A/N: I wanted to answer a question from one my guest reviewers who was asking when there will be a lemon between Ana and Christian. I can't really tell you in which chapter it will happen, but from my timeline it's really close. So you won't have to wait much longer ;)
Disclaimers: All characters belong to E.L. James
Ana's POV
Life can be so good. I had a waxing, a massage, a mani/pedi and now I'm in a hot tub with Kate and Mia and sip my champagne cocktail. I have to remind myself to do a spa day more often. We arrived in Aspen at 11 a.m. and while Elliot and Christian went fishing Mia, Kate and I started our girls day. Next we will do a little shopping before we return to the house to have dinner with the boys and then go clubbing all together. I guess we were all looking forward to this time out.
Eventhough the last week was uneventful, we are all anxious knowing that Elena won't give up that easily. I tried to talk to Christian about what happened to him but he didn't want to talk about it, so I dropped the topic. Mia had a long talk with her parents and decided to stay at Bellevue. Christian didn't like it but agreed and stocked up her security. Elliot was so worried about Kate that he asked her to stay at his place until all of this is over which left me alone at my apartment and Christian asked me to stay at the penthouse for the time being. So last monday I brought most of my stuff that I need regularly into his guestroom, though I still sleep with him.
I have to admit that I will miss this once everything is over with Elena. I've done a lot of thinking over the last week and I know I want to be with Christian. I want more but right now in all this craziness I feel like it's not the right time and the coward in me still prefers the safety of a friendship over the unknown risk of a relationship. Well that is if this is what Christian wants. I haven't really figured out if he wants us to be fuck buddies or if he wants us to be in a committed relationship.
Since this is starting to drive me crazy I made a promise to myself to figure out what I really want until my birthday next saturday. I haven't planned anything for my birthday but if I can finally manage to make up my mind next saturday I will talk to Christian... or chicken out again. Crap I need to grow some balls. I mean I don't want to end up alone so I have to put myself out there and I never met anyone like Christian.
At first I couldn't stand him and now I couldn't stand being without him. If it weren't for my past I know that we would be more by now. But after what happened in my past I'm just hesistant to give myself completely. I don't want to get hurt again and I know if Christian would decide that he just wanted to fuck me I couldn't deal with it and I never want to be at a point in my life were I'm so desperate that I can't think straight.
"Hey earth to Ana" Kate waves her good hand in front of my face while she has her other arm on the edge of the hot tub so her cast won't get wet.
"Sorry I was somewhere else" I grin sheepishly and Kate smirks. "Probably in bed with Christian"
"What?"
"Oh come on Ana! When will you finally tell me that you lost your v-card to him."
"Kate I am still a virgin." she looks at me and rolls her eyes. "So you really want to tell me that you two just share the same bed. I'm not stupid Ana after all Taylor brought your suitcase into the master bedroom not the guestroom."
"Kate please, Christian and I are just friends and he doesn't have nightmares when we sleep in the same bed."
"You are kidding right? I mean shit the poor guy must have balls the size of Texas by now" Kate laughs.
"Eww can we like not talk about my brothers testicals?" Mia squeaks and both Kate and I giggle.
"Hey it's a girls day Mia come on. It's not like I would tell you that Elliot is hung like a horse" Kate teases and poor Mia looks mortified.
"Stop it Kate, you wouldn't want to hear about Ethan either" I try to stop her but she just laughs.
"Ethan tells me everything, well not about his male parts but anyway, are you going to just be friends or do you want to get hot and sweatty with Christian 'manwhore' Grey?" She looks expectantly at me and I roll my eyes.
"Yes I want to have sex with Christian eventually but I'm not ready yet." there I said it. Kate gapes at me and even Mia looks excited.
"No way, really?"
"Well I started the pill on tuesday when I got my period." I confess.
"No way, does he know?"
"No, actually that was kind of hard to hide from him."
"Why does he check on you in the bathroom?"
"What? No! Sawyer is following me everywhere once I'm leaving Escala and he has to report to Taylor if we make a trip that wasn't in my schedule. So when I got my period on tuesday and decided to see a Doctor to get the pill I had to take him with me. Poor guy was mortified to sit in the waiting room and I had to beg him not to tell Taylor.
I mean let's face it I don't want all the security to know that I have my period and want to start birthcontroll so I could fuck their boss once I'm ready to do so."
"Yeah well that would have been awkward" Kate snickers and even Mia giggles.
"I know so I begged Sawyer not to tell."
"Good oh but if you give your v-card to him you will insist that he uses a condom"
" Oh my gosh Kate, you sound like my mother."
"I don't care Ana. Sorry Mia that I have to say this in front of you, but Christian has fucked half of Seattle and I don't want you to get some disgusting or even deadly STD's from him." I roll my eyes. Does she think I am stupid?
"Kate, if I am going to have sex with Christian then I will ask him to show me a clean bill of health first or he has to use a condom, I'm not stupid."
"Good, so have you seen him naked?" She really knows no shame.
"No" come to think of it, I haven't even seen him shirtless. I never thought about it until now but it is kind off odd that he always changes in the bathroom or his walk in closet instead of changing into his pj's in the bedroom. Well must be somekind of habit, because I could never bring myself to believe even for one second that Christian is too shy to change in front of me. Even the thought makes me laugh.
"Well, I wasn't going to bring this up, but I know two girls from college who had an one night stand with him and he is..." Mia and I both jump forward to cover Kate's mouth with our hands.
"Thanks Kate but I don't need to know."
"Can we please, please change the subject" Mia whines and finally Kate agrees and we continue our spa day for another our, then do a little shopping or at least I did a little shopping and only bought an outfit for tonight, but Mia and Kate both have about 10 shopping bags and only stopped because Sawyer, who is driving us, told them that he couldn't fit anymore into the trunk of the car.
Once back at the house Mia decided to make some strawberry margaritas for us, while Mrs. Bentley, Christian's housekeeper is cooking chicken stew for dinner. Christian and Elliot told us we would eat fresh fish if they caught something, but Mrs. Bentley decided to play it safe in case they haven't caught any fish and if they have we can heat the stew for an early dinner before we have to leave tomorrow evening.
"What about your lovelife Mia, is there anyone you like" I ask while we sit on the carpeted floor of the family room and drink our cocktails.
"Well there is someone but I don't know."
"Oh come on you're a total babe Mia. Who is it." Kate says and Mia looks around to check we are alone. "You can never tell, but I really like Luke."
"Luke?" Kate and I ask in unisom.
"Sawyer" Mia blushes and I smile. Yes Sawyer is pretty hot though not in a Christian kind of way, but I guess I'm a little biased when it comes to Christian.
"Have you told him?" Kate wants to know and I know from her look she will make it now her mission to hook them up. "I dropped a hint or two that I wouldn't say no if he would ask me out, but I guess he is worried that Christian will fire him." she says sadly.
"Who I am firing?" we all turn startled when we hear Christian and Mia blenches. "No one have you caught something" Mia asks in a hurry.
"Yup it's in the kitchen come on Elliot wants you to see what we caught" he says and we follow him into the kitchen where Elliot is looking into a huge bucket on the wooden kitchen table.
"Is the fish still alive?" I ask.
"Yes we wanted to show you first come on look it's a huge one" Christian says proudly but I don't move. "Umm I'll look later once the fish is dead."
"Why?"
"Ok I know this sounds childish but I can't eat anything if I knew it when it was still alive."
"It's just a fish Ana."
"Yea well that's what my Dad said about the rabbits he had. Let's just say my Mom cooked for hours only to have my siblings and I sitting crying at the table refusing to eat, so I'm not looking sorry."
Christian tries to hide his amusement but starts to laugh. "Sorry Ana, but you might want to leave now or you have to witness a murder because Elliot is about to kill our dinner."
"Very funny" I pout and leave the kitchen but I have to admit that I'm acting childish.
After dinner we all change and Taylor drives us to one of the biggest night clubs in Aspen. Mia, Kate and Elliot are having a great time but eversince we left the house Christian looks pissed. So while they are dancing I decide to ask Christian what is going on.
"Hey you ok?"
"Yes"
"You don't look ok, actually you look pissed."
"I wonder why that is" he grumbles and takes a large sip of his beer. "I have no idea so do you want to talk about it?"
"It's that fucking excuse of a dress you are wearing. Fuck Ana why not walk around naked." he hisses and I frown. Ok my dress is short and backless but on the other hand it doesn't show any of my cleavage and has long sleeves. "It's not that bad" I murmur.
"Not that bad, every fucker in here is checking you out even the fucking security was gawking you. Damn it I'm not a saint Ana and my balls are about to explode, all my dick has seen since I've know you is my hand and let me tell he doesn't like it at all!" now he is nearly screaming at me. He closes his eyes, rubs both hands through his hair and takes off in the direction of the restrooms.
Wow he is really mad and now I regret my clothing choice. I guess I was pretty naive to think I could get away with this friendship thing for long. I really need to make up my mind. I sit down and refill my glass with champagne only to down it in one huge gulp.
"I'm sorry Ana" I look up and see Christian, he sits down next to me and I look up at him. "No I'm sorry I guess I have never really taken into account how you feel. I mean for me it's easy you can't miss what you don't know. Can I just ask you one thing?" he nods and I take a deep breath.
"If I decide that I want more than friendship, what is it that you want?"
"I guess I made that pretty much clear Ana" he says and I scowl at him. "No, do you want me as your fuck buddy, your girlfriend or I don't know..."
Christian looks at me for what feels like ages until he finally answers. "I have no idea. Fuck I mean I don't want to use you Ana that much I know. But anything else, hell if you had asked me 5 weeks ago I would have told you I would never even think about having a relationship with a woman, now I don't know."
"Maybe we both need to figure what we really want first." I give him a little smile, he nods and without thinking I lean forward and press a kiss on his lips. He looks at me completely stunned but I just shrug with a grin get up and hold my hand out to him.
"Come on let's dance and have some fun." he takes my hand with a slight smirk on his lips and we join Mia, Kate and Elliot on the dancefloor.
When the dance floor gets fuller and fuller I dance closer to Christian, but when I grind into him with my backside he leans down to whisper into my ear.
"You do that again Miss Steele and I'm going to fuck you right here on the dancefloor and I don't give a flying fuck about the audience." he says in a deep seductive voice that makes me get goosebumps all over and I know it's the alcohol talking when I turn around and smirk at him. "Would you rather I dance with someone else?"
"NO!" his answer is almost a deep growl and I have to giggle but when I look up at him and see the burning intensity in his eyes I can't look away. I see him come even closer and I know he is going to kiss me. Oh what to do? If I let him I don't think I can't stop him and much more so I don't know if I want to...bam!
"Ewwwww!" I squeak and Christian has the guy who bumped into me grabbed by his shirt while all I can do is stare at my now ruined dress because it is soaked with the sticky green cocktail the asshole spilled all over my off-white dress.
"Let him go bro, the guy is drunk. Come on no drama" Elliot is by our side and thankfully Christian lets go of the guy who stumbles of the dancefloor with his now empty glass.
"Fuck are you ok Ana?" Christian ask and both he and Elliot hand me a handkerchief, though I know that won't help.
"Yes, I'm fine I will leave now."
"I'll come with you" Christian says but I stop him. "No stay, you were having fun and need to have some fun time with Mia aswell. I'm tired anyway."
I can see he is torn between not wanting me to go alone and wanting to spend more time with his sister so I smile at him. "It's ok this trip is about you spending with your siblings. Just send Taylor a text to come and get me ok?"
"He is here I send him the text now."
"Thanks" I wave at them all and get my jacket and purse. When I'm outside Taylor is already waiting at the car I get into the car and he starts to drive. Suddenly I remember what Mia told us earlier.
"Do you know if Sawyer is single Taylor?" When I see his shocked expression in the rear-view mirror I start to giggle. "I'm not interested in him Taylor."
"I believe he is Miss Steele." Our eyes meet in the rear view mirror and he sighs. "He is aware of Miss Grey's interest in him, but I told him it is not a wise move to date his boss's sister"
"So he likes her?" Taylor looks more and more uncomfortable but finally nods. I will have to talk to Christian about this. If they like each other he can't fire him for that.
When I'm back at the house I take a shower and change into my pj's. I didn't even realise how tired I really was until I was back at the house but I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.
I wake when I hear noises and blink in the darkness. The bathroom door is ajar and the light in the bathroom is on. I look at the digital clock on my nightstand and see it's 3:30 a.m.. I'm just about to turn around and fall back asleep when the bathroom doors opens and I can see Christian in the light of the bathroom. He is just wearing his pj pants and when I look at his torso I gasp in shock. His chest and stomach are marred by scars who are looking like at one point his skin was cracked open.
When I look up at his face there is no emotion on it. It's like he is frozen mid stride. And now I understand why he never changed in front of me. He was trying to hide those scars from me.
"Christian please say something" I sit up in bed and finally he seems to recover himself. "Are you disgusted?" again there is no emotion in his voice and I'm shocked that he would think something like that.
"No, Christian why would I be disgusted?" he walks over to the bed and sits down. "Believe me it's a common reaction from women." he says bitterly.
"Christian I am not disgusted. I would like to know what happened to you. How you got all those scars but if you don't want to tell me it's ok. You can tell me whenever you are ready."
"Let's go downstairs, I need a whisky if I get into that topic" he says and I follow him silently. We go into the open living area and I sit down on the sofa and wait for him to fix himself a drink.
When he sits down he takes a deep breath. " I'm not going into detail of what happened with my birthmother. But you have to understand that I was a pretty fucked up kid. I had no idea how to connect with people. Fuck I still have no clue how to do that. Anyway, it got worse when I was about 14 or 15. I was tall for my age, the girls where all over me but I wasn't into that dating shit.
I got into fights at school, was a complete asshole at home. If someone told me what I had to do I would do the opposit just to prove myself that I could do what ever the hell I want. There was an incident at my school and I got expelled. My parents were pretty fucking pissed." he looks deep in thought and takes a sip of his drink before he continues.
"As a punishment the made me work in the backyard of a family friend. It was Elena. One day I got into a fight with her gardener. She came out, grabbed me by the neck and dragged me into the house. I thought she was going to call my parents, but she didn't. Instead she told me she could teach me a way to control my anger and be normal like my siblings.
You have to understand that I always felt unworthy of my family and I wanted to be normal so bad that I agreed. So she showed me her dungeon." I gasp a dungeon? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
"Are you familiar with BDSM?"
"Umm not sure I mean I've heard of it, bondage, punishment and stuff like that." I think I might get sick but now that he is talking I don't want him to stop.
"There is a lot more involved. Elena was or is into that lifestyle. She is a Domme what basically means that she calls all the shots and whoever is involved with her has to obey her in all things.
At first I was confused but soon I let her do what ever she wanted, because as a reward I could fuck her. You know I just wanted the sex and the girls in school, well I guess the casual sexlife is nothing girls that age want. There was punishment involved when I fucked up and I learned to do what she wanted. She made me learn for school, be polite to my parents and when I fucked up she would beat the shit out of me."He get's up to refill his glass and hands me a tumbler aswell.
I take the drink thankfully. Shit I kind of knew that they had sex, but never in my life would I have thought that she held Christian like a fucking sex slave.
"I really believed her that all she wanted was to help me. That she was my friend. I... I trusted her. I was her submissive for about 6 months. One night she told me to come to her house. She would always leave the door open for me and I had to go straight into one of the guestrooms undress and then into her dungeon, but that evening I heard her on the phone."
He runs both hands through his hair and stares out of the floor to ceiling windows into the darkness.
"I have no idea who she was talking to, but she told him or her that her newest toy was coming over. That I was nothing but a fucked up, stupid kid with mommy issues and would follow her like a puppy. Then she was laughing saying that I would actually think she wanted to help me when in reality I was just a nice pastime for her. Something she could use for her pleasure and then she told whoever was on the phone that he or she could come over next time and they could share me.
I was paralized I wanted to yell at her. I really, really wanted to hurt her but I couldn't move and when she turned around and saw me she ended her phone call. She knew that I had heard her, but she just told me to go to the dungeon and I said no and that I would leave and tell anyone that she is a fucking pedophile. Next thing she did was knocking me out with a bottle from on of the shelfs."
He looks at me and I know I must be white as a ghost. "I can stop if it's too much for you" he offers but I shake my head and take his hand in mine.
"When I woke up I was in her dungeon, my wrists tied up over my head in the middle of the room. Elena was in there in her Domme outfit with a cat o' nine tails that I had never seen in there. The strands where made of thin chains with spikes at the ends. She hit me with it over and over until my upper body was bleeding front and back. I don't know for how long she hit me, but when she stopped I was nearly unconscious. She untied my wrists and left the room.
I guess she thought I would bleed out in there or was to weak to run, but somehow I managed to get to my feet and find my way back home. It was my Mom who saw me first and I told her and my Dad everything after she treated my wounds." He stops to look at me and I think I'm in shock and there is only one thing I can think of.
"Why didn't your parents call the cops. That god damn cougar wanted to kill you!" he gives me a sad smile.
"I begged them not to do it. I didn't want to tell anyone else. I panicked when my Dad insisted on it. They called the shrink I was seeing at the time and he told them that right now I was in a very fragile state, that I was suicidal and he was right with that. I kept thinking of just ending it. And then about 5 or 6 months later something inside of me changed. I got so angry. Angry against women. First my birthmother and then Elena. I promised myself to never be weak again. That I would become so successful and powerful that no one ever would see me as weak or easy victim again. I used all the women I met to prove myself that I was the one in charge. That I could take whatever the hell I want and spit it out the second I lost my interest. And then I met you." he smiles and I have to smile, too thinking about our first encounter.
"You were an ass" I grin.
"Oh I still am, but I don't want to be an ass while you're around. I trust you."
"Why did you hide your scars from me?"
"Many of the women I was with... when they saw them they were disgusted... I... I don't want you to be disgusted."
"I'm not" I tell him again and he nods and puts his tumbler down. "Good, come it's late and we want to go hiking tomorrow, we both need sleep." he says, gets up and holds his hand out to me. I take it and I know that this is his way of telling me that he doesn't want to talk about Elena or his past anymore for tonight.
When we are in bed he holds me close to him and is asleep within minutes but I just look at him trying to process what he just told me and deep down I know the next time I see that damned pedophile bitch I won't be held responsible for my actions. I want to hurt her badly for what she did to a young boy who already had been through enough. And with that thought in my mind I drift into a deep dreamless sleep.
A/N: I'm not sure if I will cover the second day in Aspen or continue with the final part of the Elena drama. Leave me a review and tell me if you want the sunday in Aspen covered or not.
Sunny