A/N: You...know the drill. Cato starts this chapter. This is probably the last for today.

"Stop," I sob. "Just stop it. I'm sorry." There's a bit of truth to what I'm saying. ~

"Don't lie... Even if you hate me, you...you still said no more lies." ~

"I don't know what I feel anymore." ~

"You said you hated me. And it sounded pretty honest," I whisper, not looking at him. ~

"You said you hated me first!" ~

I can't give this up now. "That doesn't mean anything." ~

"So you're saying you honestly hate me?" I'm saying that I hate him. Is that true? "Are you saying that?" ~

No. No, I don't. "Why do you even care?" ~

"I'm not saying that I care! Just tell the truth, Peeta. I know you're incapable of hating me. Just admit it." ~

"I do," I say flatly. "I hate you, Cato. You're a stuck up ass who has an ego bigger than Panem. You think you're hot shit, when really, all you know how to do is be a heartless killer who uses people for your amusement and fucks with their emotions!" I cry out. "I was stupid to even love you in the first place!" I was. He could've lived a great life if I never got involved. ~

Well, that hurt. "Funny," I say. Maybe I don't hate him. I've always loved him before, and I swore nothing would ruin that. "I'm not a heartless killer!" ~

No, you're not. You're a good guy. "You just said you wanted me dead in the Games when all you did was swear you'd love me!" ~

"I don't know, okay!" I push a pillow into my face. "I don't hate you," I mumble into the pillow. ~

"Then why did you say all those terrible things to me?!" ~

"You said them to me too! Don't be acting completely innocent, here!" ~

"I said them so you'd hate me!" I sit up again. "I said every one of them because I thought that, if you hated me, you wouldn't have a reason to go out there to fight!" I begin crying slightly. "I'd rather you hate me and be alive than die because of your love for me, Cato.." ~

"I told you I was going for me, too," I scoff. "Even if I do hate you, I'd still want to go out there." ~

"You'd leave me alone here?" I want to go to him, but realize now that I have the iv in my arm. Damnit. ~

"It's not that I'd be leaving you alone." Of course, it's about him. Leaving him alone here. Fighting for his cause. "But I just want this to be over." ~

"I get that. I know that," I insist. "But you know the things the Capitol does out of wartime. You've seen and experienced them firsthand! You don't know what they'll do with this!" I've seemed so selfish throughout this, but I need him to know how I really feel about it all. "..I love you. And...and you're not a heartless killer..you're not a bad guy." That's what kills me about it. He's not that person. If he ever was, he isn't anymore. He can't go fight. "They've hurt you so many times...how can you give them the shot to finally win over you?...to change you, to mess with you, to make you someone you never were?" I'm afraid that, even if he does make it back, I'll still lose him, somehow. ~

I start to cry out of frustration. "I love you too, Peeta! But I wouldn't let them...they'll never have us beat." He said so himself. "I'm so sorry, though...I do hate you? I don't? Whatever it is, I still love you...I'm so confused, and I can't think...and it hurts my head." ~

"It's not about you loving me! It's about you loving and valuing your life and who you are more than this stupid revenge plan! You've already started changing since we brought this up! There have been so many lies now-I can't even think about it! Either before or just now...!" ~

"I haven't changed! I'm still the same person you fell for in the arena!" ~

"You are, but... But the old you wouldn't have left. Wouldn't have thrown himself away." ~

"The old me? As opposed to the new me, right?" That means that he thinks I've changed. I've always valued his life more than mine-even though I did want to make it out of the arena alive, I knew he probably had more worth than me. "I would've thrown myself away in the arena, had you given me a chance without dying on me three times!" ~

"That wasn't my fault!" I go to yell, but my voice cracks. "You think I wanted that to happen?! I wanted us to be the last two! I wanted to protect you until the end! Then I'd die for you... Because you deserved to win. You had so much more life to live! Sometimes, I wish I died in there so you could have lived a normal life!" ~

"I didn't want a normal life! I just wanted one with you!" Whether a life with Peeta ever would've been normal or not, it just wouldn't be right without him. Or would it be right without him? With the way he's talking now, it seems like he'd rather be without me. "You deserved to win, too. And you did." ~

"You won. The world thinks I'm a dead traitor. I want a life with you, too, but we can't have that if you're dead!" ~

"Well, damn it, Peeta! I can't just do nothing!" ~

"You don't even know what they have planned! There could be more important things for you to do than fighting! Don't you see?! We set this in motion!" ~

"Well, if they do need me for fighting...!" If they do, I'll need to give it up for Peeta. Always for Peeta. Anything for Peeta. "I'm sick of you trying to control my life, Peeta...but I love you, so I'll think about staying." ~

"And...you're not lying to make me calm down or stop worrying, right?...Because I'm always going to worry." I look away from him. It's true. I can't help it. ~

"I said no lies." ~

"That you did." I pause. "Come back," I whisper. "I'm cold." I reach my arms out to him somewhat pathetically, trying not to pull against the tube in my arm. ~

"No," I whimper. "I don't want to hurt you again. You said you'd keep my temper in check...but I hurt you. In both ways." ~

"You're hurting me more by staying away..." I hold my wrist in my hand. ~

"Peeta, I need to sleep." I pull the bed sheets over my entire body, including my head. "I don't know what I want or feel and I'm confused...what if I hurt you again, like grab your arms or throw you again?" ~

"You...you won't," I say confidently. "I know you won't..." We ride on it. Our trust rides on it. "You love me. You said it yourself. Please..." I look up at him. "Just...just hold me. You can sleep here. I'd go over there if I could, but..." ~

"I also said I hated you and wanted you dead. You don't know what I really mean," I whine. ~

"You told me you loved me first...and afterwards," I call to him. "You've shown me you love me, if words mean nothing." ~

"I hate myself...please just leave me alone." ~

"...Fine." I pull myself under the sheets and stare at the ceiling. "Good...goodnight. I love you." This will be the first night that I've slept alone since the torture..and I'm not looking forward to it. ~

"Goodnight, Peeta." I just want to sleep now, but I won't be able to. Not with thinking about tonight...I really messed myself up. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself, or I hate Peeta, but the latter can't be possible. I hurt him. I told him I wanted him dead...which was going through my mind. I really wanted him gone, too. Maybe the Capitol's torture did this to me. Because now that I know there's a whole rebellion going on, it would take everything to make sure the Capitol is gone for good...and all I wanted to do was help Peeta live a real life without being dead to the world. And he's manipulative of me, I know now...or maybe that's just me. ~

I wake up multiple times in a cold sweat. Repetitions of drip, drip, drip. Or feeling as if I'm on fire. Alone in a room, with walls electrified walls closing in, soaked in cold water. A rusty knife dragged across my skin...My skin, getting peeled off of my body as I just bleed.

A sword impaled into my heart.

Everytime, my eyes jolt open, and I'm breathing so heavily. A few times, I lay there in silence and cry, tracing my hands over my body to make sure it's all over. And it is. But then, once again, the nightmares come again in brute force, giving my tired eyes no chance to rest. ~

I can't sleep tonight, nor do I want to. Most of the time, I lie awake thinking about Peeta or about the possible war coming up. It never happened because they needed someone like Peeta to set it into motion. Now that it's really happening, I want to...but I'd hurt Peeta if I died. I don't to hurt him anymore. Then, for some of the time, I think about how I hate myself. I'm ready to hunt down my own family member to kill them. I think war is necessary. Peeta told me that Cato is a heartless killer, now.

Like father, like son.

Maybe I should die out there.

But then the rest of the time, I hear Peeta wake up. He's crying in his sleep and I can hear his breathing when he wakes up. He's terrified without me, because he never slept like this on the train.

When he falls back asleep for the third or fourth time, I slowly climb out of my bed and get into his, being careful not to wake him again. "I'm here, Peeta." ~

As I feel spikes digging into my back, I suddenly feel a bit warmer. More fire? Oh god. I feel my entire body shaking violently as I quickly wake up again before things get worse. That's when I realize the source of the heat-another person in the bed. Cato. I quickly wrap my arms around him to make sure he's real and this isn't some sick continuation of my nightmares, and just let every sad thing I've felt since we've gotten involved in all of this out, crying into his chest. "I..I need you." I choke out, sobbing. ~

"That's why I came, you sad-sack," I laugh. "Shh, you'll be okay now." ~

That's him. That's my Cato, that jerk. My jerk. "Don't leave, please..." I look up at him a little and crack a smile. I'm just happy to be in his arms again. ~

"I'm so sorry...there's something wrong with me," I cry. "Please fix me. I'm begging you." ~

I pull myself a little higher and kiss the tears off of his face. "Well..." I pause. "It may take some time." I see the look on his face harden a little, but I smile and he realizes I'm joking. "But we've got forever, right?" ~

"Stop joking around." I can't take anything anymore. "There's really a problem with me..." ~

"I'm sorry..." I kiss his head now. "I am. I'll stick by you. No matter what. We said together, didn't we?" ~

"Did we? I can't remember..." My mind is so blocked by everything right now. Hatred for myself. Love and hate for Peeta. We're the cause for the rebellion...oh god. ~

"Oh, love..." I whisper. "Always. Remember?" I kiss him again, on the lips this time, for the first time in what seems like ages. I pull back with tears in my eyes. "Remember?" ~

"I guess so," I shrug. I want to kiss him again, but now isn't really the time. "Then why would I have left...?" Because I'm an idiot. That's why. ~

"Because you're upset, and angry... You're not thinking straight," I coo. "I would do the same thing if I were in your shoes...if I were insane, that is-because I'm not nearly as battle ready as you." I smile. "Then again, I am a bit messed up in the head. But you love me anyway." I pull him in closer. "It's not your fault."~

"Battle ready? You would do the same?" I ask. "Then why did you yell at me?" ~

"As in...I'm physically incapable? I would do the same if I was put in your position, I said...but I would stay with you if you wanted me to." ~

"And I would want you to do what you felt you needed to do." Of course I'd want him to stay, but I'd want him to do what he felt necessary. "I guess that's the difference between us." ~

"We...we are from completely different worlds, I suppose." And, I am the girl in the relationship. Needy. "Maybe I'm being selfish," I whisper. "Maybe I'm being stupid." I close my eyes. "But I could never forgive myself if you died out there. Because if I hadn't come back after the Games, none of this would've started. It's my fault." ~

"You didn't see me in the months after the Hunger Games. I starved myself, Peeta! I told you! It got that bad..." He wasn't anticipating coming back anyway. "Panem needed a rebellion anyway...I probably would've taken part if given the chance." ~

"But now you can take part in a different way-I..I...just try." I sigh. "For me." ~

"Fine...but you can't keep controlling me like this. I'm only giving in because you're so perfect."

Perfect. Something my mind could never create.

And the screaming, and the crying, and the manipulation...and the fighting. It only happened a week ago, so it's fresh in my mind now, even if everything else isn't.

But this night is such an emotional ride that it doesn't even seem real.

So I ask him in all seriousness, "Peeta Mellark didn't die in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, did he?" ~

"No. He didn't." ~

"Then why is he acting like that tonight? Did I do something wrong again?" I shut my eyes tightly so I won't have to look at him. "I thought telling you about my plans would have been better than not..." ~

"No...no. I just..." I look away. "If...if I don't give you hell about this...you have to swear to protect yourself. Don't...don't do anything really risky." ~

I sigh. "If I don't have to, I won't." ~

"Promise?" I open my eyes and look at him. "On my life." ~

"I promise. On your life. That I won't do it if I don't have to." I lean in for the kiss that I've been wanting ever since our last. "And you know how I don't break promises." ~

Of course, I begin crying again. Happily, this time. I hold my hands carefully on his face, keeping it close to mine. "Thank you...Thank you." ~

"Well...you were throwing a tantrum...like the little spoiled girl that you are," I laugh quietly. "How could I say no to that?" ~

"Way to kill the moment, love." ~

"That's all I've been doing for the past six months or so. Why stop now?" ~

"You're back," I laugh, kissing him again. I could kiss him a million times and never be satisfied. ~

I didn't know I was ever gone, really, but I kiss him back anyway because it makes me feel better about screwing with him and hating him and everything. "Whether I die tomorrow or I die sixty years from now, I'll always be with you. Okay?" ~

"Always." ~

"No more nightmares tonight?" ~

"As long as I can sleep in your arms again." I look to him hopefully. ~

I roll my eyes and laugh. "Come on, come on." I get under the covers with him and pull him in tightly. "I better be hearing about ice cream or rollercoasters while you're asleep." ~

"Well, it's one extreme or the other, right?" I laugh quietly. "I love you, Cato." ~

"I can't see why." The perfect opportunity for another ego inflation, but I pass it up. "But I love you too, Peeta Bread." ~

I fall asleep smiling. ~

A/N: Reviews are honestly so appreciated. xx