Mr Conflegro looked from Mr Poe to Violet, from Violet to Klaus, and from Klaus to Sunny.
"Baudelaires, this is Mr Arwen Conflegro. Mr Conflegro, this is Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. Thank you for taking them on such short notice, they have promised not to cause any mischief this time around."
"Bolshev!" Interrupted Sunny, meaning something like "it's Olaf who needs to make that promise, not us!" but her siblings did not have time to translate because their guardian spoke.
"Please, Mr Poe, my surname is San Conflegro. You're giving me a bad name, so to speak. Now, Violet Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire, it is a pleasure to meet you, now would the three of you please come in, it would be proper to show you around your new home. I hope our time together will be enjoyable and you wil find me to be a suitable guardian." He concluded his short speech with a slight bow.
"It is a pleasure to meet you too, Mr San Conflegro," Violet replied.
Mr San Conflegro laughed a slow, deep laugh which sounded like an owl with a particularly deep voice. "Please, there is no need for 'mister'. I am your guardian after all!"
"Okay, it is a pleasure to meet you Arwen," said Violet.
"No, no perhaps I wasn't clear," Arwen shook his head. "it is not proper to use only part of somebody's name when you address them. I meant you should call me "Arwen San Conflegro". After all, I would scarcely want to call you merely Violet rather than Violet Baudelaire!"
"Why not?" Violet could not stop herself from asking.
"Violet, please don't interrogate your guardian, it isn't proper." Mr Poe answered on behalf of Arwen San Conflegro, but the tall man merely laughed again.
"Of course it is proper to interrogate one's guardians! The answer, Violet, is simply that you are Violet Baudelaire. Look at the way you children stand together. Your loyalty is to each other, and to your parents. I would be doing you a disservice by leaving out your last names."
The Baudelaires once more glanced at each other, wondering what to make of their new guardian. But before Violet could protest that her loyalty to her siblings came from love and necessity rather than her name, and Klaus protest that their parents were their parents no matter whether they were called Baudelaire, Smith, Poe, or Snicket, and Sunny to protest "Yojo", which would have meant something along the lines of "bonds are forged through shared experience rather than pre-formed by the circumstances of birth", Mr Poe coughed.
"There will be plenty of time to discuss the importance of family later. In the meantime, I need to get back to the bank," he said. "Goodbye children, goodbye Arwen Conflegro."
"Oh no, I'm sorry Mr Poe but I must insist that you look inside just briefly. It wouldn't be at all proper for a banker to simply leave orphans in front of a house he hadn't seen the inside of."
"Yes, well, perhaps you're right. Very well."
In order to satisfy your curiosity, dear reader, I can tell you now that the guesses of both Mr Poe and the Baudelaire siblings regarding the bottom floor of Arwen San Conflegro's house were all entirely incorrect. It was neither laboratory nor library, neither dungeon nor basement, and it was certainly not a kitchen. Arwen San Conflegro opened a door and led the siblings down the stairs, gesturing with a flourish at the huge space. There were no walls, only colourfully painted screens, bright white lights on black stands, boxes on three legs, and huge microphones taller than anybody the Baudelaires had ever met.
"This," said Arwen San Conflegro with another grand gesture, "is my studio."
The room was like nothing the Baudelaires had ever seen.
"Is it a painter's studio?" asked Klaus, noticing the brightly decorated screens.
"Is it a designer's studio?" asked Violet, noticing the strange lights and sketches on tables.
"Bloshcko?" asked Sunny, gesturing at the colourful disguises in one corner.
"Ho Ho Ho!" boomed the laugh of Arwen San Conflegro. "No, Violet Baudelaire, it is not purely a designer's studio, though things are designed here. No, Klaus Baudelaire, it is not a painter's studio though of course there are paintings here. And no, Sunny Baudelaire, it is not a studio for practising disguises, though those costumes will indeed be worn. No, it is a Film Studio."
"A film studio?" said Violet.
"A film studio..." said Klaus.
The Baudelaires fell silent for a moment. Violet and Klaus were both recalling a time their parents had taken them to see a film while Sunny was very young, too young to remember. The film they had seen on that particular evening was called "the Bad Beginning," and it was about a family who gave birth to a very small child, only it turned out that the family of seemingly regular sized people had actually been Giants and the child had been of regular human size all along. Of course, this did not prevent the family of Giants from eating the tiny and defenceless child at the end of the picture. The entire purpose of the film had been to convey a crucial seven syllable message to certain important members of the audience and it has become the life's work of an associate of mine to decode that message while in disguise as a bitter and miserable film reviewer, a disguise he finds dishearteningly easy to wear. The most recent news I have received is that he had progressed to the fourth syllable, but is still no closer to understanding the entire message. Like my associate, Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire had not been the intended recipients of that message and so they had left the film feeling unclear about its purpose, and somewhat disturbed by the fate of the regular-sized child.
"The studio is very interesting. It is attached to a weather machine to create all kinds of conditions to film movies in, and there are all kinds of mechanisms for altering the sets and creating new ones," said Arwen San Conflegro.
"That sounds precisely like something you'd be interested in," said Klaus to his sister.
"Upstairs is a library full of the books on all kinds of subjects, which we use to research the plots and details for the films."
"And that sounds like exactly your cup of tea," said Violet to her brother.
"We also have a special studio kitchen with ingredients from all round the world to make realistic dishes for the characters to be filmed eating."
"Yoltz," said Sunny, meaning something like 'and that sounds like the ideal place for me to develop my cooking skills'.
"Yes, I think you'll find yourselves quite at home in the studio, while you may not have seen one before, it will soon become a very familiar place."
As if to remind the Baudelaire children of his presence, Mr Poe took the opportunity to cough.
"This description of various things studios contain is all very interesting," he said although it was clear that Mr Poe believed no such thing, "but now that I've seen inside, I really must be getting back to the bank. Farewell children, and good luck with your new guardian. Thank you again Mr Conflegro for convincing the Daily Punctilio's reporters to change their tune on the Baudelaire Murder case and report that the Baudelaires were not the murderers after all."
"I merely saw an opportunity to do some good. Please Mr Poe, there is no need to applaud. I only did what Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire deserved."
"Yes you're quite right. Well, good luck Baudelaires," Mr Poe called over his shoulder walked out through the front door towards the taxi, leaving the children alone with their new guardian.
"Children," said Arwen San Conflegro with a sweep of his hand, "it is time for your tour of the studio!"