I gasped.
He was so close.
I could see each individual strand of his hair. I could count the pores on his face as they flickered in and out of illumination in the candlelight.
"Are you alright?" he asked, and I watched his atom's apple bobbing up and down in tune with his deep, gravely voice.
Of course he would be concerned about my welfare; me, a perfect stranger to him, was also worth a lot to him. That's the kind of person he was.
I could only gape.
I wanted to throw myself into his arms and stay there.
But he didn't know me.
And he had someone else.
"What do you think?" I asked indignantly. I was sure my pain was displayed on my face; plus, if I looked fine, would he wouldn't be sitting on the edge of my bed, leaning over me, asking me if I was okay!
I meant to shut my eyes tightly, to block out the painful image, but I couldn't.
Maybe my love for him was obvious in my face; a look of confusement crossed his face and he asked, "Do I - er - know you?"
Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I wanted the world to know, I wanted to yell, shout it, scream it!
But I didn't.
I tried unsuccessfully to swallow the burning lump in my throat.
I shook my head.
"Oh," he muttered, "Sorry. I just thought... but never mind."
I didn't trust myself. If I opened my mouth and unclenched my teeth, I'd probably scream and sob and through myself at him. So I didn't say (or do) anything.
"Are you... alright then?"
I nodded.
I took a deep, rattling breath.
He looked unconvinced.
"I'm okay. Really. How long was I unconcious?"
I was lying on a typical Kyrrian bed. Nathaniel was standing over me. I looked around. We were in a tiny little room. It was pitch black, but for the lone candle burning on a wooded stool near my head.
"But you thought... what?" I whispered.
His eyes suddenly lit up.
"Nothing. I guess I just... never mind."
I sat up, and he leaned back with me. Our faces were still very close.
"Tell me," I ordered.
He looked surprised.
Shoot. I was acting too much like myself! Was anybody this forward in Kyrria, at least aside from me? No! And I still talked different too, so that could be a tip-off!
Of course, there was no way he'd be able to figure out that it was me...
"I just - you just - er - reminded me of someone," he whispered.
My breath caught in my throat.
"Who?" I choked out.
"It doesn't matter. She's gone. I'll probably never see her again."
Was I imagining the bitter tone to his voice? The underlying sadness? Maybe I was. Probably I was.
But I still couldn't suppress the hope that ignited deep inside me.
I would cherish this moment for the rest of my life.
"She - did she mean a lot to you?"
He looked away.
"Yeah," he said gruffly.
My heart pounded.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?"
His head snapped around as he looked at me sharply. Ugh! 'Girlfriend' was not exactly a commonly-used word here. I had to watch myself! I sucked at this!
"I mean - aren't you courting someone? Or was this girl your sister, or...?"
"No. I'm not courting anyone. Why?"
"Just wondering. No. Actually, I saw you with this girl..." I couldn't stop my voice from shaking.
My heart was about to explode. Here I was, talking to Nathaniel!
He looked a little confused, and I watched as comprehension dawned on him.
"Oh. Did she have blonde hair?"
"Yeah."
"I only met her shortly before meeting you. She tripped and I caught her. I don't know her. If you don't mind telling me, why do you care so much?"
"I don't. I was only - curious."
"Oh. I see."
"So you - er - don't - I mean, aren't dating anyone?"
"No. You know, you really remind me of that maiden. I've never met anyone like her before."
"You said she meant a lot to you?"
"Yeah."
"Did you..."
And I wanted to ask him so bad, whether he loved me or not, I needed to know, but I couldn't bring myself to ask the question.
"What? Did I what?"
"Did you... love her?"
I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away.
I didn't think he'd answer. Why should he tell me, a perfect stranger, the answer to such an personal question?
"Yeah. Yeah, I did."
I opened my eyes and turned to stare at him in astonishment, only to meet his face, only inches away from mine.
He intently stared deep into my eyes, as if trying to figure something out.
"She loved you too," I choked as I met his gaze and stared, equally transfixed, right back into his eyes.
I couldn't move, even if I'd wanted to.
His face barely showed any surprise. Only satisfaction, as if he'd been proved right.
"Why'd she leave then?" he asked, his voice hard as if in anger. His eyes glinted.
"She didn't realize how much she loved you until she didn't have you anymore. It nearly killed her," I whispered.
Silence.
Utter, echoing silence.
"Sasha?" he whispered after a pause.
"Yes!"
And I thrust my face onto his and shut my eyes, as I did, I felt myself shed my disguise.
And then we were kissing.
His hand snaked its way through my hair and pressed my face harder into his.
His other arm wrapped itself around my back and hugged me to him.
My arms snaked their way around his neck and I hugged his body to mine.
I pulled away to breathe.
My breath came in ragged gasps.
And I pressed my face forward to kiss him again.