John's POV

'That bad?' I asked as I sipped some of my tea and Christian joined me.

'Yeah… and I can't blame her… but an invalid?'

'She went through hell Christian… You must understand that… She feels unable to do anything… she can't control anything… She can't provide any kind of affection to her son…'

'Yes… I get the point… but an invalid?'

'I'll talk to her…' I smiled weakly as I rubbed my forehead.

'She's in the living room. She's a little tied up to the couch…' He replied as I stood up. 'You know the way… I'll give you some privacy…' He continued as he lifted Jason and placed him on his hip.

'He looks just like her…'

'…and does just like her…' He smiled. 'God… I wish she was just a little baby… where I could take her anywhere I wanted… and simply relive her childhood years.'

'We all grow Christian…' I replied. 'The living room?' I asked again.

'Yes…'

I remained staring at her from the opening to the living room. She was frustrated… She had that look in her face. A stack of reading books was on the coffee table astride her while she turned the last page of the book she was reading and closed it off.

'…and done too… So much for wanting to read asshole…' She said to herself barely realizing I was there.

'Who's the asshole?' I went from behind her as she jumped a little.

'Uncle! No need to scare the shit out of me!' She replied as she tried standing up.

'Stay…' I ordered gently as I sat beside her. 'Are all those finished?' I asked as I took one and read the back of it.

'Yeah… I'm that was the last book from the bucket list…' she replied as I placed it back.

'…and who is the asshole?'

'I am…' She simply replied as she rested her back to the couch.

'…and why is that?' I asked again.

'Look at me…'

'I am…'

'Uncle… I'm not in the mood for jokes…'

'…but you're chuckling so that means that you do want to laugh… you're just really frustrated that it's taking over your life…'

'What would you do?' She asked a question. I realized that this was going to be tough. Two psychiatrists analysing each other… that's what this will be…

'That's a trick question… probably I'll also be frustrated…'

'See!' She replied as I pulled her from her shoulders, and she rested her head on my shoulder. 'My son has a piece of lard for a mother…' She started as I cut her off.

'Stop that! Stop saying these things about yourself…'

'Why should I uncle?' She asked again as she stared at the ceiling and silent tears ran to her temple. 'My son knows his grandparents and father more than he knows me… he craves their touch more than he does mine… my husband… I can't even make love to my husband… I can't even go to the bathroom alone… because I can't walk for long distances… and my abdomen looks like a fucking maze…'

'Sera… are you regretting this?' I asked concerned

'What? No! How can I regret my son! I'll do anything for him…'

'Sera… what you went through… not many women would be strong to do this… Jason and no one for the matter of fact has a piece of lard as a mother, wife nor daughter… If it was another woman, she would have probably chose her life instead of her child's… but you didn't… you chose his life over yours… which although it's very brave… we do have to get into it…'

'What do we have to get into uncle?' She faced me. 'I only wanted my baby… I couldn't just kill him…'

'…but you knew you could die…'

'…and you think that death scares me?' She cut me off again. 'Death is something vague… something common that everybody has to go through… and honestly I don't mind when and if I die…'

'Sera!'

'Let me finish…' She stopped me again. 'This is not some fucked up mental break down I'm having. I never understood the fear people have of dying. It's not a huge deal… I fear death in others… but I don't mind if I die… because it's something natural and something that everybody has to go through… Dying today or tomorrow won't make a difference… because I'm still going to die someday…' She continued talking more to herself more than she did to me. 'I mean I would mind if I died today… but only because I have my son and family… but nothing else… I don't fear the fact of what's happening afterwards… nobody came back so it has to be good for sure…'

'Sera…' I stopped her. 'Sera… stop it… and listen to me…' I shook her gently taking her out of her trance and searching for her eyes that were darting everywhere. It scared me seeing her like that. She wasn't thinking straight. Yes, true… death didn't provide fear in many… but this… this was beyond. 'Sera… look at me…' I ordered again as I held her from her sides of her arm. 'Breath… just breath…' I said again, as she followed my instructions carefully. I pulled her to my chest and hugged her tight. I closed my eyes tight. She was broken… and I could feel my heart breaking with hers.

'I'm fucked up uncle… I'm fucked up…' She cried into my chest.

'Shh baby girl… shh…' I tried again as I rubbed her back in soothing circles. 'I know this is hard… It's hard on all of us… but mostly you… and I know how…'

'Please… don't give me that bullshit!' She begged. 'Nobody knows what I'm feeling… because all of you can continue on with your lives as if nothing happened…'

'You think that we don't feel this Sera?' I asked astonished. 'You think that we don't know how you may feel? Sera… it's true that it's on you… but we're all breaking with you… I walk every day to your office and stare at it hoping to see those curls flying around when you turn your head… or seeing you coming to my office for lunch… your father is lost seeing you like this… your mother wants to take all your pain away… and your husband… he seems like a tonne of brick fell over him Sera…'

'…and it's all my fault…' She cried.

'Shh…' I tried comforting her again. My trying to make her see a different perspective backfired. 'Sera… I'm not saying this to make you feel worse… but you need to realise that we are with you every second of the way…' I tried again. 'Sera… we all love you… and you cannot put a neither a limit nor an amount on love.' I explained gently. 'You have to learn this Sera… it's a learning curve… but still…'

'I don't think I can do it this time John… I don't think I can…'

'Sera… you can… don't you dare take that tone with me young lady… I don't care if you're 26 or whatever… but you are not to talk like that! Am I clear?' I said again while she simply remained quiet. 'Am. I. Clear.' I emphasised each word making sure they sink in.

'I'm scared…' She finally admitted. 'I'm scared that my own son would resent his mother… That my husband… that he'll find someone to satisfy his needs more than I can… That…'

'Shh…' I tried again as I let her cry into my shirt.

'I'm a burden on my parents… I'm supposed to be taking care of them… and yet… they're still taking my crap… they're still…' She cried. '…and I hate me for that… My life has been a constant failure for both my parents and me… I am a failure…'

'No…'

'I am John… I am… look where I am… I'm tied to this fucking couch… I'm supposed to be grumbling at how much Jason is keeping me up… I'm supposed…'

'Stop it Sera Elizabeth Grey…' I scolded. Someone had to get her out of this. If nobody had the balls to do so, I did. She means so damned much to me. I don't care what anybody thinks… She might as well be my kid… my daughter… 'First and foremost… never… never and ever call me John again. We're past that long ago… I don't want to go back there… Secondly. You are not a failure… you need some help… and needing help isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of how much strong you are because you're admitting that you cannot do this on your own.' I continued as she was about to speak. 'No… just shut up and listen to me.' I said again. 'Honestly… this is scaring me more than your past anorexia… this… this will kill you if you keep on going like this… We love taking care of you because we love you… and your parents don't mind taking care of their kid… there is nothing more important to a parent that their child's welfare. No matter if they're 60 or 90 for the matter of fact… and get the idea off from your mind that your father will let you and Carter move back to your home. You're practically bound to here… Your parents are not going to lose another second with you… that was their decision… and they made it because they love you… so I'm not going to stand by and watch you kick yourself hard on something that you didn't have control on. This is not your fault Sera! Stop blaming yourself… this self-loathing is killing you slowly. It's already invaded your mind and thoughts. What's it going to take to make you realize that you are special to all of us? Tell me what?' I said again, while she remained silence. '…and about Carter… I've never seen someone looking at his wife that way… except Christian to your mother… He has that look that he'll never leave you alone even if he has to cross borders or even go to another planet. Just like your father… Carter is a dom in his own ways… We marry the people that we find our parent's qualities. Look at Christian, he married Ana… she's just like our mother… and look at Christian… he has many of Raymond's traits… and you're the same… in Carter you've found Christian's traits… and we both know your father… and if I'm right which I am… there will be nothing that will chase Carter away. So please… stop bullshitting and messing with your own head and stop kicking yourself hard… BECAUSE IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT SERA… IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT… Am I clear?' I asked again while she nodded in my chest. 'That is not enough Sera… I need you to say it…'

'Yes…' She chocked.

'I'm prescribing you some antidepressants…'

'I don't…'

'Don't argue with me young lady… I am your uncle and I may not be speaking like a psychiatrist… but you need them…' I replied. 'They will make you feel drowsy… but at least you'll feel better. Make sure to take them on an empty stomach. Last thing you need is throwing up… the heaves will drive you into a large amount of pain.' I chuckled. '…and if I hear you… or your father or anyone for the matter of fact tells me that you're in this state again, this time I'll make sure that you won't have only a talk… but you'll have to spend a few days with me… and you know how it is in my home… nothing much changed since then… except that Derek has a boyfriend…'

'I know you're worked up uncle… but Derek…'

'I haven't told you… Sorry I forgot…' I replied. 'He finally came out…'

'What do you mean?' She asked. 'He used to be all smitten around women and girls…'

'Since he was 13, Rhian and I started noticing something different. We didn't put much thought in it… and honestly… I thought it was just a phase where he was still discovering himself…'

'…but?'

'He… how do I put it… he started getting attracted to other boys… at first he found it hard… but finally he came out…'

'How do you feel about it?'

'At first… we were a little shocked. It was always in the air… but we never wanted to accept it… until we were sure… until he told us… he was scared… a friend of his that told his parents and ended up very bad… he's having therapy sessions with me… once you get better and back to work… you'll be having him…' I replied. 'He started crying… he freaked out… he kept asking us to keep loving him… and I finally realized what the letter included. I kind of knew it… Rhian and I simply hugged him and assured him that nothing is going to change just because he prefers boys over girls…'

'If all parents were all like that…'

'For as long as he's healthy he can do and be whatever he wants. I don't have a control on who he sexually prefers. For as long that when I go home, I'll find him there, then that is enough for me.' I replied. '…and that goes same for you… for as long as you're here with us… I don't mind that you're depending on all of us both physically and emotionally.'

'Yeah…'

'Hey! I'm serious…'

'I know…' She replied as I felt her body go limp in my arms.

'Are you tired?'

'A little…' She replied slowly.

'You should sleep…'

'I…'

'It wasn't a suggestion Sera… You need to take better care of yourself… and that means that you sleep when your body tells you to… and you do anything your body needs…' I replied as I pulled the covers up to her shoulders. 'Sleep now princess... everything will be ok…' I said again as I kissed her forehead.

Carter's POV

I was home by 2pm. I couldn't stay away more from home… from my baby and my son. It was the longest hours I've been without Sera… even after we got married… We always made sure to at least see each other during breaks… drive each other… anything that required us together was enough for us. Just thinking about all the times we've been together… just together… and intimately made me hard… and only for her. I took a deep breath trying to calm down a little… but it didn't help.

I opened the door with the set of keys Christian gave me. He trusted me with his home… that meant a lot. He had also assigned a 24/7 security guard… he said that family needs one… 'family..' he counted me as one. I smiled at the thought.

'Carter…' Ana smiled as I went into the kitchen and went forward for Jason as she took him away.

'You know the drill kid…' Christian scolded, as he brought the bottle. 'Go change and shower… than you can hold Jason. You don't know what pathogens you brought along for both Sera and Jason to contract…'

'Did you act this uptight with Sera?' I asked them as they looked at each other and chuckled.

'It was actually a little worse…' Ana smiled.

'We had everything done with a disinfectant. We wore special clothes, we used special products… we even radiated everything to make sure that no pathogens could make our baby sick…' Christian replied as he handed Ana the bottle.

'Oh God… Was Sera the pet rat?'

'Not a pet rat… but she was close to being in an incubator…' Ana replied. 'I've waited for years for her to come… I wasn't going to stand by and watch her get sick… babies don't tell you what they're feeling… they just cry… and you can't solve anything with crying.'

'…and my parents let me play in the sand… walk… crawl on the floor... I turned out ok…'

'Well… you are not Sera… She is my baby…' Christian replied. 'We were the same with Jason… For as long as he was healthy we were happy…Come on now… off you go…' He ordered as he glared.

'Geesh! I'm going… I'm going…' I replied as I took out the files from my bag. 'Andrea gave you these…' I replied as I placed them on the table.

'Thank you…' He smiled.

'Is Sera…' I started before Ana cut me off.

'In the living room… She's resting…'

I walked in and there she was… peacefully sleeping… God… her face was so beautifully sculptured. There is nothing that can take me away from her. I love her so much. Without realising how, automatically I moved forward and kissed her gently on her lips. The simplest touch made my veins swell and fire burnt through them. I kissed her again, and after what seemed like the 5th one, she started waking up.

'Hello beautiful…' I smiled.

'Hello handsome…' She replied as she touched my face. 'How was work?'

'Boring and dull without you…'

'Awe… that's so sweet…' She smiled.

'You seem in a better mood…'

'Uncle John came by… he kind off brought some sense into me…' She smiled as I bent down and kissed her again. 'Oh God… I so want you right now…'

'Sera… don't say it like that…' I replied as her eyes burnt with need and want from me.

'I can't control it… and it seems that neither you can….' She continued as I felt tighter in my pants.

'Sera… you know that I can't do anything about it…'

'There are other things… we can do…' She suggested.

'My my… since when did you become naughty?' I teased.

'Since you fucked my mouth…' She replied. '…and I'm only naughty for you…'

'…and I you…' I smiled back. '…but no… we're not having that either… not until you get better and we're clear…'

'Come on… let's just be reckless for once…'

'Do you even hear yourself?' I chuckled. 'Sera… I don't mind waiting… I know you me as much as I want you…' I reassured her. 'We have to stick together… and 4 weeks will pass fast… We just have to find some other intimate pass time… Cuddling and spooning works miracles for me… and I know it does for you too…'

'I was thinking…' She started. 'I want to try it…'

'What?' I asked her astonished.

'I want to try what we discussed before we had Jason…' She smiled. 'I trust you… I know you won't go above my limits…'

'No Sera…'

'What?' She asked. 'You suggested it… and now…'

'Sera… you're saying yes because we're in abstinence. You're finding everything a turn on. I'm not going to tie you up and spank you just because you're telling me now…'

'I can assure you that I had put a lot of thought into it… as you see I have plenty of time on my hands…'

'Exactly… and you're agreeing to what I suggested because there is nothing in your hands right now… Look… once you'll get better and we can pick up where we left in our sex life, than we will discuss this again… but until then, I won't agree to anything… and you honey doodle… aren't going to beat yourself up about anything… you are going to rest… and let me and us take care of you…'

'You…' she replied as I tucked her in gently. 'You… I love you Carter… I wouldn't know what I would do without you…'

'You're never going to find out…' He smiled back as he kissed between my brows. 'Now rest… I have orders to take a shower… and then I can hold our son…'

'I wish I can come with you…'

'Oh… we will baby… once you get better, and Jason is a little older, we can hire a nanny for the weekend and we'll simply spend a weekend together alone… where nobody will bother us…'

'…and Jason?' She asked concerned.

'He'll be coming with us… and he'll be having some baby time… hence the nanny… we'll be too tied up to catch up on what we lost… then in the evening Jason will be back to us and when he sleeps, we'll have the night all to ourselves…' I smiled. 'Don't worry… Jason will always be in the picture…'

'Good… I won't live without him…'

'Hey… I might just get jealous…'

'Carter… you don't have too… my heart is big enough to fit you two…'

'Glad it is…' I smiled as I kissed her again. 'Now rest…'

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