A/N: updating again! I am literally blown away by the response to this story, I never imagined so many of you would like it so thank you, your reviews really do make my day!
"So," Kate said, "where does that leave us?"
Castle was silent for a minute; where did that leave them? He honestly didn't know. He was stupidly, crazily and unconditionally in love with this woman but for some reason he still couldn't just forget what had happened. That surprised him, actually, because normally they just moved on and didn't talk about things but even now that she was here apologising he still couldn't drop it.
"Castle?" She pressed, eager for his response. She desperately wanted him to forgive her so they could move past this. She knew she'd fucked up badly but that was an achievement in itself - the fact that she had recognised her own mistake, that wasn't something that she admitted very often and she hoped Castle realised that too. "Look, I know things are a mess between us and I-" she broke off at her cell alerting her to a new message, glancing down, she saw it was from Charlie.
'Hope things are going okay with Castle,' it read, 'don't forget to tell him what you remember from your shooting! Honesty is the best policy ;) Charlie xox'. Shit. Oh fuck what was she thinking? She could hardly come over here, doing the whole 'I'm sorry for this, this and this' thing but not tell him she remembered what he'd said! Oh, god, what was she going to do?! He hadn't even forgiven her yet and she still had more to tell him! She had to leave, get out of here, figure out how she was going to fix this one too.
"Beckett..everything okay?" Castle asked, concern laced in his voice.
"Yeah..I um, everything's uh, fine," she said, "I um, have to go.." She walked though the loft to the front door, Castle hot on her heels.
"Beckett, wait!" He called out with no luck, "Kate!" He tried again.
She spun around to face him. "I'm sorry Castle but I need to go, I'll call you later okay?" She said, stepping out of the front door and racing down the hallway to the elevator, breathing a sigh of relief when the doors closed in front of her.
Castle was confused and a little dazed. He wasn't entirely sure what had just happened, one minute she was asking him what the next step for the two of them was and the next she got a text and rushed out of his apartment like it was on fire! Shaking his head, he stepped back into the loft closing the door behind him. He'd never been able to understand that woman completely and he doubted if he ever would.
He was worried about her though, the way the text she had gotten had seemed to panic her slightly, enough to have to leave without much of an explanation, anyway. He'd give her half an hour and then he'd try calling her and if that didn't work, he'd go over to her place, just to double check she was okay. With that's sorted, he glanced around, tying to find something to busy himself with for the next thirty minutes..
When Kate got back to her apartment, she slammed the door shut so hard that Charlie came running out to see what was up. "Kate? I didn't expect you back this early..is everything okay?"
"Um..no, not really," she said quietly, heading into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. Screw what she'd told Castle an hour ago, desperate times called for desperate measures. "It was all going okay, I apologised for what I'd said and done and he was patient and listened to everything I had to say. Then he told me that he'd missed me but that he was still angry with me and he wasn't sure how to move past all that had happened..and then you text and I panicked. It completely slipped my mind that I had to apologise for that as well..well, tell him first and then apologise, what with everything else I had to say sorry for and oh god, Charlie, he's going to hate me! He's never going to want to speak to me ever again and I couldn't bare that, I just couldn't. He means the world to me and I love him so much but I'm no good. No good for him, he deserves so much better than me! I couldn't even fucking tell him that I heard him say 'I love you' when I was shot, what kind of a person does that make me?!" She blurted all of this out so fast that it was only over 30 years of being twins that had Charlie understanding a word of it.
"One who cares," Charlie said simply. "You said the reason you didn't tell him you remembered was because you want to be the best you possibly can for him and that's because you care about him. You want him to be happy, don't you?"
"More than anything," Kate whispered.
"And yeah, you probably should have told him but I know you, and I can kinda understand what you didn't. I'm not saying it was the right thing to do but you can't change that now, what's done is done. And Castle, well he knows you too, probably better than me in some respects and he'll understand. He'll be angry, you've got to expect that but I'm about 98% sure he'll get over it. That man adores you Kate, and once you show him how crazy you are about him the rest will seem insignificant."
"You really think that?"
"I do. Lanie thinks the same," Kate shot her a look, "oh don't give me that, you were right, I do love Lanie, she's brilliant. And yes, the two of us have had a few conversations about you and writer boy."
"Oh god," Kate groaned, "you've been talking to Lanie too much if you're calling him writer boy too!" Charlie laughed. "Thank you, Charlie."
"For what?"
"For listening to me rant on and on about my pathetic love life. I'm sure this wasn't what you had in mind when you decided to move back home but I really do appreciate it, you're the best sister ever," she said, moving in to give Charlie a hug.
"I'm your only sister, remember?" Charlie teased, hugging Kate back. "And don't worry about it, like I said I'm glad I got back in time to see Kate Beckett fall in love. Maddie and I never thought that would happen!"
"Yeah well, neither did I," Kate admitted. "But he makes me happy, Charlie. Happier than I ever thought would be possible after mom died, he's amazing."
"If he's got my 'love doesn't exist' sister all loved up then I know he's pretty spectacular! Now, what're you going to do next?"
"I'm uh, I'm gonna go and see mom," Kate said. "Figure out how I'm going to fix this mess with Castle. You wanna come?"
"No, not today," Charlie replied she hadn't been to see her mom since the day before she left for England and she wasn't quite ready to go back there yet. "But soon, I promise."
"Okay, well I'll probably only be gone an hour or two," Kate told her, grabbing her keys and phone before leaving once again.
Checking his watch, Castle realised it had been 40 minutes since Kate had left his apartment. Searching for his phone, he found it under the living room coffee table - god knows how it had got there. Opening up his favourite contacts, he pressed the screen for Beckett and waited as the phone started to ring. Thirty seconds later and voicemail cut in, a chirpy Kate Beckett asking him to leave a message and she'd get back to him. Right, so she was ignoring him then. That meant he was he was going with plan b - turning up at her place.
Thirty minutes after Kate had left, Charlie heard a knock at the door. She opened it to find Castle, who was looking worried.
"Oh Kate," he said when he saw Charlie, "thank god you're here. I tried calling you but you didn't pick up..after the way you left my place I was so worried about you! What happened? Is everything okay?"
"I um, yeah..everything's fine.." Charlie said, opening the door wider to allow him to enter. Decision time: he had assumed she was Kate, so did she tell him she was Charlie or play along with it and pretend to be Kate? She wasn't sure how long she could keep it up for, Castle knew Kate inside out and they hadn't managed to fool him yet.
"Do you uh, want coffee?" She asked, praying he'd say no, she assumed Kate knew how he took his coffee and if she had to ask she was sure that would give her away.
"No, thank you..look, what happened?" He asked, sitting down in the lounge.
"I um..shit, I'm sorry.." She wasn't really too sure what to say. She knew roughly what had happened thanks to what Kate had told her but she had to tread carefully if she was going to convince Castle she was actually Kate.
"I shouldn't have run out on you like that," no obvious reaction from Castle. That was good, she was on the right tracks. "I just uh, got a text from Charlie and panicked a little, I'm sorry."
"What did she say?" Castle asked.
"Oh um, nothing to worry about, I just overreacted a little..I came home and talked with Charlie and I feel much better now," she said, with a smile she hoped was convincing him.
"Right..um, where is Charlie?" He asked, looking around as if expecting to see her jump out from behind a door or something.
"She went out. Somewhere. Think she went to meet this guy she met last night, actually." Charlie said, moving her own plans forward for the sake of the story she was spinning. She had met someone last night and she was planning on seeing him later on today, not that Kate knew that yet - she'd only give her a lecture on meeting with strange men and making sure she was in a public place and so on. Seriously, sometimes having a cop for a sister sucked ass. She couldn't complain too much though, she knew the kinds of things Kate saw with her job and she was just worried that the same thing would happen to her.
"Okay. So um, before you left, you asked where that left us and I wanted to see if you were happy for us to sort of..go slow?" He suggested, waiting for her reaction. "I can't forget what's happened because this time it was just one step too far but at the same time I missed you."
After visiting with her mom, Kate felt a lot happier. It was strange really, given that her mom couldn't actually talk back, but she always felt as though she could tell what her mom would be saying, and she'd actually decided it was time to tell Castle what she remembered, even if he did hate her for it. She just had to hope Charlie was right and he'd forgive her eventually because she'd survived losing her mom, as well as her father and her sister for a bit, but she wasn't sure she could lose Richard Castle, not for good.
But she knew that in order for them to even think about pursuing a relationship, she had to be honest with him. And she would be, she was going home to change and then she was going to call him and ask if he wanted to meet somewhere for them to talk. She thought that was better than either of their places because then neither of them would feel trapped, if they wanted to leave at any point then they would be perfectly able to do so.
Riding the elevator up to her apartment, she felt happier than she had done all day, despite knowing what was to come. It could completely backfire on her and Castle could turn around and say he never wanted to see her again, but at least she would be walking away with the knowledge that she had eventually told him the truth, she'd never be able to live with herself if he didn't know at all.
Pausing just outside her door, key in her hand, she stopped as she heard voices. One was Charlie's and the other was a mans..did Charlie have a friend over? Pressing her ear up a giants the door and hoping none of her neighbours walked by and saw her, she listened in to the conversation.
"..I can't even describe the feelings I have for you, they're just so crazy.."
Hang on..that was Castle's voice. What was Castle doing in her apartment? Better yet, what was he saying to Charlie? She pressed her ear closer to the door, trying to figure out what was going on.
"Castle.." Came Charlie's voice. "There's something I need to say.."
"No wait," Castle replied, "I know I shouldn't be saying this and I've tried not to but I can't keep pretending I don't feel anything for you.."
Kate had heard enough. Racing back down the hallway and into the elevator, she only just made it back outside and down an alleyway before she threw up. How could they? Here she was thinking her and Castle had a chance and yet he was falling for her sister! God, this had been what had started the fucking argument last week - him saying maybe she hadn't told him about Charlie incase he preferred her and all this time that was the case!
Leaning back against the stone wall, she took a few deep breaths and tried to calm herself down. Maybe she was going to wake up in a minute and realise this was all a horrible nightmare..yeah, or not. Oh god, she couldn't believe this was happening. She couldn't believe Castle would do this to her! She needed to speak to them, both of them, and now.
She made to leave the alleyway but stopped when a figure walked past - it was Castle, heading for a cab waiting just down the road and chuckling away to himself. Son of a bitch. Well, if he was leaving then she could deal with Charlie first..
A/N: another cliffhanger, I know, but I can PROMISE YOU that it is not what it looks like! I said Charlie and Castle wasn't happening and I meant it! Guess you'll just have to wait and see what happens next ;) reviews more than welcome!
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