The past few weeks had been extremely hard on Emma. She hated not being around Regina. Ever since the two had begun their- whatever that was, Emma had looked forward to seeing the brunette every chance she got. She felt like she was going through a breakup, which got her thinking…maybe, just maybe she could be with the woman. Why should she deny herself someone who clearly has such an effect on her just based on what others might think? Emma knew she definitely could not lose the brunette out of her life.
Emma walked into Granny's to pick up some take-out. Cooking wasn't entirely her thing. As she waited for her food to be done, she glanced over to towards the back of the Diner. She saw Regina sitting in a booth with a man that she didn't recognize. Is she on a…date?! she pondered as a mix of pain, anger, and jealousy boiled up inside her. She looked away, reminding herself that she was the one who caused this. It was in that moment that Emma realized, she wanted to make things work.
Glancing back at the table, she saw the man grab his coat, place money on the table and leave the Diner. Regina sat there, head hung in her hands. Before Emma knew what she was doing, she was up and moving towards the brunette.
"Regina?" The brunette snapped her head up, clearly startled at the blonde's presence.
"Miss Swan? What are you-"
"I was just picking up dinner to take home. I saw- were you on a date?" She responded, hoping the other woman couldn't sense the hurt in her voice. Emma slid into the booth opposite Regina.
"Yes, I was. But clearly that worked out so well. I told him about Henry, and he said, and I quote 'children aren't my thing'."
"Hey, I mean, at least the scumbag had enough sense to pay, right?" The two women chuckled. Emma noticing the way Regina's lips form into a perfect smile. Her stomach fluttered at the sight.
"Well, I should go home." Regina said grabbing her coat. "Dates that end badly make me miserable."
"Listen, Regina. I have some tequila at home. What do you say you come over for some frozen margaritas?"
—
Regina pondered on Emma's offer, eyeing the blonde carefully. Regina's feelings weren't to be toyed with and she wasn't sure Emma knew her own feelings yet.
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Miss Swan." She replied.
"Oh, come on. We can finish that talk we were to have." Emma pushed and Regina gave in. Emma grabbed her food from the counter and the two walked the few blocks to her apartment, making small talk along the way. Small talk was all Emma could muster. Just being in Regina's presence made the blonde nervous and she didn't know why.
Almost as soon as they entered the apartment, Emma was getting the ingredients set out for margaritas. She needed something to loosen up and she knew the tequila would do a great job of taking care of that. Within minutes the two were sipping on delicious lime and salt filled boozey drinks.
"Oh! That is strong, Miss Swan." Regina remarked, scrunching her face at the taste of the alcohol. Emma chuckled.
"I like your tequila face," she replied with a smirk.
"I'm not sure I understand. What is a tequila face?"
"A tequila face! Everyone has one, or makes one rather. It's the face you make when you drink tequila. Your's is cute." Emma explained with a smile.
"Well then, Miss Swan, let's see your tequila face!" Regina teased.
"Oh, I am exempt. I don't have a tequila face." Emma teased back, standing tall to her full hight in mock pride.
"Bullshit!"
"Madam Mayor! Language!" The blonde further teased, both erupting in an alcohol fueled fit of laughter. "Fine, you want to see?" Emma poured herself a shot, licked a spot on her wrist and sprinkled salt over the wetness. Emma's eyes locked with Regina's as she brought her wrist up to her mouth. Holding her gaze, the blonde licked the salt off of her arm, before throwing back the shot. The tension that had filled the room evaporated as soon as the blonde took the shot, her face scrunching up, eyes closing tightly. Regina burst out laughing.
"I like your tequila face too, Emma." she said when the laughing fit had stopped. Emma smiled, she could get lost in the sound of Regina's laugh.
—
Pull it together, Regina. She made things clear. Watching Emma lick the salt off of her wrist was almost too much for the brunette to take. She had to stop herself from jumping over the counter at the blonde.
The both had finished their first drinks and Emma was working on making a second round. Regina could already feel her head starting to spin from the first drink, silently reminding herself this is why she doesn't drink hard liquor, especially tequila. She could throw back wine all day but when it comes to the hard stuff, she is a lightweight. Emma handed her the second drink and she took a sip.
"Listen, Regina." the blonde started, taking a sip of her own drink, "I want to apologize. How I acted at our last dinner was rude. I shouldn't have snapped on you. I was still angry and bitter. I owe it to you to let you explain."
Regina set her drink down. "I should never have stopped contact with you. I understand now where you stand with things." she said, referring to Emma's outburst about her sexuality. "I felt something for you. There was no denying it. But, it terrified me. Emma, I have ruined every love I have ever known. I don't always mean to, but it's easier to leave than to be left, do you understand?" Regina finished. Emma nodded her head, taking a large gulp of her drink. "I just got scared of the feelings I was experiencing towards you, and I never should have abruptly ended contact. I'm sorry, Miss Swan."
Regina looked up at Emma, hoping for some sign of forgiveness. The silence was unnerving and Regina wondered what exactly could be going through the blonde's mind. "Anyways, that is what I was going to tell you that night." Regina picked up her glass, taking a long drag from the straw. "Jesus, Swan slow down. The drink isn't going anywhere!" Regina commented. Emma had been sucking down the drink like it was going to disappear from her hands. Emma finished off the liquid and set her glass down.
"Those weeks were hell for me, Regina." Emma said, finally gaining the confidence she needed from the alcohol. "You left me to wonder what the hell I did wrong for you to not say one word to me after what happened between us." Regina felt the guilt rise back up in her and she took another drink in an attempt to settle the feeling back down. She knew that it was the alcohol fueling the blonde, but there was truth in her words. Emma was finally opening up to her. "And then I fucked it up." Emma almost whispered, unable to meet Regina's chocolate brown eyes. Regina heard Emma inhale deeply, and then shakily exhale before continuing. "When I saw you at Granny's with- whoever that was…" Emma stopped. Regina watched as the blonde's face changed emotions. She could tell she was searching for the right words. "Look, this is hard for me, ok?"
"Emma, you can tell me anything." Regina played a hand on top of the other woman's.
—
Emma didn't know how exactly to express what she was feeling and thinking. "Looking at you on a date, I felt something. Jealousy for sure, but also something else. It was like an aching feeling. I should have been sitting there with you, Regina." Emma swallowed hard. She refused to cry in front of the other woman. "I always had feelings, Regina. I just didn't know how to cope with feeling them for a woman. That's why I blew up. I didn't think I could be with a woman. But I want to try. I want to try with you. I mean, if you would like that too?" Emma had never felt so bare before. She had never put her feelings out there so openly before. It seemed like forever before the brunette responded. Her eyes were piercing into emma, no doubt trying to read the situation.
"I'm not an experiment, Emma." She said finally. Emma could detect some venom in her words. "I'm not here for you to use me to figure out your own sexuality."
"Thats- no- that's not what I meant! That's not what this is!" Emma pleaded, tears threatening to fall.
"Then prove it, Miss Swan. I want you to show me you want this, that you deserve to have me." Regina said, standing up.
"How am I supposed to do that when I just poured my heart out. Can't you just believe me for once, Regina?" Emma was turning angry now. She couldn't believe that this was how Regina responded to Emma's confessions.
"I want to believe you, Miss Swan. But as I said, I want to make sure you yourself are sure that you are ok with this before I pour myself into something that can ruin us both." Regina walked around the island counter to where Emma stood. She was so close and Emma's breathing quickened. "Plus, this should be fun." she smirked. Regina placed a kiss on Emma's cheek before turning to walk towards the door, grabbing her purse and jacket. "I'll contact you tomorrow, Sheriff Swan." Regina winked and walked out into the hallway of the blonde's apartment building. What the fuck? Emma thought. She was just coming to terms with herself and her sexuality, and now she has to prove to Regina that she is worthy enough for a relationship with the brunette. Emma flopped down onto her couch, head still reeling from the alcohol she had consumed.
—
Regina stood in the hallway for a moment after exiting the blonde's apartment. Emma confessing her feelings for her made her heart swell with hope. She wanted to be with the blonde but she needed to know the blonde wanted it too. Regina refused to be a toy for someone else's self-exploration. What she needed was to go home and sleep off the night's events. The tequila still had it's hold over the brunette.