A/N: This chapter is very, very long because I just couldn't break it up. It's just the way things had to be. It starts out with a third person POV from Finnick, really. Enjoy.

The remnants of the originally six-person team step out of the hovercraft to be greeted by a larger group of people. Of course, it's not the entire population of District Thirteen, but it's still a considerable amount of people. Most of the people waiting to welcome them back are other rebel soldiers who will eventually participate in the impending attack on the Capitol. Two of them will likely be replacing the two missing members on the returning team. Others include people in command, family, lovers...

All of them are bruised up, at the least. Johanna suffered a sprained ankle, hence the reason for the delay on leaving District Four.

The last of the four to come out is Finnick Odair, who searches the crowd and immediately rushes over to Annie and Peeta. ~

"Finnick!" Annie cries out, leaping into his arms immediately. I have to smile at their reunion, but I also can't hide the sadness in my eyes. ~

Finnick grips Annie tightly and kisses her. "Yes, I'm back! I missed you!" Suddenly, he pulls away and smiles at her. Not in front of the boy. He turns to Peeta, giving him a somewhat sad look and a pat on the back. "Hi, Peeta..." ~

"Hey." I smile, trying to be reassuring that I don't mind. I put my hand on his shoulder, my right hand. "It's okay. I'm okay." ~

"That's...that's great." He grins, ruffling Peeta's hair in a kid-like manner. "I...I have something for you." He pulls away from the two of them and takes the bag off his back. Laying it on the ground, he unzips it and rummages through to find a black, shredded, charred, bloodied, but still usable jacket. "I think this belongs to you." He hands the jacket to Peeta, "12" side up. "The night before Cato...the night before the attack, he found a note in the left-hand pocket. He said it's the one you wrote him before the Victory Tour. He's kept it there all that time, all those weeks..." He sighs. "Anyway, that night, he wrote a note to you on the back side of it. He wanted one of us to bring it back in case he couldn't come back himself." ~

I take a deep breath and stare at the jacket for a good while. You can do this. You were good moments ago.

But he's not coming back with them.

That's the realization I have as I take the jacket, our jacket, from Finnick and pull it over my clothes from the propos, clutching the piece of paper in the left hand pocket. "Th...thanks." I whisper, trying to keep face. ~

"I'm really sorry..." he says, scratching the back of his head. "He...just wanted one of us to bring that back to you, since it was yours-both of yours, I suppose."

The crowd begins dispersing, as everybody was ordered to go back inside.

Finnick takes Annie's hand and looks back to Peeta. "We should be getting back inside now...if you want to be alone, we understand, but we wouldn't object to you staying with us for a while. Whatever you need, the both of us are there for you." ~

I see Annie look at me and nod. "Just...give me a minute to..to look at this, and I'll be right up with you, okay?" I don't know if I'll want to be by myself after I've read this. After what he wrote the last time, and what I did...I don't know if that'll be wise. ~

"Alright," he says, waving goodbye and starting to walk back to his and Annie's room. "See you." ~

I walk over to one of the walls, lean against it and allow myself to slide to the floor, pulling the familiar piece of paper out of my pocket. I give myself a minute to breathe and cry quietly, realizing this is the last thing I'll hear from my Cato. "Okay, love..." I whisper. "Let's see what you've got here." My shaking hands slowly unfold, and I see the ever-so familiar handwriting, causing me to smile and cry harder all at once. I take a deep breath, swallow hard, and read.

My wonderful fiance Peeta,

This is probably the hardest thing I'll ever have to write, whether you'll end up reading it or not. But, if you are reading this, that probably means I'm not coming back ever. I promised I would, and I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry for not giving you a proper goodbye. I'm just going to write this to tell you all the things I never got to say.

I'm so incredibly sorry for all those fights we had. We had so many over the past couple weeks. That one when I came back from the Victory Tour, the one that could've happened when I rescued you from the Capitol, the one the first night in Thirteen...and the one before I left. The morning I broke your wrist and broke your heart all in one shot. I'll never forgive myself for wasting all that time starting fights with you. Maybe I was just afraid that I'd do something stupid to make you regret being with me, so I'd rather end it first...but never again. Never again will I hurt you like that. Not because I won't be there to do it...but even if I were there, I wouldn't. I couldn't.

Okay, another one. I should've said goodbye to you. I just thought I'd be back, and then now I'm writing this all because I realized it's possible I won't be back. I shouldn't have promised I would be back. Like you said...there was no way I had control over that. I just thought I had this feeling inside of me that knew I'd be back. But I guess in a way I would never break that promise...even if I'm gone physically, I'll always come back to you. You just wait there, Peeta Bread.

Everything I love about you: your face, your voice, your baking, your painting, your touch, your corny little jokes, your love for me, your strength (No matter how much you deny it, you're strong. I believe in you.), your trust in me, your kisses, your laugh, your everything...

And the fact that you're finally making me believe in a stupid little thing called love.

And now that I'm gone, and I'm running out of space on this paper to write things...I just want to make sure you're keeping your promise to me. I understand if you'd want to off yourself, but...don't break your promise to me. I'm not breaking mine to you. I'll follow you until the day you die (which better not be soon!) and I want you to keep it, okay? Remember, you said you'd be strong and make it past the three months. You said that you'd make Panem a better place for me. You know, no Games. No poor Districts. A generally better place for everyone. Then you can live...even if I can't. Please, please don't break your promise. I'm begging you. Don't you dare leave this world. You have so much to offer. My time has come and passed. You made it out of the Games alive for a reason. Please, don't throw it away. I love you and I don't want to see you dead again. Just...don't.

Well, Lover Boy, I guess this is farewell. We'll miss each other until the time comes, I know, but believe me...after a while, the time passes quickly. I'm sorry, again.

'Stop saying sorry,' we'd always tell each other. But I can't stop. We'll always be sorry to each other for everything.

Goodbye, Peeta Mellark.

Love, I still consider us married, Cato

I quickly pull the paper out from under my face, because I watch the words get muddled up in my tears. Oh god, I need him now. I need him more than ever. But...I cannot break my promise to him. Not now. I don't know what to think. What to feel. Oh, I love him. I love him so much, it hurts. I sob until I feel as if all of the tears in my body have dried out, and my chest hurts from all of the heaving. I look up into the empty room, hoping that he'd be there. Even if only in my mind.

But the room is just that. Empty.

He's even gone in my mind. I clutch onto the paper as if it's him. That if I let it go, I'll lose him forever. Though that doesn't mean much. Because he is gone. I stand, my footsteps making noise in the silence. I head upstairs towards Finnick and Annie's room, sticking the paper back in my pocket before I knock on the door. ~

The door opens, revealing Finnick in the doorway and Annie sitting on their bed. "Hi, Peeta..." they both say. ~

"Hi.." I give a small wave, stepping in a bit and closing the door behind me. I don't really know what to say at first, so I just awkwardly sit in the chair. ~

"How are you holding up, kid?" Finnick asks, sitting on the bed next to Annie. ~

I look down at my wrist. "Not so great." I admit. They kept what I did on the down low. I'm the head of this whole thing. If everyone knows I wanted to kill myself, it could cause everything to come crashing down all at once. ~

"It gets better." He shrugs. There isn't much to be said. Just sitting in silence with a few friends is enough, sometimes. Then, after a few minutes, he says, "He really loved you. He wants to make sure you know that." ~

"He still does." I whisper. "I know it..." I squeeze my wrist, wincing a bit. "I'm more sure of it now than ever." I smile a little at him, and see Annie smile back with a bit of concern. ~

While Annie continues fidgeting with her hands and giving reassuring but worrisome smiles, Finnick thinks of other things to break the god awful silence. "He um...couldn't handle himself with that note, whatever it said. He cried himself to sleep that night, and didn't even wake up until it was time to leave. He really had some trouble with it." ~

I can't hear that. The one person I saw as a rock, someone to depend on, lean on, completely broken over this. "I...I bet." I shut my eyes. "Can we talk about something else?" ~

"Anything you want to talk about." ~

"What about..." I sigh, looking around for some sort of conversation. "Tomorrow?" ~

"The wedding?" He asks hesitantly, wondering if Peeta really wants to talk about weddings and love at a time like this. "Tomorrow, then." ~

"Mm-hm." I look at him hopefully. "I mean...I know we both just loved seeing you two happy. You both make me happy. So why not?" I make sure not to mention the cake. Annie promised I'd keep it a secret from him, and she won't get to see it at all now until I've finished. ~

"Thanks," he laughs a little bit, "why not?" He looks up to the ceiling in thought. "They have this one, large room on...the fifteenth floor, I think. Everybody's working tomorrow to get that all ready for us." ~

"It really is amazing how everyone'll work together for something like this." I smile, pulling up my legs to fold them underneath me. "It's something wonderful." ~

"It is..." He looks lovingly to Annie and squeezes her hand. "You should help out too. Annie tells me you like art. Maybe you could brighten up the place." ~

I quickly look at Annie and smile. "Don't you worry. What do you think I've been doing in my spare time?" I'm able to keep a poker face, but she breaks into a fit of giggles. Okay love, you may call me a girl, but I'm not quite that bad. I think to myself, smiling inwardly. ~

"...Shooting propos." He laughs with her. ~

"...No." I smile slyly. "Though that's distracted me from what I've been trying to do." ~

"What have you been trying to do?!" He stands excitedly. "Tell." ~

"Nope. I've been sworn to secrecy." I laugh, shutting my mouth, nodding to Annie. ~

"Hmm." Finnick looks down at the floor, then comes back up with a sneaky look on his face. "If you tell me, I'll give you a sugar cube. I'm sure a baker like you loves those." He winks, thinking he finally got it. ~

"Definitely not. I'm around sugar so much, I could throw up eating it straight." I smile. He doesn't know how Cato was stubborn with bargaining. I could do this all day. ~

He groans in defeat. "Fiiiiiine...keep it a surprise. I like surprises." He leans to the side and kisses the top of Annie's head. "Surprises just like Annie." ~

"I'm not used to people giving up that easily!" I laugh, surprised. "Cato was so damn stubborn, we'd go at things all day." Just mentioning him casually in conversation is good. I have to be able to do this. I can't not talk about him for the rest of my life. ~

"Well, he seems like such a pry into your life!" He laughs. "I don't think he liked surprises, did he? Always wanted to know everything?" ~

"Well, that's because we both had pretty hefty secrets, so we tried not to keep anything from each other." ~

"I see. That's always good, you know. It's bad to keep things to yourself sometimes." ~

"I've learned that lately. Hiding things...just allows them to fester." I flex my right hand with the bandages, which had started to fall asleep. I see Annie take Finnick's hand and squeeze it. They had their secrets, too. But they told. Finnick told the world about what the Capitol did to him. He was so much stronger than most of us. ~

Finnick takes notice of the bandages, but he doesn't ask. If Peeta wanted to talk about it, he would eventually. Just not now. "That's right." ~

"Like me." I smile a bit. "Tell me, knowing me-what do you think of me? About me? The last things you'd think I'd do?" ~

"What do I think of you?" He raises an eyebrow. "You're a good kid." ~

"I mean," I laugh. "If you knew nothing about me-which really, you don't-what would you think I was like as a kid? Things like that. Your first impressions, assumptions, those things." ~

"You're still a kid," he laughs, "but okay. I'd think...hm...that you're just looking for something to do with your life. A purpose, you know. And I'd probably assume that you're always smiley. Every time I see you, you're smiling or laughing." ~

"Well," I smile, looking him in the eyes. "You're completely wrong." I laugh quietly. "Completely." ~

"Oh..." Finnick breaks eye contact with him and looks elsewhere. At the door, the ceiling, the floor, the walls, the bed-anywhere. "Well, this is a bit awkward now." ~

"Not awkward, I'm just saying." I lean back a bit. "We've all got our secrets and things we hide." I take a deep breath. ~

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." ~

"I wouldn't bring it up if I didn't trust you both enough to tell you about it." It's true. And my dad knows I'm close with them. So questions would be asked if he asked them to 'keep and eye on me'. Might as well. ~

"Alright," he sighs, kicking off his shoes, "go for it." ~

"I'll start from the most recent, then. Try to not start out so shocking." I laugh a bit. I'm trying to laugh about these things, or I'll never get over them. "I was in the hospital this morning." ~

"Why?" He asks, looking at the bandages. "What happened...there?" He points to Peeta's arm. ~

"Well," I pause. "Before I tell you, I want you to at least promise you'll try not to think of me differently. I mean, you will, there's no stopping it, but...it'll make me feel better if I know you're at least trying." ~

"You are who you are, Peeta. If we're okay with you now, nothing will change that," he says honestly. "Go on. Promise." ~

"My dad took me in against my wishes to put me on morphling," I swallow. "Because I tried to kill myself last night. And threatened to slit my throat, to his face, this afternoon." I shut my eyes, waiting for some response. ~

That leaves Finnick's mouth gaping, and Annie puts her head down facing the floor in silence. After the initial shock at Peeta's bluntness, he says, "Was it because of...yesterday?" ~

"Mm-hm." I say, biting my lip. "I'm kind of screwed up in a couple ways." I shake my head. "But then again, I have been for a while. But I was able to suppress most of it until last night." ~

"Everyone's a little screwed up...they all just handle it differently. So...what happened then? How did you stop it?" ~

"I...I didn't. He did. I've been seeing him. Since that happened." ~

He closes his mouth finally and begins looking all over the room. "Do you...see him now?" ~

"No," I start, opening my eyes. "Not since I finished his letter." ~

The couple nods. Finnick says, "How did he stop you?" ~

"Well...I promised him before he left if anything happened, I'd at least try to live another three months. Because that's about how long he lasted before I showed up after the Games." ~

"Yes, we're familiar with your return...so, you talked to him?" ~

"Often. He just...seemed so real." I look away. "I mean, he knew everything about me I'd told him. He knew my tendencies. He knew what I was thinking...everything. So I knew I had to be insane." ~

"Was it a ghost, or just your mind?" He asks. "You might be less insane than you think. Actually, that isn't really insane at all...either way, he's just looking out for you. It's normal for you to think of him now." ~

"But I touched him. Held his hands." I sigh. "You don't have to justify me, Finnick. I've been through enough in my life that I'd really be surprised if I weren't crazy." ~

"It's just a coping mechanism," he tries reasoning. "Crazy isn't necessarily bad." ~

"Never said it was. But I definitely am. I've got a history." I explain. Leaving anything out'll just make things worse. No hiding. No secrets. ~

"That's...that's alright. We're here to listen. Go on." ~

"I really wasn't a smiley kid. I mean, after a while, I was...but it was all for show. I pretended to be above everything that happened. So I didn't seem weak. But really, everyone in District Twelve hated me. Everyone." ~

He doesn't ask how sure Peeta is that he was hated. He can see it in his eyes that he's positive. "Then what happened?" ~

"That was for as long as I could remember. And I couldn't even rest at home, because my mom hated me, too." I look up at the two of them. "She beats me. Sometimes to the brink of death." I make sure I emphasize beats. Because it hasn't stopped. Up until the day Cato left. To put it in the past tense would be a lie. "And..when I was little, I didn't understand why. I knew when I was older that she suspected I...liked guys, but my dad was the only person I had." ~

"Your dad is a smart man." He pauses. "Why is she around?" ~

"I wonder the same thing every day." ~

"And no one tried putting her in her place?" ~

"My father objects to violence," I say. "And I wouldn't let Cato do anything. I didn't want him to. Things were just...better with him around. So I dealt." ~

He nods. "Okay, alright...so, what happened next?" ~

Then, I look him right in the eyes, clasping my hands together, and tell him the story of my sixteenth birthday; from start to finish. Every detail. ~

Annie cries the entire way through the story, barely being able to stop even with Finnick's comfort. "How are people even that terrible? And you didn't do anything to them prior?" ~

"I hadn't even spoken to most of them before." ~

"Then they don't deserve your thoughts, your memories. They're worth nothing." ~

"No...No, I suppose not." I look at the ceiling. "But after I told him, he wrote me 48 love letters and left them in the bottom drawer of our dresser. I didn't even look at them or know about them until he was gone...just that something was there." ~

He pieces all the information together and concludes, "So you read them right before you did that?" ~

"Exactly." ~

"That's...intense." He sighs. ~

"I've got my crazies like everyone else around here. And maybe I'm just so lost because he got it. And even though, my whole life, everything went wrong, he was just...right." ~

Annie nods vigorously and finally says something, even if it's quietly, "I get it." ~

My eyes go back to Annie. "Yeah?" She's got her own issues. Sweetest girl I've ever met. ~

"Everything is wrong, but then you get something right." She squeezes Finnick's hand and taps her feet a little bit. "I get that."

"But you can't give up, right? If you lose something like that," Finnick asks. "The feeling of losing the only thing you think is right is...quite possibly the worst feeling in the world." ~

"As much as you want to...no, you can't." I say, partially to him and partially to myself. "It..." I choke. "It is the worst feeling I've ever experienced. In one moment, I wanted to throw up, sob, pass out, and die. But...you've got to go on." ~

They both nod slowly, not wanting to get into that. "You think everything is over, when it happens," Finnick says, "but things fall into place eventually." ~

"And until then...I distract myself." I give a small, Mellark grin. "With happier things." ~

"Distractions help, yeah. That's the best temporary..." He stares at the blank wall behind Peeta before looking back. "Sorry, I zoned out a bit, thinking. What was I saying?" ~

Huh? "Um...the best temporary..?" ~

"Best temporary fix," he finishes. ~

"But...eventually it'll go away and...and I'll just be numb." ~

"I suppose so," he sighs, narrowing his eyes in thought. "Listen, about yesterday morning...something felt off. I just don't remember what it was. I was trying to think of it, but it just didn't come." ~

"But...what do you mean, off?" ~

"Something didn't seem right about it. It could've been something important, but I usually don't let things like that slip my mind. So it probably wasn't something big, but I just thought you should know..." ~

"I guess..." I look up at him. "But...when? With Cato?" ~

"Mhm," he nods. "Before we went to leave, and get the jacket...oh." ~

"...oh?" ~

"Like I was thinking, it's not something incredibly huge. It's still a little odd, though. The night we left, he was telling us a lot about you two. Well, more to me than anyone else, really, but he went on and on about little things that reminded him of you. Things like that." ~

"Like...like he knew he was going to die?" Oh god. ~

"I don't think he knew he would. He mentioned that it was a possibility, though, so he ran me through his good luck routine." Finnick looks down at Peeta's feet for confirmation. "He said you guys both double-knotted your laces." ~

"Yup." I glance down at my shoes. "We're both clumsy fools." ~

"I thought it was weird that when I picked up the jacket for you, the laces were single-knotted instead." ~

"...What?" He wouldn't. ~

"Like I said, it wasn't something really huge or important. Just...weird." He thinks for a second. "Isn't he right-handed?" ~

"Mmhmm." I nod. What's he getting at? Finnick... ~

"Everything was reversed..." he trails off. "If I remember correctly, that is. Everything that should've been on his right side was on the left, and vice versa...unless I was looking wrong?" Finnick puts his hand up and turns it so that his palm is facing him, examining how his hand turns. "No, that was it." He faces his left palm away from him and just puts up his index finger. "This finger's on the right, turn it to face me..." he turns his hand, "now it's on my left, but still right relative to...am I right?" he asks, putting his hand down. "So then it's like everything was on wrong. As if it were for lefties instead of righties. You get what I'm saying, right?" ~

"I do...but why does that even matter?" My heart is pounding. Maybe...maybe... No. Don't do that to yourself, Peeta. ~

"Because it shouldn't have been like that...I'm not saying it matters, it's just weird-" He stops short. No, it's a little too weird. "His bag." ~

"What?!" I rush out. "Finnick, stop talking in riddles!" ~

"I'm sorry! Everything's just coming to me now, I'm not doing it on purpose!" he defends himself. "We took the personal pack with us too. It wasn't his bag. I don't know why, I wouldn't know why, so don't freak out thinking I know something that you don't...I'm just thinking aloud." ~

"But...what are you even thinking about?" ~

"I don't know what I'm thinking about." He wouldn't want to get Peeta's hopes up only to drop them. Because the chances of what he's thinking are extremely slim, though possible. And it's something for the kid to work off of. "Listen, Peeta. I'm the only one who noticed. You can't go around telling people this, okay?" ~

"Why does it matter?" Now I'm scared and confused. "He's dead, Finnick!" I stand. "He's...dead." Oh god. He's dead. ~

"Shh...sit down, Peeta." He's beginning to regret what he just told him, but he can't exactly turn back. "It doesn't make sense in my mind either way, whether he's dead or not...neither ways make sense to me. All I'm saying is, it seemed like that wasn't even him that was blasted out the window." ~

"I saw it happen, Finnick...I saw it happen live on television." I see his face is worried, so I sit. "It doesn't make sense, but...I watched it. I watched him get shot and blown up." ~

"Peeta, I was there. I watched it in person." He bites his bottom lip.

Annie squeezes his hand tighter. "Finnick..."

"I'm just saying that I've seen Capitol television, and it deceives you. They cut things out, edit, add things...it lies, sometimes." ~

"Are you trying to suggest to me that he's alive, Finnick? Because I've been trying to tell you that I'm not stable and I definitely can't handle that." ~

"I didn't want to get your hopes up, but...I thought you needed a little hope to get by. I'm not suggesting that he's definitely alive, but..." he sighs.

"Anything's possible?" Annie asks quietly. ~

"I really wish you were right...but...in my life, I've learned it's better not to be hopeful. Because get your hopes up...and they're always crushed. Without fail." I pull up my knees towards me. ~

"I'm sorry I mentioned it, Peeta. I just don't take things without hard evidence, and I thought it might brighten you up a little, to keep going. It just...doesn't make sense." ~

"Just...forget it." ~

"But..." Finnick shakes his head. "Sorry. I won't bring it up again." ~

I break eye contact with him. "Yeah. Thanks." ~

"I shouldn't have said it in the first place. I had no idea you guys were so different, and I might've expected a different reaction..." He pauses, thinking of changing the topic. "So...you'll be very busy, won't you?" ~

"With what..?" ~

"Everything." ~

"Propos, speeches, tomorrow, my family..." He's right. I'm swamped. But there's something I've got to do. ~

"Well, whenever I'm here...we're willing to help out with anything." ~

"I appreciate it, really. Just...some things, I've got to do alone." ~

"That's okay. But we're here for you," he smiles. ~

"Thanks..." I stare at my wrist for a moment. "Uhm...can I ask an odd question?" ~

"Of course." ~

I shut my eyes. "Did...did they bring him back?" I can't not see. I can't not say goodbye. ~

He nods, but realizes Peeta can't see him. "Yes, but..." He glances from Annie to Peeta, sighing. "All...remains from battle go straight to Coin and get locked up." ~

"I..." I swallow with some difficulty. "I want to see. At least...have a goodbye. Something." Maybe then, I'll have some sense of closure. Right now, I just have an empty gap where my heart should be. ~

"I don't think anyone's allowed to see. You can ask, but I'm pretty sure it's classified." ~

"Even...Even in a coffin or casket or something, I don't have to, I just...They have to understand." I squeeze my hands together. "I was going to marry him." This can't be it. ~

Finnick's jaw drops. "You were?" ~

Just thinking about that wedding that's never going to happen gets me crying again, pulling my head in between my knees. "Mmhmm..." I cry. "Not soon, just...we talked about it the day he left. H..he even asked my dad and everything." ~

Annie takes the tissue box from the nightstand and hands it to Peeta in silence.

"Oh...If you want, I can try to convince Coin to let you go see first thing in the morning, though...are you sure you want your last thought to be a casket instead of a wedding?" ~

"My last thought was-oh, I wish we'd said goodbye." I take the tissues from Annie. "Now all I can think about was that I won't get that day. So...I just want to say goodbye, so I can move on to happier things. Like how happy your happiness makes me." I open my eyes and give them both a genuine smile. "It means so much to me that you sit here and listen to me...I must be a real downer." ~

"You have to vent somehow to someone, don't you? Of course we're here for you." ~

"And he would've wanted tomorrow to be perfect for you both." ~

"Well, if our happiness makes you happy, then I'm sure he'd want tomorrow to be perfect for us." He pauses. "For the three of us, even. The long road to recovery." ~

"I'll be sure of it." I give Annie a knowing smile. "I'll leave you two alone, then... I've got things to do." ~

"You'll be okay alone?" ~

"I'm just right next door." We are. ~

"Alright," he smiles, "drop by any time." ~

"Will do." I stand. "Thanks a bunch. If you need me...Annie knows where to find me." ~

"And you know where to find us." Finnick stands and walks over to the door. "Goodbye, Peeta." He gives a sympathetic smile as he opens the door for him. ~

"Bye, Finnick." I grin a little and give them a wave. "Bye, Annie." ~

"Oh," Annie looks up from the floor. "Bye, Peeta." ~

"You okay?" I ask quickly before I go. ~

She nods, smiling, "Mhm. You okay?" ~

"I...I will be." Maybe, someday. ~

"Good," Finnick sighs. "You should probably rest up soon. It's been a long day for all of us." ~

"Well...rest then. I'll leave you be." ~

"Don't be a stranger. You're our favorite neighbor." ~

"I appreciate it," I laugh, giving one last wave before heading over into my room. The room is quiet. Far too quiet for my taste. The thing that still destroys my heart is the small circle in the blanket of the other cot we never used. It's where he sat when we fought, when he went over to the other bed. He stayed there. I never touched it again. The bed was still made... It's like he sat there moments earlier. My first instinct is to wipe it away to smooth out the cloth...but I can't bring myself to do it. For a while, I just kneel by the bed and rest my head there, to see if any of him warmth is left there.

Of course, it isn't.

He's dead.

He has no more warmth to give.

I give myself some time to cry again, and reread his letter. Even his handwriting makes me smile, because it's so him. Messy, but legible. And just...right. That boy was perfect. Perfect, I swear. So I cry for him, for us, for his mom...for everything. But I don't take too long. I have a cake to finish for tomorrow. And it has to be extraordinary.

The day goes by quickly while I work. It always does when I'm baking. Because when I bake, I just stop thinking. I turn the cake into something beautiful and blue, with accents of gold for the beaches and sands and seas of Four. Annie said Finnick would love that. I know she would, too.

Time feels like nothing without Cato here. I'm numb.

I don't sleep that night. At some point early in the morning, though, Finnick knocks on the door to tell me I'm allowed my goodbye. I don't have much time-both because they'll only give me so much time, but also because I have to start getting ready for the wedding this afternoon. And so I head downstairs, alone, to say goodbye to that handsome, charming bastard of a Career that I loved so much.

The room is empty aside from the simple, wood coffin. It's better this way.

"So...it's just you and me, now." I say, stepping through the door. "Always was, you'd say." I laugh a little, already getting a little filled up. "I...wish we'd gotten this goodbye on better terms, love. I mean...without it just..being...me. Saying goodbye." Oh god. "But...here I am. I did say I'd follow you forever. They didn't want to let me come here, y'know. Finnick told me. But...he convinced them. He's a nice guy. He gave me your letter," I pull it out of my pocket, and go over to sit by the coffin on the ground. "You know just what to say to make me cry my eyes out. But...at the same time, you never did like seeing me cry. So I'll try not to, now. And I'll fail, too." I already have. "T..this is it. I figured I'd start this out...by responding to your last letter. So, first things first," I look at the paper in my hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that we ever fought. I hate fighting with you. It's just...just a waste of time. And a lot of it is my fault, for being so overly sensitive. And I want to apologize for that, but I know you like me the way I am, and you don't like me saying sorry so much. So...I'm just sorry for it all. Then...Then, for this goodbye. It...it works out better this way, I think. I wish we'd gotten a goodbye...but if we had, then I would've been sure you weren't coming back. And...now that I know you're not, there's so much more I always wanted to say. So much more I wanted of you, with you...That we won't get. I...I told you I needed you, and I'm realizing that now more than ever. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I tried, even though you asked me not to. I wish I hadn't, and I wish you hadn't asked me to wait three months. I...I can't make it that long without you, Cato. I just can't. I...I hope you'll be able to forgive me for it, when we see each other again." I cough a bit from my crying before starting up again. "I hope I'm able to do everything I promised you before I leave to see you again. I hope we win the war. I hope no one has to get hurt like you did. No one has to lose the people they care about most because of some stupid fighting, or the stupid Hunger Games. Maybe...Maybe you're right. Your time has passed. But...I don't want my time to be without you. When we said it was always going to be you and I...we never thought about this. Now it's just me here. And...I miss you. Oh god, Cato, I miss you. I promised I'd follow you forever, and I will now, too. I'm all alone until then. You...you said you're in my heart. But...why do I feel so useless and empty now that you've gone? I don't even know what to do with myself." I push his letter back into my pocket. "You remember...my birthday, last November. When I came back to you? In the note you wrote me that day...you said you'd be my Lover Boy if I'd be yours. I hope the offer still stands." I whisper, carefully placing a shaking hand on the wood. "I wish we had more time. Ours...Yours...was far too short. But..I still consider us married, too. We were closer than most married couples ever get. And...now you're gone. I wanted so much for us. You can't be gone." My head follows, just leaning on the casket as I sob. "We still have to get married. Have a place to call our own. Have a family. Make more memories, see more places...Sure, this war is gonna make the world a better place. But I don't want to live there without you. It isn't a better place without you. Even if the Games are gone, and the Capitol falls...the world's a much darker place from now on, because you're not in it. You took my life and changed it completely for the better. And...now I'm back where I began. It's just me." I bite my lip. "I had so much more I wanted to say, love. So many things left unsaid. But...I guess this is goodbye. Farewell." I pause. "No. No, it can't be goodbye." I shut my eyes and raise myself to a kneeling position. "See you soon, love." And I kiss the lid, getting to my feet, and walking out the door, taking just one moment to look back at the love of my life.

The time just seems like nothing after that. The wedding was beautiful...Finnick seemed so excited over the cake. They're so happy together, I can't help smiling at their joy. Because that's two people in love right there. But once that's over...I find myself just...stopping caring about everything.

Daily, I shoot propos, make speeches, visit my family and friends, then cry myself to sleep without fail. I find the time to talk to my brothers more, now...it's nice. They can stand to hear me talk about Cato for hours on end. And I really need that, now. It's nice reminiscing, too. About the old times. They were never really bad. But as we got older, I just felt like they became less and less on my side. It's always good to make amends.

My mother still beats me when I refuse as she tells me to move on and get a girlfriend. It doesn't work like that. It just doesn't. I'll never love again. For as long or short as I live, I won't love anyone who isn't Cato. And even if I did, mom, it wouldn't be a girl. I take the beatings, because there's just nothing I can do anymore. No one to protect me. Portia fixes everything up, anyway. Doesn't make me any less achy or sore, but no one asks questions. It's better this way.

About two weeks in, they tell us they've sent the team to start taking the Capitol. It's going to be a long battle, but they think we can do it at this point. I think so, too. We have most of the country on our side, now. Cato's death got people even angrier-the Capitol prized him, then destroyed him in a matter of months. Tell me about it.

A few days into that week, they tell us we have to start packing. They're moving us out into the Capitol. There's a stable, safe section of town that we can stay in. The war's going to be over any day now, Coin says. They've even taken down the Nut, which holds a lot of Peacekeepers. Someone's even telling me the Head Peacekeeper in Two was killed. Cato's father. When they invaded. It's all falling apart, their regime. Just like Cato would've wanted.

I take the time to pack all my clothes, and our black jacket. The other one is back in Two. Maybe someone'll go get it, when this is over. But when this is over, the only two people who'll know about that jacket'll both be six feet under. So nevermind. Sorry, black jacket. You won't see your partner again. I make sure to take all our things...still leaving the other bed untouched. There's one thing I can't leave behind, though. I need something of his. A piece of clothing. Anything. I open up his drawer. It's like he never left. A total mess. I reach in to take something...But I can't. It'll be clean, then. Different than he left it.

I'll just take the drawer. They'll have to deal with it.

And so, Finnick, Annie, Johanna, and the other Victors make our way to the Capitol to live. Haymitch asked if I'd rather have a place with my family or on my own. I said on my own. It'd be easier that way. I don't want my dad having to find me again. Or having to deal with my mom's ranting and beating for the last of my days. I only have a little over a week left. I just want to be left alone. Under my dad's request, though, I'm in a house next to Finnick and Annie. Okay. That, I can deal with. They stop over and visit sometimes, too.

But the house is too big and lonely, and far too close to what Cato and I wanted together to ever make me content in the slightest. So, for the week and a half, I just mope around. Eat. Cry. Sleep. I try to avoid television, because all I see is myself and I'm sick of it. I still have to shoot things. But I'm numb to the process now. Only a little while longer. Then, I'll see you, love.

The day before his birthday comes, and I find myself facing an extreme irony. They say that the Capitol is going to give up tomorrow. Raise the white flag. Give the power over to us. On his birthday. He would've loved that, I'm sure. I love it, too. But I won't see it. I've already resolved to this. There's a note I wrote and everything. I kept it in my back pocket, so they'd find it when they found me. It's a sorry and stuff to my dad and brothers, with little notes to Finnick, Annie, and Haymitch. They made the last few weeks bearable, I said...But now it was time for me to be with Cato again.

I went downstairs that morning to grab one of the knives from the kitchen and sat up on the large bed alone, just staring at my reflection in it for a while. My eyes were swollen and pink from crying so much. But...no more crying, Peeta. It's over now. I can't even allow myself to speak. I think a silent apology to Cato once more for not waiting before making one cut.

But it doesn't feel good like I want it to. It just hurts. Oh god, it just hurts.

That's the moment when I know this is wrong. That I can't die now. That I have to stop. But it won't stop bleeding. So I panic. I need help. I cut too deep. No, no, no. Help. Someone. Please. Who's around? Who can come help? I need to stop this bleeding.

"Finnick!" I cry, hoping that he...or someone, anyone can hear me. "Help!" ~

Peeta's cry for help is audible to his next-door neighbor only because Finnick was near an open window. He and Annie were told to expect something of the sort, and to be prepared for when it inevitably happened. So, at the sound of his calls, Finnick runs out the nearest door and to the front door of Peeta's luxurious, lonely, new home. The cries from the upstairs windows continue as he frantically searches for the key that he received in case the younger boy needed any 'special help.' "Aha," he says, sticking the key into the doorknob and pushing the door open. "Peeta! Where are you?" ~

Thank god. "Upstairs, my room!" I call down. I mentally thank my father for giving Finnick a key. ~

He runs up the stairs, skipping one or two at a time, and pushes the bedroom door open. "Peeta," he sighs, running over to take the knife away. "Is this the only one you have? Or are there more?" ~

"Knives or cuts...? I...I stopped because it hurt and Finnick it won't stop bleeding make it stop." I beg. ~

"Knives, cuts...both," he rushes out, looking around for something to stop the bleeding. His eyes land on a nearby box of tissues, which he pulls about ten, mint green tissues out of. "Well! What is it, then?" He presses the clump of tissues to the open wound. "Hold those there while I find bandages in your bathroom. Don't you dare take them off, you." ~

"I won't," I insist, pressing on the tissues with hope they'll help stop the pain. "It's obviously not the only knife in the house, but this is the only cut, I promise." One was too much. ~

"It's the only knife you have up here?" he calls out as he leaves the room. "No knives, scissors, anything sharp near you? Don't touch!" He practically tears apart the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, sending several bottles of morphling pills crashing to the floor, and finds a large roll of gauze and a tub of disinfectant cream. Thinking it's best to assume everything is necessary, he brings those items, tape, and wet rags with him back to the room. "I can't leave you near anything too sharp, you know." ~

"I...I don't think so. Maybe scissors in the office space or something..or a blade with the art stuff," I fold my legs beneath me as he comes back in. "but nothing that I brought up. I get it." ~

"What made you come calling?" he asks, taking off the bloodied tissues. "What made you stop?" Shaking his head, he takes one of the wet rags and cleans the excess blood off of Peeta's arm. "Too cold?" ~

"No..." The cold is numbing the pain. It's nice. "I stopped because...I wanted to? I mean...when I've done this before, the cuts feel good..like a relief. This...wasn't spur of the moment. I've planned this. But...I began cutting and all I felt was extreme pain." He would have never forgiven me. ~

"You planned it?" He dips the corner of the cloth into the tub of cream and cautiously applies it to the cut. "Since when?" ~

"Since...since he died. That night, how I told you I tried and he stopped me?...I agreed I've give myself three weeks. Not three months like he asked." I wince a bit, clutching the blanket beneath me. "Tomorrow is his birthday. I...promised I'd make him a cake and we'd get to spend it together." And I made the cake...we just won't be able to spend it together, now. ~

"So you lied, then," Finnick says, beginning to wrap the bandages around Peeta's arm. "You told everybody you were getting better, when you were actually planning your suicide. Again." ~

"...I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say. I am, though. I just stare a he wraps my arm up. What a familiar sight. ~

"Listen, Peeta. I know it's hard losing someone you love, but life goes on after that. Suicide is never the answer." He finishes the wrap by double-wrapping tape around the bandage to hold it in place. ~

"...I'm sorry." I repeat. "I...don't know what else to do with myself. The war is gonna end tomorrow. Then what?" ~

"Then we can all live in peace? What most of us have been waiting for our whole lives." ~

"Yeah, maybe. But I'll probably have to go back with my family. Then things are just gonna revert back to the old normal...that wasn't great. Even without the Games." ~

"You won't have to go back with your family if you don't want to. You're almost an adult, aren't you?" ~

"I'm seventeen. And...if not with them...I'm alone. I don't know which is the lesser of two evils." ~

"You have us next door," he says, pulling over a chair to sit down. "Speaking of which...we should probably have someone watch you for tonight." ~

"I don't need a babysitter. Can...can't we just take all the sharp things out of the house?" ~

"Everything's sharp. I'll confiscate the most obvious things; the knives, the razors, scissors...but I'll have to be able to trust you around things like pencils and keys. We shouldn't have to pack your entire house in packaging foam." ~

"I won't stab myself with pens." I insist. "And there's way too many people with keys to my house for it to matter." ~

"Alright...I'll rid your house of everything sharp, then. Anything else you want?" ~

"No... I'll be good." I tuck my knees beneath me. "They want me to speak later. To announce the Capitol's defeat. And...I have nothing prepared because I wasn't intending on being there. So...I'll work on that up here." ~

"Just don't mention this little incident to anyone else. They'd put you on suicide watch for sure." He wipes the knife clean with one of the extra cloths. "But I'm not going to be the one to tell your father about this." ~

"I stopped myself, though..." I don't want to have to tell my dad, either. "That's an improvement, right?" Right? ~

Finnick stops handling the blade for a moment to look Peeta in the eyes. "That's an improvement," he says honestly. ~

"Thanks," I say, clasping my hands together. "I'm...I'm going to try not to forget. I think that'll help. People say it's better to forget...but I don't want to." ~

"For what it's worth, I think it's better to remember it. You learn from your mistakes, don't you?" ~

"I mean...him." ~

"Who told you to forget?" ~

"It's just what people say. Forget...and you'll feel better." ~

"Don't listen to that," he shakes his head. "He made you happy, so you should remember. He didn't die for you to just forget him." ~

"I won't. I mean...it's gonna take time for me to figure out what's appropriate. I still have his things." I can't get rid of them yet. ~

"I know. I think it's better to keep them." ~

"I think so. I don't like getting rid of things...good or bad. They let me go back home on the way here, cause Twelve is on the way...I wanted to take some things." ~

"I didn't say hoard everything," he laughs lightly. "What'd you have back in Twelve?" ~

"Some pictures. I looked for my cats. The letters from my sixteenth birthday. Stuff like that." ~

"You...took the letters. So I guess you really don't like to get rid of things, even now." ~

"No, I don't. It's just...if I get rid of it, I feel like I'll forget." ~

"It makes sense. You shouldn't forget what made you who you are today, right? As painful as some thing are to think about...you just shouldn't forget." ~

At least he understands. "Thanks, Finnick. For...everything, really." ~

"You don't need to thank me. It's what friends do, right?" ~

"Well...I've never really had friends before." I grin a bit at him sadly. It's true. "Kinda sad, isn't it?" ~

"Sad in the sense of not happy, as opposed to...sad in the sense of pathetic. Some horrible people have a lot of friends, but the best of people are loners for the most part. So it's not pathetic or anything." ~

That's a really nice way of putting it. "I..guess you're right. Just gotta find the right friends." And boy, have I found them. ~

"See? Trust me. Everything's looking up from here." ~

"He'd be happy about that. He'd want me to be happy. I...just don't know how I can be. This house is far too large for just me. It's...so depressing coming here day after day and no one being here. Even for the week or so we were in Thirteen, it was nice coming back into the room after a long day of propos, or...or having him come in after training, and just being able to be together. Now, I still have long days, but the nights are just lonely." I'm just so lonely. That's it. ~

"You'll see him again someday...so you can look forward to that. I think he's proud of you," he smiles. ~

"I almost broke my promise to him twice in a month." Why am I just realizing this now? "He probably hates me." ~

"He would never hate you." ~

"We said no more lies...and I lied." ~

"He doesn't hate you, Peeta. He told me that night," Finnick sighs. ~

"But...things are different, now." I look out the window. "The world is different. All of us are different. Things change, don't they? I'll probably never know." ~

"Peeta, he specifically said to me that if you broke your promise, he wouldn't hate you for it. I think that stands." ~

Did he really? "Well..." I begin. "Thank you. Get back to Annie...I'll be okay. I promise." ~

"You promise?" ~

"I promise on my love for Cato." ~

"I believe you," he laughs, standing. "Hang in there, okay? I'll take all the knives out for you." ~

"That means a lot. I...can't trust myself with them." Somehow, I've still got Cato here protecting me through all of the people we both cared about. I feel it, love. I feel you still here, somehow. ~

"I'm only a yell away," he says, walking to the door. "If you ever need someone to cut your dinner...you know who has the knives." ~

"Yeah, yeah," I sigh, laying back in the bed and going to grab a pad and pen. "Thanks again...really." ~

"Any time. Goodbye," he waves as he leaves, making his way down to the kitchen to remove any and all sharp objects. ~

"Don't be a stranger-or forget the razors in the bathroom." I call after him. He's a really good guy, that Finnick Odair. ~

"I won't forget anything!" He comes back upstairs with a bag full of knives and other several objects, and heads into the bathroom to remove the razors. "There are only two bathrooms, right?" ~

"Only two that I've seen. I've only really explored the house a little." ~

"Alright, well...if you find any more, call me, okay?" Finnick returns, bag full of sharp, bladed objects. ~

"Promise." I don't want this to ever happen to me again. Things have been too much and too hard, but now...Now, sitting in this house, I remember this is what he always wanted for me. To go on. He said that, even when we were in the Games and thought one of our deaths would be inevitable. I'll never move on...but for him, I'll go on. ~

"Good. See you later, then," he waves goodbye and starts down the stairs. "Take care!" ~

"Bye..." Now I'm back here alone. Okay. You can do this Peeta. Time to write.

I spent a good amount of time writing out the speech for that night. Usually, these things come easily to me. But for some reason, I'm hitting a block. Of course, the one time I have idea what to say...they ask me to write my own stuff. Of course. All I can think about is Cato and how much I hate this all. Being happy this is all over. I mean, sure I am. But he could've lived.

I feel guilty, too, though. For breaking promises to him. For going back on my own beliefs...I always told him how I never wanted another Hunger Games. I said I'd stop them for him. But even in his death, I couldn't do that. I voted for the Games. At least one more. With...with Capitol children. And I regret it. I really do. Because...he wouldn't have wanted it. I don't want it. But I was so taken by how upset I am that they took him from me...that I went against everything we once believed in.

But that's passed. I'll deal with that later.

Now, I just need to write. I won't be fake. I'm going to say how I feel. And when I decide that, the words just come out naturally.

"People of Panem. I have been here for the length of this war, speaking to you and for you. And now...tonight, on the last night of this bloody fight...I'm here once more, to tell you that the Capitol and its ways are no more. The oppressive body that has controlled this nation intends on giving in to us come morning. And the fighting will cease. The government from District Thirteen will take hold, and we will immediately begin work on making all Districts equal. No more going hungry. No more war. No more fear. A new Peacetime. A better Peacetime.

The Capitol, over the past 75 years, has taken many, many lives. Through their strict laws, their personal vendettas, or in the Hunger Games. We have lost parents, children, brothers, sisters, lovers and friends...I am with you on that. I am not the only one grieving loss because of the Capitol.

But I know that...that the person I have lost, along with all those everyone in this country has lost, can finally rest. They can rest now, knowing that the Hunger Games are over. The war is over. The cruelty is over. We have begun a new era of peace and equality. A new world without fear or hate. A world that everyone should want to live in.

So in this final night of hate and destruction, I tell you that I grieve and celebrate with you all. And thank you. For never backing down from what we all believe in. This is a better world already. And we're all living in it.

This is Peeta Mellark, from the Old Capitol. Thank you."

Afterwards there's some press meetings, and other things I have to attend to. But I'm just tired. I don't want to be around people. I want to lay in bed and just rest. It's been a long, long day. I sleep hard for the first time in a long time. No dreams. Just sleep. The next morning, I have to wake up from an alarm for the first time in probably my whole life. Because I have to be there for the treaty signing.

And then...just like that...it's over. ~

A/N: And then...just like that...You're Not A Bad Guy is over, and Peeta and Cato never meet again. ;D LOL Kidding, kidding, just this chapter's over. 3 Please review. There's a lot to handle in this chapter that I'd really like some feedback on. (Especially because your next chapter depends on Sam. So...review in your spare time!)