When he came back in for the night he was met by the soft glow of candle light. Mika was asleep on the cot near the door and Judith was nowhere to be seen. It was what was on the couch that really caught his interest. Beth was sitting legs tucked under her and Lizzie's head was on her lap. He watched as her small hands worked their way through the girl's hair. Her touches were light, careful. Her eyes raised from the child's head to meet his eyes.
Daryl set down his stuff in front of the door and nodded towards the little girl in her lap.
"You got that all worked out?" He asked softly, mindful of the sleeping girls.
"She's coming along. That's all that matters." He nodded at her statement, she really was something. Her patience could touch even the coldest of hearts. he found himself wishing Merle had spent more time around her.
"She reminds me of my brother." He shared. Her lips cracked a small smile.
"Tell me about him." She whispered and he couldn't help but study her. Her small smile, her bright blue eyes, and golden wild hair.
"He was always leading me around. Telling me what to do like he had it all figured out. For awhile I thought he did. He always seemed to be getting us into more trouble than we needed. He was a little out of his mind. He cared about me though and that's what mattered." He paused. "He cared about drugs a little bit more than me for a long time. Wasn't always there and sometimes it was on purpose and sometimes it was because he was locked up."
"Me and Merle, we could've used a girl like you around while we were growing up. It's good these two have you."
"You think I can really fix her?" She asked and he realized she was quite serious. She wanted to know if she was making the right call. His eyes flickered between her face and the little one's in her lap. Lizzie had tear strains on her cheeks. Beth had circles around her eyes. The candle light put emphasis on the sharpness of her cheek bones. She would die trying to save them all from themselves. He would die before he let that happen.
"I think you could fix anyone Beth." As soon as he said it he felt embarrassed and confused as to why he said it out loud. Her smile spread and her hands stilled in the little girl's hair.
"Thank you, it means a lot to hear that." She told him openly and Daryl could feel heat crawling up his neck. He was going to start blushing like a boy. Beth made him feel so strange.
"You should take the cot." He told her gruffly, changing the course of their conversation. She seemed to be slightly displeased by this.
"No, the couch is too small for you." She was holding back a frown. Her brow was creased. "You need rest Daryl. Everyone needs you."
"People need you too." The conviction in his voice caused a new rush of heat to flow through him. He was certain he was blushing now. "I'll be fine Beth. Want me to move her for you?" He looked at Lizzie whose face was much less twisted in her sleep. She looked normal there on Beth's lap. Beth nodded and he approached her stooping to pick up the girl and gently place her on the cot across the room. He was relieved when neither girl stirred.
"Where's Judith?" He asked more to fill the silence than out of actual worry. He knew Beth wouldn't just leave her in the wrong hands.
"I asked Rick if he wouldn't mind taking her over night. He does that for me sometimes, so that I won't get too worn out." Her voice was getting closer to him but he stayed still and looked at the sleeping girls in front of him. It was much safer looking at them than Beth.
It wasn't just a touch on his arm this time. No, she first touched him with the tips of her fingers and slowly, so slowly, she dragged them across the skin of his bicep before placing the palm of her hand down hot against him. Her grip was light but firm. He felt the pulse jumping in his throat. He felt an overwhelming need to look at her but something about that scared him.
"Why do you avoid people Daryl Dixon? They just want to take care of you." She was closer than he originally thought her breath was warm against the back of his shoulder.
"Beth," His voice was raspy and he stopped to clear his throat although he was sure it wouldn't matter. Her presence always made him feel like he was choking on something. "I know you like touching people," He brought his hand up to gently pry hers away from him. He tried to be sensitive. He didn't want to hurt her. "But I don't like that. I don't want that. You need to respect that."
He turned to face her then, because it seemed like the right thing to do. He expected her to look a little sad, maybe a little disappointed. Instead when he took in her face she was smiling and there was a determined little twinkle in her eye that gave him a bad feeling.
"Okay, if you say so."
"I mean it," His voice was shaking and the intimidating quality that he so needed it to have right now was lacking. She turned to go back to the couch. He grabbed her arm at that. His grip was probably hurting her. She felt so small in his hand. So fragile. Her head whipped around to look at him. "Beth I meant what I said. You need to take the cot." She considered him and where earlier, just a moment ago, he had seen confidence in her now he saw confusion.
He was confusing her. He was confusing himself.
"You take the cot. I'm going to get some air." He took her in. Memorized the way she looked right there in front of him and then he turned and left, only pausing briefly to pick up his things. He was halfway down the hall when he heard the door open again. He didn't stop. He didn't need her in his ear saying all manner of truthful and open things.
"Daryl Dixon!"
He didn't stop he had to get away from here and her and everything.
"Daryl Dixon, I'm not afraid of screaming until the whole damn prison wakes up!" He stopped in his tracks and felt anger bubbling up in him. He wants to be alone. Alone with himself so he can push all these things out. Push all these feelings out.
"What is your problem? You can't go from mean to nice to cold all the time without explanation. You can't do that to people." She was pleading with him. He knew pleading when he heard it. She was a strong girl, but something was making her want him to be something for her. He didn't know what but he could feel she wanted something more than casual conversations. Perhaps a friendship? He was hardly friends with anyone.
Why didn't anyone understand he didn't know how to deal with this kind of stuff. Everyone else left him be, but she was coming back for more. There was nothing he could offer her.
"Go back," He shrugged his shoulders at her. He knew she wouldn't do it but he had to try. "Got stuff you wouldn't understand Beth."
"Why wouldn't I understand? I care about what's going on with you. With Carol gone you'll need someone to talk to."
"I don't need someone prying into my life." He growled at her and he watched as she took an involuntary step backwards.
"Everyone needs someone." She insisted. He was tired of this. These people, everyone at the prison, they were seeming to get the impression that he was some tame puppy. He wasn't. He wasn't like them. His life had only been better and better as the world started falling apart, while theirs had gotten worse. Daryl had always had to fight and for them it was some new experience.
He wasn't the same as them, couldn't she see that?
"Daryl," She whispered into the still air around them. There was her voice again. Her voice penetrating his mind and his soul. His feet were moving without him wanting them to. He was so incredibly frustrated with everything. So incredibly frustrated.
Daryl realized suddenly where he was. He had Beth pinned against the wall, her wrists pinned to her side by his hands. Her face was flushed, probably scared the shit out of her by being so rough. Maybe it would be enough to wake her up. She was soft against him, warm. He tried to concentrate on her eyes instead of the way her body felt. She was blinking up at him slowly.
"You don't have any idea what I need. Get that through your head." He watched as she blinked slowly. Watched as her eyes dropped from his. Watched as her blush turned a violent red. Then her blue eyes looked up at his again. She licked her lips.
Daryl was ashamed as his thoughts started to take a new turn.
"Then tell me." Her voice was husky, rough. He hadn't ever heard it that way before and it was addicting. He felt her body relax into his. "Daryl... tell me. Tell me what you need." Her voice was seductive. A sound that one could imagine a woman making as she was taking you into her hand. He could get lost here in the hallway with her. He could but he knew she couldn't. He pushed away from her.
"Go to bed Beth. I'll be back later." She didn't protest this time. She just stayed up against the wall like she wasn't sure what to do with herself. He wasn't sure what he should be doing with himself either.
He took a couple laps around the fence, checking for breaches and killing the occasional walker with his hunting knife as they stumbled up to the fence. This he could deal with. The strange feelings and the conversations he couldn't. He didn't understand Beth, or most people for that matter, but especially women. He hadn't had much experience with women until now. Hadn't really been around them or been friends with them. He didn't know how to interpret their constant mood changes and sensitivity.
Merle had been the source of most of what he knew about women in general and Merle liked talking about the vaguer points of sex. The feelings and the relationships and anything explicit was left far out of their conversations. Daryl hadn't ever really minded until Beth started looking at him with all that bottled up 'something' in her eyes.
He was beyond happy when he returned to the room and Beth was actually asleep in the cot. He couldn't take any more of her, not that night at least.