Rational
"How long have we been sitting up here?"
Levi cast him a murderous look before craning his neck to look below. "Can you see it anywhere?"
"No." Gunther grumbled, sighing in frustration. "You know, Captain, there comes a point where this becomes ridiculous. We're grown men. Something like this is nothing compared to-wait, rats can't climb table legs, can they?"
The look his superior sent him was somewhere between moderately disturbed and sheer terror, but he took a deep breath. "Rats, second to titans, are the most vile creatures to walk this earth. They steal food, they spread disease, have been known to eat people alive, plus some pre-Wall cultures incorporated them into specific torture devices. They're unwanted, parasitic pests that run rampant wherever they damn well please, especially in the Underground. This is a perfectly legitimate fear."
"No, we're past fear at this point, Levi. We're looking at a phobia." Gunther gave a strained smile. "I find it hard to believe a man who's single-handed faced four titans at once would be frightened of a little rodent."
"Little? Didn't you see the size of that thing?" Levi demanded. "And who are you to talk? I said stomp on it, not climb up here with me."
"Sorry, I missed the the rat stomping class when I was a cadet." Gunther snapped back. It wasn't as though he was afraid of mice or rats or anything; he just had an extremely vivid imagination. And right now, that imagination was sending him visions of a big, black rodent scuttling up the inside of his trousers if he so much as put one toe on the ground. He shuddered, gripping the broom in both hands until his knuckles turned white.
They'd been sitting back to back for almost a quarter hour now, occasionally peering over the side of the table to see if they could catch a glimpse of their tormentor. Well, Levi had been here longer than that, having been crouched on the tabletop when Gunther found him watching the floors like a falcon with a skillet in one hand and a dustpan in the other. He'd asked him what the hell he was doing, but then a massive black rat darted across the floor and the question answered itself, and he found himself up here shortly thereafter.
"So what's your story with rats?" Gunther asked. "I'm guessing there's a specific reason you don't like them."
Levi looked back at him. "You mean the fact they're filthy and everywhere isn't reason enough to hate them? Don't forget, when you see one, it means they're are fifty more hiding somewhere. Sina, who maintains the Scouting Headquarters? I'm gonna kill them. Hang on, I think I hear it." Without another word, the older man shifted into a crouch, fixing a glare on the floor.
Okay, so he wasn't in the mood to give him a straight answer this time. Gunther sighed and peered over the edge of the table in the same direction he'd heard the scratching noise. "Think it's in one of the cupboards?"
"There'll be hell to pay if it is. Shitting on all the pans I just scrubbed…."
"Is that all you're mad about?"
The kitchen door opened suddenly behind them. "What are you guys doing?" Eld asked. His face was frozen in that hesitant almost-smile he often wore when he was unaware of a situation and whether or not laughter was appropriate.
Levi didn't grace him with an answer, far too intent on annihilating the little vermin once and for all. "Shut the door."
Eld frowned at the request, but he obeyed, closing the door with a firm 'click' behind him before mouthing, What's going on? Gunther put a finger to his lips, sending him a warning glance, then raised the broom above his head. The scratching noises had stopped again but judging from Levi's face, he guess he'd pinpointed the rat's location. Slowly, the smaller man slipped silently into a chair, then onto the floor, lithe as a prowling cat. Gunther shared a glance with Eld, then jumped as Levi backtracked across the floor suddenly an scrambled back onto the table. Almost simultaneously, a knife appeared hilt-deep in the floorboards, missing its target.
"Damn!"
"Eld, look out!" Gunther shouted, catching sight of the rodent. "It's headed right for you!"
The blond man's eyes darted around the room, confused at first, then startled as he caught sight of the animal making its way across the floor. "Wha-aww!" Gunther stiffened as his friend and comrade leaned down and snatched the rat off the floor, holding it in both hands and expertly avoiding its biting teeth. "Look at him. He's precious." Eld cooed. "I used to keep a whole bunch of these little guys as pets when I was a boy."
"Could've gone my whole life without knowing that, Eld." Levi snarled, making a move to get down, then thought better of it and stayed put. "That's disgusting. Hurry up and kill it already."
Eld ignored the command. "Actually, despite their reputation, Levi, rats are very clean little critters. They're constantly grooming themselves when they aren't scavenging."
"Or gnawing your skin off or breeding more of the little bastards." Gunther added sourly.
"Did you hear what he called you?" Eld murmured to his new friend. "He called you a bastard! What bad manners! I shall call you Cornelius the Third."
"The Third?" Gunther frowned.
"Ignore him." Eld told the rat, clearly doing the same to his fellow humans as he turned to head back into the hallway. "I'll set you free outside. There's lots of space to run around out there."
As soon as he was gone, Levi jumped down from the table again, moodily ripping his knife out of the floor and muttering about how unnatural that display was. Gunther shook his head and stepped down, too. "To each their own. It's hypocritical to think someone else's eccentricities-"
"Whoops, I dropped him!"
-0-0-0-
Author's Notes: Slow update. I'm sorry. I had a more serious one in mind next, but I noticed that seemed to be the trend, so I decided to throw in this more comedic one instead. Hope you liked it.
Hajime Isayama owns Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin.