Hi everyone. Hope you're all doing well. This is the penultimate STARISH confession, and I want to thank everyone for reading once again, whether you clicked on things or not. It's been so much fun for me to write these, and I'm still toying with the idea of initiating a yaoi reboot... What do you think?

'So are any of you guys coming? It'll be fu-un!' wheedled Otoya, sidling up to a displeased looking Tokiya.

'I'll come, Icchi!' cried Natsuki excitedly, 'And so will Syo-chan!'

'What?! Since when did I say I'd go?!'

'You have to come, Syo-chan! I want to see you all dressed up!'

Masato sighed, and leaned back into the couch, already knowing what his answer would be. Of course he wasn't going to go to some house party; surely Ittoki-kun knew that. There were things to plan and prepare for, he didn't have time; and besides, house parties weren't his sort of thing.

Shinomiya would go, obviously, and therefore Kurusu would go too, pretending all the while that he didn't want to be there. Ittoki was inviting them, so he'd be there, and being his roommate, Ichinose would be obliged to attend. Cecil would go, being curious about parties. And then Jinguji...

Ugh. Masato was disgusted to even think about how he'd behave at such an event. He was always so smooth it was sickening, even around boys. He'd probably be the toast of the party, knowing how outrageous he was. Masato wondered briefly how many more girls would fall for him tomorrow night.

No matter, as long as they weren't her. She wouldn't be going to any parties with them, would she? Surely not.

'Masato-kun?'

Ittoki's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

'Hm?'

'I was just asking if you'd like to come? To Rei-chan's housewarming party on Friday night?'

He seemed to expect a yes, bribing him by saying it was Kotobuki throwing the party. Well, Masato had no ties to him, he hardly knew the senior.

'I'd rather not, thank you,' he answered quietly. The other boys groaned, and Natsuki even pouted. 'What? I'm busy that evening.'

'We all are, but it's just one night off,' said Syo indignantly.

'Did I say something to offend you? Is it my fault?' asked Ittoki, looking worried.

'It's nothing like that.' Masato frowned down at his hands. 'I just don't want to go, that's all.'

'Scared, are you?' Ren folded his arms and smirked at him. 'I thought you would be. All those strangers, so many females...' He sounded so careless, but his smug expression would have been hard to miss.

'Apologies, Ittoki-kun. Like I said, I'm busy that evening.' He shot his rival a glare, and left the room in silence.

'Oh, well done, Ren,' said Tokiya sarcastically, 'Ittoki got his hopes up for that party, you know.'

His roommate looked deflated, staring at the half-open door with huge puppy eyes.

'Frankly, I think I did you all a favour,' shrugged Ren, 'He's so boring in public places. I should know. What?' he added, after taking in the two pleading faces, the two annoyed frowns and Cecil's confused stare.

'Fine.'

Masato was walking down the halls, wondering if there was any way he could make it up to Ittoki-kun. There hadn't been any nicer way of putting it: he was too busy for something like a house party. He had grades to keep up, and they weren't going to improve themselves.

And, although Masato would never admit it, Ren was half-right. He was scared, not of the prospect of new people (he'd had to quickly get over that particular fear after becoming an idol), but of the house party itself.

He didn't mind dancing, if there was a routine. He didn't mind drinking, if it was responsibly. He didn't mind talking to girls, well, not really. But he'd rather be doing something else.

'Hey, Hijirikawa!' called a voice from down the hall. Masato turned, and saw Ren walking slowly towards him, the usual smirk on his face and one hand in his pocket.

'What do you want?'

'Oh, me? Nothing. Except-' he added as Masato began to turn away, 'About the party.'

'I said I wasn't going.'

'I know you did, I'm just telling you what I thought you'd like to know.' Ren's tone was as careless and denying as ever. 'This party means alot to both STARISH and Quartet Night.'

'If you're trying to guilt-trip me-'

'Let me finish,' said the smug voice, 'And as it is so very important, there will be certain guests there with...relations to the two groups. A certain young composer, for example. Just a thought.'

And with that, he turned and walked away, leaving Masato to clench his fists with anger. How dare that bratty moron try to manipulate him into going? Who did he think he was? He'd already made up his mind anyway, and nothing was going to change that. He had work to do that evening, and if he did go to this thing, which he wouldn't, he'd have no extra time to do it.

Masato had already started pacing down the corridor again, taking long strides in order to vent some of his rage through movement.

He didn't need any parties to be able to talk to the rest of STARISH; there was no reason why this particular event could mean so much to any of them. It would be loud, and he'd lose sleep, and he'd look like a snob because he didn't want to drink as much as everyone else. People did drugs at these kinds of things, didn't they? Bad pictures found their way online, and humiliation was almost certain.

But what if she was there?

Masato stopped walking. His hard glare suddenly softened into a helpless expression of worry.

Nanami Haruka.

He could picture her in front of him: her large, curious eyes with their flecks of gold that shone when she smiled, her sweet-smelling hair, her small, slim figure, her pale neck, her hands that had played the piano with him. If Masato had had to choose the part of Haruka that he loved the most, he would have said her hands. He could hardly speak to her, his emotions were so strong that whatever he did say, he'd criticize himself for it afterwards.

But he could always sing for her. And it filled him with such unspeakable joy whenever she played for him.

What if she really was going to the party? She wouldn't be safe among the noise and strangers. Granted, she knew the two boy bands well enough, but they'd all be occupied at some point. (Masato frowned again as he skimmed over what they could be 'occupied' with.) He couldn't just let her be put in such a vulnerable position, it wasn't gentlemanly. But he was just so busy that he couldn't spare even one evening...

Could he?

'I hope you know I've now got permission to gloat about this for the rest of the month.'

Masato looked stubbornly out of the passenger window of Ren's silver jag, wishing that he had asked someone else for a lift.

It was far too late to look for any of the others, he justified himself, and you couldn't have found one of them quick enough. It's not your fault you're roommates, after all, he's always around...

He still regretted having to ask for a lift from Jinguji though. He would almost definitely cash in on those gloats as soon as the party was over.

'Whoa. Nice place they have,' commented Ren, as they caught their first glimpse of Quartet Night's new house. It was huge, almost certainly a mansion, and painted pale blue. Masato could see lights flashing in every window. The driveway was full of sleek sports cars, but they managed to find a parking spot near the open door, where a of security guard was standing firm against two protesting girls who weren't on the guest list.

The second that Ren turned the engine off, Masato got out of the car. He hadn't been sure what to wear, so he'd decided to stick with what usually did the trick: a collared shirt, black suit trousers and a sweater, this time navy blue with a silver hem.

Ren, on the other hand, was being as outrageous as ever, wearing tight leather leggings and a shimmering gold top with a very low neckline, exposing the top of his chest for the entire world to see.

As soon as the girls caught sight of them, they started blushing and giggling to one another, stealing furtive glances at the two gorgeous young men getting out of the jag. One of them walked straight up to the security guard; and said smoothly,

'Jinguji Ren. My friend in the blue is Hijirikawa Masato.' He looked over at the girls, raising an eyebrow. 'I think you'll find that these two are with me. Right, ladies?'

Masato could have slapped him for being so rude and superior. These weren't just dolls for him to play with; they were women with lives of their own. And yet Ren had already twined the girls and the bouncer around his little finger.

'If you say so, sir,' answered the guard, and motioned them all indoors. He was probably just tired of arguing with them anyway, Masato thought.

Within seconds, Ren had disappeared into the crowds of people on the other side of the door. The music was loud, there were coloured lights flashing here there and everywhere, and the whole place smelt of adrenaline and perfumed sweat.

Masato paused by the door, wondering what to do next. He was completely out of his comfort zone, and he couldn't recognise anyone. Peering into the room, he could make out the mass of people inside, but not what any of them actually looked like.

'Hey, Masato-kun! You came!'

Otoya was suddenly in front of him, along with Cecil and four others that he didn't know. They all looked full of energy, and ready for hours of dancing, or whatever else people did at these things.

'Do you know where Nanami is?' Masato asked over the thumping bass.

'Nanami?' Otoya looked puzzled. 'Upstairs I think... Some boy wanted to talk to her, said he wrote songs too.' The others nodded clumsily.

Masato was suddenly full of panic. This was just what he'd been afraid of. Some stranger suddenly deciding to take her under their wing ...but what if she liked him back? He'd never thought of that, and he wouldn't have half a chance if she did. He'd have to watch her fall in love with someone else, and his fists clenched at the prospect. Not after so long...

Then his heart jumped into his mouth as he remembered the other possibilities: what if she didn't like him back? She could be in any sort of danger right now, and no one was with her to stop whatever it was from happening.

Masato rushed up the stairs, losing any cool he might have previously tried to retain. His worries kept on spinning through his head, in a long string of 'what if's, even louder than the song coming out of the speakers.

Once he was on the landing, he looked in every open room he found, but she wasn't there. Most of the rooms were full of couples, dancing or kissing or drinking or ...other things. He didn't want to have to think about what someone could do to Nanami here. It made him far too anxious.

Eventually, he had to climb another flight of stairs up to where the music was quieter. His ears were ringing, and sweat was making part of his fringe stick to his forehead. Masato wiped his brow on his sleeve and sank down onto the carpet. He closed his eyes and listened to the voices on this floor. All couples talking. He tried to filter out the different conversations one by one, like they were instrumental parts in a symphony. The loudest must have been coming from the room closest to him:

So you and Ranmaru are cousins? I should've known.

Definitely not her voice.

He sifted through the others, discarding each female voice he heard as 'not hers'. All the conversations were embarrassing, frankly. Far too personal for Masato's liking; he felt so rude for listening in, and tried to forget each one as he went on to the next. Then he heard something worth his time:

'But don't you like me?'

'You're very kind, but I-'

'Then what's so wrong?'

Masato jumped up from the floor and listened at each door for the voices, finally stopping outside the second door from the end on the right hand side. He took a deep breath, gripped the door handle with shaking fingers, and then pulled it open abruptly.

It was a bedroom, probably for guests, and the only light came from the full moon outside the huge windows. There was a large bed, with the covers still made up, and a tall, gothic-style wardrobe and dressing table.

And there she was.

Haruka had not had any expectations when she'd left for the party in her favourite sky-blue dress. She'd never been to a house party before, and was quite shocked when she actually got there and saw how chaotic it all was. People were drinking alcohol like it was fruit juice, and the music was too loud and didn't make any sense. It had felt like her first trip to the city all over again.

She'd been hanging around with Syo and Natsuki, but then some older girls with uncomfortable-looking clothes had started talking to them, and Haruka had slipped away after realising that she was no longer wanted. She'd sat down on the stairs to clear her head, when a hand tapped her on the shoulder.

'Hey,' said a low, soft voice, 'You ok?' It belonged to a tall boy with reddish brown hair and hazel eyes. He was very good-looking, but she hadn't noticed at first: her head was spinning with sound and movement, too much at once.

'Too loud...' she'd mumbled, wincing at the sound of even her own voice.

'You wanna go somewhere quieter?' His hands were resting on her shoulders, stroking her hair playfully. It felt calming somehow, and all she wanted to do was get out of the noise, so she nodded quickly.

'Come on then.'

And he'd led her, ever so gently, up the stairs and into this room with large windows and the huge bed. She'd sat down and hugged her legs, taking deep breaths and trying to focus again; and all the while he was caressing her hair or rubbing her shoulders. Slowly, the noise died down inside her head, and the world moved far slower.

Haruka opened her eyes and looked up at the auburn-haired boy, smiling gratefully. He was so polite, just trying to calm her down without her even telling him what the problem was. His hands were so restful, moving up and down her arms. She felt herself blush a little at his touch, but he just smiled kindly and carried on.

Their faces were so close that she could feel his hot, gentle breath on her cheeks, and it came as no surprise to her when he lifted up her chin and their lips met. In spite of this, Haruka let out a little gasp as she realised that she was actually being kissed by someone for the first time. She felt very light and delicate, like a flower made up of emotions and sensation. His lips were reverent; she could tell that he understood what she was feeling.

The boy was kissing her softly at first, but every time they paused to take a half-second breath, he became more and more desperate and frustrated. He clung to her, relishing every sound he heard and trying to make her understand what it was he wanted with his mouth and his hands.

Haruka wasn't enjoying it anymore; suddenly she was thinking about who she was kissing, and where he had taken her to. But for some reason, he wasn't letting them break apart.

Then his hands started snaking down inside her dress, and Haruka pulled back sharply at his touch on her bare skin.

'Thank you for your help...I'm going back downstairs now,' she said, her voice trembling. He looked very hurt.

'But don't you like me?'

'You're very kind, but I-'

'Then what's the problem?'

He began to reach out towards her again, but then light flooded the room, silhouetting a figure in the doorway.

'Nanami-san!' it shouted, rushing at the two of them. But as the figure ran, it blurred and morphed, stretching out until the loud, heavy shadows took over the light. Haruka felt her head hit the soft mattress beneath her, and wondered who that voice belonged to... it sounded so familiar... but everything was just too loud and she couldn't hear...

Masato stared out of the car windscreen, listening to the sounds of the night outside. It was a clear, warm one, and the sky was full of stars, but his mind was occupied with questions closer to home.

Who was that guy? Masato wondered. Did Nanami know him from somewhere, or could it be that they met tonight? He didn't want that to be the case at all, it felt horribly unfair: he had been polite and even distant from the girl he loved for far too long, and if some stranger could sweet-talk her in minutes, it meant that all his hiding had been for nothing.

Msato knew that he was being unreasonable; after all, Nanami couldn't have known about his affections.

Or could she? It made sense, now that he thought about it: if she had noticed and wasn't interested, then she could just disregard him since he had never tried to keep her for himself. Maybe he should have done...

Nanami stirred in the passenger seat, and Masato was instantly on his guard. If his latest theory proved true, then she could read him like a book.

'Hijirikawa-san?' she said, blinking away sleep, 'Where are we?'

'We're in my car, outside the Master Course building. I called for it to be brought to the party, and drove us back,' he explained shortly, trying not to let her see how much he was aware of her presence, and how glad he was of it, and how worried he had been, and how much time he had spent thinking about her, and ...so much more.

'Thank you very much... Hijirikawa-san...' Nanami was crying, in small hiccupping sobs. 'You... you... I'm so sorry!' and she covered her reddened face with her hands.

Masato stared at her in shock. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to hold her close, but after what had happened, surely she wouldn't want any male contact for some time yet. He went through all the things he could say to her, and eventually settled on,

'W-Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything...'

She glanced up at him with pitiful eyes.

'I know. That's why I'm sorry. He was- He kept on- And I didn't do anything- But I should have.'

She looked away again, out into the darkened car park, and her voice became quieter and less frantic.

'I've never been kissed before. It felt wonderful.' Something deep inside Masato twisted, in anger and pain. She had enjoyed the kiss, the kiss that he'd had to hold himself back from. He felt sick, but Nanami, oblivious, kept speaking.

'But then he tried to...you know, go too far... And I realised something. What's the point of a girl's first kiss? It can't be any better than others she might have in future, you just don't know.' She turned a little, and looked out of the windscreen, her eyes shimmering. Masato got the feeling that she was talking more to herself than to him, a privileged eavesdropper.

'People build first kisses up to be a turning point, and I used to think that that was true... But doesn't it matter who it is that kisses you? And isn't it more about who you love than who you are attracted to?'

He was elated. He had a chance, but only one. And he wasn't going to waste any more time. Well, he could spare a short while. After all, if you wanted to do something well, you had to prepare for it.

Haruka watched Hijirikawa as he began to warm up at the grand piano, his back to her. His mid-length, deep blue hair was as beautiful as it was unusual, somehow both deep and vibrant at once; it swayed about a little as he moved to reach the higher or lower notes. His eyes too, although she could not presently see them, were the almost the same colour, with the same shining-yet-blended effect. She wondered why he never showed himself off more, he was actually very handsome. He was tall with lean, toned muscles that she could tell were there if she looked; even his body was subtle.

She'd started noticing him more and more since Quartet Night's party, trying to see through the quiet boy to the brave one who had saved her from... Haruka still wasn't ready to face what could have happened that night. But he'd still saved her, and for that she was infinitely grateful, as well as being not a little touched.

'Nanami-san.'

She jumped and squeaked out,

'Hm?' having been caught off guard. He had turned to face her, and she was struck by the strong lines of his face, as well as that tiny mole under his right eye, the only flaw in his pale skin, and yet it made him look even more perfect somehow.

'Hm?' she said carelessly, and then kicked herself for saying it twice. What if he'd noticed?

'I just wanted to say that the song I'm about to play you is actually yours, I just wrote the lyrics,' he said, before adding humbly, 'I hope you like it.'

Haruka had no doubt that she would love whatever he'd written. Hijirikawa began to play a short introduction, just a couple of bars, and then he sang, much clearer and louder than she'd expected, a melody that she remembered writing: she'd composed it one day when she was feeling particularly wistful and romantic, daydreaming about love and the future.

It's cold outside the windows of my mind,

So I stay inside and think of things,

That I could do or you could say.

It's dark outside but here your eyes are full of light

So I'll stay beside you and think of things

That I should say.

Would you let me

Stay by your side a while,

I promise I'll smile,

Because you make me smile.

Would you let me

Live a little longer in dreaming

Before we're needed again in the world of waking up.

You and I are together in my mind, all the time,

But I keep this as mine for always,

Because you are so far away.

I'm cold outside the windows of my mind,

Because I try not to tell you things

That I couldn't say

Until today.

Would you let me

Stay by your side a while,

I promise I'll smile,

Because you make me smile.

Would you let me

Live a little longer in dreaming

Before we're needed again in the world of waking up.

Wake up,

Stand up,

Take up arms.

Wake up,

Stand up,

Take my arms.

Wake up (Would you let me)

Stand up (Stay by your)

Take up arms (side a while)

Wake up (promise I'll)

Stand up (smile, and)

Take my arms (you make me smile)

Would you let me

Live a little longer in dreaming

Before we're needed again in the world of waking up.

The last word was sung without any piano accompaniment, and seemed to ring through the room. Haruka stared in amazement at the blue-haired boy sitting at the piano in front of her. The song was so tender, but beneath it all lay a sadness that comes with any dream or story: all fantasies must end someday.

Masato stood up silently, shuffled the music into a pile and walked out of the room, carefully closing the door behind him. He'd done it. He'd said everything he had wanted to say for so long, and yet he was being such a coward and walking away from any possible confirmation of his emotions.

What was the point if he didn't turn around and face her? But he kept walking nonetheless. She probably hadn't understood, or even if she had he'd almost certainly been right about her disinterest in him. It made sense.

'Hijirikawa-san!' A shout bounced off the walls down the low-roofed corridor. Masato turned to face the girl walking towards him in an agitated manner.

'Hijirikawa-san,' she said again once they were only a few feet apart. 'I never thanked you properly. For getting me out of that room, I mean. No one's ever done anything like that for me before, so...' she took a deep breath, then said resolutely 'I accept.'

'Accept what?' She was confusing him. He hadn't asked her anything directly. Or did she mean...

'Er...' Nanami's ears turned a little pink and she brushed her hair back nervously. 'I'd like to... I'd like to go out sometime. Together. As in, you know... Like a date, or something. I got your message, Hijirikawa-san.'

His heart beat fluctuated as she smiled at him; he could feel himself turning red.

'That's...that's great I... I... Just tell me where and when and...' Masato swallowed and tried to focus, but inside him, something had been set free. He'd thought that if he told Nanami how he felt, then everything would be easy again, but what had made the difference was when she'd said yes.

She'd said yes!

'Oh, and Hijirikawa-san,' Nanami added shyly. 'Can I have the music for that song?'

She stepped forward, and Masato bent over slightly to hand her the manuscript paper, because of the slight height difference. Nanami was just about to turn away, when suddenly, out of the blue, she spun back and planted a kiss on Masato's cheek before darting away, like a child in a playground.

He watched her rush out of sight, and then remembered everything that had just happened all at once. Masato wondered if he'd ever wake up from this daydream. He hoped he wouldn't have to.