AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait for an update but life gets busy.

For the record, Edward before he was turned into a female wasn't interested in sex or the opposite gender. So he was a virgin even before Shou decided to be a douche.

DISCLAIMER:

I DO NOT own Fullmetal Alchamist... this knowledge is heartbreaking, honestly.

Last time:

"Thank you." I turned around and headed back into the room to find Edythe laying on her side facing away from the door. I couldn't help but notice that her shoulders were shaking as she cried.

I felt bad for her.

And there was nothing I could do to help her through it.

Chapter 4: Nightmares

I have been staying at Mustang's place for almost four weeks now and we were still having issues. I mean I was glad he offered for me to come here instead of having to go home by myself since I didn't really want to be alone. I've gone to work a few times but each time I would either go home early or hide out in Mustang's office the whole day. So mostly Hawkeye gave me paperwork that I could just take home and do. I wasn't ready to do any field work yet. The thought alone gave me panic attacks that made Mustang worry.

After the first night Mustang decided I couldn't sleep in the living room anymore. I guess waking up and coming into the living room to find me sleeping sprawled out on the couch wasn't good for his blood pressure or something. So he cleaned out a spare bedroom for me and gave me a bed. He also didn't like me using his shower products so he went and got me my own after asking me what I wanted.

He had Riza take me shopping for clothes since mine would no longer fit me, which was an embarrassing event in it'self. Riza laughed at me the whole time, especially when we got to the underwear department. It seemed even the most innocent of under garments would cause my face to turn bright red, which would in turn cause her to snicker. I wasn't too interested in female clothing before, going shopping for it now just made things worse. She insisted that I buy a pair of 'Sexy' underwear as she put it. When I asked he why she told me it was so I could look pretty for whom ever I decided to have sex with. My face had gotten so hot as I told her that I wasn't interested in having a relationship or having sex. Hell I had my own personal problems to deal with, the last thing on my mind was other people. Besides, didn't losing your virginity as a female hurt?

"You just haven't met the right person yet." She said as she continued to look through racks of lacey material.

My face flamed as I looked away, "I've never really thought about it, to be honest." I fiddled with the hem of my sweater. "Even before all of this," I gestured to myself. "happened, and now I'm not sure how I would go about it even if I wanted to. Would it make me straight if I wanted to be with a girl or if I wanted to be with a guy?"

She looked at me like she was confused. "You don't have a gender preference?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. I mean I never got turned on by a female before and never really thought about any for any reason so I'm not sure women are appealing to me."

"And what about men?"

I snorted. "Like any guy would want to be with me if they knew I used to have a dick." Riza covered her mouth with her hand. "Besides as a guy having thoughts about another male was considered wrong," I felt my face flush some more. "and made me feel like I was doing something I shouldn't."

"But you have had them?" she asked.

I looked away. "I-I guess." I mumbled. 'I thought this was supposed to be about shopping, not an interrogation.'

"Well thats fine then, especially since you're a girl now." I looked at the floor.

'Yeah, no need for the reminder, I get that every time I go into the bathroom.' It was definitely something else remembering to wipe every time I went to the bathroom, and there was just so much more to wash in the shower now. Getting used to the whole female anatomy was strange. And having that evil thing that they call a period the first week was gross. Who knew so much blood was up there, and the smell, oh god the smell. I didn't get the terrible symptoms that Hawkeye warned me about though which I was glad for.

"Well when you do meet the right person you don't necessarily have to tell them about it, but I think that if they truly love you then they'll accept you for who you are." Riza said stressing the word person, as she went back to fingering the lacy fabrics. I felt a small glimmer of hope rise in my chest at the thought of one day maybe finding someone who wouldn't judge me for things out of my control.

Dealing with the new feelings of self consciousnesses was hard since before the transformation I never gave a shit what others thought. But now I would catch people staring or whispering as I walked by. I wasn't sure that everyone bought the whole story of me being a female my whole life or not but it felt like they were judging me anyway. It made me uncomfortable. Mustang even came home from work last week to find me curled up on my bed under the covers crying because it was getting difficult to deal with the nightmares and all the changes I wasn't used to.

Mustang's come barging into my room late at night more than once because of my screaming in my sleep. Each time he looked torn like he wanted to help in some way or another but I would always tell him I was fine and he'd leave after nodding.

We haven't told Alphonse though yet and I want to keep it that way for a little while longer. The less he has to worry about me the better. So instead I decided to write him a letter saying that I was fine and that I was now staying with Mustang for a while. At least that way he wouldn't have to hear the voice that wasn't my own on the phone.

But hopefully soon I would feel like myself again even if I didn't look like myself.

Roy's POV:

Living with the Fullmetal was definitely something I was still getting used to, hell the first morning she nearly gave me a heart attack when I went into the living room and found her sprawled out on the couch wearing only her tee shirt and underwear. Her shirt had ridden up her chest til everything but ber breasts were exposed to my view. It didn't help that one of her hands was tucked under her shirt on top of her chest and that her legs were completely uncovered with the blanket on the floor. Sure she was wearing boxers but that didn't help hide the gorgeous body on the couch. Even reminding myself that it was Elric couldn't keep my dick from becoming as hard as a rock.

I hurried to pick up the blanket on the floor and threw it over the female body and practically ran back to my room closing the door behind me and leaning against it. The tent in my pants was becoming uncomfortable, and rubbing it out just didn't seem right, I mean it was Fullmetal! So jumped in the shower instead.

For a long time.

Later that day I cleaned out the spare room and got a bed for her to use, running into her on the couch again was not an option.

No matter how many times the image of her on the couch has popped into my head since then.

There was no way she was in the right frame of mind for what my body wanted from her. She was still getting used to bing a girl.

I aslo had to buy her, her own shower products, apparently she wanted something called Pantene for shampoo and Irish Spring for soap. Having her smell like me was too much to handle after the sight of her on the couch and made me have possessive thoughts. And those thoughts confused me.

Coming home from work that first week to find her crying in her room made my heartbreak but the only thing I could do was sit with her and talk to her. I was afraid that touching her would just make things worse.

Edythe woke me up a few nights a week screaming in the middle of the night from nightmares. The first time it happened I thought she was being attacked, and I guess she was but not by anything I could fight off. I would go in there and turn on the light and wake her up. And each time I would have to fight the urge to take her in my arms and hold her tight. I didn't understand why I wanted to and it bothered me that I did. Edythe was still a guy in her mind and as of a few weeks ago was one. Not to mention the thoughts and feelings I was having were just wrong to begin with.

After I would wake her up she would look so lost and scared but she would quickly hide it and say she was ok and that I could go back to bed. She would thank me for waking her up and that was it.

Riza took her shopping for clothes since none of her's fit right anymore much to Edythe's annoyance. When they got back carrying several bags a piece they were smiling which was good at least. I hadn't seen Edythe smile since, well since she was Edward. And even then it was a long time ago. I couldn't help but feel happy at seeing her smile after the hard time she's been having.

Today Edythe would be coming in to work to grab some of the paperwork that needed to be done. It made the piles on my desk almost nonexistent which I was happy about, but I was worried about how much time she was spending cooped up in the house. I understand that she's not ready to go back out into the field yet or that she doesn't want to go outside everyday. Even the mention of field work sent her into a panic attack =. But I'd like to see her at Headquarters more often or even hear her say she wanted to go to see Alphonse. As far as I know she's only contacted him once and still hasn't told him what happened.

I thought she should have told him right away but she didn't want him or Winry to worry about her. Something about how they had enough to worry about with the kids and Granny getting older.

She hasn't even gone to her apartment even once since leaving the hospital a month ago. I was half tempted to ask her to just move in so she could stop paying rent for a place she hasn't been going to. She has a bed and clothes at my house so she might agree. And she seemed to feel safe there since that was the only place she was willing to be by herself. The first week she wouldn't say it but I could tell she didn't want to be left alone so I called and had Hawkeye deliver my work to me at the end of the day on her way home. When she would come into the office she would always call ahead to see if Hawkeye could come and get her.

A soft knock sounded on the other side of the door.

"Come in." I closed the folder in my hands and set it on top of the completed pile as Edythe walked through the door.

She was wearing a pair of black pants with a black tank top and red coat, an outfit very similar to what she used to wear but slightly more feminine. Something to remind her that she was still herself I guess. Something to stay the same at least. She still wore the braid but it came loose easily and stray wisps of hair framed her face. She looked fragile like a small gust would blow her over if it hit her right. She came in and sat on the couch in front of my desk and leaned back.

"Hey." I said picking up another folder. "How long you here for today?" seeing her looking so lost lately made my heart ache and I wasn't sure I liked it. Hell the thoughts I was having of her were enough to make me uncomfortable, and not because of the tent they caused in my pants.

She looked at me as she placed her feet on the coffee table in front of her, somethings I was glad to see never changed. "Until you go home." She caught one of the stray wisps of hair between her fingers and began to twist it. New habit. "I got bored at the house and decided to bring back the work I finished and grab some new." She looked at the barely there piles on my desk. "But it doesn't look like you have anything for me."

I scratched the back of my head. "Yeah, sorry about that. You've been going through them so fast Hawkeye can't keep the stacks as big as she used to."

"That's fine. Maybe she'll have something else for me to do."

She made to get up and leave before I stopped her. "Edythe?"

She turned back and looked at me. "Yeah?"

I looked down at the open file in front of me not really seeing it. "D-did you want to just move into my house, seeing as you're comfortable there and you have everything you need." I asked looking back at her.

She smiled a little and stuck her hands in her pockets. "Sure." She turned back around.

"When did you want to go to Resembool?" I hated the way she froze up at the question but I needed to ask since I felt that her brother needed, well deserved, to know.

Her shoulders fell, "We can go this weekend." I barely heard her as she walked to the door and left.

I thought for sure she was going to get mad at me, blow up or something, but somehow her silence was worse than either of those. The look of defeat as she left my office made me regret asking her about visiting her brother.

But he need to know, if not for himself then for her. Maybe he could help her where I couldn't.

Three days later:

I woke up to the sound of Edythe screaming in her room and the muted sounds of her crying. I glanced over to the clock on my bedside table, it read four twenty-six in the morning. I tossed the covers to the side and got out of bed reaching for the pants I took off last night on the floor. I didn't need to go in her room without pants on. It would only cause problems.

Tying the string around my wait to keep my pants up I went out the door and down the short hallway to her room. After letting myself in I made my way over to her bed where she was curled up on her side faceing the wall and sat down.

"Edythe." I called to her softly, reaching my hand out to gently set it on her shoulder. "Edythe, you need to wake up." She continued to cry. "Shh you're ok." Her crying stopped as she began to wake up.

"Roy?" She sounded confused as she turned over to look at me.

"Yeah, it's me."

Tears gathered in her eyes as she buried her face in her pillow. Feeling uncomfortable I began to turn to make my way out of the room, when I felt a small tug on my shirt. Looking back I saw her hand holding onto it.

"Please don't go."

I sat down on the the edge of the bed as she continued to hold onto my shirt while she cried. I didn't know what else to do so I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and she flinched, not that I think she noticed. "It's ok Ed."

"Why did this have to happen to me?" Broken sobs could be heard through the pillow. "I didn't do anything wrong." Her back shook with each sob. "Why?"

Her hand left the bottom of my shirt to grab at my arm and pull me towards her as she faced me.

"Will you stay with me, just hold me until I go to sleep?" She looked so lost and close to breaking that I couldn't tell her no even if I had wanted to. So I simply nodded and climbed over her until I saw behind her. I wrapped my arm around her middle and pulled her against my chest. Her grip on my arm never faltered as though I were her life line.

If this small act made her feel safe who was I to tell her no?

Author's note...again:

Well this is chapter 4, I hope you enjoyed it.