Sera's POV

The little howling that the night kept giving, managed to stir me awake. The household was still quiet as the sun hasn't risen as yet. I laid back down staring at the ceiling and brought back the memories of last night. They didn't deserve my outburst, but I was tired doing anything they wanted me to do... Why couldn't they understand that all I needed was some time to figure out everything? Only they didn't believe it and deep down they were right... Rather than being afraid of going out, I was more afraid of the company of the outside world... Fear of rejection and people in general... Fear of the contact and the reasonable standard conditions that went with being normal. I just wanted to drown alone... To be alone... Nobody understood me... Nobody could understand me... Or maybe I don't want them to understand me.

I wanted to remain in the place where I felt most safe... Home... I knew that my parents' love me... I knew they weren't going to hurt me in any way... I just had this constant fear of being in the public eye... I was ashamed of myself... Of anything that I did... Maybe because I was still hanging on to the fact that Eric broke my heart. That I let Eric deceive me… That I chose to see what I wanted to see and hear what made me comfortable. I wanted to work past this...but Earl returned into our lives wanting to ruin dad... I couldn't let him or anyone hurt my family.

'Damn I'm starting to sound like my father' I thought to myself.

I got up and went to take a cold chilling shower. It managed to make me alert and fresh. I looked at the mirror but I still couldn't see myself... I still couldn't like the appearance... At times the voices returned. I tried blocking them, but it wasn't always possible. These thoughts in my mind had invaded me completely... I grabbed the cream my grandmother prescribed and rubbed it gently in. It was cold but it burnt... Just like when you put surgical spirit on an open wound... But I enjoyed the pain... It made me relax... I didn't want to start cutting again... This was a better alternative...

I quickly got dressed in a black pair of trousers and a slim fit light blue shirt. I brought out a black jacket that accompanied my trousers. It looked as a suit... It was a suit after all... But sometimes I mingled both jacket and trousers with other clothing.

I applied light make up and tied my hair into a pony tail letting the curls lie down on my shoulder. I grabbed a bobby pin and secured my fringe in place. I hated it when it came into my eyes. I grabbed the locket and put it on. I never left anywhere without it. It was my lucky charm... Besides my brother and parents' where there. I took a look on the digital clock and realized that it was still 4.30am. Only 45 minutes passed. I realized that everyone was still sleeping, including Gail. I packed up all files in my messenger bag along with my laptop, and made my way downstairs. I removed my jacket, and brought out the cook book. The least thing I could do is make my family some breakfast. Maybe we'll start off on the right foot for once. I found the pancakes recipe and started taking out the ingredients along with the digital balance. Little by little it was working, and the smell was watering my mouth... However my brain wasn't reacting to anything.

While everything was cooking, I quickly set the table. I placed the juice in the middle for Gail, dad's strong black coffee and my mother's English breakfast tea. Everything was in order.

'Sera... What are you doing?' Gail asked me surprised.

'Hi...' I replied smiling. 'I thought on apologizing about yesterday... I made breakfast... For you too...'

'That is so sweet of you honey...' she smiled as she came forward to hug me. I hugged her back reluctantly and I think she noticed. 'Why don't you rest and I'll take over sera?' she asked me gently.

'No need...' I smiled politely as I switched off the cooker. 'All I have to do is...'

'I'll do it...' she quickly took over. 'Do you want some?'

'Um... No thanks... I had earlier...' I quickly covered up as I moved to my bag and checked that I had everything.

'Good morning Gail...' mum smiled as she came in. 'Baby...'she continued as she came forward and hugged me. 'What are you doing up so early?'

'I couldn't sleep...' I admitted as I hugged her back not wanting her to let go. 'Mum... I'm sorry for yesterday.'

'It's ok honey...' she replied as she looked straight into my eyes. 'I know how hard this may be...' she smiled.

'Ana...' Gail started. 'Breakfast's ready...' she said as mum pulled me with her. We sat down and I kept playing with the grapes in front of me. Mum seemed a little cheerful... Or to put it better, in a good mood. It amazed me how from a simple yet complicated vine we are able to have such a wonderful strong fruit. We made the most wanted edible strong expensive alcohol from these small fruit. It made me wonder... If such plants grew these amazing fruits, and then we ferment them to get wine, then what are we? From two haploid cells, a diploid cell was formed that kept reforming and reforming and replicating. From over 8 million possibilities we came into being... If one other haploid cell had fused with that of my mother I could have been a different person or not even me... I may have not existed... It made me realize how little we are yet how unique we are... All of us chose to believe that we are special… that there is some kind of mission that we have to fulfill before we die... What if this is not true? What if... In reality we are only dust on this damned earth that only want to inhabit earth... Land... Be greedy and take advantage on others with little respect to the society. We constantly hear about 3rd world countries. There is absolutely nothing we can do to change that fact... Or at least that is what we want to make these countries believe... And why? Because we want them to be dependent on us so that we can provide them their money... Food... Disabled equipment... For what? Only to gain the countries riches... Oils... Minerals... They say ignorance is bliss... Which is practically why we want to keep them that way... So that we can always have the upper hand.

Unfortunately this doesn't stop here, because we are constantly exposed to this treatment. As Plato said in his allegory of the cave, we humans are puppets on a string. We elect politicians believing that they would do whatever it's best for us. We work through "Democracy" however the majority always wins… which makes us wonder… what about the minority? What do they have? They voiced their opinions, their voice…yet... they didn't win… or is there winning after all? We believe what politicians say… we believe that they are doing what's best for the country… but in reality… nobody does anything without gaining anything back. Hence why they have such wages… There are these rules… and regulations… they have to be in our favour… yet… not always are… Sometimes justice and law doesn't seem to be fair. Plato was right… we became lazy by everything… we let everything cloud our judgment… we go with what the "norm" applies to us… none of us are able to go with his or her perspective… and why? Because we are afraid of being judged… we are afraid of being alone… we are afraid that society doesn't accept who we are… That's how it works… we are comfortable inside this little box, because we find our security… but there is so much outside it… there is so much we can learn… so much we find out… we may even find solutions to our problems… to our worries and pain.

I am one of these people… I am one of this close-minded society… and why? Because I'm scared of what I'm going to find… exactly scared as the man who managed to escape from Plato's Cave… I'm afraid of what I'm going to find out there… I'm afraid of facing my fears… my deep thoughts… I'm afraid of what other's may think of me… including my parent's… I want to remain with the code that society has put on us. We feel this pressure that if we're not like other's than we are the ones wrong… then we are the ones not "normal". But what is normal? Oxford dictionary defines it as conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected… If we're not that… then it's doom… We can see it constantly on the street, at work… in class… everywhere… even if one goes to a cafeteria… we end up talking on someone and judging… but we don't know one thing… we don't know their story! What molded them to be that.

However there is one thing that we can never change… that we can never control… that we can never judge about… it's the common denominator to every human being. It is death… Just like a spoilt grape, it rots and turns bad, and insects feed on it, leaving the seed available for birds to feed it on, and when they excrete, the seed would be fertile again, and if it is lucky enough, it will fall into a fertile land, and if the seed finds suitable conditions, it will grow again, and be beautifully alive again… unlike us… because when we die, we end and everything dies with us… and all that remains are memories until those are also forgotten and just like the plant, nobody will recognize us again.

It's funny how everything seems to be… Funny how life works… In exact clockwork motion… In a perfect pattern…

Christian's POV

'Hey baby…' Ana greeted as I entered the kitchen still doing my shirt cuffs.

'Good morning baby…' I smiled as I kissed her and realized that our daughter was already up. She was so quiet… barely noticing what was going on around her. She was playing with a grape between her fingers. I sat down in my usual seat, between my two favourite girls, but she still remained in her deep trance with one hand under her chin and with the other still playing with the grape.

Gail presented our breakfasts and I realized that my daughter was going to have nothing. Yet she barely noticed what was going on around her. I finally decided to make a move.

'Sera…' I touched her shoulder lightly as she flinched but recovered immediately.

'Sorry… I didn't know you were here…' She answered back quickly as she sipped her glass of water.

'It's ok peanut…' I smiled. 'Aren't you going to have any breakfast?'

'Um… I ate early…' She said as she avoided my eyes. I knew she was lying… but it would make no effect right now if I force her, and for once we were speaking civilly. I couldn't ruin this moment. But we had to talk about this later on today.

'Ok…' I replied back while Ana eyed me suspiciously as I nodded to her giving her a sign that I had a plan for this.

'Mhm…' Ana started. 'These are delicious Gail!' Ana continued.

'Yes…' I agreed.

'Don't thank me…' She replied. 'Thank Sera… she woke up early and made this for us…' She smiled proudly as both Ana and I stared at her.

'It's nothing… I just whisked some stuff…' She replied back.

'Hey… it's better than mine… Remember I almost burnt the kitchen…' I chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

'Yeah…' She replied.

'… and remember that time when your hair turned blue?' Ana added trying to lighten up the mood.

'Hey it wasn't my fault!' I defended. 'Sera was the one who placed blue dye into my shampoo container.'

'You were the one who took it from the table…' She replied defensively.

'…besides… you should always check anything that you are going to put in your hair… or anywhere else for the matter… you should also read instructions!' Ana added.

'Oh come on! Who does that?' I asked back. I knew she had a point… but I was never used to do such things.

'I do!' The three of them replied as I kept staring at them.

'Ok… maybe I was a bit careless…'

'A bit?' Ana challenged. 'If I recall correctly you didn't go out of the house for a week…'

'Week and a half Ana…' Gail added.

'Ok… that's great… so now you all are ganging up on me…' I pouted.

'You are the one that got used to everything being ready…' Ana challenged.

'Come on Sera…' I said again as I stood up. '…because your mother decided to tease me constantly this morning.'

'Christian do you need anything from the supermarket? I'm doing the grocery…' Gail replied.

'Give it me… I have some time this morning… Sera and I can do it…' I offered.

'Are you sure you want to do it?' Ana asked surprised.

'Yeah… how hard does it have to be?'

'Let's say that last time I sent you to get some vegetables for the Bolognese you ended up brining 5 kilos of everything…'

'That was 22 years ago Ana…'

'Um… you said we're going to work…' Sera finally spoke up.

'We'll go afterwards… there is no need to go straight ahead…'

'Ok…' She replied as she put on her jacket and so did I.

'Here's the list Christian…' Gail handed it to me. I must admit it was quite long.

'Sera… keep your eye on your father…' Ana suggested as they hugged each other.

'Yes yes… make fun of the old man… come on let's go Sera…'

In 20 minutes we arrived to the supermarket. I must admit, it had been over 3 years that I've been into one. I barely knew what half of the items meant… but I had confidence that I would figure it out. She had been quiet the whole drive. I knew she was reluctant in coming with me… but I had to do this… I had to make her realize that I care about her.

She stayed behind me every second. Not wanting to make an appearance… not wanting to draw attention. She just wanted to be quiet… and alone… which scared me. I was like that… I knew how it felt… She was already scared when I told her we weren't going to work as yet… let alone when she realizes my plan. She kept playing with her hands on her lap. Twisting her fingers and cracking them was something we both knew in times of stress. I was still surprised how she still didn't realize that this was not the way to work. Guess she was too lost in thoughts.

'So… how are you?' I tried breaking the ice.

'I'm ok…' She replied quietly.

'Thank you for this morning's breakfast… it was good.'

'It's nothing…'

'Can you please for once just accept a compliment?'

'Sorry…'

'Sera… it's just… you need to have more self-esteem… you need to be more confident. You are worth every compliment…' I tried again as I took the last turn and she lifted her head.

'This… this is not the way to work…' She finally realized. 'Is it?' She asked.

'No… it's not…' I answered as I parked in the first parking I found. 'Sera, we need to talk…' I continued as I undone my seat belt. 'We are going to go to our place… I brought towels you are going to relax and you are going to talk to me.'

'No…' She simply answered.

'There are no discussions in this…' I replied as I got out of the car and moved to her side. I opened her door but I realized that she had started to panic. 'Come on…' I simply ordered as I took one of her hands.

'No… No…' She fought me.

'Sera… you are going to get out of this car even if I have to drag you…'

'No dad… no!' She cried as she held strongly to the seat. I realized this was deeper. This wasn't something I could plan. It broke my heart seeing her that way. Her whole body tensed up.

'Peanut…' I started as I crunched down beside her as I searched for her eyes. She closed them tight and kept repeating mumbling words that I could get. 'Sera…' I tried again as I lifted her face.

'No please…' She begged again. I took of her seatbelt and turned her facing me in her seat. She was still holding as strong as she could to the seat.

'Sera… look at me…' I begged her. Something I never did… but this was my baby… my daughter… I'd do anything for her.

'Please… don't make me…' She begged again.

'Ok… ok…' I gave in. She was freaking out and the least thing she needed was having another panic attack. I hugged her tight and rubbed her back soothingly. She held onto my neck tightly and cried into my chest. 'Sera…' I started. 'Where do you want to go?' I asked her.

'Home… please take me home…' She begged.

'Ok… ok… we'll go home…' I replied as I looked straight into her eyes. 'We'll go home if it makes you feel better…' I said again while she nodded. I tied her seatbelt and in an instant I made our way home. Every few minutes I kept looking at her. She wasn't ok in the least. Her body was still tense and her eyes were darting everywhere. I didn't know what to do…

'…you know it can backfire… telling her you're going somewhere and you take her somewhere else isn't going to help either.' Ana's words echoed into my ears.

'Shit… she was right…' I thought to myself.

It wasn't long till we arrived to Escala. There was no way I could get to talk to her… she was so lost into her world. I quickly grabbed my phone and called Ana.

'Christian?' She asked

'Yeah… listen are you home?'

'Yes… why?' She asked. 'Is everything ok?'

'No… can you come down to the parking lot?' I asked again as I took another look at my broken daughter.

'Yeah sure… What happened?' She asked again.

'Just come down… now…' I begged her.

'I'll be right there…' She replied as she hung up. I placed my phone back into my pocket and opened the passenger seat. She was still crying and she was still panicked. I didn't know what to do… I didn't know how to handle it. In few seconds Ana was beside me.

Ana's POV

I could feel his voice filled with worry. I couldn't place my mind on what might have happened but I knew it wasn't right. As I exited the elevator, I could see Christian tensed up. I moved to where he was and as I took a look at my daughter, I could only assume what happened.

'What the hell happened?' I asked him as I took a look at her.

'I only asked to get out of the car and she panicked.' He replied. 'I don't know what to do…' He admitted.

'Fuck… I told you this was going to back fire Grey!'

'I didn't know it was this bad…' He replied in defeat. 'I think I broke her…'

'You think?' I replied in irritation. 'Geez sometimes I wonder what goes on in that head of yours! Seriously Christian! All you had to do was see how much she fought on staying home! You promised one thing and did the absolute opposite…' I replied as crunched down to my daughter… or what was left of her.

'I'm sorry…' He admitted.

'Say it to her…' I replied. 'Honey…' I tried as I touched her shoulder lightly. 'Sera… baby…' I continued as I finally caught her attention. 'Mummy's here…' I hugged her tight as I undone her seatbelt. 'Shh… I'm here…' I comforted as she cried onto my shoulder. 'What's wrong baby?'

'I'm scared…' She admitted.

'Of what?' I asked while she nodded her head in disagreement. 'Ok… ok… what do you say if we go upstairs? Do you want to go home?' I asked her again while she nodded. 'Do you trust me?' I asked her again.

'Yes…' She replied.

'Ok… then let's get out of the car, and we'll go to your room, and we'll have some tea… and we'll rest… What do you say?' I asked her again as she nodded. 'Come on…' I encouraged as I held her hand while she got out. We made our way to the elevator with Christian behind us and Sawyer along. She held to me and I was glad that at least she trusted me enough to comfort her. I was so angry at my stubborn head strong husband. I told him this would back fire. I knew this was going to happen… but no… he had to plan this thing… only to break her. Her legs were giving out and if it wasn't for Christian to catch her in time she would have gotten hurt. He lifted her off immediately. I could see the pain on his face. I could see that this ate him. I knew that he learned his lesson. He should never lie to her, to get her to do anything he wanted. This wasn't the way.

As we arrived on the 31st floor, he took her immediately to her room. She was as stiff as a board. I quickly went to get some valium that Grace and Carrick had prescribed for emergencies. This was an emergency. I removed her trousers and injected it into her thigh. It quickly took in, and she started to calm down. Christian was there to hold her and help her lie down. I removed her trousers and dress her into her pj's trousers. Something comfortable into which she can rest. Christian removed her jacket and in few minutes her cries turned into sniffles. She was finally back to sleep. This was a temporary effect. She had to start talking.

'What are we going to do?' Christian asked lost for answers. 'This is serious…'

'I'm calling John…' I replied as I quickly made the call. 'He'll be here in an hour… he wants to talk to you…' I said as I sat on the edge of the bed and removed her pony tail.

'I did this to her…' He paced away. 'How could I do this Ana? How?'

'Christian you tried for the best…'

'Is this the best Anastasia? Because that right there is not my daughter! She's fucking afraid of me! I could see her fear in her eyes.'

'Christian, first of all don't shout… secondly… you know that lying is not the answer!'

'I only tried to help her…'

'I know… I know you meant well…' I explained.

'I fucked up Ana… Will she ever forgive me…'

'Christian she wasn't angry… that is what you fail to see… she panicked…'

'Ana I'm walking on eggshells here… I don't know what to do anymore…'

'Christian you just have to take your time…'

'Ana you haven't seen her… she acted as if she's seen a ghost…'

'Look… why don't you go downstairs and straighten out your thoughts…'

'No… I want to stay with her…' He replied back as he moved towards her and held her hand.

'Christian… she's sleeping… you can't do anything to help her right now… Give her time…'

'I don't want to leave her alone…' He admitted. 'I've left her for years… I was always afraid of being a father to her… I was always afraid that I may do something to hurt her… I thought keeping distance would make us love each other more… only it back fired… she gave up on me whether she admits it or not.'

'She may have done that Christian…' I replied as I moved forward. '…but you are realizing what you did wrong and that is what makes a good father… and you are a great one… she loves you and idolizes you… if she didn't she wouldn't have kept the secret to keep you safe…'

'At what cost Ana? I can't take seeing her in this pain…'

'Christian… remember when you were in her place? You didn't allow me to touch you… you freaked out when I did so…'

'…but this is our daughter…'

'…which is why you should understand her…' I insisted. 'Come on… let's let her rest… John will be here in a minute now…'

Christian's POV

I couldn't set my thoughts straight. What was I supposed to tell John? What I feel? Heck… I don't even know what to feel… He kept watching me intently… It feels exactly like the first few sessions I had attended with him.

'Christian…' He finally asked. 'You haven't said a word…'

'I don't know what to say…'

'What's the first thing that comes to your mind?'

'Sera…' I admitted.

'What about her?'

'I… tried a ploy today… She's not going out of the house, she's not talking… she eats like a bird… if she eats… this morning she lied about eating… I didn't say anything because I was hoping I'll be able to talk to her.'

'What happened this morning?'

'I kind of told her we're going to work… instead I wanted to take her to the beach… she had a panic attack… I couldn't get her to calm down…'

'…and how did you feel about it?'

'Like a failure!'

'… and why is that?'

'I couldn't handle my own daughter…'

'Christian you've never reacted to any of her panic attacks… why now?'

'She's my kid… of course I'll react to it…'

'Christian be honest with yourself… don't answer me if you want… but answer yourself… do you feel any responsibility for what's happening to her?' He asked again. In reality… yes… that is what I felt… It was my fault… 'Christian?' He asked again.

'Yes… She kept this from me John… she suffered because of my reputation… and what have I done? I pushed her away… I treated her like shit, and she still kept holding on to me and she still kept me safe… I couldn't do the same thing… and look where she fucking is…'

'Christian maybe you are investing your energy into blame rather than helping her.'

'I watched the DVD John… I watched it all…' I admitted. 'She cried… she fought… she begged… she even offered money… Earl and John raped her… he fucking drugged her John… they beat her up…' I continued as I closed my eyes in pain. '…and yet… she chose to keep me safe John… I was the one to keep her safe and the roles flipped…'

'Is that why you feel guilty? Because you couldn't keep her safe…'

'I didn't keep her safe… I let her hurt… She's been going through this since she was 6 years old… 6 John!'

'…and why do you think that you didn't notice?'

'I don't know…'

'I think you know Christian…' He continued as you moved forward. 'You are a father as I am… and the worst fear we both have is that we'll lose our kids… so we chose to push them away thinking they would want us more… am I right?'

'Yes…'

'…and how do you feel about this?'

'Like crap… I failed her…' I admitted.

'Christian what do you want?'

'What do you mean?'

'Christian, you are never this broken unless you truly want something… we can have the example of when Ana left you…' He explained. 'What do you want Christian?'

'I want my daughter to love me… I want her to be able to talk to me… to be honest with me… but I can't get to her.'

'Christian Sera loves you! Why do you doubt that?'

'I don't know… I just… she's shutting me out… Ana managed to get her out of the car… I couldn't… she talks to Ana more than she does to me…'

'Christian you need to stop this… Rather than keeping on investing your energy on what you're doing wrong, I think it's time you sit down with your daughter and talk to her…'

'I do talk to her!'

'Telling her that you want to fix things between you is a right thing to do… but you have to work past that… I've heard you tell her this millionths of time…' He explained. 'Christian if you are going to keep saying this and not acting on it she will give up on you. She is a person after all, and someday she will get tired of all of this… I should remind you that you were that person 26 years ago!'

'What do you suggest I do?'

'Well for starters let her know that you are not going to judge her… you are not in any way going to get angry even if you do get mad… you will show compassion and most of all keep the 'wanting revenge' out of any conversation. She wants and needs a father rather than someone who wants justice… I know you want closure and the persons responsible to pay for their actions… hell I want that too… but there are people for those kinds of things Christian and they are the detectives. If you want her to get to talk to you, you need to make her feel comfortable and safe first. She is afraid that she'll lose you… she is afraid that you don't love her…'

'…but I do love her!'

'Then show it to her… and don't be afraid to be emotional to her! It's always when she's sleeping that I see you show affection to her… Ana learnt this… and that is why they're probably closer to each other… You need to stop being afraid to act… you need to make her feel needed not only wanted… she was strong enough to put her life on the line for you…'

'…and I would do the same for her…'

'You see Christian? That is the point! She doesn't need to feel obliged to talk to you because she knows that you'll put your life for her. She wants to be with you because she loves you… because you are her father… it is your choice in the end Christian… but you have time… you have something that other parent's weren't lucky to have… don't lose this!'

'I won't…' I replied. I was determined to do so. She's my baby… I wasn't going to lose her like Jason…

'I need to talk to Sera… she's not attending therapy anymore… but from what you told me… it sounds alarming…'

'It is John… She acted as if she saw a ghost…'

'…and how long has this been going on?'

'Since she's been discharged… Her anorexia seems to be coming back… and stronger than ever each and every time…'

'Christian you knew this may happen…'

'It's scares me to think she may relapse…'

'The trick is to take the control… you can't let it get strong…'

'I won't…' I replied. 'She's in her room...' I continued as I stood up and guided him to her room.

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