3. DIFFERENT
The dive took only seconds, though it seemed to last forever, and ever, and ever, but I didn't mind. I would probably be quite content with staying in the middle of the air, watching Jacob fall instead of watching my own plummet to the water. Just being with Jacob was reward enough for me.
Not that I deserved a reward.
I laughed for the very moments as Jacob recklessly twirled and somersaulted through the air, until his dark russet skin disappeared beneath the deep blue ocean below, and I vanished into the unknown half a second after.
The chill of the water was minimal, as I knew it would be, but it felt good against my scorching hot skin. I could feel my light brown hair waving silently above my head as I drifted however far I was from the surface.
I could see Jacob, due only to the enhanced sight we werewolves had acquired. He was smiling, I could tell that much. His hair had somehow fallen out of the ponytail that had held it before, and now his brilliant obsidian-colored hair flew out in random ways behind him, like the drawings of mermen that I had seen before.
The water was so strange, stretching for miles and miles all around us, except, of course, for the wall of sheer rock that stayed in place a good ten yards away now. I took it that we had drifted quite a bit with the ebb and flow of the tide.
Out of the corner of my left eye, I saw Jacob motion to me. I turned quickly to see what he was trying to say. He was pointing towards the shore, motioning for us to swim.
I kicked my feet upwards, and got to the top of the water, where I would be able to swim much better.
When my head broke the water, I took in a deep breath, letting the perpetually cold air fill my lungs. I deliberated for half a moment before I swam, as fast as my body could handle, towards the shoreline. I looked down carefully, and saw Jacob swimming too, but he was faster!
Why did we have to turn everything into a race? I was not going to lose this time.
I pushed my body faster, not even looking down at Jacob, wondering if he was still ahead.
I made it to shore first, and the icy sand felt great against my bare feet.
Oh.
I thought I made it to shore first. Somehow, Jake had beat me, and was sitting on a tipped over driftwood tree, gloating.
"No fair! You always win," I yelled, tackling the big lug off the tree trunk.
He wrapped his arms tightly around me, not in a hug, but in a death squeeze. I struggled, kicking my feet like a two year old with coffee. But he didn't let go, so I decided to stop struggling. I stood perfectly still. Well, I floated perfectly still, as Jacob laughed like a hyena on crack. I tried really hard not to think of how much I liked being so close to him.
He let me go, I fell to the ground, and I leaned onto my back, breathing right again.
"Wow, that hurt," I said, trying hard to mask how much I enjoyed it. Because I did. And I didn't like that I did.
"Good," Jake laughed, using one hand to vault back over the tree.
I stood up and followed him as he sauntered back towards the road. When I was right beside him, there was no confusing the wide smile on his face. He was reminiscing. Great. I wonder what he's –
"You know, when Bella was pregnant with Nessie," he began, answering my mental question. "You really bugged the hell out of me then, you know that?" he teased, shoving my shoulder the way he always did. He was a little stronger than he thought, and I lost my balance a little.
I straightened myself back up.
"Yeah," I chuckled. "I must have."
I remembered those days, when it was just Jake and me. And Leah, but she hardly counts.
The days before I ever imprinted on Jacob. Sigh. Good times.
"You've really changed," Jacob continued, looking forward.
I hesitated before speaking this time.
"Really?" I asked. Change wasn't good. I tried to avoid change at all cost.
"Well, it's hard to explain," he said. "You were all happy and lighthearted before, and you still kind of are, but not in the same way."
I mentally sighed. He was right, of course. My disastrous imprinting had altered my being perpetually, defying my rule against change. The happiness was still there, oh yes. But it wasn't the same, it was like it had been watered down, diluted. Like half of the ocean was gone inside me.
I didn't say anything, but he continued anyway.
"I think you really changed after my birthday."
My foot faltered, and so did my breath. Although his birthday was my favorite day of the year (of course it was, how could I help it?), I avoided the topic of his birthday as fervently as I avoided any more change. I fixed my footing and my breathing, hoping he hadn't noticed.
"You know, I didn't even see you for a week after the party," he went on, still walking, but slower now. "You got sick, right? And then you had all that homework."
I nodded cautiously. I remembered my excuses for that week of absence very well.
"That's when you changed."
The direction this conversation was taking was not very nice. I felt horrible. I thought I had been acting just the same as always. I really was different then...
"It was like you got older or something. In every way. You got taller that week, for one thing." I smiled. I hadn't been paying much attention to my height then. "You thought too long about things that other people would never have to think about. You could barely use a microwave right." Huh. I didn't remember that... "And you talked different for a few days. It was like you were being really careful what you said around other people."
No, Jake, I thought. Not other people, just you.
"You didn't react to stuff like you used too, either. I remember trying to scare the crap out of you twice. The first time, you didn't even flinch; you just smiled and looked away. The second time was better though. You screamed real loud." He laughed at the memory.
I laughed too. I remembered the second time pretty well, but the first time... was I really that distant?
"Wow," I said, and it was all I could say. It felt really dumb, but what else could I say? Jacob, I acted so loopy because I'm deeply and madly in love with you but I'm too scared to admit it to you!
No.
Definitely not. I scolded myself for thinking it. Bad Seth. Very bad Seth.
"Wow?" he repeated.
"I mean, wow, you sure are smart?" I knew it would sound moronic before I said it.
"Seth," Jake said, stopping suddenly. We were almost back to the top of the hill that led back to the cliff, and the Rabbit. "Did something happen that week? After the party?"
I went blank.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
I had no idea what to say. I didn't even open my mouth and stutter like I usually did. I just stared at him, my eyes widening.
Then I knew what to say.
"If there was something going on, Jake, you would already know by now," I tapped my forehead. "Wolf mind-reading powers, remember?"
He didn't seem to have softened much.
"Seth, it's not that hard to block something out of your mind, even in wolf form," he said, staring me down like a big brother would if he was mad at a little brother that went in his room. But then he softened, because I looked almost frightened by him, an unusual occurrence. "Seth, you know you can tell me anything, right?"
Not everything, Jake.
"Right," I repeated, smiling up at him. I didn't have to smile up that far anymore, since I was apparently taller. I looked down. The ground was farther down than I remembered.
He smiled now, pleased by that. I guessed he planned to get me to spill the beans later.
Ha ha—no.
We started walking again, and made it back to the Rabbit within ten seconds.
I got Jacob to let me drive this time, and he seemed secure enough with my sanity to allow that. I hopped in the front seat, buckling my seat belt to prove I wasn't completely reckless. Stabbing the key into the ignition, I turned the car on and started off towards the Cullens.
I stopped the car a few blocks from the Cullen's home, so that I could get some decent clothes on. We were both still in just our shorts. We changed fast, Jacob putting on the same red shirt and leaving his khaki shorts the way they were. I put on my abused jeans, and my grease-stained shirt, and we continued the drive.
The Cullens' house was always amazing to behold. The mere size of it made me woozy, but it was the inside that really amazed me. It felt more like home than my own house did.
The house was nearly packed when we got there. Carlisle and Esmé, Edward and Bella, Renesmee, Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, Charlie, and my mother were all there. I didn't expect any of the pack to be there besides myself and Jacob, maybe Leah too, but some of them were there. Embry, Quil, and Jared were out back by the newly built deck, where the grill was.
I went to greet Carlisle and Esmé first. Carlisle and Esmé were like family to me now, as were the rest of the Cullens. Carlisle had such a ring of honesty and trust around him; it was almost as contagious as Jake's brilliant smile. Esmé was like someone out of a fairytale (as Bella pointed out to me once), it was impossible not to love Esmé.
Edward greeted me from the piano, where he was teaching Renesmee the final notes of the lullaby that he wrote for Bella. I returned the greeting warmly, and to Renesmee's simple "Hi!" as well, although it made me sad to see her. She would turn one year old in just a few days. One year closer to being "with" Jacob. If Jacob hadn't been there, I might have fallen apart at the thought of that, but I pulled through and looked away, concentrating on the date to distract myself.
Today was Saturday, September 9th.
I repeated that to myself over and over to hold myself together. It helped take my mind off the pain, and I felt myself slowly sew back together, mostly because of Jacob's presence.
Thank God he was so perpetually happy.
I walked outside, after waving hi to everyone inside.
"Hey guys," I said to my fellow pack members, sitting down in a poolside chair.
Wait a sec.
A pool chair! We were sitting at the edge of a gigantic pool, probably Olympic-sized! The sides were made of some kind of metal, so that it wasn't as easy for the vampires to break, maybe?
"The pool's not for us," a voice came from behind me. For a second, I thought he meant us as in "the pack", but Edward had a different meaning.
He had heard my thoughts (of course) and replied to them. The pool wasn't for the vampires... then who?
Embry's eyes lit up as he understood what Edward meant.
"Duuuuuuude!" he said, excitement ruling his features. "This pool's for US?!"
Us? As in the wolf pack?!
"OMG!" Jared and Embry half-screamed. I laughed and looked from them to Edward in amazement.
Edward's perfect features curled into a crooked smile and he nodded.
"Holy crap!" Quil shouted, jumping up with Embry.
If I didn't know better, I would have said they were going to hug Edward, but they didn't, of course.
"It was Nessie's idea," he said, grinning. "She thought it would be fun."
Then I felt a downside lingering to it.
"What about when it rains?" Jared asked. The perpetual rain here was part of who we all were now, but it was sometimes ridiculous.
"Watch this," he said, his mischievous grin expanding exponentially. With a movement too quick for human eyes, he bolted to a control panel on the wall of the house, right outside the doors. He touched a button, and above our heads, coming out of the roof of the house, a Plexiglas roof was expanding to cover us. It reminded me of the lock-down mechanism for the house.
"Whoa!" I said, my eyes widening as I tilted my head to watch the strange transparent glass curve around the pool and the surrounding concrete patio.
I was pretty sure Embry and Quil were drooling, and I barely even saw Jared faint. I looked over towards the house, to the huge window, where it seemed everyone was looking at the huge Plexiglas dome and the pool.
My cheerfulness dropped. The only ones not at the window were Jacob and Renesmee. I felt my heart stutter and then restart its rhythm, but I felt the fault line across my soul ripple with emotion.
I was suddenly doing everything I could to pull myself back together. If it meant jumping headfirst into the new pool, then I was going to do it! But I didn't need to. I simply had to look away from them.
But the face I turned to was no better.
Edward's marble face twisted in sudden horrors his eyes met mine. Oh, wait, no not horror. I had mistaken amazement for horror.
My eyes widened as he regained his composure, and smiled in a way that meant that I wasn't the only one that knew my secret now.
In a way that meant "Yes, Seth, I know you've imprinted on Jacob."
I tore my gaze away from Edward as the fault line in my soul rippled again.
NO.
Not the fault line. Not the same one. A new, dormant breach had made itself known. A fault line that had been waiting for the moment where I was not the only one who knew, waiting for me to shoot myself in the foot.
And I had.
The look on Edward's face confirmed it.
I had already shot my foot to bits.