Daryl was watching closely the next day when Beth entered the cell block with Judith on her hip and Lizzie and Mika flanking her. He watched as Carl's head popped up to watch as well. Beth was humming a tune and smiled at everyone in the room. He looked down at his hands. Everything about the situations that touched Beth confused him.
"How's everything going with that?" Rick's voice startled him. It seemed like everyone around was looking more tired than normal lately and Rick was no exception. The scruff on his neck and cheeks distracted from the circles under his eyes, but it was there still. Sometimes the worst of their enemies were their own bodies.
"I've got it under control." He assured. Rick nodded thoughtfully considering the answer.
"Thank you," He replied and made an exit from the room. When he looked up Beth was sitting the girls next to Carl and walking off with Judith, probably to go get a bottle for her. He watched as Carl interacted with the two girls. Daryl wondered what the relationship there was. Carl seemed to be overly interested in them and not just after the incident yesterday either. It was hard to tell with kids if they were friends or if it was something deeper than that.
Lizzie was barely responding to Carl's prodding but that was better than her stubborn silence yesterday. He could see that he little sister was animatedly involved in the conversation.
"Hey stranger," He jumped a little in his seat and looked behind him to find Beth, Judith still perched on her hip and bottle grasped in her hand. "Never thought I'd see the day where I'd sneak up on you. You're letting yourself slip." She was only teasing. Beth never said an unkind word about anyone. He grunted his agreement.
"Been a long week."
"Can I sit?" She asked and he shrugged. She was probably going to no matter what he said. She apparently couldn't get enough talking time in with him lately. "Did you sleep well?"
"Good as anyone can." It was a lie. He hadn't slept better in a long time. He met her eyes and could see the answer wasn't good enough for her. She was always trying to take care of everyone. He wondered when she had time for herself. He needed to make sure she took the bed tonight. The couch was much too small even for her and he was sure there were loose springs that dug into her back. She needed a nice rest.
"How's all that this morning?" He asked gesturing with a nod at the little girls that sat with Carl. If he didn't know any better he's say Lizzie was trying to hide a smile.
"Better than I'd hoped. I think a whole lot of the issue is puberty. She's starting to have hormones and all that. You know how crazy Carl got for awhile. I think there's a good chance I can set her straight with careful supervision." Her eyes were lighting. He watched as she tried to adjust Judith into a position she could feed her more easily. The Little Asskicker was fussy. Didn't want to take the food.
"Give her 'ere" He grumbled trying to avoid Beth's joyful expression. She handed her over with a proficiency that only a mother had. That's what Beth really was lately, a mother. She had been mothering Judith for a long time. In Daryl's opinion the little girl should be spending more time with her dad. She was starting to walk and talk and he thought it was a shame that Rick was missing those precious moments, but he wasn't a father.
Honestly he probably wouldn't have ever been a good one so there was no loss there, but he did think if he had been a dad to a little kid he would have made time for them.
"You're good with her." Her voice was quiet and steady with that way she had. She brought some sort of calmness to everyone even if he wished he wasn't affected by it. "You ever have any kids?"
"Do I look like the type?"
"You look just as well suited as anyone else." She told him with certainty. He swallowed his nervousness with this line of questioning.
"Well, no, I wasn't. Never got around to all the family stuff." He meant for it to come out casual, but even he could hear a tinge of bitterness in his voice. He hadn't expected those feelings to be there. He hadn't ever really wanted a family. He had just wanted to follow Merle around.
"That's a shame." Beth sighed and he couldn't help but look as she leaned back in her seat and fidgeted. "I always thought I'd grow up, have a husband, a couple of kids. I know that's not in store for me now. I have to make the most of what I have. We all do."
"Could have all that. Glenn and Maggie seem to be doing it alright." He was surprised he even suggested it. He wasn't one to believe in all that ever and especially not now, but something about her doubting it made him sad.
"Yeah, Glenn and Maggie are special though. We can't expect that type of thing anymore. I'll be lucky to find anyone to fall in love with, not to mention get married to, but in reality one of us would probably die before it got to that." She took a pause. "I'm sorry. I'm being morbid. You're right. There's a chance it could happen."
He couldn't look at her properly without feeling something in the pit of his stomach, something strong and unpleasant. He put it up to being worried about the Lizzie situation but he knew it had something to do with that sad look in her eyes that she had let slip before she had plastered that smile all over her face again. He didn't quite know what to make of it, but he didn't like it.
He thought about that night that he had come to tell her that Zach had died. Thought about how she had hugged him and he had said he was tired of losing people. Beth wasn't all happiness and rainbows and positivity. She had that darkness inside of her too. She was sad, worried, and scared, just like all of them.
"I can take her back now, if you have somewhere to be. I know you're busy." Beth told him kindly and he took it as a welcome opportunity to leave and clear his mind from thoughts of babies, and family, and Beth.
"Let me know if she gives you any trouble." He instructed as he handed Judith back. Beth laughed. Her laughter was rare these days, everyone's was. He shivered at the sound.
"I think I can handle Jude, Daryl."
"You know who I meant." He felt his cheeks flush. He was always so awkward around women. Beth was making him feel especially strange lately.
"Yeah, I know who you meant. Now go on. I'll be fine." He didn't understand how she could be so sure. He looked over at Carl and knew that at least Beth wouldn't be the only one watching those girls during the day. That was comforting at the very least. Carl was still fighting his own demons but he was in a place where he could be trusted with this. He knew the boy wouldn't want anyone to kill Beth.
In fact, he had often suspected that Carl was interested in her. For whatever reasons either the boy had let the crush fade or he had found something else to be interested in. He watched as Lizzie and Mika threw their heads back in giggles. Something or somebody? Maybe both.
"See you tonight."
He walked out of C block and into the daylight. He needed to do his rounds, check the fences. Maybe if the buildup wasn't too bad he could make it out to go hunting. That way everyone could eat something more than the vegetables Rick had been growing. There were two women from Woodbury that were pregnant, one was nursing. They needed the protein. He would just be happy for the opportunity to go do something.
"Hey! Daryl!" He squinted into the sun and saw Glenn running towards him.
"What 'cha want?" He called back.
Glenn slowed as he reached him. "Just heard about the whole thing with Beth and that kid, Lizzie?"
"What about it." He didn't want to talk to Beth's brother in law about things he should just be asking Beth about.
"She always likes to put on a brave face. Maggie's worried about her, ya know?" So Glenn was trying to get information for Maggie so that she could stop her worrying. The man was wrapped around that woman's finger. Though Maggie was one tough girl. Sometimes she was enough to intimidate him.
"If you want to know about it ask Beth." He grumbled.
"Figured you could tell me if she was alright. I don't want to upset her by bringing it up."
"She's not some little girl. She can handle the damn question." He was starting to get angry. Glenn was underestimating Beth. Beth was strong, she deserved a little respect.
"Look, I'm not saying she can't. I'm just asking because I value your opinion." Glenn amended. His face was as open and honest as it usually was. Daryl was still tense though and he wished the man would just leave him be. He seemed to be talking to people more and more lately and it was grinding on his nerves.
"I think she's about as fine as any of us are." He answered tightly and Glenn nodded in understanding.
"Maggie worries a lot about her. She thinks she's been coddled and doesn't know how to deal with this stuff. I think it has a lot to do with what happened back at the farm." Glenn was always a talker. Daryl wasn't ever much of one so he just nodded. His thoughts drifted back to that time on the farm. The first time he had really seen her she was standing behind her daddy asking if she could help mend Daryl's arrow wound.
Herschel had sent her away and Daryl had been glad. He didn't need so many people in the room looking at him. A few days later he had heard Andrea and Lori arguing about the girl slashing her wrist open and he had openly scoffed. Girls like that didn't live. They didn't know hardship like he did.
His opinion had changed over time of course. He started to better understand everyone in the group, including her. Beth hadn't found herself yet when she was back on the farm and now she had. Now she had purpose and goals. She even had dreams which most of them had given up on long ago.
"She's strong. Maggie shouldn't underestimate her."
"I agree with you, but you know how it goes with siblings." Glenn wasn't really thinking about how Daryl had lost his brother when he had said it. He was just throwing it out there casually, but it made Daryl stiffen.
"Yeah," He replied and then he walked away. He needed to go make himself busy, needed a distraction from all the things he was thinking about.
Daryl didn't really miss Merle if he was honest. He missed what Merle was suppose to be and perhaps what he could have been, if the situation had been better. Maybe if they hadn't been handed such shitty cards then Merle wouldn't have been such an asshole. He had done the right thing in the end though and that's what matters.
There were a whole lot of walkers stacked up on the fend. He could see a few people moving between the fences stabbing where they could. Looked like they could use a little help and he was more than willing to do it. Killing walkers was therapeutic. It made him think less about what was happening with his life, with the world, and more about the task at hand. He would bring as many of these things to their knees as he could.