11. WATER
The feeling of worry only relinquished its ever-constricting hold on me when Jacob was next to me. My hand might as well have been glued to his for all it would have mattered. If I let go, or let him out of my sight, then the worry would descend once again upon my mind.
A kind of buzzing had filled the Cullen's home. Plans were being made, but changed so frequently that I gave up quickly on trying to keep up. Every time Jacob was called in to help, even though it might be only for a few seconds, I could feel the imminent horror prodding at my sanity. But when Jacob returned, the glowing in his dark eyes would sew me back up again, as if I had always been whole.
We usually kept to ourselves, for multiple reasons. First of all, our presence made some of the others feel awkward. Evidence of this was most present within our pack family. Secondly, the house was getting a little crowded, although it couldn't be compared to the last time, when the house had been absolutely flooded with vampires.
For the most part, Jacob and I usually sat by the pool, and a lot of the time, it seemed like we weren't saying anything. His eyes were constantly burning into mine. The look in his eyes shifted all the time, moving from confusion, to adoration, and even sadness.
I wondered why sadness constantly dripped into his eyes. Speculation arose in me that it might be the same reasons that the worry and horror constantly edged into my mind. But every time sadness was there, it would be only for half of a second, and then he would look back into my eyes, and the adoration and happiness would be there, as if sorrow had never been there.
Jacob made the Alpha-command that the pack was not allowed to leave the house, except when running scouting trips, and even then, not alone.
We only had time to make two short scouting runs, neither of which included me and my reason for being, before Edward and Emmett left on a relatively longer journey, to see if the Volturi were still in the area. Sam, Paul, and Leah went with them, for backup if needed. They were back within ten minutes to report that the Volturi had indeed left the area.
Then plans shifted again, this time including an immediate second trip, for the purpose of learning if Isla Didyme was the Volturi's destination.
The entire Amazonian coven, save for Nahuel, were set to go, along with the Denali clan, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. We kept Alice with us, to keep watch on the ever-shifting future, and the entire pack stayed to protect the home front.
Within minutes, the second scout team left for Florida, hopping on a plane in Seattle. They would not call at all after they reached Florida, in case there was any chance that the Volturi could be listening in. I didn't know how they would find out if the Volturi were to be at Isla Didyme, but I didn't really care yet.
Jacob and I were too caught up in each other to think too much about the impending war that hung over our heads like clouds before a thunderstorm. I wondered when it was finally going to rain, just wanting it to be over with. The suspense that flooded my system when Jacob was not with me was so painful, it was almost physical pain. I wanted to know the outcome, just a part of it even.
Who would we have to lose to get through this? I didn't want to think about it.
Then Jacob was back, and my train of thought was broken when his dark brown eyes met mine. A smile erupted across his face, and I responded like he knew I would.
I leaned backwards, pretending to swoon.
I guess swooning isn't good to do by a pool. I flinched away from the water when I realized I was tilting backwards, and gasped. Jacob laughed and his eyebrows raised, making his smile even bigger.
"Hey, honey," he said, his voice so deep that it gave me goosebumps. He was definitely the manliest gay man I had ever met. Not that I had met many. The laughter rolled from his mouth again.
"Hey yourself," I half-whispered, blushing bright red when he sat next to me and took my left hand in his right. "What time is it?"
"Just before five. Should be dawn soon," he said as I put my head on his warm shoulder. "You know what?"
"Tell me what, and then I will," I teased, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. Jacob smelled way too good for it to be normal. "You smell good."
He laughed.
"I've been in there with the vamps for like fifteen minutes, and I smell good to you?" He laughed again before messing my hair up again. "But that's not what I was going to say."
Jacob deliberated before he continued.
"Since the Volturi have left the area... maybe... maybe it's safe enough for all of us, the pack, I mean... to go visit our families..."
I couldn't help but smile. Mom would be worried sick, even though I'm sure the rest of the council had filled her in.
But my smile flipped upside down when I realized why he was letting the pack go home for a while.
Because we were about to leave on a terrible mission.
Because we were all ready to face the most horrifying of all our demons.
Because we might not all come home.
Sudden tremors brought me back to the present. It was a somehow familiar feeling. It was painful, excruciating. What the-
I clutched at my chest. Part of me was trying to tear in two. My heart was splintering again, this time on another new fault line, hidden in the back where I couldn't reach it to fix it.
"Seth?" Jacob said, holding me back from something, from falling into the pool.
"Jacob," I said, as evenly as a nearly traumatized person could. "What if one of the young ones... what if one of them..."
Jacob understood. He pulled me closer to him, into his lap, even though I was 6 feet tall and 172 pounds.
"I'm not going to let anything happen to them," he crooned. His voice so amazing, I couldn't help but be reassured.
We were silent for a few more seconds, and I stared into his white t-shirt, not blinking.
"Jeez, Seth, you weigh a ton," he teased.
"Then I'll get off," I mumbled into his chest.
I moved carefully around him, trying to breathe evenly.
Somehow, water had splashed up from the pool at some point, and my bare foot caught it at the wrong time.
I didn't have time to blink or react when the back of my head collided with Jacob's knee as I fell. Then it was all cold. I shivered as I sank into the huge Olympic-sized pool.
Well, this is fun. Even my thoughts were bitingly sarcastic. Ha.
I decided to fight gravity, then, and kicked my feet as hard as I could, rocketing back to the top. Jacob was waiting for me. He was in hysterics when I climbed out of the pool, water dripping off of me relentlessly. I parted my lips and stuck my tongue to my back teeth, and crossed my arms, waiting for him to stop.
His eyes were closed and he was rolling on the patio's white marble stone. I was pretty sure that his eyes were tearing up from laughing so hard. Jacob's arms were clenched at his middle, and I wondered if his insides were hurting yet.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head to the side before I went to kneel on my knees by his side.
"Jacob," I said in the most even tone I could, trying not to laugh too. He opened his eyes, and started laughing even harder. Then I laughed too, before I kissed him in another one of my surprise attacks.
Then he stopped laughing. Jacob's arms wrapped around my head and his hands intertwined in my hair, holding me to him, and he was kissing me with everything he had.
I put my wet hands on his cheek and he flinched away, and his eyes shot open.
"Holy crap, you're really cold," he gasped. "You probably need to change clothes before you freeze. It's like forty degrees out here!"
"Jacob, I have no clothes here," I said, standing up. My jeans and t-shirt were soaked. The same nice clothes I had worn for Alice's little trip to Port Angeles. Great.
"That's fine," he said, jumping to his feet. "We can go by your house and get some more, can't we?"
"Sure," I said. "Mom will probably attack me when we get there though."
He laughed.
"Be right back," he said, starting for the house. "I need to tell the pack they can go home and visit for the rest of the day."
I listened from outside, and only caught that the pack was supposed to go back to the Cullen's house at noon, seven hours from now. Jacob was outside in twenty seconds (I counted), and then we were bolting for the forest.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said, stopping and holding my hands up. "Bad idea."
He spun around, tilting his head to the side, confused. His expression made me laugh out loud.
"Since these clothes are wet, I bet they would stretch if I put them on my cord, and then phased," I explained, pointing to the leather cord attached to my left leg.
"Oh," he said. "Then, uh, driving, I guess?"
Jacob drove, and I insisted on sitting in the floor in front of the passenger seat, so that I didn't get his beautiful seats wet. Jacob tried to say it was okay, but I knew he was just trying to make me happy. I wanted to tell him that he would be unhappy if I ruined his seats, and that him being happy made me happy, which made him happy. Happiness gets happiness in return. So I sat in the floor, smiling brightly.
My house was soon visible in front of us. Well, it was visible to Jacob, from the driver's seat. But not the floor. Haha.
"We're here, hun," he said, tousling my hair for the millionth time. "Can we try not to wake your mom up? I'm sure she hasn't slept a freaking second."
I snickered before I hopped out of Jacob's Rabbit, and walked as quietly as I could towards my house. The doorknob creaked noisily, and I bit my lip as I tiptoed inside.
My mom wasn't in the living room, and all the lights were off. I glided as gracefully as I could through the darkness to my room, almost silent as I grabbed clothes and stuffed them in a bag. I changed into some dry clothes before I left my room.
I wrote a note to my mother, trying not to think of it as a goodbye note. But it could have been.
Hey, Mom. Some terrible things have happened, and I'll be leaving with the others to fix everything. I'll miss you every second. I love you.
- Seth
I didn't add that there was an enormous possibility that I wouldn't be coming back. I didn't add that... that one of my friends might not come back with us. The chance that we could lose, or the fact that we were gambling our whole (freaking) species to protect the ones we loved. She was on the council, and I was sure she knew that better than anyone, as intuitive as she was. But I tacked one thing to the end.
P.S. Leah will be okay too.
I was about to stick it to the wall, when I changed plans. My mother had always been one of the heaviest sleepers I had ever met. I slowly and easily slid through the mostly open door to my mother's bedroom. Sue Clearwater laid in the bed, silent, and unmoving if not for the slow breathing that made her body move. I carefully and silently dropped the note onto the bedside table. But before I ducked back out of the door, I noticed something.
My mother's face was different. It didn't seem at all peaceful. Something was off.
Oh. The cheek visible was shimmering in the tiny amount of light coming in through the window. She had been crying.
My heart splintered again, because my mom had probably been crying due to that both of her children were going off to a war that no one could control. I tried not to tear up again when I ducked out of the door and half-sprinted back to the car. Jacob took in the emotions on my face and tried to look nonchalant and comfortable.
"What time is it?" I asked, trying not to fall apart again. What the crap is with me today? I swear, I feel like if I see a dead plant, I'm gonna have a total meltdown!
"Just 5:30," he said, brushing his hand against my hair again.
Shivers trickled down my spine, and a warm feeling replaced the fragility that had before been dominant in my emotions.
"You will come back," he reassured, reading through my pretenses. "We will come back, we all will."
His confidence was addictive, like always. I couldn't help but to smile and nod, but I still bit my lip a little.
Jacob leaned over and kissed my neck. I felt blood rushing to my face, and laughed. My reason for laughing could not be found, probably because there wasn't one except that Jacob-Laughing-Syndrome was most likely contagious.
"Just drive, you nut," I said, pretending to pop him on the shoulder when he sat back down, beaming at me brilliantly. Did I mention that Jacob has perfect teeth?
When we got back to the Cullen's house, we found that most of the pack, except for Gary, Paul, Ricky, and Leah, were gone home, to tell their families that they had to leave for a while. Except the ones whose parents were in the dark. They were just home to get clothes for the long trip.
Carlisle, Esmé, Peter, Charlotte, and Alice were talking in the kitchen, their voices muffled.
Paul and Leah were both outside, obviously staying away from us, while Gary, Ricky, Benjamin, and Tia played some kind of card game at the dining room table.
Marcus was sitting on a chair in the living room, reading a humongous book. He was reading very quickly, getting done with one page in two or three seconds. Then again, when you live more than three thousand years, you're bound to learn to read fast somewhere.
Bella, Edward, Nessie, and Nahuel were all sitting on the couch. Edward had his arm around Bella, and Nahuel sat very oddly, almost centering himself towards Renesmee, but trying not to seem territorial.
Bella smiled dazzlingly when we walked in.
"Hey, boys," she said, and jumped up to greet us.
"Um, hey, Bells," Jacob said as she threw her marble arms around us both. "What are you doing?"
"Just congratulating the love birds," she sang.
I could almost swear that both Jacob and I turned a deep shade of purplish blue. My eyes widened involuntarily, and I bit my lip for the millionth time. Then Bella was whispering in our ears.
"Edward is glad that you're taking Jacob out of our hands, Seth, but he'll never say it."
Marcus laughed a little from his chair, and I saw what book he was reading: The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. No wonder it was so darn thick.
"I heard that," Edward said casually as he flicked through the channels. "And I probably wouldn't have said anything, love."
Renesmee doubled over, laughter spilling from her mouth.
"I think it's cute," she laughed.
"In a, um, weird way," Bella said, her smile never faltering. "But very cute."
Jacob shot her a funny look and threw his arm around my shoulder. The muscle of his arm was dizzyingly warm.
"I thought you were never gonna find anybody, Seth!" Nessie chimed, smiling at me brilliantly.
I grimaced, and it must have seemed mediocre in a place full of beautiful, brilliant teethed vampires, plus Jacob.
"Have we gotten a call from the others yet?" Jacob asked suddenly.
Then the light, airy feeling in the room thickened into tension. Without Jasper here to help calm things, it was much tenser than usual.
"Yes," Edward said. "They called thirty minutes before they landed in Florida. That was right after you two left to get Seth's clothes. The sun is shining there, and that might make things a little more difficult. They'll have to wait a few more hours for night to fall there before they can know for sure if the Volturi really are on Isla Didyme."
"But Alice saw something in the future," Bella took over. "The Seattle Coven is not planning to leave yet, because they know that we're going, but they might go with us when we leave. Instead of having the scout party come back after they find out where the Volturi are, we are going to meet the others there. Jasper had time to get some kind of non-traceable phone, so they can call us to tell us when they know."
"I hope the Seattle Coven does come to help," Marcus said, closing the book and setting it back perfectly on the shelf. "Some of Aro's new guards are very dangerous. They have powers I have never witnessed in all my years. Weather control, seismic waves from bare hands, electricity from nowhere... There were eight, but now there are only seven additions to the guard, but they are powerful. I doubt this will be anything near easy."
"Wait, I thought you said that the Volturi had been infecting like crazy?" Jacob asked, confused.
"Well, seven newborns in almost a year is infecting like crazy for my brothers," Marcus explained, standing. "Trenton, Kereana, Hallie, Felicia, Rory, Elijah, Oberon... and then you took out Gregory. That's a good thing too, because his power was deadly, but if you had any idea what their powers are... I don't know all of their powers, but I know a few. Kereana is just like Alec, with the desensitization. Trenton, as you know, can taste abilities or potential abilities. Hallie can stop any change within a person, except for normal bodily functions. You witnessed that yourself, wolfling, when you couldn't change into your wolf form. Felicia can control weather, and generate electricity from her fingertips. Elijah controls seismic waves, but what your Benjamin can do is much more powerful. Rory, Oberon... these two I'm not sure of. But I assume they are just as deadly as their comrades, or even more so."
The conversation continued without Jacob and I. I found that many conversations that we started ended up with us leaving. Haha.
We made our way outside. The only notice of our leaving was from Bella, who shot us another dazzling smile. Leah and Paul both scattered in different directions when we got outside, but Leah was laughing like a hyena.
"I feel a little overloaded," I confessed as we sat in the grass beyond the patio, to the left side of the pool. "Suddenly, the love of my life is all over me like we were always like this."
He laughed once before I kept going on.
"Then we are at war, a war that I still think we have a shot to win... but there'll be costs. I'm not exactly prepared to, well... to deal with any kind of loss... I feel like we're being balanced on the edge of a knife. One wrong move and it's-"
I moved my finger across my throat in a melodramatic throat-slice movement.
Jacob rolled his eyes.
"Seth, don't worry! You didn't used to worry, you know. I guess I'm the reason you're like that, aren't I." It wasn't a question. "When we were facing the Volturi last time, you were totally fearless, just like you always were. But now..."
He frowned, pouting his lip. I felt instantly guilty. He was more than right. When the Volturi had been here last December, I had been pumped, ready for action. And now...
I realized, too, that it had something to do with Jacob. Always being on the watch for anything that might say that someone else even had the idea that I had imprinted on Jake. It wasn't near as bad, and was getting better every minute I was with him. Maybe I really would be back to my old self soon. I fervently hoped so.
"I'm sorry," I said. I didn't really know how to say anything else without sounding like a total moron. "I really am trying to get back to the way I was. It's a lot easier when you're with me, but when you're gone, no matter how long, it just... gets worse."
"I know," he said, almost whispered. "It's the same for me. I haven't felt this way about a person besides Renesmee, but the connection between Nessie and me was nowhere near as strong as the hold you have on me. But when I have to go, or you do, for no matter how long, I just kind of start to tear apart." He deliberated again, waiting for my reaction. "I know, it sounds dumb, right?"
Far from it.
"No," I responded. "I've felt that feeling for months. Every time we would watch a movie together and you got up to pee? I felt like I was about to die of bitter loneliness."
He laughed huskily again, and goosebumps ran up and down my spine when he grabbed my hand and made me let go of the piece of grass I had been playing with. I blushed bright-red. He smiled at me just as a sudden explosion of light erupted from the east.
Jacob and I both snapped our heads towards the sun as it began its slow journey up into the sky.
"Our first sunrise?" Jacob whispered, leaning in to kiss me.
"That was corny," I whispered back, teasing him.
I tilted my face to the side and closed my eyes. How many times had we kissed today? Eight times, maybe? Eight, on the first day we're together. And the day had barely even began. Great.
My fingers intertwined in his hair this time, and I held him to me.
Kissing Jacob was absolutely the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. Nothing at all could come close in comparison. It was easy, simple, like breathing. But when we were kissing, we sometimes forgot to breathe. It was only when Jacob would gasp, or I would gasp, that we realized that it was necessary. Needless to say, we both were obsessed with the other, and neither of us could stand to let go of the other for half a second.
And neither one of us could bear to stop.