A/N: Sorry this is a bit late. Finals are upon me and on top of that my beta has gone AWOL on me :( I'll apologize for any random little spelling mistakes I missed.

Thanks so much for the reviews JustCallMeWhatever, FaeSong, Chocoegg333, and Ridea. It made me laugh when I saw you're comment Ridea. Now you know my writing style too :) It was great hearing from all of you. Another thanks to those that favorite and followed.

Warning: There will be someone speaking with a lisp in this section. Those spelling mistakes are intentional and it is supposed to be hard to read. Sorry if that drives any of you crazy. It's on purpose!

I stared hard at the white ceiling, searching for answers. The room was filled with the constant beeps of machine's monitoring and mimicking the bodies in the room. I could hear my heart beating at me. Beep. Beep. Beep. It was sad. Slow. If it wasn't for that noise I would have sworn it wasn't beating at all.

What was happening to me? I used to have a normal life. It used to be easy and carefree. There was a time before the nightmares and the pain. Going out for walks, late nights studying with classmates, and jokes about obnoxious Candors. Looking over to the left, I saw Edith lying in the bed next to mine. Tear tracks strained her cheeks with angry red blotches even when she was knocked out. She curled as if something in her subconscious made her draw into herself, shrinking into a ball on the bed. Nightmares maybe.

I did that.

When did I lose control like this? I wasn't even me anymore.

Turning back to the ceiling, I folded my hands on my lap. Whatever they gave me made me feel numb, a foreign entity in my own body. I wish I could be taken off to a deep dreamless sleep like Edith, but my body refused to shut down no matter how many drugs they pumped into me. I hadn't slept a wink all night. I couldn't force myself to close my eyes, afraid of what I might see. Another part of me was afraid I wanted to go back under. Tristan would be there. My little baby brother.

No. Biting my lip, I clenched my hands together until I could feel my nails digging into my skin. Tristan wasn't real. I didn't have a baby brother. I had Julie. I had Erudite, my faction, and my books. Tristan was just a dream, a nightmare.

My heart clenched painfully. No amount of medication would be able to numb it. Why did this hurt so much?

I didn't really know who I was anymore.

Was I the girl running through rooms, screaming after my baby brother? Was that even the same girl that was strapped to chairs and forced to take serums? Or was I the girl in Erudite who couldn't even stand to touch my own mother? The questions were endless. My fingers twitched to feel at my side, searching for the scar that would have been left from the gunshot I'd taken to the side in my test. Had it been real? Would a scar be there? I couldn't bring myself to check. I already knew for a fact I had a scar there. But it was from falling out of the tree when I was little, from a branch impaling my side. That was when Julie held me and I felt like a regular daughter, one who wasn't afraid to touch her mother. Which was real? I felt adrift in the ocean of my mind, helpless to fight against the current dragging me further out to sea.

The door opened softly. I heard two people come in. Women. I could tell by the click of their heels. My eyes stayed trained on the ceiling, hoping they would go away and leave me to my musings. Even when I felt their eyes slide over me, rolling like a burning fog, I kept my eyes up. I didn't want to see their faces. I was a failure, a monster. This was all my fault.

I didn't deserve to be Erudite.

A warm hand fell on top of mine. I felt my heart spike and the beeps grew louder, faster. Before I even looked over, I knew the face I would see, and rather than joy, my heart clenched in a gut-twisting guilt. My eyes flicked over. Julie. She came. The shame of failing her was almost unbearable.

"Sweetie?" she called, her thumb rubbing circles over my skin. With all of the medication, I only felt a pressure against some barrier that pushed into me, so distant. Even numb, I could still feel her touch. She perched lightly on the side of my bed, too close for comfort. A coiling pressure threatened to choke tears into my eyes. "Honey, are you ok?" Her voice was soft and tender, careful not to wake Edith. As if she could.

Was I ok?

I didn't know.

I nodded anyways. It was a habit by now. It would be better if she didn't know the messed up thoughts running through my head, flashes of a brother that wasn't mine. If I pretended, she might not realize how bad things actually were.

My eyes moved over to the other woman in the room. I twitched back in surprise. "Jeanine!" I croaked. Rather than the shout I expected, my voice was choked, barely coming out over a whisper. Pain cut up my throat and I lurched up into a coughing fit. My throat was raw, my voice scratchy.

The leader of my faction stood perfectly collected at the foot of my bed, her hands clasped lightly over the slight layer of pudge around her stomach. Her face was the perfect mask of consolation and indifference. Jeanine. The second I met her watery, grey eyes, I was pinned in placed and I couldn't think. She was here. With her eyes like melted steel and her nearly symmetrical face, she was standing right in front of me. I trembled. Behind her glasses, I could see her brain spinning, always churning and eating up everything around her. She consumed knowledge like a machine. Right now, that gaze was directed right at me. My body ached as I fell back onto the bed. I knew it. She could see into me. The room felt thicker, smaller.

"I knew we would be seeing each other again soon, Ayriana," she began simply. I swallowed my tongue at the sound of her harsh voice. It felt like a razor grinding into me. I deserved this. I couldn't control myself.

Julie squeezed the top of my hands reassuringly. It felt like she was holding me down.

Jeanine didn't seem to notice or chose not to comment on the terror that must have been reflecting from my eyes. Instead, she smiled. It looked sad. Practiced. "I was afraid this would happen."

Julie's hand managed to wedge between my death-grip in my lap, squeezing my hand with a surprising strength. Suddenly clammy, I looked between both women.

Wait. She said she was afraid for me. How could she possibly have known to be afraid? Confused, I leaned further back into my pillow, praying for some space. Julie kept me anchored in, her grip like a vice. I looked over to see if she was just as surprised by Jeanine's declaration as I was, but she was already staring down at me, waiting for my gaze. A sad smile spread across her face. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Julie knew too?

My instincts seemed to know the answer before my brain caught up as every nerve in my body prepared to run.

"What?" I asked, weakly turning back to Jeanine. This couldn't be happening. "What do you mean you were afraid of this? How could you have known?" Did she know who I was? The conflicting thoughts raced through my head from the person telling me to be someone else, something I was not.

"What do you know about the memory serum, Ayriana?"

My world cracked.

The memory serum was one of the last results for people who had committed unspeakable crimes before execution. It erased every single thing in the subjects brain, down to the day they were born, and in its place a new identify could be created, a new life filled in. It violated the last boundaries a person had against the world: their mind. There were specific laws stating when it could be used. It wasn't supposed to even be thought of except for in the most extreme cases. It shouldn't matter right now.

Instead of blurting any of those things, I took a shaky breath and said the one thing that didn't sound like an accusation, "It was invented years ago."

Jeanine nodded, taking two calculated steps around the bed until she stood on the other side, boxing me in between Julie and herself. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth as I tried swallowing. The monitor in the background was going wild, beeping frantically. I could feel my blood pumping, the feelings already coming back to my toes little by little. "That is true," she agreed in her grating voice. It was like gravel scraping my ears. I prayed she'd stop there, but deep down I already knew where all of this was going. "It is a serum your mother is quite familiar with. She headed the research to see if it would ever be possible to adapt it for security purposes."

My gaze slid over to Julie. The smile was gone now. In fact, this was the most serious I had seen her in the past few days, all of the warmth melted from her round face. It felt like I was looking at another woman. Never in my life had I wanted to pull away from her more than in that moment. Her skin felt like poison.

She might not even be my mother.

Julie cleared her throat softly, and I could tell she was anxious by the way her eyes flickered around my face. "I discovered a way to get into a subjects mind and extract specific information by accessing the hippocampus in the brain. Before, the subjects entire memory had to be completely extracted in order to implant any memories into another persons mind," Julie stated slowly.

"Extracted? As in taken out?" I asked, trying to keep my voice strong. I managed to sound much more indifferent than I felt. They could go in and steal people's memories. Why would anyone need to do that? Why would anyone else need to see into someone's mind like that? I could feel everything I knew breaking down with each second.

Jeanine answered this time. "There has been a growing disturbance in the factionless section. People were starting to question the authority of the factions as well as our way of life." Her eyes cut into me like lasers. "In order to protect the city, we had to find all of those who threatened us, much like the owner of the memories you have."

Those were someone's memories? What could they have possibly done to deserve to be treated like that?

I barely snapped my jaw shut in time to stop the words from spitting out. I wouldn't dare say it out loud. The disgust was too overwhelming to even begin to think about the implications of what she was saying. As I glanced slowly between the two of them, each standing on one side of my bed, a chill ran down my spine like ice. What if I didn't know either of them? What if this life, my life, was all a lie?

Then again, what if they were telling the truth?

Julie's hand reached out and I felt her fingertips trailing up my arm. Her claws sunk into my shoulder. I shuddered. "Do you understand what this means, sweetie?"

I was living with someone else's memories. I was plagued to live with the fear of someone who was fighting the faction system—a system so strong and deeply rooted even the idea of thinking about it failing was unfathomable—someone that very well could be dead. The other option was too surreal to even think about. I wasn't me. I understood. Something would always be wrong in my head. I'd never know what parts of me were real and what parts were someone else living inside my brain.

Was the anger I felt towards the Candor boys me? Was that really me fighting them? Or was that someone else's instinct, someone else's rage fueling me from deep inside?

My brain felt like it was swimming to keep up. Any second, I was going to drown. My emotions were bubbling up to physically choke me, so strong I couldn't even fight them. This was why I couldn't remember anything since I was eleven. This was why I experienced night terrors so powerful I woke up screaming.

Everything in my life could be a lie. I could have lost everything.

"You're saying,"—I couldn't stop my eyes from drifting over to Edith, the words tumbling uncontrollably out of my mouth like venom—"that was someone else's memory." Jeanine's face was stoic as ever, but Julie's eyes looked like they held true sympathy. A lie. It was a big fat lie. "You're saying, you decided to test your experiment on your own daughter. I was just a kid!" I spat. Jerking my hand away from her, I moved as far back in the hospital bed as possible from them both.

Julie recoiled as if I'd struck her. The next second her eyes flashed and I saw a side of her I'd never seen before. I refused to back down; as she stood up, I squared my jaw, ready for the storm. "That night was an accident." Her voice was hard, straining. I tried to tell myself it was pain I was seeing in her eyes. Was this why I could never stand being close to people anymore? Did she scar me so much I couldn't even be touched? "I made a mistake, Aryiana," she pleaded, but I couldn't help but curl my lip in distaste. "I tried to do everything I could to fix it, but there was nothing left. All I could do was try to erase the memories I gave you."

When she reached out for me again, I jerked my hands out of her grasp before she could so much as lay a finger on me. "Then maybe you shouldn't have experimented on me in the first place," I hissed.

Jeanine stepped up, her very presence enough to snap me away from my argument. The anger boiling inside of me simmered underneath the surface. I felt so betrayed. While I knew I should apologize for shouting underneath Jeanine's piercing gaze, for once in my life, I didn't want anything to do with Erudite's emotionless mask. I shouldn't have to. I had nothing to apologize for. Jeanine looked over my shoulder to Julie.

The bed rustled as she stood. I bit my lip hard to keep from looking over at her. There was only a beat of silence before I heard a slight hitch in her breathe. Then, she was gone. The door clicked quietly behind her.

I felt sick.

Mindful of who I was in front of I laid back down, trying my best to fight off the pained expression on my face. She left. Just like that she left. No matter what happened or what her reasoning was I knew I would never be able to look at her the same ever again. Before, she'd been an oppressive mother so present it was suffocating. Now, I could see maybe there was a reason for that. Maybe she was trying to make up for something, for ruining my life from the memories she cursed me with. I'd never be able to forgive her for that.

After tomorrow, I wouldn't have to.

Jeanine only granted me a moment of silence, her eyes never leaving my face as I fought to compose myself. It should have bothered me. It should have at least made me feel uncomfortable having my emotions on display in front of someone so important, but things felt too surreal. Too empty.

I didn't know how to even begin thinking about all of this.

"Julie was our best researcher until that accident," Jeanine announced, clasping her hands behind her back. Her lips twitched into a ghost of a smile. It was so sad. So distant. For a second, her eyes clouded over as if she was remembering something, her feet taking her over towards Edith's body. I shifted uncomfortably. "Memories that come from the factionless are always the hardest to adapt to. They're so violent." She reached out, brushing some of Edith's hair out of her face. My throat felt dry. "Not too many people are able to handle the burden. To be strong enough to break out of the simulation … the fear must have been beyond compare."

Edith might never be the same, I realized with a pained expression. In a matter of minutes, I'd poisoned her brain forever. There was nothing she could do to erase that pain we shared.

These were someone's memories in my head. That meant Tristan had been real. The girl, whoever she was, could still be out there, no matter how unlikely. Had they already killed her too? A sudden purpose filled me like a storm, stretching through every inch of skin until I could feel it buzzing inside like a tornado.

"Who's memories?" I forced out, unable to sit and listen to anymore. I had to know. My guilt was eating me alive inside knowing this girl might be out there. Seeing Edith made it too real.

Jeanine looked over, a perfectly rounded eyebrow raised.

I licked my lips, repeating myself louder. "Who's memories was I given? Why were they running?"

"The memories you have belong to a little girl born in the factionless community. Her parents were organizing a series of protests and demonstrations to try to spark a revolution and we were trying to find anyone else involved through her memories."

They had to be taken care of.

I didn't miss the silent implication.

Jeanine walked back over, smiling down at me. It was the same calculated twist of features she wore when she came in, but I pretended not to notice. I didn't smiled back, instead staring straight ahead, knowing it would seem odd if I didn't seem troubled. Without knowing what else to think I slid into the one thing I knew better than anything, lies.

"You truly are brave," Jeanine smiled. Her words resonated deep inside me. "I wish you the best of luck tomorrow, Ayriana. I know you will pick what is best for you."

I paid extra care my voice didn't come out as fake as I felt. "Thanks." I smiled weakly. Someone would be happy if their faction leader cared enough to wish them luck. Right?

When she left, I let my smile slide off my face.

It's raining again the next morning. I knew even before the man taking me to the Choosing Ceremony pulled out into the continuous pitter-patter of the storm in his sleek car. My ankle was stiff; my early set arthritis flared up with the weather. It always ached in the rain.

A pair of clothes had been waiting for me on the corner of my bed; a plain navy blue pencil skirt with two small slits, one on each side, a white button up blouse, and a thin over coat. There was a small pair of flats to finish the outfit. I knew without a doubt where they had came from: Julie. It was the last thing she would ever do for me. She had to know it too. Skirts had always been an enemy of mine. There was no way I'd be able to move around in them, even with the slits. The last thing she would ever give me was something I couldn't even stand.

Some mother she turned out to be.

The drive to the Hub was silent. It wasn't far from the Erudite hospital Edith and I had been taken to and it certainly wasn't enough time for me to think through what I was about to be doing. I felt bad having to leave Edith without a goodbye; she'd still been asleep when I left.

People were already crowding around the Hub by the time the car pulled up. Due to the rain, everyone was darting in, a sea of umbrellas and scrambling people trying to escape the rain. All colors mixed together: red, yellow, grey, white, black, and blue. It was a sight to see. A shrill whistle of the train alerted everyone to the impending arrival of the Dauntless; they only traveled by train. As bodies flung out of the carts more black bled into the crowd, taking over everything. It was surreal to watch. It stirred something deep inside me.

I watched for only a second before getting out of the car, murmuring a thank you to the man that had driven me. The rain hit me in splatters, cold against my face. Keeping my face down, I bended silently in the crowd.

By the time I made it inside, I probably looked like a mess with my damp clothes and bloodshot eyes. The aftereffects of being pumped with drugs and another sleepless night I guess. The few curious looks I got from others I brushed off, instead slipping quietly into one of the waiting elevators with various Erudite, Candor, and Amity. Abnegation and Dauntless always took the stairs, but even without them I felt a pinch of fear setting in as bodies crowded around me, pushing me back against the far wall of the elevator. Bodies pressed into me. I could feel the heat of their bodies seeping into me like a drug, the pressure pushing back into me. The drugs were gone. I could feel again. No exit. No exit.

Breath, I thought. After a tense second, a ding rang out and the doors slid open.

I waited until everyone else had filed out to take a calming breath. The door nearly closed on me when I stepped out into a dome-shaped amphitheater; I was moving too slow. Thankfully, everyone had moved into the room, all chatting loudly and shifting to find a seat. Five sections of chairs stretched out in front of a stage to keep everyone separated from one another. I stared for a moment, just watching as peoples eyes darting around the room. Future initiates shuffled around, someone laughing loudly, but most were quiet, subdued. Their eyes kept stealing up on the platform where five pedestals with metal bowls stood, each holding a representation for their faction: grey stones for Abnegation, dirt for Amity, glass for Candor, water for Erudite, and lit coals for Dauntless.

They were the same pedestals from the Aptitude Test yesterday. Representing my final choice…

I took in the groups of people clustering around. Abnegation sat on the far wall, quietly talking in the sea of grey. Amity laughed and smiled, parents holding their children close. Candor talked loudly, gesturing intensely to each other. Erudite walked calmly over towards their seats, only sharing the require pleasantries with those they knew. Then there was Dauntless, loudly shouting and slapping each other around, broad grins on their faces as they laughed and hollered in their seats. Kids were looking around, some worried, others smiling easily. Families were littered around the room.

My eyes found the only person sitting alone in Erudite's designated section. Her eyes were already waiting for me, the soft brown appearing hard across the room. Julie. Halfway up with her arms clasped neatly in her lap, she stood out like a sore thumb.

I swallowed thickly. She came. I made my way towards the front of the section, purposely adverting my gaze away. I wouldn't sit with her. Not now.

At then o'clock sharp, a tall weather-beaten woman with dark hair and a sun faded red shirt stepped up onto the platform, silencing all voices. Seeing the ugly scar running from her chin all the way up through her eye made my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth. It's was Amity's turn to host the ceremony. To get such an injury in Amity, the place where they believed in kindness above all else... I drummed my fingers anxiously against my leg, waiting with bated breath for her to start speaking. She stood silently for a moment, her good eye scanning over the crowd.

Finally, she spoke, her voice heavy in a lisp. "Welcome to the Choothing Theremony. Today we honor our anthestorths, which tellths uths every man haths the right to choothse hiths or her own way in life."

Her words rang in heavy in my mind, though her lisp made her hard to understand. My head almost felt fuzzy. I couldn't tell if it was the lack or sleep, the drugs, or the flutter in my chest. This was it. I bunched my fingers into my skirt, wrinkling the uncomfortable fabric.

"Our dependenths are now thsixteen. Here they are at the door of adulthood, and they will dethcide what kind of person they'll be. Generationths ago, our relativeths realithzed that human perthsonality was to blame for the warring world that nearly destroyed uths. They divided into factionths that looked to eradicate thothse qualities they believed rethsponthsible for the disarray of the world."

My eyes shifted to the bowls in the center of the room, along everyone else. What did I believe? I didn't know.

"Thothse who blamed aggrethssion formed Amity." The Amity exchanged smiles. My eyes followed over them, watching in a trance-like state as they all moved the same ways. Kindness and peace. They would do anything for it, even lie. A knot built in my chest as Edith's sobbing face flashed into my face. Then I see the Candor boys. Luke's blood. So red.

I wasn't kind.

"Thothse who blamed duplithcity created Candor." I'd never fit in there. My lies were my cloak. My safety. My eyes locked onto Luke in the crowd, drawn to his black and blue face like a magnet. I'd never fit in with people like that.

"Thothse who blamed thelfithnethss made Abnegation." Timid, silent people. Always turning the other cheek. They shifted their eyes away as if they could feel the room looking over at them, sinking into their seats. That wasn't me. I couldn't fade into the background like that.

"Thothse who blamed ignoranthce became the Erudite." Ignorance. That was what they called it. My hands clenched into fists. The faction that praised intelligence clinging behind lies.

Could I live in a place I knew had wronged me? Could I really try and advance technology that was being abused like that?

No.

"And thothse who blamed cowardithce were the Dauntlethss."

I shifted in my seat, trying hard to ignore how my heart raced.

The people that chased me in my dreams. Crazy. Loud. Bold. Looking at them, my eyes lingered at the angry black ink scarring their skin and the metal glinted off their faces. I tried picturing myself like them, but every time my mind came close I heard that gunshot in my ear and the piercing pain in my head and heart.

What was I? What was I?

"Working together, thethse five factionths have lived in peace, each providing for each other and thociety. Abnegation provideths thelfleth leaderths in government,"—I struggled to understand what she was saying, her words so slurred they were painful to listen to. I squinted, trying to make my mind focus—"Candor provideths truthworthy leaderths in law; Erudite giveths intelligent teacherths and advantheths in technology; Amity giveth underthanding counthelorth and caretakerth; and Dauntleth provideth protethion from threath both within and without."

Nothing. I didn't get anything out of that. That would be my future, what I would be providing and I didn't understand a single word she said. Even if I already knew what she was saying, I couldn't stop the tick of annoyance in my head. Couldn't they have picked someone without a lisp for the speech? I thought with a frown. It might have been cruel, but I didn't really care.

If I'd been lied to my whole life, why couldn't be a bit bitter?

Could I be a teacher? A government leader? A caretaker? A solider? A lawyer?

No, a voice in my head screamed. You'll never fit in with them. "Shut up," I whispered. The Erudite families around me turned, perplexed and offended looks on their faces, but I ignored them.

I can fit in. I can be normal.

"Yet, a faction givths much more. We give one another far more than can be adequately thummarized. In our factionth, we find meaning, we find purpose, and we find life. Apart from them, we would not thurvive."

The silence that followed her words is heavier than other silences. It was everyone's worst fear, greater even than the fear of death: to be factionless. My gut churned thinking of the life they led and y aggravation shifted into something fiercer. I can't help but picture the girl in my head and Tristan. Did their family hear this speech too? Did they fail to serve their faction?

I wouldn't be factionless. Couldn't be. That wouldn't be me hunted down like a dog.

Johanna continued, her voice lifting to lighten the weight that settled over the room, "Therefore, let today be a thelebration—the day on which we get our new initiateths, who will work with uth toward a better thociety and a better world."

On cue, everyone started clapping, the noise thunderous in my ears. I didn't clap, didn't move. My fingers were still clenched in my skirt, my face twisted in a sneer. I stared numbly at the different pedestals as Johanna moved to begin announcing names. This entire system was ridiculous. If Erudite was doing all of this, what else was happening I didn't know about? This entire ceremony was one giant glorification that fed the ego and vanity of the factions. Why should it matter where we went?

"Jethica Abbey," Johanna's voice calls, ringing over the crowd.

Alphabetical order. Something pooled in my stomach, something intense and churning, and my palms started to sweat. I'd be next.

An Amity stepped forward, leaving the cocoon of her parents to walk down towards the bowls. Everyone stared, silent, waiting. I don't turn to watch her come down the steps towards me. I barely saw her as she passed by, too caught up in my own thoughts. Johanna passed her a knife. The girl took it with a shudder. I could see her tremble.

This was supposed to be an easy choice, one made by the Aptitude Test. The test Erudite invented to tell us where to go. I didn't even have the Aptitude Test to tell me where to go, who I was. In my head, I didn't even know what part of me was me.

Blood trickled into her hand as the knife cut into her palm. I stared. The knife glinted as Johanna took it back. I'd wanted to hold it so badly in the test. Now, the weight of it seemed impossible. Then the girl shoved out her fist, her blood dripping down into the soil for Amity. She stayed. Her faction clapped, welcoming her.

What would my faction do?

"Ayriana Cadwell."

Sucking in a deep breath, I pushed myself up from my seat. My legs wobbled until I set my shoulders and locked gazes with Johanna on stage. Her good eye sent chills running down my spine. Deep breathe. Walk.

I didn't know what to pick for myself. How was I supposed to choose if I didn't know which faction I had an aptitude for? I don't know; I don't know; I don't know.

My footsteps were sure, reflecting nothing of my inner battle.

I felt reckless. I felt dangerous. I was tired of being controlled. Controlled by my fear. Controlled by lies. So tired.

My hand trembled a little as Johanna offered me the knife, but I refused to balk under her gaze. The blade glinted in my hand. Small. Nothing more than a razor, really. It felt so much heavier in my hand, heavy with a purpose. I felt strong. With a deep breath, I dug the blade deep in my flesh. I winced at the pinch. Blood pooled out, more than what should have; I'd cut too deep. Everything was muffled in my ears, my heart pounding loud in my ears.

No more fear.

I took a deep breath and stuck out my arm.

My blood sizzled on the coals.

A/N: The fateful decision. Hope you liked how I wrote it. If any of you are worried the training will be the same as others stories, don't fret. I'm shaking things up a bit!

Let me know what you thought!