Nathaniel. Nathaniel, Nathaniel, Nathaniel.

It was a whisper, an echo in my head.

I couldn't get rid of it.

I'd been at Jemima's for two weeks, learning how to control magic. It was quite simple. All you had to do was picture yourself - or whatever you wanted to do - doing, wearing, or whatever it was you wanted in the first place. Then you had to feel it and want it, and it would happen.

That was all there was to it.

Apparently, I'm able to speak and understand any language effortlessly - the difficult part is figuring out what language I'm listening too, which means that I have to strain myself to listen to the - well, there's almost a shadowing sound, but you could hear it - and - it was difficult. That was the hardest part about the magic.

To do magic, one has to have an avid imagination.

Luckily, I've got one of those.

I still hated my magic - but it could come in handy, and I was very glad I was learning to control it, and that I knew what it was.

Transporting objects and people to you, or you to them, could be very difficult - (and fun) because you needed to have a presise memory of the details of whoever and whatever you're transporting or you would alter them in the transportation.

To do what Lucinda does all the time - to bestow a gift on someone - was something that Jemima refused to teach me.

"It only leads to unwanted trouble, pain, and heartbreak. And it's Big Magic, no matter where you are."

I also learned the only way a fairy could die - if another fairy pictures that fairy dead, wants it, feels it passionatly, and catches the victim-fairy unawares, like if he/she were sleeping, so that the unfortunate fairy can't block it.

(So you may think that fairy murders would happen every time one of them got angry. Perhaps you're thinking that Lucinda should have been murdered five times over - the reasons she, and most other fairies, have not been murdered, is that:

A. Most fairies are very discreet about their magic, and hate to use anything remotly "big".

B. If a fairy should committ something that cold-blooded, that fairy loses their powers forever.)

For there were ways to block enchantments, and reverse them too, but they were incredibly complicated.

I had a lot to learn.

But I didn't want to learn it - not without Nathaniel.

I now knew how to get to him, how to stay with him forever if I chose.

But what if he didn't want me anymore?

I'd had my own self-doubts, and now I felt that I could do it. That, though I hadn't been good enough for him before, that, if he should want me, I could be good enough for him now.

But the question remained whether or not he wanted me. I still didn't even know if he'd ever loved me.

Perhaps we'd been just friends to him, like I'd thought we'd been at the time.

Maybe he'd fallen for some other girl by now - I'd been away for long enough.

Probably he had.

Maybe they were already married.

Possibly they had children, and were deeply in love.

I'd thought of that a lot - and it never ceased to cause my heart to cry out in protest and ache unbearably.

How could I find him, and, should he not want me, leave again?

If he saw me, and I saw the recognition his eyes I probably would never be able to leave again.

But I had to! I mean, I had to find out.

I had to find out if he loved someone else, or if he just didn't want me anyway.

Maybe, if I could just see him, see him while he couldn't see me, I could see if he was married. If he was courting someone.

If he loved someone.

Maybe I could talk to him and find out - but no! NO! If I heard his voice I'd never be able to leave!

And, worse, if he recognized me, and thought me just a friend, he may want to talk to me.

And the longer I was obligated to stay, the harder it would be for me to leave again.

If only he wouldn't recognize me...!

But wait - that was it!

If he couldn't recognize me - what was I thinking! Of course I could make sure he wouldn't recognize me.

I was a fairy!

I could change myself and - I started to tremble.

Nothing was stopping me now, except some instinct that was buried deep inside me - the instinct to protect myself from more pain.

For, surely Nathaniel had found someone else by now. He was an amazing person. Any girl would be a total idiot not to have him if he wanted her.

And that meant that this was sure to be painful.

But, as I figured away to find out about how he felt towards me, I couldn't care enough to stop myself.

What if - I dare not hope, but hypothetically - if he hadn't met anyone yet - perhaps he was on the verge of it. Maybe, right this minute, a pretty girl was tripping. There! She could have just landed in Nathaniel's arms.

I could see it happening - the way his eyes would smile while his face remained expressionless.

I could see him helping her stand erect again.

He would bow. His sandy-colored, shaggy mop of hair would fall into his eyes, but he wouldn't pay it any mind.

She would be thanking him now - I felt a deep shudder convulse my entire body - and I abruptly stopped the image - just imagining him had hurt before, now it made me feel amazing. I was sure that, had I aches or pains anywhere in my body or a deadly disease, I would have felt well again.

But the thought of him with someone else - it hurt. It hurt so bad, I couldn't take it.

So this was sure to be painful.

Unbearably so.

But I had to do it.

I had to find out.

Author's Note: Sorry, I know this is short, and, after waiting so long for updates, you guys deserve a super-long chapter but, alas, I felt that this was a good place to end this chapter. Please review!