I threw my phone across the room. It bounced off the dressing table, across the flooring bouncing as it went. It finally gave one last bounce before coming to rest underneath the bed. I wanted to scream. Grabbing my pillow, I started throwing it against my bed. Once I was out of breath, I threw the pillow to one side and collapsed on the floor. I'd went from having everything I could have possibly wanted – a blossoming relationship with a great guy, unrivalled friendships and a supporting family. It was all crumbling away. Sebastian had done it again. He was stealing everything from right under my feet. Pulling the carpet out from under me. I curled up on the floor, tucking my knees up against my chin as I fell into an uneasy sleep.
Mum was visiting Dad and I had the house to myself. The doorbell rang and I put my pencil down, heading towards it. I'd changed into a polka-dot playsuit once I'd gotten home from school seeing as the weather was so good. Opening the door, Sebastian was stood there with a bottle of spirit in one hand, a holdall in the other. He kissed my cheek lightly as he came in, heading straight for the kitchen. When I followed him in, he already had two tumblers out on the breakfast bar and was on unscrewing the spirit.
"It's a little early for alcohol isn't it?"
"It's a weekend. Where's the harm?" Sebastian was smiling as he filled the glasses. I didn't want to drink but Sebastian wanted to and that was all that mattered. Maybe I'd save myself an argument. Maybe he'd pass out drunk and I'd escape any pent up anger he had. It was worth a shot. He toasted us as we drank. The bottle didn't last long. I must have had a quarter of the bottle, while Sebastian had the rest. He was getting very touchy, his hands resting on top of my kneecap as we were watching a horror movie. I could feel his hand slowly tracing up my leg, his nails nipping at the skin in their wake. My eyes were firmly trained on the television, Sebastian's hands making me more on edge about the horror movie we were watching. A jumpscare was all it took for me to jump out of my skin and for Sebastian to take advantage.
"It's alright baby, come here." He muttered, pulling me into him. I tried to wriggle from his grasp but he held me tightly, pushing me underneath him as he rested his weight on me. His lips were on my throat, on my neck and spreading further down my chest. His hands were fumbling at my waist, trying to undo my dress.
"No. Stop." I pressed against him to try and get him off but he just seemed to take it as motivation. His hand slipped up the short part of my playsuit, rubbing the inside of my thigh. Hands on his chest, I tried to push him away from me, tears starting to form in my eyes. His mouth was becoming more desperate, his teeth scraping against my skin, his lips sucking hard and making me wince. After an agonising five minutes, I finally managed to push him off me. He rolled off laughing, looking up at the ceiling.
"I think tonight's the night." He muttered to himself before he fell asleep.
And I awoke, screaming. The hairs on my neck were standing straight on end, my face was covered in a mixture of sweat and tears as I lay curled up in a ball on the floor. No one had heard me scream because no one came running. Grabbing my duvet, I pulled it onto the floor with me making myself a little cocoon. I was about to fall back asleep when I heard laughter. Familiar laughter. It was Jace. Lifting myself slowly from the floor, I made my way to the door and prised the door open silently. I squeezed through the gap and headed down the hallway towards the laughter. It was definitely Jace. He was in Jon's room and they were playing a game of some sort. I pressed myself up against the wall and listened in for a moment.
"I'm assuming everything's fine with Isabelle now? You know where I am if you need help crushing Sebastian's face." Jon muttered.
"She'll be fine. It's just keeping her away from him. I wish she'd never met him in the first place."
"I feel the same way about Clary."
"How is Clary?" Jace asked and my ears prickled.
"Not good." Jon said simply. "Something is up with her. She's not eating properly, not sleeping properly, staying out late."
"Sorry to hear that." Jace said simply. It wasn't the answer I was hoping for. He didn't even seem bothered. Sulking back off towards my room, I started running the bath. Slipping my body under the water, I rested my head against the back panel and closed my eyes.
His hands were up my shirt, pawing at my skin. They reached the bottom of my bra and I pulled away quickly, pushing him back from me. He grunted as his hand sprang to my throat, putting pressure on it as he dragged himself further up my body, his lips smashing into my own. And I couldn't breathe. I was choking. Drowning.
I pushed myself from the water, coughing deeply as I wiped the water out of my eyes. I breathed heavily as I tried to catch my breath. I sat there in the water until it went cold, contemplating. There were so many unresolved issues. Determined, I climbed from the bath and headed into my bedroom. Searching under the bed, I pulled out my phone and opened up a message to Sebastian. I must have started and erased it four or five times before I decided on the wording.
Clary: Hi Sebastian. It's me, Clary. We need to talk. Properly. About everything. Can we meet tomorrow?
I didn't have to wait long for a reply.
Sebastian: Sounds perfect. How about we skip out on school and meet on main-street?
Clary: 10 o clock?
Sebastian: Sounds perfect. See you there.
I couldn't sleep the entire night. Part of me was kicking myself for agreeing to do this but the other half was telling myself that I'd done the right thing. All of these nightmares. All of the fear. I needed to face it. I needed Sebastian to know exactly what he had done to me and just how much it had hurt. I waited for Jace and Jon to leave for school before I got myself up. I dressed myself in a pair of black skinny jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt. Placing my phone in my pocket, I headed out of the house and over towards main-street. The closer I got, the more my heart jumped into my throat. I couldn't see him standing anywhere but I was ten minutes early. Just as I reached the spot where he had been doing his portraits, I saw his car parked in the alleyway. He flashed his lights at me before driving up to meet me. He wound his window down, and smiled at me, sunglasses adorning his face.
"You getting in?" He asked.
"That wasn't the deal." I spluttered.
"Do you really want to have this conversation out in public?" He asked, resting his sunglasses on his nose. I sighed, walking around the car. He was right of course. Opening the door, I climbed in beside him, buckling myself in. He smiled, pushing his sunglasses back up. Once he started driving, I had no idea where he was going. He turned his music up loud, singing along to Journey and Aerosmith. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. It was no wonder that I had been attracted to him at the start. Anyone would be. Seeing him like this reminded me of good times but I'd never let my guard down. Never let him worm his way in. He stopped his car at a park, a good half an hour drive away from main-street. As soon as the engine died, he removed his sunglasses, stashing them in the compartment of the door.
"I hope you realise that Jordan and Isabelle will be talking about us." Sebastian commented as he unbuckled himself. I was starting to feel really closed in and grabbed the car door, opening it and climbing out. Sebastian copied me. "There's no need to be in such a rush Clary." We started walking towards the park. Now that I was here, I wasn't at all sure how to start this conversation.
"I don't love you anymore Sebastian." I said finally. He put his hands in his pockets, walking alongside me.
"But you did love me."
"I did."
"And you could again." Sebastian said simply.
"Not after what happened Sebastian. You know what I'm talking about." I sighed, starting to feel emotional.
"You need to give me a chance to fix it."
"There's no fixing it. You took advantage of me." I could feel the tears threatening to fall.
"I loved you Clary. I worshipped you. You're my soulmate."
"Sebastian, you really hurt me. It's too painful. I need you to realise that we're never going to be like we were. You need to stop tying Isabelle up in your game. She doesn't deserve to get hurt."
"She's a nice girl." Sebastian said bluntly, staring ahead.
"You need to get help for your issues before you start dating."
"I don't have issues Clary."
"So why did you do those things you did to me?"
"What did I do Clary? What is it you're wanting explanation for?"
"You put your hands on me on many occasions. Regardless of what you say, you did try to force yourself onto me sexually."
"I love you too much. That's my problem. I want all of you, all of the time. I'm too passionate. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I only meant to make you know how loved you were." I was getting nowhere. He didn't see fault in the way he had acted, he was blind to it. Maybe in his deluded mind he actually believed that we had had a perfect relationship.
"Any love that you have for me, you need to bury. Our relationship is over and it's not happening again. I can't physically go through that again." Sebastian was twitching at my side and getting irate.
"You can't just rule us out." He stopped walking, walked in front of me and rested his hands on my elbows. "The way I feel about you Clary. I can't just turn it off. Yes I slept with Isabelle but it meant nothing. She means nothing to me."
"It's not you having sex with Isabelle that I have issue with." I shook my head, not pulling away from him because I was scared he'd grab me harder. "It's the way you treat me. I didn't come here to argue with you Sebastian. I came to talk." I was aware that my phone was vibrating in my pocket and went to reach for it.
"Leave it." Sebastian said. I looked at him questioningly.
"I should really get it."
"It'll just be Jace. He can wait."
"It won't be." I muttered, searching for my phone. Sebastian's hands rested over my own, pulling them from my bag.
"I'm sick of him coming in on our time together. I'm sick of him in general. I bet you've given him your virginity. Is that why you're so hung up on him?"
"Sebastian! I don't want to talk about that."
"You have. I should have known you would have." He grumbled, storming towards a tree. His fist impacted with it and I flinched.
"I haven't." I muttered as he came storming back, blood pooling on his knuckles. His aggression at a high, he grabbed my face in between his hands and kissed me firmly, trying to part my lips with his tongue. I tried to pull away which proved extremely difficult. Finally, I broke the connection. "Just stop Sebastian. This isn't going anywhere." He nodded angrily.
"Neither are you then." He muttered. "You will see sense about this Clary. One way or the other." I watched as he headed back to the car and tried to follow him. Once he had climbed in, he locked the doors and wound his window down. "Text me if you change your mind." With that, he reversed and drove away from the park. For a split second I thought he was going to do a lap of the block and come back. Twenty minutes passed and he was still gone. Sighing to myself, I felt relieved that I'd worn flat shoes and started what was bound to be the long walk home.
I checked my phone from before, as I made a note to also check my battery life.
Jon: Jace said Isabelle said you weren't in first period. Are you okay?
I didn't bother replying to the he-said, she-said. Checking my battery, I realised I only had 20%. This was going to be a long, boring walk home.
Thanks for reading! Reviews warm my heart. All of my love, until next time. ~Sapph