A/N: let's see how many chapters I can get out on this long weekend then! PS: thank you for the reviews so far, you're amazing!
The first thing Kate realised when she woke up was that she wasn't in her own bed - or a bed that looked or felt familiar come to that. She glanced around the room at her surroundings and wondered where the hell she was - nothing looked familiar and she couldn't see out of the window to determine which part of town she was in. Shifting under the covers, she made to sit up but swiftly collapsed back against the pillow when her vision went blurry and her head went fuzzy.
"Woah," she muttered to herself, pressing the heel of her hands into her eyes. A few moments later, she tried to sit up again - more slowly this time. She looked to the other side of the bed but saw it was still pretty much untouched - no one had slept in the bed with her. Well that was good, at least she hadn't been stupid enough to go home with some random guy - not that Lanie or Charlie would have let her.
Wait, Lanie and Charlie. Where were they? Clambering out of bed, she stood up, realising she was wearing a t-shirt and shorts that she didn't recognise. Frowning, she padded slowly to the door and opened, it, walking out into a familiar hallway. She followed it round and entered the living room - Lanie's living room, now she recognised it. Glancing up, she noticed Lanie and Charlie were sitting on the couch together, steaming mugs of coffee in their hands. Coffee - god, how had she not smelt it?!
"Ah, you're up," Charlie said with a grin. "How're you feeling?"
"Like a herd of cows trampled over my head," Kate grumbled, sinking onto the sofa next to Lanie.
"I'm not surprised!" Lanie laughed and Charlie joined in. "Do you even know how much you drank last night?"
"A lot?" Beckett questioned tentatively, stomach lurching at the thought of alcohol.
"More than a lot, Kate, I've never seen you drink that much," Lanie told her.
"Oh I have," Charlie said, still grinning, "she spent practically every Saturday night her whole senior year like that."
"Shut up, Charlotte," Kate groaned, "is there coffee somewhere?"
"Sure, Katherine, I'll get you some," Charlie said, hopping up off of the couch.
"Wait, why aren't you two as hungover as me?" Kate asked accusingly.
"Because we stopped after the fourth round of shots, sweetie," Lanie said and Kate groaned again. "We had cocktails with dinner - quite a lot of them, I might add, and then when you suggested going to see Castle we thought we better give you more alcohol. It was tequila at first and then you moved onto the sambuca." And whatever else she'd been drinking, every time Lanie had looked at her she seemed to have a different drink in her hand.
"Mm, so it seems Charlie conveniently forgot to mention that me and sambuca don't mix."
"Well how was I supposed to know if that was still the case?" Charlie asked, returning with Kate's coffee. "I haven't seen you in five years and you weren't exactly fussy about what you were drinking last night, I think you were even drinking rum at some point."
"I don't like rum!" Beckett explained, taking a sip of her coffee.
"Well, you certainly did last night," Lanie said, "now come on, we need to feed you, what do you want?"
"Nothing."
"Kate you have to eat," Charlie interjected, "you'll feel better afterwards. And I know just the thing - a full English."
"A full English what?" Lanie asked, her and Kate wearing matching confused expressions.
"Breakfast, obviously," Charlie said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Sausages, bacon, fried egg, toast, baked beans, tomato, hash browns and black pudding."
"What the hell is black pudding?" Kate asked, her stomach actually rumbling at the prospect of food - perhaps she was hungry after all.
"Dried pigs blood..yeah, perhaps we'll leave that bit out.."
"Good idea," Lanie said, wrinkling her nose. "Well, I've probably got everything else in the kitchen so let's get cooking!"
"So how much do you remember from last night?" Charlie asked Kate as they finished eating.
"Not much," she replied, trying to think back, "last thing I remember is suggesting I.." She stopped and blushed, smirks appearing on Charlie and Lanie's faces.
"So you remember that bit then?" Lanie asked.
"Uh..yeah.." What on earth had made her say that out loud? Well, the alcohol obviously. Crap.
"Don't worry about it, Kate, secret's safe with us. Thought anymore about apologising to Castle yet?"
"I was planning on going over today actually," Kate admitted. She needed to apologise, it had been six days now and that was too long, she missed him and she had to sort it out, whether he ever wanted to see her again or not, they'd wasted enough time already.
"Well that's sorted then," Lanie said, "Charlie and I will clear up, you go and have a shower. Clean towels are in the cupboard under the sink, and there should be a new toothbrush there too."
When Kate walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, there were clean clothes on the bed for her - she guessed they were for her because they were in her size. She wasn't sure where they'd come from though, Lanie wasn't the same size as her..
She slipped into the jeans and plain white t-shirt anyway, roughly drying her hair off with the towel. She felt much better after eating and showering, she still couldn't remember what had happened the previous night but she didn't feel like she was going to throw up any second so that was good.
Leaving the bedroom, she went in search of her sister and her best friend, finding them still in the kitchen, more coffee in front of them.
"Where did the clothes come from?" She asked as she entered, heading over to make herself more coffee.
"They're mine," Charlie said, "we asked the cab driver to stop for five minutes on the way back here last night so I could grab some things. I was a little drunk, however, so didn't get any of your stuff, just two pairs of jeans and clean underwear."
"Thanks, sis," Beckett smiled at Charlie. "Speaking of which, why are we here and not at my place?" She asked.
"Ah," Lanie began, "well as I'm assuming you don't remember, last night you kept saying over and over again that you needed to see Castle, you needed to apologise, among other less..appropriate comments shall we say."
Beckett blushed again, goodness knows what she'd admitted last night. Some of her nights alone at home had been Castle-filled fantasies, she sincerely hoped she hadn't blurted any of those out whilst under the influence.
"So then Lanie and I decided we couldn't trust you not to disappear off and get a cab to Castles and make things a million times worse, so we all came back here and we dumped you in Lanie's room to sleep it off."
Well, that explained why she hadn't recognised the room. "Oh god..well uh, thanks you two, I appreciate it."
"You'd do the same for us," Lanie said with a smile. "Now, you gonna go get your man?"
"I guess I am," Kate laughed, "wish me luck, guys!" She called as she located her phone on the living room coffee table, next to her purse. Grabbing them both, she headed out the door and onto the street to hail a cab.
On the cab ride over, Kate checked her phone for messages. She only had one - from Ryan, saying Jenny had asked him to thank her and the others for a great night. She smiled, before hitting back a quick reply. She liked Jenny and they'd had a good night - from what she could remember of it, anyway. She'd have to get Jenny's number and arrange something again soon.
Arriving at Castle's place, Kate paid the cabbie and climbed out of the taxi, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. She wasn't too sure how he was going to react, apart from being angry at her. Riding up the elevator, she almost collided with someone when she exited, so caught up in her own thoughts. Raising her head to apologise, she almost ran back into the lift.
"Alexis! Uh, sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going.."
"What're you doing here?" Alexis asked and Kate winced at the girls tone. Of course Alexis would be angry with her too.
"I um, I came to apologise and uh.." She trailed off, unsure of what else to say. She was a homicide detective for crying out loud, and yet she couldn't explain why she was here to an eighteen year old girl?
"And you think that's a good idea?" Alexis asked and Kate shot her a bewildered look. "My dad has been a mess this past week and that's because of you. The only reason I'm not telling you to leave is because I know my dad cares a lot about you, and it would only hurt him more if you never came round. But I need to know how you feel, because he's my dad and I want him back. He hasn't been like this since before he met you and I'm grateful to you for that, but please don't hurt him anymore.."
"Alexis, I can promise you that I don't want to hurt him, okay? He means the world to me - both of you do, and I know I've been an idiot and really screwed things but but I'm hoping your dad will be able to find it in his heart to forgive me."
"And if he doesn't?"
Kate's eyes widened and she hoped this wasn't pre-emptive of what was to come, that Castle hadn't told Alexis that. "Then I'll leave and you won't have to see me round here again," she promised.
"Is that what you want?"
"No, of course it's not. But I'd rather your dad had what he wanted - he deserves that, in the very least, even if it does mean he doesn't want anything to do with me ever again."
"We both want you to be happy too, Kate," Alexis said shyly and Beckett almost hugged her. Castle as lucky to have such an incredible daughter, he really was.
"Thank you," she smiled. "You heading out?"
"Yeah, I'm going to meet Paige to go shopping and get some lunch..dads in there, and Grams is away for the weekend so you have the place to yourselves for the rest of the day..just..don't screw it up, okay? We need you around too much for that to happen." Alexis walked off, leaving a stunned Beckett in the hallway.
Shaking her head and the conversation she'd just had, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door to the loft, waiting for Castle to answer.
"Alexis, what did you for- oh..it's you." Castle said when he realised it was Beckett and not his daughter. "What do you want?"
"To see you. Can I come in?" She asked and he held the door open a little wider, closing it being her when she entered the loft.
"I uh..can I get you a drink? Coffee? Water? Glass of wine?"
"Castle," she laughed, "it's 11.30 in the morning!"
"It's six o'clock somewhere," he counteracted.
"Okay..well I'm never drinking ever again, so coffee would be good, please?" She'd had two cups at Lanie's but Castle made it just right with the cream and sugar and he even added vanilla essence..
"Never drinking again?" He asked, pulling out two cups for the coffee.
"Okay well never say never, but not for a while anyway.. I think I need to give my liver a chance to recover after last night!"
"Heavy night?"
"Lanie and Charlie dragged me out for dinner and cocktails with Jenny..cocktails turned into tequila and tequila turned into rum and sambuca apparently."
"You don't even like rum!" Castle exclaimed, passing her a cup. "And didn't you say sambuca doesn't mix well with you?"
Kate stared at him in shock..how had he remembered that? It had been in passing conversation about a year and a half ago and yet he still remembered..
"I uh..no, it doesn't..but according to Lanie and Charlie, I wasn't exactly fussy last night. Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about last night..I came here to apologise." She took a deep breath and continued. "I'm so sorry Castle, for everything. For blaming you when I should have told Charlie years ago..for not telling you about Charlie..for snapping at you when all you try and do is help..for being so selfish all the time..all of it. I'm sorry, Castle and I know you're angry at me - you have every right to be and if you tell me to leave and that you never want to see me again I will. It would tear me up inside to walk away from you but if that's what you want, I'll do it."
Castle studied her for a moment. He could tell she meant every word - Kate Beckett did not apologise easily, nor did she spill her heart out like she just had. The simple thing would have been to just accept it - he'd practically already forgiven her anyway, but he couldn't let her win that easily.
"I have a question - did your dad ever apologise to you?" He asked and she looked at him like he'd grown a second head.
"What are you talking about?"
"When he came out of rehab, did he apologise for what he'd put you through?" He repeated calmly.
Kate thought about it for a moment. He'd given her his watch as a reminder of the life she'd saved and she had her moms ring as a reminder of the life she'd lost. Charlie had their moms favourite necklace - it was one that had been passed down through generations in their family. But she realised he hadn't - he had thanked her, eventually, for putting him into rehab - Charlie had already left for England at that point. But he had never actually apologised for what he'd done. "Uh no, I guess he didn't. Why?"
"Thought as much. I figure that him not apologising for all he put you through, right after losing your mom, by the way-"
"Hold on a sec, Castle," she interrupted, "that's not fair - he lost his wife that day, too."
"And you've already said you practically lost Charlie that day - so who did you have, Beckett? Charlie went back to Stanford and then to England. Your dad turned to the drink. But what about you?"
"Castle, why are we talking about this now, this was meant to be me apologising to you.."
"I'm getting there," he said, waving his hands impatiently. "Who did you have?"
"I was fine, Castle," she muttered, tears spiking at the back of her eyes, threatening to spill over. Truth was, she wasn't fine, she had been a mess and she suspected that's where Castle was going with this.
"No, you weren't. If you were, it wouldn't have taken me four years to break down these walls. I'm not saying I regret it or anything, because I wouldn't change any second of that time for the world, I'm just saying that your dad never apologised for what he put you through. I know he lost his wife that day but he owed it to you as your father to be strong for you. So I think the reason you don't apologise much is because your father never apologised to you for what he did after your mom died."
"I.." Beckett was lost for words. He had a point, a good one, actually, she'd just never thought of it like that before. At the time, she was so happy just to have her dad back when she thought she'd lost both parents that she never really put much thought into him apologising - or not apologising. "I guess you're right..but I don't want to talk about that, not now. I want you to know how sorry I am for everything I've put you through this week. It was selfish and horrible of me and I promise you, if you forgive me, it's never going to happen again."
"And I believe you, I do. But this past week..god, it's been awful, Beckett. Not seeing you..speaking to you..but at the same time I was angry with you, still am a bit, and I don't know how I can move past that.."
"So," Kate said, "where does that leave us?"
A/N: aaaaand I bet you all hate me for leaving it there ;) I'll be back soon - hopefully tomorrow - with another update :)
PPS: I saw the 'Beckett's dad never apologising' thing on a post about Kate apologising on tumblr, so it's not my idea!
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