33
"Can I stay and talk?" I ask as Kate picks a whining Sasha up and prepares to take her up for her nap. She pauses for a moment, a concerned look on her face.
"Sure, I'll just settle her down." She turns her attention to Sasha. "Say bye bye to Daddy," she says, lowering her down to kiss me.
"Bye bye. I love you," I tell her.
Kate's soon back and offers to make coffee.
"So, what's up?" she asks, handing me a mug and sitting down on the other couch.
"Do you remember Izzy Swan, from school?" I ask her. She smirks.
"Is that a trick question?"
"Yeah, I guess it would be hard to forget her." I should know. "She moved back to Forks. I ran into her while you were away, she was at the park with a little boy. It turns out he's her half-brother, but I spent a few days convincing myself he must be Emmett's."
"Why would you think that?" she asks. It sounds ridiculous, even to my own ears now.
"His age looked right. I know the only other person she slept with around then was me because she told me everything, and we never took any chances."
"She didn't tell you about her brother," Kate points out. It's true and I nod to acknowledge as much.
Kate is the voice of reason; she always has been.
She'd showed up for Emmett's funeral, the first time I'd seen her since we went away to college, calling an end to whatever it was we had going on. We slipped away from the wake and spent the rest of the day and night in bed together. It was like having a giant band-aid stuck over a painful wound; I could still feel the pain, but being with her made me feel a little better, enough to hold me away from the edge of the frightening abyss of grief that I was at risk of toppling right into. I know it can seem impossible to clamber out of that once you're in; my mom was stuck in there for long enough.
Six weeks later she called me. Nothing unusual about that, we'd always kept in touch, but this time it was life-altering.
"How are you doing?" Kate asks tentatively.
"I spend most days somewhere between zombie-like and average," I confess. The grief is still raw and the situation doesn't feel real. I awake most mornings after very little sleep, my heart already aching and my eyes sore from the tears that prick my eyes once I settle down in bed at night. It takes a moment for my head to catch up with why I feel like I do and then, WHAM, the fissure running through the centre of my chest cracks wide open all over again.
"I have some news and I don't know how you're going to react," she says. "I wish I was there to tell you in person."
"If someone died, I'm not sure I can deal with it," I warn her in all seriousness, as the rhythm of my heart kicks up a notch.
"Nobody died," she says.
"Okay."
"I'm pregnant."
"Oh… Congratulations?" I say as I struggle to register the information. Kate's silent for a beat.
"Edward, I'm pregnant with your baby."
"Oh! Uh…" I'm scrabbling around in my head to sort through the announcement and what it means.
"I don't want you to worry about it," she tells me softly. "I'm going to keep it. I'll take care of it."
"But what about college? Kate—"
"I'm going to do this and it'll be fine. College will always be there."
"I…I don't know what to say." I slump to the floor, stunned.
"I don't want anything from you," she says, a hint of nervousness creeping into her voice.
"No, I'll do the right thing," I insist, barely above a whisper. "We'll work this out."
"Thank you. For not freaking out, I mean. I'm doing this regardless, but having you on side will be a huge help."
I'm struck by a sudden bout of spontaneity.
"Do you want to get married?" It spills out of my mouth in a rush. Kate laughs on the other end of the line.
"No! Edward, we didn't think what we had was enough to survive college, what on earth makes you think it's enough to raise a child?"
If it didn't make so much sense, I might be offended. "Let's leave everything as it is. We get on great like this, why risk becoming bitter by forcing ourselves together for the sake of the baby?"
"You're really having my baby?" I ask, hit by the surreal nature of the moment again from nowhere. She laughs quietly.
"I really am."
~S~