5. EXPLOSIONS
Light spilling in through the window blinds woke me. I hadn't dreamed anything last night! That was good news!
No dreaming meant no extra stuff to block outta my mind when I phased. I prayed I didn't have to phase today.
As I brushed my teeth, I thought.
I thought about that first week after I had no more excuses to stay away from Jake and the rest of the pack. One of the hardest weeks of my life. No, it was the hardest week.
I remembered being told about the feeling of uncontrolled love and commitment. And I remembered having to lock myself in my room for hours on end when someone Jacob was mentioned at all. I had to keep myself from running to him and giving my life to him. I remembered not phasing that whole week. I had been all smiles around him anyway though, when I let myself be around him, when I could keep myself under control. It was impossible not to be happy around him. He was like the sun, lighting a perpetually cloudy area of the world.
I knew that I was different now, as Jake had pointed out to me yesterday. I was not as bright and happy. Mostly because of being tired, but I knew that when I really did get to sleep, real sleep, I would be mostly back to myself.
But part of me was damaged. Damaged worse than I could imagine, worse than Jake could even comprehend, in all his suspicions and ideas.
But I also knew that someday, (and I could guess it would be soon, since I had no idea how much self-control I had left) he would find out. And I could almost guarantee that hell would break loose. He would go back on his own promise:
Seth, you know you can tell me anything, right?...
No, he wouldn't go back on it. I could tell him, sure, but how he would react would break me in two.
I put my toothbrush back into the toothbrush cup thingy and walked to the kitchen, wearing jeans, again, and a deep blue shirt, almost black, but not quite.
Leah and Mom were sitting at the bar, cookies in their hands.
"Morning, honey," Mom said carefully. I wondered why.
"Morning," I replied. My voice sounded a little more well rested than I felt. I walked over to the clock. It was almost noon.
"You scream pretty loud, you know," Leah taunted, extenuating the 't's in 'pretty'.
I turned to her, confusion masking my features.
"What?" I asked, leaning on the counter.
"You screamed last night," she said in a matter-of-fact tone.
No way. I had been sure I hadn't! Maybe I always screamed while I slept anyway, no matter if I dreamed or not.
"Oh yeah?" I retorted, sudden venom in my voice. "Well, I should've screamed louder, then shouldn't I? Maybe next time I will! And I'll scream so loud it'll break your freaking eardrums!"
It took me too long to realize I had been yelling at her. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was open in shock at my explosion. Thinking about Jacob had made me very irritable.
"Well, um," Mom said, shifting awkwardly in her chair.
"Have a cookie, Sethie," Leah said suddenly, back to her annoying self. She grabbed a cookie and tried to press it past my lips into my mouth. "Cookies make it all better, yes, they do!"
She was talking the way a babysitter would talk to a baby. My hand flashed towards her hand, and knocked the cookie out of her hand and onto the counter. I never even looked away from her.
Leah's eyes followed the cookie, her eyes wide in shock at my explosion again.
Then she was looking back at me, the taunting glint in her eyes again.
"Somebody forgot their medicine," she sang.
The straw that broke the camel's back. Or the wolf's back. Either way-
I gripped the counter with both hands and pursed my lips, glaring at her instead of punching her in the throat like I so badly wanted to. Sudden tremors erupted from my back, and I knew I had to get myself back together before I exploded into the sandy colored wolf that my entire being longed to become.
My eyes flew to Mom, whose eyes were wide with fear.
"Uh," she whispered, frightened. "If you're going to do this, do it outside."
But I was already regaining control. Only my hands were vibrating now, and that would be gone in a few seconds too.
"I'm fine," I said, calming my voice with my body.
I turned around, and walked out the door to the back porch.
My mind was spitting out a million profanities towards Leah. I squeezed my eyes shut as hard as I could get them to, and clutched at the porch rail to keep myself from exploding.
I carefully opened my eyes, totally under control again. I stood very still for a minute or two. The sensation of almost phasing had ruined my morning. Especially since it was in front of Mom.
Leah. The devil-incarnate, I could swear it. When was she going to go to college?! Did she stay home just to bug me until my insides started bleeding? Obviously.
My back started to ripple again. It was stronger this time. Suddenly panicked, I ran off the porch and towards the forest, every part of me shaking. When I was out of sight of the house, I pulled off my clothes (tying them to the leather cord around my leg), and let the transformation take control of me.
The familiar violent vibrating filled me, the intensity of it ripping me apart. I forced my mind-numbing from the night before fill my body as the rippling climaxed, and I exploded into the tan werewolf I was so used to.
In one instant, I could tell who was in wolf form. Sam, Iliana, Michael, and Brady. And Jacob, but who cares about Jacob, right?
I instantly fell into the pattern I always did. I stood quite still for a while, getting used to being an animal again, and consumed a few seconds with mentally describing the scenery around me, barely noticing the many minds I could hear, no matter how far away.
Emily's brownies are really good... I want some chocolate...
Iliana.
Hey, Seth. Oh, he's not even listening.
Jacob.
Dang, I really gotta pee!
Brady.
Go by a tree.
Michael.
No! Don't do that!
Sam.
Then I began repeating the lyrics to "Teenagers," by My Chemical Romance, thanks to my mind-numbing from last night.
They're gonna clean up your looks
with all the lies in the books
to make a citizen out of you...
I didn't even remember the reason that I was distracting myself, or what I was distracting myself from, and I didn't really care. The numbing was working, and before long, my mind was like an mp3 player, and I was singing mentally along with it.
Because they sleep with a gun
and keep an eye on you, son,
so they can watch all the things you do...
There was no uncomfortable worry on the edge of my sanity, simply nothing, almost as if there was no edge at all. Like my sanity was complete.
...because the drugs never work...
And then I started running. I didn't think about it at all. I was suddenly running as fast as I could through the thick forests of La Push, right towards First Beach. I had no intention of actually going to First Beach.
I would go to to the La Push General Store. That would work just fine...
...they gonna give you a smirk
cuz they got methods of keepin you clean...
Before thirty seconds were up, I was in the middle of the forest, about half a football field away from the road to the store. I phased back, and pulled my clothes back on. No shoes, of course.
After making sure I looked like every other teenage moron around here, I walked the rest of the way to the store.
On the door, it said "No shoes, no shirt... nah, who am I kidding, come on in."
Hm, I thought. I didn't really need anything. Well, except a new pair of pants, maybe.
I looked around for a few seconds. The logically designed store was comforting, a welcome shift from the illogical contours of my mind.
I picked out a pair of dark blue jeans, and went to the checkout. After applying the ten dollars I had in my pocket to get the jeans, and a RockStar energy drink, I walked out, and started chugging the drink. I drank a lot of these lately, to keep myself alive- I mean, awake. Although the two walked hand in hand.
Sort of.
I crushed the can in my hand easily, and chucked it into the trash bin outside the store before I left.
Leah eyed the new jeans in my hands with indifference when I walked into the living room. She had her feet propped up on a footrest thing, sitting in Dad's old rocking chair, with the remote control clutched in her hand. She turned back to the TV, and stared at it apathetically.
I walked past her, into the kitchen. The house seemed empty besides Leah and I.
"Where's Mom?" I asked. She didn't seem to be around.
"She went to visit Charlie," Leah replied, not even glancing my way.
"Oh," I said, and sat down at the counter. I grabbed a cookie, and nibbled on it. I turned back towards the TV and then to Leah, who looked like she wasn't even paying attention to it. Something blue and silver glinted from beside Leah.
"What's that?" I asked, mouth slightly full, gesturing toward the blue-and-silver cell phone sitting beside Leah on the side-coffee table. It looked like it had a pink sticky note on it.
"Charlie dropped it off for you," she replied, her tone slightly bitter.
Charlie? Why would Charlie give me a phone? It wasn't my birthday, so I could count that out... But that phone looked much too expensive to be from Charlie. No offense to Charlie.
"Charlie?" I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion.
"Yeah," she said, but I could almost taste her tone turn acidic. "Alice got it for you. She got Charlie to drop it by."
"Alice?" Just as confusing as if Charlie had gotten it for me.
Nevertheless, I hopped out of my seat and half-ran to the table, snatching up the phone in my right hand. I took it back to my seat, reading the sticky note as I went.
Hey Seth! Call me as soon as you get the phone!
Alice
And her number was written on the back.
I stared at the phone in my hand. I snorted. Unbelievable. Alice had gotten me a phone! Flipping the phone over in my hand, I admired it. It was probably the most expensive phone in the world. Probably the most durable too. I wouldn't be surprised if it came with a rocket launcher or something.
A deep ache in the pit of my stomach hit me, almost making me double over as I realized the reason behind this.
It had something to do with him.
I half-sprinted to my bedroom, closing the door softly so Leah didn't get suspicious. I stood in the middle of the messy room, and flipped the phone open. My fingers flew across the keypad so fast they started to hurt, and I had the phone to my ear before it even started to ring on the other end.
Alice answered a few seconds later than she would have been if someone else (not a werewolf) had been calling her, because of her blindness to the wolves.
"Hey Seth," she said. Of course, she would know who it was, even if she couldn't see.
"Hey," I whispered, my voice shaking slightly.
"You okay?" she asked, her voice cautious. Maybe she was trying not to break me.
"That depends," I whispered, too low for human ears to detect. I would bet that she heard it. "Is this call about...Jake?"
I cringed. Every time I said his name would make it harder for me to block him out the next time I phased.
"Sort of," she replied. Her voice was lovely. "It has more to do with imprinting. You wanna find out how you imprinted on him?"
I mentally thanked her for not saying his name aloud.
"Yeah," I replied, truthfully. I really did want to know. It had bugged me since it happened.
"Yay!" she said, her voice shooting up through two octaves. "Do you trust me enough to go to Port Angeles with me?"
Port Angeles. Not even wondering why we would be going there, I responded:
"Sure, sure." An automatic response I had picked up from Jacob, although I used it in a more excited tone here. I could feel a grin stretch across my face.
"Okay!" she said, her voice getting the tiniest bit lower. "There's a Quileute bookstore there, called Dryleaf and Hazel, on Hazel Street, ironically! And if we don't find what we're looking for there, the local library will be just around the corner!"
Her excitement was infectious. I hopped up and down once.
"Yes!" I said, a little louder. "This is exactly what I need, Alice! When do we leave?"
"Right now if you want!" Alice replied, so excited it made me hop again. "I'll drive to Charlie's and you can meet me there, k?"
"Yeah!" I said, smiling wider. "What do I do with the phone?"
"It's yours, keep it!" she said. "See ya there!"
"K!"
After calling Mom on my new phone (YAY!), I got dressed for the trip. I dressed nice, on the off chance that Alice decided to give me a makeover while we were in Port Angeles. Maybe if I looked better, she wouldn't feel the need. Besides, if she did, the clothes were likely to get ruined anyway.
I deflected a few insulting questions from Leah (what was with her today?!) before I drove to Charlie's house in my used car, a red Dodge Neon. I barely used it, since I either walked or ran in wolf form everywhere. It still smelled good. The former owners had taken care of it extremely well, and it still smelled relatively new, although it must be about seventeen years old. Almost as old as me.
Alice's canary yellow Porsche was right outside. It was empty.
I walked up the steps to the front door and knocked. Alice answered, as dazzling as ever. I looked down at her and smiled. She smiled back, flashing her white teeth.
"Hey there," Alice said, her voice like wind chimes again.
"Thanks for the phone!" I said, grinning at the thought that I had a new means of communication.
"Well, it does make it easier for me to know if you do anything stupid," she joked, nudging me in the ribs. I pretended to clutch my side in pain as she laughed. More wind chimes.
"Hey, there, kiddo!" Charlie grinned from behind Alice. "Alice here was just telling me about your clothing dilemma."
I blinked, but didn't stop smiling. Oh! Alice had told everyone she was taking me shopping for more clothes to cover up. Hm. Dressing nice didn't really help that story. Alice rolled her eyes, but the motion was too quick for Charlie to catch. Charlie didn't seem to notice how I was dressed.
"Yep," I replied, keeping with Alice's facade. "It's pretty bad."
"Well, Charlie, we gotta get going!" Alice sang, pecking Charlie on the cheek before she put her put her arm around mine. "See you later!"
The statue-like little vampire pulled me towards her car with no trouble at all.
"See ya kids!" Charlie said as we climbed in. He waved.
I waved back. "See ya, Charlie!"
Alice and I closed our doors in unison, and she had the key twisted and the push-button ignition started before I had time to take a breath.
Then, we let the pavement fly out from beneath our tires.