I was first aware of the sound of sirens blaring in the distance.

Next I heard the whooshing of passing cars.

Then I realized that I was sore.

Very sore.

My shoulders ached.

My head throbbed.

Every part of me was hurting.

I groaned and turned over.

Instead of hitting a smooth soft bed, I slammed into something hard.

I sat up fast and opened my eyes.

I was sitting in a narrow crevice between two tall brick buildings.

I was filthy and exhausted and pained.

I examined myself.

I had obviously skinned myself when I'd tripped last night and hit the filthy cement that was now my perch.

I was bruised all over and I could feel the dirty tear-tracks on my face.

I sighed.

Last night I'd totally lost every ounce of my control.

I couldn't let that happen again.

I was here, now, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

I wouldn't even let myself think of the non-existant other option.

No, actually, I would.

I would act like - like - like Nathaniel had died.

It felt like my chest folded up after I thought that.

No, like it was folded up and being pounded on with a hot iron and spuashed between two three-ton weights.

So that wouldn't happen.

I couldn't be that cruel to myself.

Even if I probably deserved it.

Which I did.

But I would just have to live with the truth, then. He was existing in some other place. He was happy. He was euphoric. Exstatic. Jubilant.

Yes.

I'd have to believe that.

It'd have to be enough.

It was good that I'd left.

It was the best thing I could have ever done for him.

He deserved so much better than me.

I sighed again.

Now, thinking of Nathaniel, I felt very, very tired, and very, very old.

It was a weird way to feel.

At the same time, I felt empty, hollow.

From now on, Nathaniel would have to be my dearest memory, my sweetest dream.

I'd have to remember him - and cherish that memory. I'd have to be thankful for the time I'd gotten with him.

Even if it had cost him, now that I was here where I couldn't cause him any more harm, he could afford for me to miss him - and to love him in my heart, right?

It couldn't possibly hurt him for me to remember him with happiness, for me to imagine myself at his side, could it? There was no way I'd ever see him again - it was only me I'd scar deeper. That didn't matter. As long as I couldn't hurt him anymore, I could hurt myself.

Well, I couldn't just sit here forever.

I stood up.

I had to clean the scrapes that marked up my legs and arms.

They burned dully.

I didn't want them to get infected.

So I stepped out from the crevice and onto the crowded sidewalk.

Where should I go first? I supposed I could probably get ahold of Gabby, to see if she knew where Myra lived, or how to get ahold of my parents, or just to stay with her for awhile.

Then a scary thought hit me. When I'd left, I'd been a junior in high school. At least two years had passed, if not more. That meant that Gabbrielle LaClaunte might be in college. I'd never discussed that with her, I didn't know if she'd planned on going to college. Maybe she hadn't and had changed her mind.

I felt more alone than ever before.

Absolutely everyone was gone.

I also had no idea what the date was.

It could have been June or December - I had no clue.

I didn't feel cold.

I didn't feel hot either.

So that meant that it probably wasn't December, January, or February.

It could just be a warm winter day or a cold summer day.

I sighed. Would life for me ever go back to the way it was before I went to Frell?

I started to wander the streets.

This was a part of New York City that I'd always loved - the crowds. People everywhere, blending in, nobody looking at you. Nobody cared about what you were doing or who you were with. Nobody cared what you wore.

I was still wearing a very Kyrrian middle-class dress, and nobody even looked at me. So I should have been grateful. I should have been happy for the old perk I'd loved, even without a real reason to love it.

I should have.

But I didn't.

In Yond, the small village where I'd lived, if I'd shown up wearing a bikini or alien suit, everybody would have stared. There would have been gossip. Curious people would have tried everything to get the story out of me. I would have never been able to get anywhere.

The absence of stares made my heart ache again.

It made me miss Kyrria even more.

Stop that! I told myself. Ugh! I needed to stop! I was not going to mope about my desicion anymore. I was going to be happy about it. Well, I was going to try to be happy about it. And I was going to treasure it - not miss it.

I stepped into a phone booth.

Despite my unhappiness, I felt a smile tug at the edges of my lips. It'd been so long since I'd seen a telephone. I'd almost forgotten how to use them. It looked so odd to me, that the fact that it looked odd was weird.

I had no idea what Gabby's phone number was anymore.

I looked at the thick directory underneath the phone.

I flipped the L's until I found the LaClauntes.

There were seven listings in New York City.

I took a deep breath. What was I going to say? How was I going to explain my absence?

I could lie and say I was kidnapped or I ran away or something - but I didn't want someone to get convicted falsly of kidnapping and I would probably get caught in something I said or something and they'd know it wasn't true anyway. I probably couldn't say I ran away because then I'd get into trouble or people would want to know where I'd been and that would be all complicated and unpleasant.

I could say that I didn't know - actually, that could work.

I could say that I'd waken up this morning in a crevice between to tall brick buildings... that much would be true. I could say that I don't know how I got there - that'd be true too, to a certain extent. I didn't know how the whole magic-thing worked. I would say that I don't remember anything of the last two years - I'd just gotten lost and then mugged (-true) and then, um, say, I was just walking and I didn't remember anything until that morning. That would be - relatively believable. It would have a lot of truth mixed in with it.

Yeah. That's the story I would stick with.

I felt relieved. Finally I'd come up with something to explain a two-year's absence.

I dialed the number for Antoine and Claire.

I held the phone to my ear.

It felt extremely akward, but I was glad that I rememberd how to use the phone.

I heard the phone ring once. Twice. Three times. What would happen if they weren't there? What was I going to say?

"Hello?"

I smiled. I knew that voice. It'd changed a little, but not much.

It had gotten a little bit deeper and it sounded sleepy.

But it was still the same voice.

Gabby.