The sirens of the ambulance disappeared as Amanda held Brian's trembling arm. Nick was rooted to the spot, his gaze settling on the crowd that had gathered on the opposite sides of the barricades.
"Brian. Brian, go to the hospital. We will meet you there." Amanda let go of him after giving her firm instructions. He didn't have to be there any longer. It was too terrible a place.
His eyes seemed glazed over. He was not in the same reality that they were.
"Nick! Come on!" Amanda broke into a run again after finding Fin and his group of officers exiting the building and running toward them. They met where Nick still stood.
"Liv said the little girl Lewis was holding hostage is in her car – just over by the junkyard." She said. Her voice was fast because she wasn't sure she had enough oxygen to speak slowly.
Nick snapped his brain back into detective mode, but didn't forget what was happening in that ambulance. Olivia had to be ok. She had to. There was nothing he could do.
"Let's go." Fin nodded, the large group headed through the barricades as the press filmed the entire thing.
They made it over to where the old equipment sat rusting idly. Everyone had to stop to look over the area.
"I don't see the car." Nick was still panicking.
Fin led them down into the pit, hoping to find Olivia's car. The three that knew Olivia best could not feel their legs as they jogged along. Their minds were going at 110 miles per hour, trying to rationalize what had happened – what was still happening. Lewis had grabbed a chance, an unfair chance, to get back at Olivia one last time. Life gave him too many of those chances. He'd ripped into Olivia's life and taken it by force. He continued to change it long after he'd gone to prison, and now after his death, he would haunt her forever. Life had never seemed so unfair.
Brian stumbled to the first squad car he saw.
"Detective Cassidy!" There were so many voices hurling questions and accusations at him. He heard them all, but reacted outwardly to none.
"Is William Lewis dead?" One raised his eyebrow as he asked.
"How long did it take for you to come to your senses?" Another accused.
Each one cut him deeper than the last. He opened the door of the vehicle and took one last look at the abandoned granary. Its darkness reached into his soul and broke a piece off. Olivia had gone in to die. She knew what she was fighting for when she'd left the note in his sights.
Brian's heart slowed itself in his chest as he shut the outside world out with a slam of the door. He started the engine and turned the sirens and lights on to full power. He wished to give the people each a taste of the painful blasts they had offered just by their unknowing presence. They'd showed up because of the action, because of an interesting story. He'd showed up because the one he loved had come to die to save another.
The tires spun in the dirt before grabbing traction and taking him back toward Manhattan.
Amanda rounded the first pile of concrete slabs to find the vehicle they were searching for. Olivia's car appeared to be silent, no movement within. Nick and Fin both saw it a moment after she had. They turned and ran toward it.
Nick put his hands on the window, peering into the back window. He didn't think his heart could hurt any more. He was wrong. There, staring back at him, were two soft brown eyes. A little girl was huddled on the floor in the opposite end from him. Quickly, he grabbed the handle, nodding softly to Amanda and Fin. He crouched down with his hands up.
Emily shrunk back a little bit until she saw the badge on his vest. Her body trembled visibly. The man looking at her was not Olivia.
"It's ok. I'm Nick. I'm a policeman. Everything's ok now." Nick spoke quietly and gently to her.
Emily remembered what Olivia had said.
"Give the badge to the police. They'll know what it means."
She brought her hands away from her chest as they hugged the badge to her heart. She moved forward on the floor of the car until she reached her hand to Nick. He held out his own, puzzled as she extended hers to him. She dropped an object into it, looking down shakily.
Amanda glanced up at Fin in the silence. It seemed like every other sound in the air was muted completely. For but a minute, their thoughts were taken from Olivia to the little girl.
"Where is Olivia?" Emily's voice shook as Nick realized with a chill what she'd placed in his hands.
It was Olivia's badge, the last sign of her authority. Shivers went through him when he ran his fingers over the wings of the eagle on the top of the gold badge. He then swept his thumb over the numbers that belonged to her. 01139. He reached back and handed it to Fin, who felt the same way Nick had.
"She's going to the hospital, Honey." Amanda spoke down to her. "What's your name?"
Emily felt her shoulders shaking. It didn't feel like it was over. Wasn't Olivia going to come get her?
"Emily." She replied almost inaudibly.
Nick extended a hand to her. "You're safe now, Emily. Let's go see your parents."
She refused to take his hand, harboring another thing she had to know. "Do you know Olivia?" Her little voice begged for assurance.
Nick swallowed painfully. "She's my best friend. I know her very well." It hurt for him to say that. It hurt more than anyone knew, anyone except Amanda and Fin.
Emily was still unsure. She wanted Olivia to come back, to keep her safe from that horrible man.
"Maybe we can go see her later." Nick finished, his hand still out. He hoped they could.
Emily nodded slowly, finally grabbing it. She was only five years old. Lewis had already altered the trajectory of her life.
Nick picked her up, holding her against his shoulder. "Let's go."
The three paramedics in the back of the ambulance worked in sync as they tried to save the precious life on the gurney. She had lost so much blood. Her heart had already slowed down. Her shirt was lifted, the two stab wounds patched tightly. There was blood streaked on her olive skin, smeared around where they tried to get the bleeding to stop.
Given with great care and precision, the IV began pumping the fluids she needed to keep her blood pressure from plummeting to deadly levels. Her eyes remained closed, her mind unaware of the pain her body was in. It was a blessing that she hadn't been feeling it all. The oxygen mask on her face became a lifeline as it became clear to them what was happening.
"Her lung is collapsing. Get me a needle and tube!" The oldest one moved to where the lung was letting air into Olivia's chest.
He had to make sure she made it to the hospital. He knew who she was. They had read the stories in the papers, heard the reporters on the news. Sergeant Olivia Benson was the woman who had brought heroism back into the NYPD. She was a woman who had to be saved.
"Step on it!" Another yelled at the driver in front. As they raced through the empty Brooklyn-Battery tunnel, the speedometer pushed 80 mph.
Emily held Nick as he carried her. She closed her eyes in the light of early morning, against the sirens she heard and the lights that flashed. The helicopter blades still chopped the air as news crews got an aerial view of the panic unfolding. Nick held Emily's head with his hand, not willing to let the press paste her face all over the news.
"Fin. You drive. I'll sit in the back." Nick turned around to his other two teammates when they reached a squad car behind the barricades.
The crowd had multiplied in just a mere fifteen minutes. Amanda opened the door for Nick to set Emily down. He gave the two others a look of fear and horror as he climbed in and shut the door. Fin opened the drivers-side door while Amanda jumped into the passenger seat. The press didn't have a chance to catch even a glimpse as they sped away.
While Amanda gripped the handle above the window tightly, she took out her radio.
"Code four. Suspect is dead. Second floor. We have the little girl. We're on our way to Bellevue." She wasn't going to stick around to haul away Lewis' shell. She never wanted to see his scarred face again.
They'd hear it for taking Emily to the hospital themselves, but none of the detectives were willing to let the traumatized little girl go into the hands of yet another unknown person.
Fin was pounded with so many emotions he thought he would pass out: the relief that Lewis' oppressive reign over the city was over, the terror of Olivia's unknown fate, the anger of the senseless horrors Emily had had to see. It all hit him like a speeding freight train. Amanda could see it all on his face. She pushed the lump from her throat to try and assure him.
"She's going to be ok." Even as the syllables came out, Amanda wasn't sure she could believe they were true.
Fin silently told her that he wasn't sure either. He held out his hand and placed in Amanda's the badge that belonged to Olivia. Another round of unbearable emotions hit Amanda hard as her thumb felt the contours of the badge she'd seen Olivia wearing less than a day before.
Nick, in the back, buckled Emily in and sat staring out the window, drawn back into the images of Olivia's broken body. He wasn't sure what he'd do if Olivia didn't make it. What he was sure of is that he'd hand in his badge. He wouldn't be able to carry on in the NYPD after holding the badge of his sergeant in his hands while she died.
She couldn't leave them. He had seen it in her eyes that she was ready to say goodbye, but he wasn't. And in the time they'd been waiting for EMS upstairs, he had seen that peace leave her. She changed her mind about letting go.
Cragen was refreshing the news page almost every fifteen seconds. He wasn't capable of calmly sitting. His feet kept him pacing across the floor of the room they were in. Daylight streamed in the window, but the beauty of the outside ocean didn't reach him.
Eileen had done everything she could to keep him as calm as possible, but she too was anxious. She knew Olivia. She cared about Olivia a great deal.
Cragen's heart stopped every time a new headline popped up.
"Sergeant Olivia Benson NYPD – Assailant Held Her in Abandoned Granary."
"Entire NYPD Joins Search for Sergeant Benson."
His breath caught dangerously when he refreshed the page and read the newest headline, complete with a picture taken from the air.
"NYPD Hero Sergeant Olivia Benson – Her Final Hours?"
Despite his reservations, he clicked to enlarge the picture. The abandoned terminal was surrounded by NYPD vehicles, EMS, and SWAT. He saw the crowd on the road. When his eyes caught a glimpse of the lone ambulance within the barricaded area, he wished he hadn't opened the picture at all. It was clear that two officers were assisting a third person toward the paramedics. The one on the right was blonde, the one on the left dark-haired. And the one in the middle – it was her. The pain in his chest was very real.
"I have to get back." He spoke out loud.
Eileen stood up from where she sat uneasily on the bed. The fear in his eyes scared her. She nodded immediately, feeling the same.
"We'll be in Spain this afternoon. I'll book the first flight out." She gave his arm a shaky squeeze and then left him alone with his thoughts as she grabbed her laptop and headed for a commons area.
The image was imprinted in his brain. Though it was far enough off to shield the blood on Olivia's shirt, Cragen was still haunted by it. He would forever be haunted by every element in the picture. The only thing he could do was hope that he'd get home in time.