A/N: here it is, the one you've all been waiting for..

Disclaimer: might have borrowed a couple of lines from Always here, obviously none of them are mine.

He'd put it off as much as he could and he knew it. He knew full well the implications of what he needed to tell Beckett and so he'd acted like a coward and not told her, thus making any possible chance of her forgiving him even less likely. Alexis had left to meet his mother an hour ago, and he and Beckett were alone in the loft, eating the pasta carbonara he'd made them.

"I had a really great day today, Castle," she smiled in between mouthfuls, "thank you."

"You're welcome," he smiled back. "You're always welcome here, you know that." Deciding he'd put it off long enough, he took a deep breath and started talking. "But uh, I was going to tell you something earlier, before Alexis got home.." She nodded, remembering him saying it could wait. "Thing is..I really can't put this off any longer."

She waited for a minute but he didn't say anything else. "What is it Castle? You're scaring me.."

"It's about your mother.."

Earlier that morning.

While Alexis was upstairs and Castle cleared away their breakfast things - refusing any help from her - she text Charlie, letting her know what she was up to today.

'Spending the day with Castle and Alexis,' she typed, 'hope you had a good night and I'll see you later, Kate xx'. If she was honest, she wasn't really expecting a reply - Charlie had said not to expect her home until at least early afternoon, but her phone beeped anyway.

'Just got back to your place - to see you didn't sleep in your bed last night! I want details when you get home, missy - all of them! Have a good day and I'll see you later xx'. Kate grinned at the message, she should have known Charlie would figure out she hadn't stayed at home, that girl should be a detective.

Castle joined Kate in the living room, passing her another mug of coffee just as Alexis came bounding back down the stairs, a pair of leggings in her hand which she passed to Kate.

"Uh, thanks?" Kate said, looking from one Castle to the other. Rick shot her a 'don't ask me' glance and looked to his daughter for an explanation.

"I just think we'll all be more uh, comfortable if Detective Beckett isn't at here in just your t-shirt, dad," she muttered. "We're probably around the same size so.."

Kate blushed slightly, she hadn't thought of how Alexis would feel to get home and find her dad eating breakfast with his (non-romantic) partner - who was just wearing a t-shirt and her underwear. The shirt fell to mid-thigh but she could see Alexis' point - who wanted to see their father all lovey-dovey with his new girlfriend? Wait, girlfriend? Slow down, Kate.

"Crap, sorry Alexis," she began, "I didn't think-"

"Oh no, you don't have to apologise for that," Alexis told her quickly, grasping onto what Kate meant, "I mean, I'm happy for you both and everything but uh..yeah.." She trailed off.

"You don't need a reminder.." Kate smiled.

"No," Alexis said, relieved that Kate understood. "But I meant what I said, I am happy for you both."

"Oh we're uh..not actually um.."

"Thank you, pumpkin," Castle interrupted, he really didn't need Kate giving his daughter all the details.

"So um, are we watching them from the beginning?" Kate asked and Castle looked at her in horror. "What? What did I say?" She looked to Alexis for help.

"Dad always says that when you're watching a marathon of movies or a tv show, you have to start at the beginning. I don't know, some weird writer story type thing," she said rolling her eyes.

"Hey," Castle said, "I saw that! God, I think you've been spending too much time with Beckett if you're rolling your eyes at me! But yes, we are watching them from the beginning," he explained, "can't start a story in the middle!"

"But uh..they're all different stories," Beckett argued, "you know, each school year brings something new and a new movie. Well book, but you know what I mean." Castle glared at her. "Okay, so I'm going to go and get changed and you put the first movie on, 'kay?" She asked, hurrying away from him with a laugh. He really was adorable.

"So, we ready to start then?" Kate asked, coming back into the room - fully dressed this time.

"Yep, just waiting for you," Castle told her. "Come sit down," he said, patting the empty seat next to him.

Kate's eyes widened - it was one thing spending the night in his arms but curling up next to him when his daughter was there? That was a whole new kettle of fish. Alexis, though, worked it out for herself.

"You can sit next to him, but I want at least two inches between you the whole time and keep your hands where I can see them," she sighed dramatically, effectively breaking the tension.

"You've been spending way too much time with your grandmother," Castle grumbled as Kate sat down next to him. "So dramatic!"

"Oh Castle," Kate laughed, "I think at least half of her flair for the dramatic comes from you," she teased.

"Oh I see how it is," Castle replied, "well then you don't get to share my blanket," he huffed, yanking it off of her lap.

"Shall we put the movie on?" Alexis interrupted and they both looked at her, seeming to have forgotten she was there.

"Yes yes, okay child, let's put it on!" Castle pressed play and the three of them made themselves comfortable.

By the time they'd started the Chamber of Secrets, Kate and Rick had shuffled closer together, their thighs pressed up against each other. By the Prisoner of Azkaban, their hands were entwined under the blanket that Castle had allowed her to share again. Alexis had got up and got them snacks throughout the movies, but by the time they'd finished the third, Alexis had to go and get ready for her night with Martha.

"Can we do it again next week?" Alexis asked, "watch the rest of them?"

"Of course, Pumpkin," Castle smiled at her.

"I was kinda talking to Kate.." Alexis teased.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Kate laughed.

And so with the promise that they could carry on next weekend, Alexis left to get ready and meet her grandmother, leaving Castle and Beckett alone.

That evening.

"What about my mother, Castle?" She said and he flinched at the harshness in her voice.

It was time to come clean, she might hate him for it, never speak to him again, but he couldn't hide it any longer, it wasn't fair. "Well more about your mothers case, than your actual mother," she narrowed her eyes at him. "Okay, so you know all about how Montgomery was involved and what he did-"

"Castle, I have forgiven Montgomery for what he did. He gave his life for me and that was more than he should have done. I don't care what he did, he changed and now thanks to me his two daughters have to grow up without their father. And I know what it's like to have a parent ripped away from you, Castle, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

"Please, just listen to me?" He pleaded and she nodded slowly. "Thank you. Yes, Montgomery gave his life for you, but that's not all he did. He knew who was behind it all, the man who sent Coonan after your mother-"

She gasped, interrupting him again. "Castle I swear to god if you tell me you know who's behind this-"

"Kate," he said sternly and she recoiled slightly, not used to this side of him. "I promise you, I don't know who's behind it. I know what you know - he's powerful and we'll never touch him. But Montgomery had evidence that incriminated whoever it is and when he knew Lockwood was after him, he sent copies of that evidence to a friend, someone he trusted." He paused but Kate didn't interrupt this time. "But this evidence, it didn't arrive until you'd been shot..so Montgomery's friend made a deal - they backed off and this evidence stayed a secret. But there was one condition to that - you had to stop looking for them, you had to drop the case. And that's why, Kate, that's why you aren't buried 6 feet under, it's why you're still alive."

"How..how do you know all of this?" She whispered.

"Who do you think was stopping you looking into it?" He asked. "I was just trying to keep you safe.."

"Castle, you lied to me about the most import- about one of the most important things in my life," she said amending her original comment - he was probably the most important thing in her life right now, she knew that.

"Because I care about you, Kate! Because seeing you lying on that cemetery ground, bleeding out..it damn near killed me and I'm sorry, but I can't stick around to see that happen again."

It took everything in her to not run away, screaming that she never wanted to see him again. "Nearly a year, Castle," she said, "it's been nearly a year since I was shot and every day since then I have prayed for something to come up, something that would give me an indication as to who was behind this and the whole time you've been sitting on that lead?"

"It was the only way I could stop you going after him!" Castle protested.

"So, who is he? This friend of Montgomery's? How do I find him?"

"You don't" Castle said, "he's..a voice on the end of the phone..a shadowy figure in a parking garage.."

"You've met with him? And you didn't tell me? You've met with him and made some sort of a deal for my life like I'm a child? How could you do that?"

"I've already told you, Kate - it's because I care about you. I'm in love with you, you know that, and what would you have done if I had told you, hey?"

"I.." She paused, she knew exactly what she was getting at and he had a point. If he had told her, she would have run straight at him - just like Montgomery said she would. "You know what I would have done but that doesn't excuse what you did, Castle. You lied to me and let me believe we had nothing, when all along you had the biggest lead we've had since Coonan died!"

"Yes, I lied to you. Just like you lied to me. Not nice, is it?"

"Seriously? You're bringing that up now?"

"Yes, because what you did hurt me and I know I should have done this a long time ago but I was trying to protect-"

"I don't need protecting, Castle! Look at where we are - Coonan is gone and Lockwood is gone, I'm ready Castle, for whoever it is they send next, I'm ready."

"Ready for what? To die? Because I'm having a hard time believing that your mom-"

"Don't you dare tell me what my mom would or wouldn't have wanted," she growled, "you didn't know her!"

"No, you're right, I didn't. But I know you, Kate, and this isn't right. And that's why I didn't tell you, because there's nothing you could have done - you pursue this and you're dead, is that what you want?"

Was he stupid? "Of course that's not what I want, Castle, what I want is to get justice for my mother and you're standing in the way of that!" Her resolve was slipping and they could both tell. The tone of her voice suggested she was arguing for the sake of arguing.

"Kate, you have to understand why I did this!"

She wanted to shout at him, tell him she hated him and that he was wrong but deep down, she knew he was right. He shouldn't have kept it from her but she could understand why he had. "I do," she whispered and he let out a sigh of relief. "You shouldn't have kept it from me but..you're right, I would have gone straight after them and maybe I would have got them but maybe they would have killed me."

Castle stood up and gathered her in his arms. "I'm sorry Kate, I'm so so sorry," he whispered.

"I know you are. Just..give me some time, okay?"

Time, he could do time. Except.. "Kate, the last time you said that you disappeared for three months.."

"Hey," she said, pulling back, "look at me." He shifted his head until his eyes met hers. "I'm not running, okay? I just..need a day or two to think it over."

"Promise?"

"I promise," she replied, pressing her lips to his. She pulled away and he half smiled at her. "See you on Monday?" She asked.

"See you Monday," he replied.

A/N: couldn't quite bring myself to have KB kick off as much as she did on the show, hope it wasn't too 'why doesn't she care' though! Let me know what you thought :)

twitter - holaitsjade | tumblr - stanaabanana