Chapter Nine: Caring
Two months had passed since the two had reconciled after his violent attack on her and with the passing Mrs. Lovett's waist had expanded to the point where her dresses could no longer hide her condition. Being four months pregnant, the only reprieve she got was the lessening of the morning sickness just to be replaced by the sideways looks of customers and the gossip that her rounding stomach was the cause of their hasty, witnessless marriage. Toby had taken the news especially bitter when Nellie had sat him down, alone, to explain to him what she knew she could not hide this time.
"Now, Toby," she had sighed, seeing the already indignant anger reddening the boy's face, "don't get yourself so upset, love. Mr. Todd couldn't 'ave done this alone so if you're going to get angry, get angry at me too."
"He's no good ma'am!" Toby had nearly shouted, causing Mrs. Lovett to glance quickly at the ceiling to be sure that the pacing footsteps had not stopped. When she was relieved to hear him still moving she rubbed her temples to ward off the headache that was forming and the nagging, constant guilt that pulled at her stomach.
"Don't talk that way about Mr. T," she said firmly. "He's done very good by us. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have a running shop, you would still be with Perelli or on the streets, and neither of us would be sitting here at this table without a want in the world."
When she saw the look of annoyance and despair settle in on his face, she sighed and took his hand softly. "Listen, love. Don't say nothin' bad about Mr. T... He's doing his best... He'll be around for the baby and you'll see. We'll be a nice family, the four of us. You aren't going anywhere."
Toby had grudgingly nodded and accepted a hug and a kiss from his adoptive mother before sulking off back to work, shooing the beggar woman and serving tables for his mistress. Nellie bit her lip keeping an eye on him and of course always glancing up at the parlor, hoping despite herself that he might be at the door or where she could catch a glimpse of him.
For that first month after their reconciliation, they had slept together in both the innocent and the physical sense every night. However as soon as Mrs. Lovett began to show, he had begun to distance himself, not so much as even touching her and sleeping back in his parlor a few nights every week. Mrs. Lovett pretended that it didn't bother her but she couldn't help feeling worthless when he treated her this way. At first when he had only just begun to leave her be, she had told herself that it was the stress, that he just needed a little break from the nightly fucking and in a week or so he would be back in her bed again; holding her to his chest and fooling her into thinking she was safe. That she belonged there.
When the first week turned into four, she swallowed her pride and didn't dare bring it up to him that she was feeling lonely and over worked. Even those nights that he still came to sleep by her side, he was different. It was like he wasn't even there. He would come in, take off his bloodied shirt from today's massacre, lay beside her and without a word would close his eyes and sleep. It was killing her. At least when he used to hold her against him, talking softly or kiss her brow before he would close his eyes it would give her that false sense of hope. That he was caring for her and loving. Now it was like sleeping next to a stranger. A stranger that you loved with everything you had despite yourself.
Mr. Todd himself was oblivious. The first month after he had won her forgiveness, he had made it an effort to treat her well to curb his own guilt and keep her willing to let him do as he pleased. He was careful to be affectionate to a certain degree. A kiss on the cheek, the nose, the brow. A little non-sexual attention before he had her moaning beneath him and he could forget for just a few moments about the judge and the ever present guilt that tugged at him from every corner of his heart. Guilt for Mrs. Lovett, guilt for Lucy, guilt for his lost daughter, and now, as much as he tried to push it away, guilt for his growing child whom he knew he could not ignore forever.
However once that first month had passed and he had exhausted himself in an effort to keep her happy and keep his revenge on track, he had drifted away from her. It did not even occur to him that her growing stomach might cause her to believe that his lack of affection stemmed from her weight gain. He had just become so over consumed by his work that when at last he came back to himself, he could not ignore the need he felt, pushing against his pants. As much as it disgusted him that he had become so reliant on her, he knew if he didn't start to speak to her again let alone fuck her, he would sooner or later face the consequences.
So he finished his work for the day, cleaning his parlor and putting on a fresh shirt before going down to the baker's bedroom for the first time that week. Nellie herself wasn't there yet, she was likely still in the bakehouse dismembering his victims for the day. As her stomach grew it began to take more of an effort to drag the bodies to the grinder, cut them into pieces, and feed them through the machine. Not to mention the stench of the rotting flesh that had to be scrapped, while barely tolerable in the past, made her sick as her sense of smell became more sensitive.
Looking at the clock he knew she would be finished within the next few minutes and sat down in the chair by the bed to wait for her. Once he had her in his arms again he decided that he would make an attempt to help her with the bodies by dismembering them for her. That way all she would have to do is feed the pieces into the grinder.
After a while, the door opened and Mrs. Lovett walked in slowly, stiff from the work she had been doing. She stopped when she noticed him there in the chair and closed the door behind her. "Sweeney." Her eyebrow raised and her tone remained even if a bit cool.
"Mrs. Lovett..." Mr. Todd studied her intensely from his chair, noting her stiff posture and the red marks on her palms from turning the grinder. "How was... your day?"
She frowned a bit, not sure why he was actually trying to talk to her tonight. Normally as soon as she walked in he would stand, undress, and lay on the bed without even looking at her. "Fine... thank you." Nellie hesitated and walked to the bed, sitting down, unsure of whether he was going to speak again.
Mr. Todd stood up as she sat down and sat behind her, wrapping his arms around her growing waist and pulling her into his lap carefully. "Is that so?" He growled softly into her ear, pressing her back against his chest.
Nellie bit her lip, looking down at his hands resting on her stomach. "Oh, 'cause now you want me," she muttered softly, trying to ignore his steady, low breathing against her ear.
"Whatever do you mean, pet?" Sweeney pulled slightly away from her, keeping her on his lap as his guard went up. He knew Nellie would be hurt that he hadn't been touching her but he wasn't sure exactly what the argument, if it came, would entail.
"Well... you didn't seem to want me so much lately..." As she spoke she felt herself relax a bit even though she didn't want to. Pouting, she looked up at him, already starting to feel the pointless hope in her heart that maybe he would have a good reason even though she was sure she knew why he had avoided her so much. "I thought you weren't attracted to me anymore."
Sighing, he pushed her lightly from his lap and back onto her place on the bed, causing her to gasp, and ran a hand over his face. She always had to read too much into these things didn't she? "Must you always complicate everything?"
"I'm not!" Mrs. Lovett swallowed and looked back in his eyes. "I just... I thought you didn't want me anymore. That's all I said."
"Why on Earth would you make an assumption like that?" He glared at her a bit, already feeling the guilt wedging itself further into his heart and the frustration at his own emotional weakness and avoidable incompetence at avoiding these conversations taking over. "If you've forgotten, I've told you several times that you are essential to everything going on. Of course I want you." His voice took on a cold edge and Nellie shivered a bit, feeling its bite.
"Well... sorry," she sighed heavily and tried to keep her own emotions in check as she got up and walked to the door. Swallowing, he got up quickly and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her against him and holding her tightly.
"Mrs. Lovett, stay." His grip loosened a bit and he frowned, surprised at his own action and the spurt of desperation that had caused him to get up and grab her like this. Nellie had gasped when he had taken her in his arms so suddenly and turned in his grip slowly to look at him, swallowing down the bit of fear she felt in her stomach. She had heard something in his voice... something new and she wasn't sure whether it was good or bad. Whatever it was... he didn't seem angry anymore... just... confused.
"Call me Nellie... or Nell." She raised an eyebrow, studying his face and trying to get an answer out of it but just as quickly as his mood had changed before, it changed again and his face became as stern as it usually was when he was dealing with her.
"If you insist upon it... very well then. Nell." He spoke evenly and guided her back to the bed, forcing her to sit in front of him as he stood before her. Nellie didn't fight it as he pushed down on her shoulder and sat obediently, waiting to see what he was going to do. "Now... what made you think I didn't want you?" On this point he was genuinely confused. Normally when he took breaks from fucking his landlord she would be a little cold to him but he could easily melt her down again. Now... it seemed like there was another issue pressing on her mind and he was oblivious as to what it was. He hadn't been... cruel to her, just... distant.
"Well, because... I'm getting fat." Nellie raised her eyebrow again, looking up at him as he began to smirk. "I am."
He let out a low scoff, suddenly amused as he began to understand. Of all the conclusions, she thought he wouldn't want her because she had gained ten or so pounds and her stomach was protruding an extra two inches? It wasn't fat, it was a new life growing. "You're pregnant. Did you not think you would gain any weight from the child?"
Nellie rolled her eyes and looked away from him. "I'm not that stupid."
"No. You aren't. Think back, Mrs. Lovett. I know you heard... some of my encounters with my wife. Did we ever stop through the months she carried Johanna?" He smirked looking down at her, expecting her to smile and nod as she usually did and move on with their night.
"I don't want to know that." Nellie bit her inner cheek and looked away from him, a spike of jealousy and hurt burning her heart.
"Come now," he sighed and hooked a finger under her chin, lifting it up to look at him. "Haven't I told you you don't need to become bitter?"
"Easy to say, love," she muttered coolly, hardening her gaze at him.
Taking one of her hands, he pressed it against the bulge of his pants, smirking a bit at her. "Does this say that I don't want you?"
Nellie pulled her hand away and looked down, frowning at his indifference to even try to make her feel better. "I don't want it tonight."
Sighing, he sat next to her on the bed. "Is it the child? Are you well?"
She nodded and gave a sigh of her own, not willing to meet his gaze. "I'm fine."
"Then what is it, pet?" He spoke softly and ran a hand down her back, drawing her against his side. Nellie bit her lip and put her head on his shoulder.
"Nothing... you wouldn't understand." She swallowed and kept her gaze low, focusing on the buttons of his shirt and trying not to give in too quickly. He doesn't really care... he just wants to fuck me again and maybe tomorrow and then leave me alone for God knows how long until he wants me again or he gets his revenge and then I'll never see him again. It'll just be me and Toby and... a baby that looks like him. "You'll say I'm too... 'complicated.'"
"You make things complicated, pet. That doesn't mean that I'm not willing to hear them." As he spoke he pulled her back onto his lap, wrapping an arm around her waist and resting a hand on her thigh. Nellie bit her lip but she didn't pull away. She couldn't... even if he didn't care... at least he was pretending to.
"It's hard enough to know that you still love Lucy. It's hard enough to know that I'm yours but you can't be mine. I don't want to hear about how it was with Lucy. I don't want to hear if she was better than me or not. I don't want to hear about her. At all."
"What did I tell you about bitterness, pet? It's not very becoming." He spoke lowly, trying to avoid the topic and began to nibble at her ear softly. "Have I not shown you that I will stay?"
Nellie pulled off and stood up, sighing shakily. "See! You don't take it seriously!"
Sweeney sighed and looked up at her. "You can't expect me to forget about Lucy forever. She was my wife and I love her. You know very well it's not possible for me to never mention her name again."
"Alright, you know what. Just... goodnight, Sweeney." Mrs. Lovett turned and walked to the dresser, taking out a nightgown and undressing quickly without looking back at him. For the moment that her back was visible to him, he swallowed and felt that familiar shame and guilt creep back into him as he looked at the healed scars running down her back. They had at least healed better than he thought they would. They weren't too dark and if they were just a few shades paler you would hardly know they were there. Still... he had marked her and forever whether she wanted it or not, she was going to have his claim running down her back and across her thighs.
Nellie pulled her nightgown on quickly and let her hair down before walking back to the bed. She laid down silently and turned on her side to face away from him. As soon as her scars were covered he cleared his head of the cloud of guilt and forced her to look at him, grabbing her arm and pulling her up roughly.
"Mrs. Lovett," his voice was cruel and his eyes were hard but Nellie kept herself as calm as she could, meeting his gaze. "You know very well that you are asking too much of me. I have been here, I have not hurt you, I have kept my every word. I have done far more than you realize for your safety, Nellie."
Nellie bit her cheek and looked down. "I'm tired." She spoke softly and pulled away from his grip, laying back down and turning on her side.
"Fine," he muttered, standing up and taking his shirt off before laying next to her on the bed. "But I still choose to sleep in here with you tonight. Maybe in the morning you'll realize how foolish you're acting." Without waiting for a response, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, unconsciously keeping his arm above her stomach.
Nellie rolled her eyes but didn't pull away from him. He always held her like this when they shared a bed, whether they were getting along or not. "Yeah, 'cause I'm always the fool, right?"
"Only in these instances. I've already told you before that you are a clever woman. A 'bloody wonder,' I believe my exact words were."
"Whatever. Night."
"Don't become cold with me, Mrs. Lovett." He warned darkly into her ear.
"Too late," she closed her eyes and snuggled against him, ignoring his tone.
He growled softly and held her against him so tightly that Mrs. Lovett gasped, finding it hard to breathe and opened her eyes quickly.
"Listen to me, pet. You're forgetting that there's more going on here than whatever tryst we have going between us. I'm working on my revenge and you cannot always expect me to share you bed or be there between your thighs whenever you want me to be. That doesn't mean that I don't care about you. I have not left, I have not hurt you again, I... care about you." He swallowed at his last words and pulled away from her, sitting on the edge of the bed and burying his face in his hands. He cared about her.
Nellie held her breath as he spoke, her heart beating quickly and her mind racing, well aware of the danger that came when he got that forceful. When she heard his last words, her heart stopped for a moment and she swallowed, turning to look at him slowly as he sat on the edge of the bed. The way he said it... if he didn't mean it then he was the most skilled manipulator she had ever met in her life. He cared about her... How much?
He stood from the bed after a moment and put his shirt back on quickly. Wanting to escape the situation and calm his suddenly active heart and the anxious sensation that was tightening his chest and making it hard to breathe. "You don't want me here tonight. I'll just go." He muttered quickly, walking to the door.
"N-No!" Nellie sat up quickly, her hand reaching out to him.
Swallowing and sighing a bit shakily he closed the door and calmed himself a bit before turning back to look at her. "Make up your mind, Mrs. Lovett. I'm a busy man."
Nellie got up as quickly as she could and walked over to him, taking his hands softly. "You care for me?" She smiled a bit and bit her lip, stroking his hands with her thumbs and meeting his gaze.
Sweeney scowled a bit, trying to push his emotions to the side and return to the cold, calculated demeanor that he managed to hold for most of the day. Most of the day... when he wasn't with her. "I don't repeat myself often, Mrs. Lovett... If I've told you something once... I suggest you remember it for yourself."
Nellie frowned sadly and looked down. All she wanted was to just hear him say it one more time... just one more...
Sighing, he put his finger beneath her chin once more and tilted it up gently. "Don't hurt yourself, pet. It isn't worth it... Do you want me to stay?"
Nellie bit her lip and looked into his eyes softly, nodding. "Yes..."
"Are we only... sleeping?" He studied her face softly and felt the guilt take over the anxiety that was slowly dispelling from his chest. He had meant to come here to keep her happy... not to make her even more upset and especially... especially not to reveal anything that he was feeling when he was still confused and so unwilling towards it. Sweeney let his eyes linger on her chest and hips, hoping she would catch on and he could still salvage a good night out of this mess. "There's still a part of me that remains... in need of attention."
Nellie managed a small smile and rolled her eyes a bit. "You're unbelievable." She squeezed his hands softly and pulled him back towards the bed with her.
He let go of her hands once they were close to the edge and took off his shirt, dropping it to the ground once more and taking off his pants before removing her night dress. He scanned the front of her body, pausing for a few seconds on her breasts as he noticed that they were starting to become larger from the pregnancy. "I may be unbelievable, but you're something far more interesting..."
Nellie smiled a bit and looked down, still conscious of the fact that, even though he claimed he wasn't bothered by it, she was still ten pounds heavier than the last time he had been interested in touching her. While some of it had gone to her breasts, most of it contributed to rounding the curve of her stomach. She had never been able to make it that far into a pregnancy and even though she knew she would gain a good thirty or forty pounds, she didn't know it would happen so quickly.
He pulled her against him tightly, her stomach still not big enough to prevent them from holding each other like this, and kissed her deeply. He could feel his erection coming back and pressing against her thigh as he kissed her. Nellie kissed back deeply, putting her hands on his shoulders and smirking softly as she felt the pressure against her thigh. For once she didn't really need to fight any negative feelings down to focus on just wanting him. Even though he wouldn't say it again... the way he had said it... he cared about her. If he cared about her... there was a chance... a small chance... that she could find a way to keep him and maybe that little baby who looked like him wouldn't have to live imagining his face... they could see it.
He broke the kiss softly after a moment to look into her eyes, running a hand lightly through her curly auburn hair. She felt her heart skip a beat as he looked into her eyes and she couldn't find a trace of emptiness or fake longing in his gaze as his fingers trailed through her hair. She couldn't stop herself as she said it, her heart full to bursting as it often was when she was allowed to look at him... feel him like this. "God, Sweeney... I love you so much..." Her voice was breathless and soft and she bit her lip, hoping that what she said wouldn't end the beautiful mood she had gotten herself in. He cared about her.
He didn't respond with words and instead kissed her again a bit more harshly, pressing his hand against the back of her head to bring her closer. It had gotten to the point that her frequent declarations of love no longer upset him usually, but tonight he didn't want to think about it. He bit down on her lower lip hard enough to hurt her but not enough to draw blood. A small warning he was sure he'd feel guilty about later.
Nellie gasped a bit and pulled off, swallowing and feeling the ache that lived in her heart starting to return. He was being so gentle...
"Shhh, pet..." he sighed a bit and ran his fingers through her hair again gently and down her spine, trying to calm her down. "It's alright."
Nellie sighed a bit shakily and moved closer to him, hoping he wouldn't bite her like that again. "Be gentle..." She kissed him again softly, putting her hands back on his shoulders.
He kissed back and smirked softly against her lips, trying to be playful again. "I thought you liked it when I take you fast and... rough..." He whispered against her lips and pulled back a bit to look at her.
She smirked a bit and bit her lips, noticing the playful tone in his voice. "I do... but..." she sighed and looked down. "Alright... do what you want to..."
"Pet..." he spoke softly, rubbing her back gently in circles. "You don't have to concede to me. If you want me to be gentle... I will be. I promised I would not hurt you again." As he spoke he traced the scars on her back softly, his fingers lining up with the thin lines, gentle and easy.
She sighed as she felt his hands rubbing her back soothingly and smiled a bit at the gentle way that his fingers touched the dark rows on her back. So gentle and soft compared to when he had caused them to appear in the first place. "Be gentle, then..."
Sweeney smirked and kissed her again, placing a hand on the side of her stomach. He deepened the kiss slowly, growling softly against her lips. Nellie smiled and kissed back, wrapping her arms around his neck as he began to push her back onto the bed, not breaking the kiss. He leaned over her as they kissed, her hands cold and small against the nape of his neck.
He smirked and began to kiss her neck, pressing against her softly and sucking on the skin only hard enough to leave light marks instead of the dark bruises he normally left that Nellie tried to hide as much as she could so she wouldn't have to deal with the meaner of her customers. Nellie moaned softly, closing her eyes and just enjoying the feeling of his lips and his tongue against her skin. He moved his kisses from her neck and down over her collarbone to her chest. She bit her lip in anticipation and moaned louder, arching her back as he took a breast into his mouth and sucked softly, his hand taking the other and teasing the nipple softly.
As he felt her back arch beneath him and he could feel her hips squirm against him, his erection became harder to ignore. Pulling away a bit he guided her hand to his cock and kissed her again deeply, his hand still on her breast and squeezing softly. Nellie smirked into the kiss and began to move her hand slowly, stroking him hard causing him to growl against her lips in lust. Moving his hand from her breast, he placed it between her thighs, rubbing circles around her clit and pumping two fingers into her smoothly.
Nellie moaned into the kiss and squirmed as she felt his fingers push into her, moving her hips against him. He smirked against her lips and kissed along her jaw to her ear, moving his fingers slowly as he whispered in her ear. "Are you sure you want me to be gentle, pet?"
"God, Sweeney! Just get the fuck inside me!" She moaned loudly and pulled his hand away, moving his cock to her entrance, putting her hands on his ass and pushing him into her, biting her lips. Smirking at her boldness, he growled deeply and began to thrust hard and fast, kissing her deeply and shoving his tongue down her throat. Nellie let out a louder moan, holding onto him tightly. "Aaaah!"
Pulling out for a moment, he moved her onto her stomach. Nellie responded immediately and steadied herself on her hands and knees, spreading her legs and looking back at him with a pout. Sweeney smirked and put his hands on her waist, entering her again further and thrusting harder against her. Nellie gasped and arched her back, throwing her head back and closing her eyes. "Oh, God yes!"
Hearing her moans, he continued to go harder, leaning over her back and holding onto her waist tightly until he felt her climax around him, practically screaming. Feeling her close in around him, it wasn't long until he came inside of her, holding onto her waist tightly. Pulling out, he smirked and turned her over again, smirking as he saw her panting hard and glowing slightly. "We're not finished... I want one last thing from you tonight."
"W-what?" Her voice shook a bit as she calmed down slowly, breathing quickly. That was one of the best sexual encounters she had had in her life. Not only because of his attention to her pleasure, but because, for once, she was completely and utterly relaxed underneath him. There were no extra feelings lingering, no negative thoughts threatening her pleasure... Just him, his amazing cock, and her pleasure.
He took her hands and pulled her into a sitting position before putting her hand on his cock, wet and warm from being inside of her. She began to stroke him softly on instinct. He smirked and kissed her softly. "Taste yourself around me, Nellie."
She smirked and stroked him harder, kissing him deeply before kissing down over his neck and chest, pressing soft kisses over his stomach until she reached his erection. Smirking she took her hand away and looked up at him. He placed a hand on the back of her head, urging her forward as his erection began to come fully back.
Nellie pouted and ran her tongue slowly up and down over his cock, licking every last inch clean of her juices as she looked into his eyes. "Mmmmh," she moaned softly and took him into her mouth as he let out a low groan and tangled his hand in her hair.
"Do I have to be gentle?"
Nellie smirked and kissed the tip of his erection, enjoying the look on his face. "Just enjoy, love. Let me do all the work." After she finished speaking she took him back into her mouth deeply, beginning to bob her head and pump him hard. He growled darkly and pushed against her head, watching as she worked on him.
Nellie moaned and continued to go hard looking up at him and smirking widely as he closed his eyes and groaned. When he released into her mouth, she swallowed and took him from her mouth slowly, kissing his member before moving to kiss him again. "I hope you like the taste, sweetie," she smirked against his lips and pressed against him softly. He smirked back and and took her lower lip into his mouth and sucking softly.
"The purpose was for you to taste yourself on me... do you like the taste of us?" He whispered against her lips.
"Mmh," she kissed him again and smiled softly, "I just love it..."
"You know," he sighed and laid down on his back, pulling her down against him softly and holding her tightly to his chest again, "most mothers-to-be aren't so... terribly naughty." He smirked looking down at her.
She laughed a bit and caressed his cheek softly. "Well, I'm not like them." She smirked and kissed him again before laying her head on his chest softly.
"I... honestly like that you aren't," he admitted, running a hand through her hair softly and playing lightly with the small curls until his hand rested on her back. "Do you need to wear something? Is it cold for you?"
She smiled softly as he hand ran through her hair and sighed in content, snuggling against him. "I don't feel cold at all..." Nellie lifted a hand to his chest and stroked the soft, light hair there softly. He pulled her closer against him and moved the blanket over them anyway.
"You are... in a certain condition." He spoke softly and stroked a curl from her face gently.
"Mmh..." she looked into his eyes lovingly, hoping that he might stay this sweet for at least another day.
He ignored the way she was looking at him, not wanting to think about how deeply she loved him and just how close he was to loving her. He placed his chin on top of her head softly and held her tighter against him as he always did. "Good night, Mrs. Lovett."
"Nellie, love. Nellie."
"As you wish, pet." He spoke softly and let out a low growl as the thoughts that always came sooner or later invaded his head and his heart, sending tiny ice pricks through his chest. "As you wish."
He tightened his grip one last time and closed his eyes.
She smiled a bit and closed her eyes, snuggling against his chest. "Love you..." she said softly before falling asleep slowly.
As soon as he knew she was truly asleep, he loosened his grip lightly and placed a kiss on her brow. "Good night... Nellie."