I'm back!
Okayyyy. So here's what happened. I just kinda fell out with twilight. I didn't really like it anymore. I just had no desire to write my stories anymore. I wouldn't exactly say I'm back...I just love to write, and this is a great place to do it! I know it's been like a year or so, but I wanted to post this just I case anyone out there wants to read it! I haven't been online in months but your comments are so inspiring to me! Hopefully i will post some more soon!
This is chapter is sort of getting back into the story for me! enjoy!

UPDATE: I just edited it to try to get all the programming out. Hopefully it worked!

"Can I speak with you for a moment? " Alice asked quietly.
I took a deep breath. Edward's arm was still around me. I could tell he was drained from all the turmoil I had put him though while I was down at La Push. I slowly pushed his arm off my body. He let out a small whimper but was too exhausted to move. I followed Alice out of room. When she turned to face me, she had a look on her face that filled my entire being up with guilt.

"Look Bella, here's the thing. I'm not going to get mad at you, or blame you, or accuse you for anything, but I just want to know what you were thinking! I'm supposedly your best friend. And maybe that doesn't mean much these days but I trusted you!"

I swallowed hard, fighting the tears. I was sick of crying.
"Alice, you are! Of course you are! Jacob was...manipulating me, or playing me, I don't know! I didn't do it to hurt you or Edward!" I tried to convince her that I didn't mean any harm.
The thing was...I didn't even believe that myself. I was a terrible person. Every choice that I made ended up hurting-or almost killing- someone.
""The problem is that I no longer believe you," Alice sneered.
I felt myself become sick. The room started to move a little bit and I clutched the wall for balance. How could I have screwed up everything? My best friend hated me, my fiancé was incoherent and suffering, and as much as I hated to think it, Jacob was heartbroken. I pushed the thought immediately from my mind.
"I know," was all I whispered.
Alice sighed in a frustrated way, "He is so in love you, and you just..."
"I know," I said again.
She met my eyes and they were softer, "Do you? Because for the last few months, every day you've led him to believe that he isn't good enough for you, that you would rather have Jacob. All those times you thought he was being cruel or unreasonable for not letting you down to see the dogs, it wasn't that. Bella, he was terrified. Terrified that you were going to walk away from him. And he's Edward! He is afraid to tell you how much he loves you because he doesn't think you can reciprocate!"

"The guilt kept stacking up inside me. I clenched my hurt hand involuntarily. Wincing as the pain shot up my arm. I deserved it. I didn't deserve Edward. He deserved someone better.
"I love him. I've always loved him..." I trailed off, because nothing I could say would make this right, "I'm sorry,"
"Alice bit her lip, turned, and walked the other way. I watched he glide down the stairs. Half of me wanted to go after her, but the rest of me couldn't move. I was frozen. My breath shuddering in and out.
"I heard a small crash from downstairs and some voices, but I tried to block them out. Slowly, I unlocked my limbs and walked back into Edward's room. The gold comforter on the bed made me cringe, reminding me of a color I longed to see light up his face. I looked at Edward for a moment. For a second, I wish that he could read my mind, so he could understand what I was feeling.
I walked over to the free side of the bed, replaying the conversation with Alice in my mind. I had no idea how to earn her trust back. Come to think of it, I had no idea how to win Edwards trust back either. He said he loved me and that he forgave me, but did he really?
I laid down on the bed. Edwards chest rose softly. His face was drawn with pain. As I stared at his paler than usual face, my mind twisted into dark thoughts that made me clutch the bed sheets and curl up in a ball.
What if he had died?
What if the newborn had decided to throw him into that fire? What would have happened then?

I must if made some kind of sound because I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. I let go of the paralyzing thoughts and clutched his hand.

"Edward," I whispered brokenly.

Bell.." He slurred weakly.
"I'm sorry,"
Edward turned his head slightly and looked at me. His eyes had a touch of gold back in them.
You should've picked him," he said. I frowned. What was he talking about!

"What? " I asked, bewildered. How could he say that!?
He pulled a breath through his clenched teeth and began tiredly, his eyes closing, "You're hurting. You feel guilty. I know you love me, but in the end, does it even matter? You should be with the person that makes you happy,"
bit my lip hard. I was right. He still didn't believe I loved him.
The feelings that whirled around inside me were impossible to explain. They hurt. They ached. They feared. I needed him to understand.
"You are everything to me, " I said strongly, mustering all the love and sincerity into my voice that I could, " I can't live without you. Kissing Jacob was a mistake. I would take it back if I could. You need to know that it was always you. No matter what I felt for Jake I...never would chosen him. Because I love you, Edward, in a way that my love for Jake never would've touched, "
I could've sworn I saw a smile appear on his mouth.
" I guess I believe that, in a way. But...it just never seemed that way. It seemed like you love him in a way that our love could never touch and I..." Edward trailed off. His voice was so weak.
"The hand that i was still holding began to tremble. I kissed it softly, and pulled my hand from his. I ran my fingers though his soft hair, and stoked his cheek. All of a sudden, he tensed, a ripple of pain physically moving his body off the bed. He groaned, but let the pain have him.
"Carlisle!"I called.
In a second, Carlisle was at my side. He had a dark container that I knew was blood. Edward needed it badly.
pCarlisle shook his head sadly, " I wish there was something I could do...but we just have to wait it out,"
I nodded, fitting my hand to Edwards cheek and letting the tears fall silently onto the bed.

There you go! Hoped it wasn't too rusty. I haven't done anything twilight in so long!
Review!
And thank you guys so much for the continued support!