He was stalling. He knew that. It was just that nights in this room with Beth were strange and embarrassing and awkward. He didn't know if he could handle it after the run today which had been physically tiring. So there he was, hand hovering over the door knob. He knew she was awake. He could see candle light flickering in the frosted glass.
He opened the door and there she was sitting in the candle light with a book on her lap. The girls lay in bed. They looked to be deep asleep. Beth's head popped up and her eyes searched his. He quietly shut the door behind him. She stood silently. She was studying him. He didn't know what she was looking for but it must have been something important. She was in his space quicker than he could tell her no. Her hand was on his cheek, her eyes still searching his.
"I'm fine." He told her, but it didn't seem to satisfy her. Her face was tight. She was still searching his face. That's when he realized she wasn't looking for any wounds, at least not the physical kind. She was looking for new wounds to his soul. He caught her hand in his. "I'm fine Beth."
He expected her to relax, but she did more than that. She fell into him. Her body was limp against his and if he didn't know any better he'd say she was the one that had been lifting heavy things and fighting walkers all day.
"Beth," He didn't know what to do. He held her. Her face was buried in his chest. He had never felt so self conscious about being dirty before. Beth always seemed so clean. He probably stank to high hell but there she was, like she didn't notice. She was too nice to people.
"I was just really worried about you." She sighed and he felt his body begin to release the tension of the day. He lifted his hand to rub her back gently. "What'd you guys go out for anyway?"
"Rick wants to start fortifying the fence. Since the walkers broke it down he's been upset and he thought maybe we could build it up so its stronger." Daryl explained. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and saw Lizzie's head ducking back towards to pillow. They had an eavesdropper. "Went out and found a lot of cement and cinder blocks. Got as much as we could fit in the truck. Tomorrow we'll probably have to go back out for more. it's a lot of ground to cover"
"You should let someone else do the run tomorrow. You're tired." He knew she was just saying it because she had worried for him, but Daryl knew he had to go back out. He couldn't live with himself if someone died while he wasn't around to stop it.
"I have to."
"I know." She answered and her blonde head pulled away from his chest. She looked up at him with bright blue eyes. "Lizzie was asking about you after you left."
"What about?" His hand stilled on her back and he slowly pulled away from her. He crossed his arms over his chest.
"She was asking if you'd ever been a dad before." Beth laughed softly. "I told her no and she said she thought you'd make a good one." Daryl was surprised. the same girl that had been crying from his goading this morning had later in the afternoon praised him? It didn't seem right. He had been rough with her. He hadn't been gentle. He wondered for a moment about what that said about Lizzie and what it said about him.
"She just misses her own pa I'm sure." He was uneasy with this line of conversation. He knew Beth could tell.
"She told me that before Carol left she had accidently called her mom and Carol had been upset at her for it. She said it had hurt her feelings." Beth was quiet for a moment. "I always thought Carol would be happy to have another chance to be a mom. Instead she was scared about it. I would give anything to be a mom to someone."
"Might as well be Judith's mom." He didn't see the reason she wouldn't be able to recognize that. She smiled sadly and looked over to the playpen where Judith slept. She was constantly with the baby, playing with her, cleaning her, feeding her. What made someone a mom other than that?
"I'm Judith's baby sitter. Nothing more."
"You take care of her more than Rick does." He knew he was prodding her towards something that made her upset and yet he couldn't stop but explore that.
"Rick doesn't see that though. Rick doesn't see how important Judith is to me. To him all I am is a convenient place to leave the baby while he farms and deals with other things. " He listened as her voice turned hollow just thinking about it. Beth really was under valued around the group. She should have been given more credit for her abilities whether they be physical or not.
"Don't make you any less important. Doesn't matter how he sees it." She turned and smiled at him. It didn't reach her eyes.
"Thank you," She told him. "I appreciate that." He suddenly felt as though something was caught in his throat. She was beautiful. He wished he knew where those feelings where coming from lately. He wished that he had more experience with this sort of thing.
He merely shrugged. He wasn't ever one to take praise well.
"You should get some sleep. On the cot. You did a lot more than me today." Her voice was back to being light. He wanted to argue but something about the way she was standing there made him think better of it. Arguing with Beth only ever seemed to make the situation more confusing.
He didn't argue. He saw the way she accepted that and moved back over to the couch to start blowing out the candles. He watched as the lines of her body slowly disappeared into the dark as the last flame was smothered.
The next morning he was getting the truck ready when two little blonde heads popped into view.
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
He scowled at them.
"Shouldn't someone be watching you two?" He asked gruffly. They were suppose to leave within the hours and he didn't have time for little kids hanging around.
"Beth said it was okay for us to watch you guys load up as long as we weren't in the way." Lizzie explained. Her face had a huge smile plastered on it. He had never seen her look that happy before. It made her look like a normal kid for once.
"Well you're in my way." he told them. Mika started to take a step back but Lizzie reached out a hand to stop her.
"We were just wanting to get to know you." She explained politely. He wondered if he should indulge them. If it would help to support her when she was exhibiting normal little girl behavior. He wondered what Beth would do.
"No," He said with a frustrated sigh, "I don't have a girlfriend. I don't want one neither." Both girls looked at each other like it was the best news they'd heard all day, possibly all week and Daryl got the feeling that he was digging his own grave.
"Why not?" Mika asked him. Her voice was overly sweet. He narrowed his eyes.
"Don't have time for that. I have other things to worry about."
"Maggie and Glenn are together." Lizzie pointed out. He rolled his eyes.
"Well that's great for Maggie and Glenn." He told them placing his crossbow in the back seat of the truck.
"So you would have time. If you wanted to." She said and he began to feel more frustrated than ever.
"Look, I don't have time for it and even if I did, which I don't, nobody around here is available for that. We all got our shit to do." He watched as Mika flinched at his language and as Lizzie's smile got so big he thought it must be painful.
"Beth's available," He stilled at that. He was sure his heart skipped a beat. He glared at the girl.
"You're both in my way. Get." He could feel that intimidating edge to his voice but the girl only shrugged and grabbed her sister's hand. She practically skipped away. He ran his fingers through his hair. This whole Lizzie business was getting out of hand.
Glenn approached him then and placed his bag in the truck's passenger side.
"You alright man?" He asked Daryl and he nodded absently. He was going to have to ask Beth to keep the girls out of his hair. He wasn't like her. He couldn't deal with all the giggling and scheming.
"You ready to go?" He asked Glenn and the man nodded. "Alright, Let's get a move on then."
He started up the truck. He was happy that he'd have some time to get his mind off of everything. Daryl looked over to Glenn and he seemed to be fidgeting nervously. He put it into drive and started out of the prison.
"Daryl?" Glenn was going to bug him about something. Maybe he should've just stayed with those girls. "I have a question."
"Okay," he answered. He tried to keep the sigh out of his voice but he knew it was useless.
"You have some experience with women, right?"
"Does it look like I have time for that?"
"No I mean... before all of this." Glenn was hesitant. Daryl was tired of people trying to figure out how his life was before the turn.
"What do you want Glenn?"
"Maggie wants to have a baby." The man blurted and Daryl felt more tense than normal. What was he suppose to say?
"Don't get what you want from me."
"Well, I kind of wanted your opinion. Like an outside person looking in." Daryl met Glenn's eyes. He looked unsure and scared. Daryl thought of Beth.
"Not many people get the chance to start something good like that these days. If you have the chance, I think you gotta take it." He was being as honest as he could be but Glenn looked unhappy.
"I just worry that she'll end up like Lori."
"Can worry all your life. Don't make it any less likely." Daryl told him as he looked back out onto the road. Nobody knew how long they had anymore. It was only a matter of time until the other shoe dropped. "All we can do is try to fix the prison back up. Keep it as safe as we can."
They fell into silence for a long while. Daryl had never been into the family stuff, but if he were to ever start one he'd feel most comfortable starting one around the prison group. The people were good and kind. There were too many people that survived that weren't those things. Glenn was a lucky guy to have all of that going for him. Glenn and Maggie were special and they deserved to have a life that almost no one got anymore.
He tried to focus on the task at hand. The road was fairly quiet, but he knew they'd run out of luck sometime. Probably when they started loading the truck up which wasn't exactly a quiet job. He just needed to get the stuff and go back. Then maybe Rick could fix up a section on the fence and he could get a couple days off runs.
"Was that truck here the last time we came through?" Glenn asked suddenly and Daryl slowed the truck. No, it hadn't been.
"Guess we should take a look." He said opening up the door. He approached the back. Looked at the tracks there. Two women and a child. That was very clear. The tracks weren't more than a day old. It was the fourth set that made him pause. "Glenn we need to get the supplies and get back."
They were the governor's tracks. Distinct. His shoes were more worn than the last time Daryl had tracked him but they were the same. He was back. They needed to prepare.