31
Another three days pass by before I see Izzy again. I've been nearly going out of my mind waiting for her to show up; I even almost call my mom twice to tell her what's going on, but somehow I managed to wait.
She's sitting on a bench in the park as I follow my usual running route. My heart quickens as I look quickly around to try and catch a glimpse of the boy, but I can't see him anywhere.
She turns her head and sees me, watching for a moment, then dropping her eyes to stare at the ground as I approach.
"Hey," I say, pulling my earbuds out as I stop beside the bench.
"Hi. How are you doing?" she asks. This isn't a general enquiry, there's a depth and softness to her voice; a tilt to her head, that tells me she's genuinely concerned.
"I'm okay," I tell her. I wonder how much to say about how I really am. Do I bring up the elephant in the room now or should I wait a little longer? "Are you alone today?" I ask, sitting down beside her. My stomach begins to churn a little.
"Yeah, I felt like getting out for a while and my dad's home so …." She shrugs, not quite managing to finish the sentence.
"I thought you might have called round," I tentatively begin. She frowns and looks up at me quizzically.
"You did? Why?" she asks. I look back at her, disbelieving.
"I thought maybe you'd want to talk about your son?" My hands are balled tightly as I begin to feel angry at her nonchalance.
She looks at me, her eyes open wide and then she laughs.
"My son? Jimmy's not my son, he's my brother!"
My heart freefalls from my chest, into the bottom of my stomach where it crashes and cracks.
"He's not …? Emmett's not …"
The smile vanishes abruptly from her face.
"Emmett? Shit, you thought …"
I feel frozen; as though a rug has been ripped out from under me and I've crashed down, dazed.
"I'm sorry, I know we were always careful and I assumed …" I mumble. "I didn't know you had a brother. Shit." The hope of a living link to Emmett tugs and then drifts away, like balloon ribbons slipping out of my hand and away into the heavens.
"Oh, Edward." Her voice is soft and drips with sympathy, while I just feel like an idiot. "I was going through a rough patch," she explains. "It felt like they were trying to push me out with the baby and I resented it. I didn't tell anyone, not even you." She casts me a glance as she acknowledges how close we were. "I look at him now and wonder how I could have felt that way."
"You're taking care of him because your mom died?" I ask, reluctant to jump to any more conclusions, because really, who knows any more?
"Yeah, I went back from here when I heard she was sick. I knew she didn't have a lot of time left. You remember my Aunt Mary?" she asks. I do and I tell her as much with a small nod. "She was great, she organized some help for me to straighten myself out and helped with my mom and Jimmy. My mom's been gone a little over three years. I've taken care of Jimmy alone for two and a half years. My step-dad just remarried. He and his wife have a baby of their own and he doesn't have a lot of time for us now. He stays in touch and he sends me child support, but he didn't argue when I said I wanted to up and move. There really wasn't much left worth staying for in Phoenix."
"I'm sorry to hear about your mom," I tell her, because despite their differences I know that it must have ripped her apart when she died.
"Thanks. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I asked my dad about him, he said it was his heart?"
A sad sigh slips past my lips as I remember.
"Yeah. He was playing football. They'd just gone back on for the second half and he collapsed. He was already dead when they reached him. The coroner said it was Sudden Cardiac Arrest." I close my eyes and rub them, fatigue from the worries of the past few days catching up with me. I've been pretty good at putting a block on everything since Em died, but as soon as you allow a tiny trickle through, the flood-waters force their way past and wash violently over you.
I feel a hand on my arm and look up. She's watching me, big brown eyes soft and sympathetic.
"I'm sorry for the mix-up," she says. "I should have introduced you both the other day. You took me by surprise, and then when I saw your tattoo … well, I was kind of shocked and then you up and left."
I glance down at her fingers lying over the intricate memorial featuring Emmett's name and gently brush them away.
"I'd better get going," I say and rise to my feet. I need a little time to grieve alone for the nephew I never really had in the first place.
~S~