added Blair. The girls were then silent for a minute.
"I don't know how much time we'll have to come up with a plan," Serena said, staring blankly into the fire roaring in the corner of the bar.
"Then we better start on the way home, huh?" Blair raised a perfectly-arched eyebrow in question.
"I guess so." They stood and gathered their belongings.
"Serena?" Blair asked, pushing open the door of the bar and activating the chime again.
"Yeah?"
"Why do you always attract the most insane guys on the planet?"
"Excuse me, but I'm not the one who Chuck Bass is in love with," countered Serena with a smirk. "I think he qualifies as insane."
"I see your point," laughed Blair, glad to have her best friend back. She hoped it would be for good this time.
…
Chuck woke at one a.m. to the ringing of his phone.
"Hello?" he mumbled, not bothering to check the caller ID.
"You and your father better be careful, Bass! You have no idea who you're messing with!"
The caller hung up before Chuck could say anything.
…
Nate also received a call in the middle of the night.
"Who is it?" he asked sleepily.
"Serena," answered a hushed voice.
"Serena?" he flew out of bed. "Serena, where are you?"
"I'm at The Empire. Will you meet me in the lobby?"
"I'll be right down." Nate slipped on a clean shirt and slacks and sprinted to the elevator. He had no idea why Serena was back, but he was grateful and searched the lobby desperately. "Serena!" he called, spotting her blond head.
"Nate," she answered weakly with a small smile.
"You scared the hell out of me!" he said, throwing his arms around her and kissing her head, her cheeks, her nose.
"I know. I'm so sorry."
"Well, you're back now. Everything is okay." Nate gave her his brightest grin.
"Actually, Nate, there's something you don't know," said Serena, her eyes downcast.
"Okay." Nate had a confused countenance about him, but his happiness didn't appear to be marred by Serena's obvious distress. She pulled him into the elevator and employed the emergency break, her heart picking up in anticipation.
"Nate, Carter was involved with what happened with you, Chuck, and Blair. I didn't know when I went with him, and I left when I found out, but – "
"He – he what?"
"Yeah, he supplied the chloroform and the gasoline, and he left the Buckley's reserve right after. I even remember reading about the theft on the reserve in the paper! I'm such an idiot!"
"Serena, you couldn't possibly have known," said Nate, attempting to contain the surge of anger he felt toward his old rival. "It's not your fault that you wanted to spend time with an old friend."
"I never should have gone," she reasoned, shaking her head. "He was always trouble, even back when I thought he wasn't. He just hid it better then."
"Well, he's not going to mess with you, or me, or anyone else anymore, alright?"
"He's going to follow me here," Serena said quietly into Nate's chest.
"Even if he does, he's done messing with you," Nate repeated confidently. "Baizen's done messing with all of us."
…
"Chuck?" Blair called softly, not wanting to scare him. "Chuck?"
"I'm awake," he said, sitting up in bed. He hadn't been able to sleep since the troubling phone call he'd received.
"You do realize it's three in the morning, right?"
"Yes. Do you?"
"Touché," she replied, crawling under the covers next to him. "But I have an excuse. I just got back from Waldorf, Maryland with Serena."
"I didn't know they named a town after you," Chuck joked.
"Well, that Waldorf's name happens to predate my birth, but they'll name one after me eventually."
"I'd offer to name a hotel after you, but that's already taken. Damn Waldorf-Astoria."
"Well, you're sweet for thinking of it," she said, leaning into him and inhaling his scent. "Why were you awake, by the way?"
"I got a strange phone call," said Chuck carefully. He knew Blair would worry, but he couldn't hide this from her. "Someone was threatening Bart and me."
"Oh no," breathed Blair, already starting to cry. "You've already been through so much, and now with Serena –"
"Serena? What about her?"
"It's not my place to tell you," said Blair, unsure if Serena would mind. Just then, Chuck and Blair heard laughter coming from outside.
"Then she can tell me now." Chuck, already in a robe, walked into the living room, a white-faced Blair on his tail. "So, Serena, what's going on with you that has Blair spooked?"
"Carter supplied the chloroform and gas for Thorpe," Nate explained before Serena got the chance. "Serena found out and left as soon as she could."
"Well, shit," said Chuck, darkly and almost humorously. "It seems the whole world is against us, doesn't it?"
"I think we can handle it," Blair replied, her mouth perking up. "After all, there are four of us and there's only one world."
"That's some twisted logic," said Nate with a grin. "But I think you may be right."
"Aren't I always?" She batted her lashes.
"Almost," Chuck corrected, taking a seat beside her on the couch. "I just – I don't know who could be behind all of this or want to hurt my father and me so much. Every time I think I've found an answer, two more questions get raised."
"One step forward, two steps back," Blair agreed.
"So what do we do? How can we solve this mystery once and for all?" Serena looked at the faces of her three best friends – Nate's was optimistic, Chuck's pessimistic, and Blair's was somewhere in the middle.
"We always figure something out, don't we?" asked Nate, his voice reflective of his expression.
"This isn't a simple takedown, Nate," said Blair lightly. "But I do think we'll beat this mystery man or woman."
"But we don't know, though, that it is a man or woman," Chuck argued. "This could be so much more than that – a corporation or the government."
"The government?" scoffed Serena. "Diving into conspiracy theories now, are we?"
"Serena," Blair warned, knowing that Chuck was still shaken from the phone call. "We can't discount anything for sure."
"No she's right." Chuck sighed, placing his head in his hands. "I feel like I'm being driven crazy."
"So, do you want me to push back our winter break trip?" asked Blair.
"What trip?" Serena asked.
"Oh, right. I never got to tell you about that. Ignore me!" Blair inwardly hit herself. She never should have brought it up, but the way Chuck was acting, it was clear he needed to be in New York.
"No, I want to know," said Serena. "What trip are you talking about?"
Blair and Chuck reluctantly told Nate and Serena about the wager they had made and that Blair was supposed to be picking the destination for their winter vacation.
"We should go!" exclaimed Serena at the end of the story. "It would be fun!"
"But, S, Chuck –"
"It's not a bad idea," countered Chuck. "I could use the vacation. We all could."
"I'm all for it!" said Nate. "The Spectator's been kicking my ass lately."
"That leaves you, Waldorf. So tell me – what fabulous destination do you have in mind for us?"
For weeks, Blair had been set on Aspen. They could ski, drink hot chocolate, build fires, and lounge in the hot tub – in other words, the perfect winter trip. She took a deep breath.
"We're going to Aspen!"
A cheer went up around the room.
…
Good morning, New Yorkers. As some of you may know, I have recently been a bit worried about the future. It's caused a lot of problems for me – an abandoned trip to Africa among them. I just want so badly to make a name for myself for a reason other than, well, my name. And now, after leaving town for a few days, I'm back to square one. Socrates advised people to "Know thyself," and I feel as if I can check that off on the to-do list. I know who I am. It's who I want to become that's coming into question. What I want to do – who I want to be… Are they interchangeable or mutually exclusive? Is it who I am that determines what I do or is it what I do that determines who I am? That's the new question, and maybe a little R&R in Aspen will help me find the answer.
Love always,
SVDW
…
"Did you read Serena's blog this week?" asked Blair, walking with Chuck on their way to feed the ducks. They needed a break from the media circus Bart's resurrection and Serena's sickness were causing the family, and going to the familiar pond was a perfect escape.
"It was great," answered Chuck thoughtfully. "But it really made me think."
"About whom it is that you want to become," guessed Blair.
"And how easy life is to waste if you turn into someone not worthy of it."
"You're not wasting it. You've accomplished so much already, and you haven't even hit twenty yet," Blair assured him, assuming he was feeling insecure about his achievements.
"Blair, that's exactly what I'm saying when I say I'm wasting too much time on things that aren't that important. I've barely spent any time at all with you this month."
"We've both been busy."
"Well, that's no excuse," he said, frowning. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you more," she replied, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "But we have the Hamilton House party tomorrow night, and then we'll have lots of time to spend together during break."
"You're right. But what about after?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, not sure what he was alluding to.
"I don't want to get swept up in work again while you get swept up in school and Girls, Inc. and then just drift away," he said, obviously worried about the possibility.
"Chuck, we can't drift away." She rolled her eyes dramatically. "That's always been the problem, if you recall. We can't get away from each other, and no matter how hard we try, we're always pulled back in."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"It's an amazing thing," answered Blair confidently. "You are the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me, and that's not going to change."
"What do you think we'll be doing ten years from now?" he asked suddenly, pulling off a piece of bread and throwing it into the water.
"This probably," giggled Blair. "But minus the limo and plus a stroller and a couple of kids maybe."
"Why do we have to lose the limo?"
"Limos are not appropriate vehicles for children, Chuck." She ripped off a chunk of the bread and scattered bits of it onto the ground by the pond.
"Well, it's not like we're going to be orthodox parents."
"True, but we will be orthodox in that Mommy will win all of the arguments," she said. Chuck picked her up before she could protest and pressed her against a tree.
"Oh, I don't know about that. Mommy isn't going to get any if she doesn't let Daddy win any fights," he drawled, his hot breath in her ear.
"Mommy will be just fine. Daddy is always the one to break first," Blair argued, wrapping her legs around his waist and loosening his bowtie. "So what will it be, Chuck? Do you agree to let me win all future fights?"
"Not a chance," he said, though his resolve was beginning to wane as Blair rubbed herself against his groin. "Well, maybe half. You can win half."
"90 percent."
"70."
"85, and that is the absolute lowest I'm going."
"85," Chuck said, tugging her back into the limo. She wasn't going to argue with that.
'Cause I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out,
Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Until next time – xoxo