Chapter Fourteen: Truth
A few hours after he had knocked himself unconscious, Mr. Todd awoke in Mrs. Lovett's bed. He had no idea of how he had gotten there but he could tell from the setting sun outside of the window how long it had been. He grunted as he pulled back the blankets and a dull pain echoed in his forearms. When he looked at the fresh bandages on his arms he vaguely recalled having cut himself and blacking out. Mrs. Lovett was no where to be seen in the room so he swallowed the pain and forced himself to get up. Steadying himself on the bedpost, he called out for her. "Nellie?"
Mrs. Lovett started a bit when she heard his voice, she had suspected that he would sleep through the night, he was so heavily unconscious. Wiping her cheeks, she took a shaky breath and tried to look as if she hadn't spent the last few hours crying. When it was evident that her eyes were not going to whiten and that the puffiness of her cheeks was going to stay, she forced herself to go to her bedroom. The door was left open and she leaned against the outside of the frame. "L-Love." It was all she could manage to say and her voice was still weak.
Sweeney turned to look at her and hardened himself against the wet cheeks and the red-rimmed eyes. He attempted to walk towards her, stumbling and catching himself on a chair as a dizzying headache swelled in his brain. "Where are my things? I have to go." If he didn't leave now, he would risk getting to Edinburgh late and not having time enough to set up what looked to be a busy, public schedule with just enough room to fit in the judge. If he took a flask of brandy with him it might be enough to take off the dizzying edge and the dull ache in his arms.
"N-Now?" Nellie looked at him with a bit of shock. She knew he would still want to leave but she imagined he would at least stay one more night to stave off his headache. "But love... You need to rest." Even though she still felt numbed and hurt, her concern for him always outweighed everything but her love. If he left in his condition... he could pass out in the street, be robbed, get an infection if he didn't keep his wounds properly dressed or cleaned out with alcohol. No matter how badly she felt, she could never let something like that happen to him. It would kill her.
Sweeney rebalanced himself and managed to make his way to her, keeping himself a two foot distance from her. "I must." He ignored the evident concern on her face and the remnants of her crying. He could not afford to be weakened by whatever affection he had for her. The judge needed to be dealt with; after he was dead and buried he could focus on whatever it was that was going on between the two of them. He owed her that much for her service to him and he knew once his revenge was fulfilled, it would be harder to ignore their relationship and his emotional attachment and need for her.
Nellie swallowed at the icy determination in his voice, but she stood her ground. He wasn't leaving in his condition. She would never forgive herself if something happened to him, even if she knew it would be his fault and not hers. Sweeney was too weak to physically stop her, even in her condition, and if it got to that point, she would deal with it. "Maybe... Maybe you could wait until tomorrow..." Just one evening and she could pack him bandages, properly clean his wounds, and make sure his dizziness was gone.
Sweeney paused in his thoughts of how he was going to get around her without physically having to move her and took in her face in detail. He didn't want his emotions to overcome him again, and he didn't want to get a late start on his journey, but he knew if he left on bad terms with Mrs. Lovett again it would leave her to brood over his coldness and their arguments and he might return to a less willing partner than he had now. Her cheeks were still pale and wet and her eyes were less puffy but still red-rimmed. Her nose was a bit rosy from the sniffling. "How badly did I cut myself?" He asked with a sigh.
Nellie bit her lip. Maybe if he looked at the cuts himself, he would see that she was right and he needed to stay and heal for at least tonight. "Well, look." She nodded her head at his bandaged forearms. Sweeney leaned against the wall for support and looked down at his throbbing arms, beginning to unwind the tight bandages. He sighed as he saw the wounds. Some were still in the process of scabbing over, oozing a bit of puss as his body tried to heal itself. Most of the shallow ones were scabbed over and itched without the tight cotton straps pressing down on them. He could tell she had rubbed alcohol into each cut carefully and had smeared some kind of salve she must have had on hand for kitchen wounds on the underside of the bandages. It would take weeks for this mess to heal completely, at least a few days for each wound to be closed against infection and demand less frequent cleaning.
Sighing, Sweeney wrapped his arms back as tightly as they had been. He looked back at her and softened his gaze, taking her hand and pulling her gently towards him. Nellie let out her own shaky sigh, wary of what he was going to tell her, afraid that he was trying to soothe her so that he could leave now instead of in the morning. Still, she felt herself move towards him slowly. As soon as she was close enough, he held her against him with what strength he had.
"I can spare four days. That's it." His tone wasn't cold but it wasn't affectionate either. Nevertheless, Nellie's eyes widened a bit at his easy resignation.
"Really?" She looked up at him to be sure he wasn't placating her and really meant to stay as long as he said he did.
"Four days to heal and then I must go, pet." Sweeney could feel his legs weakening and another dizzying headache made its way into his brain. He began to slide down against the wall, still holding onto Mrs. Lovett. Swallowing, she gave a small nod and let herself slide down the wall with him.
"Okay..." She sighed a bit and snuggled against his chest as they hit the floor. She could tell he wasn't really happy about staying but she wouldn't say anything. Especially not when he was still this weak. Sweeney managed to adjust himself so that his legs moved from underneath her and came up on either side of her.
"I am... sorry."
Nellie frowned softly and looked back at him. He sounded, even for just a moment, as if he had meant it. "It's okay..." She forced a quick, sad smile and put a hand on his cheek. Sweeney usually shaved at least twice a day but yesterday he could only shave once. A little hint of stubble marked his cheek and it felt odd against her thumb as she stroked it. Facial hair had always seemed impossible on Sweeney; he took a lot of pride in keeping his cheeks smooth.
"You're a terrible liar." Sweeney kissed her forehead softly, his headache dissipating slowly.
Nellie gave a heavy sigh but kept her smile for him. "I know..."
"How did you manage to get me into that bed?" As his head was clearing he knew that she couldn't have done so herself and he was almost certain that he had passed out on the floor. "I don't recall putting myself there."
"I'm really strong. Look," she smirked softly and flexed the muscles in her arms, hoping that he wouldn't be upset about her using Toby to help lift him onto the bed and hoping to lighten his mood.
"You had the boy help, didn't you?" He gave his own smirk even though he wasn't particularly happy about Toby knowing he was vulnerable. Nellie rolled her eyes in mock frustration that he had found her out, trying to keep their mood light.
"Yeah... I admit it." She kept a small smirk on her lips, trying to stave the ache she felt in her heart as she looked at his own smirk. She didn't want to be reminded of his blood-loss, drunken confessions and that mellow, beautiful look he had had when he told her. A bit of relief filled her that his reaction seemed to be calm.
"He didn't ask questions, did he?" Sweeney could feel his pulse pounding against his forearms in his blood's rush to close the still open wounds and refresh what he had lost hurting himself. It was both sickening and calming in a sense to feel his heartbeat against his flesh.
"Oh..." Nellie silently debated for a moment whether she would actually tell him that Toby seemed almost relieved that Mr. Todd was near death and his questions were mostly about how lethal or hurtful his wounds were or would grow to be if he woke up. "Of course he did. I said he didn't have to worry about anything, that you would be fine." She left out the slight disappointment she had seen in his face.
"You know I only put up with the boy for your sake." If it had been up to him, Toby would have been eaten alongside Perelli and passed through about five or six customers by now and his patience with the boy had thinned with his growing disrespect for the barber. Absentmindedly he found his hand tracing the scars on her back, his gaze soft and his temper calm as he was still unaware of what he had confessed to her last night.
Mrs. Lovett sighed as she felt his hand running down her back and put a hand of her own over her stomach where smaller fingers trailed along the curve of her abdomen, pressing against her palm. "I know." She bit her lip and looked down at the place where her child was playfully pressing against her skin. It always moved when its father touched her. "Sweeney?"
"What is it, pet?" Mr. Todd was unaware of his child's recognition. The only time he felt it was if he accidentally set his hands on Nellie's side instead of her hips or when she turned into his chest at night. Even during those moments the touch was so foreign and unsettling to him that he would quickly fix the situation by moving his hands or adjusting his sleeping partner.
Nellie looked up at him slowly, moving her gaze from the small movements of her unborn child to his bleeding arms and up over his chest to his face, calm with the numbness of pain and dizziness. "Do you remember what you said last night?" It was taking a risk... but she wanted to know. If he really had been lying to her... if he really was just trying to please her... she would know now that he was sober and almost clear-headed. In her stomach she could feel the baby pressing both hands against her side and a swishing, odd sensation as it seemed to move closer toward him. Almost as if it wanted an answer too.
Sweeney thought for a moment and tried to piece together what he could remember. "I remember bits of an argument and parts of the cutting but beyond that... no..." He turned his gaze back to the baker, checking her expression for hints that he might have taken the argument too far. "Did I hurt you?"
"No... no..." Nellie swallowed and lowered her own gaze. He really didn't remember.
"I've already told you you're a terrible liar." He hugged her more closely against his side, trying harder to think of what he might have said or done that he couldn't see or remember. "Out with it. What happened?"
"You really didn't hurt me last night, Sweeney, but you're hurting me now." Nellie bit her lip but she didn't dare pull away from him just yet. First of all, it was too difficult for her to get up easily and out of his reach if he tried to grab her back, and second, it would only make him dizzier or possibly pass out again if he did try to go after her quickly.
"But I haven't done anything since I woke!" The pain in his head was coming back strongly and the confusion only added to its effect.
Nellie gave him a small smile, though she felt dead inside. "Well, that's the point." She stood a bit wobbily, supporting herself against the wall as he stared up at her helplessly from the floor.
"How can I hurt you if I haven't done anything?"
"Yesterday you said you loved me." She raised an eyebrow looking back at him, both in courage of the moment and in a bit of shock that he hadn't tried to grab her.
Sweeney remained silent for a moment and looked away from her gaze, trying desperately to block out the pain in his head and remember what happened. In the frustration of the moment and the denial that he had confessed, all he could think to mutter was: "I love Lucy..."
Nellie could feel herself stop breathing for a moment and lost any words she had. He was hurt and she was pregnant and all he could think about still was perfect Lucy. A ghost that would never stop haunting her and she couldn't even fully hate her because she knew the truth. She felt tears prick at her eyes and left the bedroom before she could let him see her cry. Maybe it would have been better if she had told him the whole truth and sent him to live with a madwoman. It would have been far less painful for the both of them.
Sweeney let her go, knowing he wouldn't be able to stop her in his condition. With what strength he had he slammed his fist against his knee, frustrated and angry at both the situation and himself. It hadn't been another dream, he really had been vulnerable to her and confided in her. He had allowed himself to be weak and now emotions he hadn't even been able to process yet completely on his own were making things worse.
Nellie walked to the bathroom quickly and locked the door behind her. "He didn't mean it..." she whispered to herself, leaning against the sink heavily. Of course he never meant it. She was an idiot to believe anything he said. He could manipulate her better than anyone and he abused that for all it was worth.
"Nellie!" He tried to call out to her as he began to get up slowly and stumbled his way over to the bed. The dizziness in his head made his limbs feel liquid and heavy, weighing him down and destroying his sense of ground. Nellie ignored him and closed her eyes as she began to cry.
Sitting heavily on the bed, he removed his bloody shirt and looked around vaguely to see if she had left a fresh one in the room. "Pet..." His voice sweetened, any nerve or desire to argue lost in his shame, confusion and need for her to help him.
Nellie sighed heavily as the tears rolled down her cheeks and a small flare of anger melted the cold feeling in her heart. "Stop calling me 'pet!'"
"I thought you liked it that I cared enough to give you a name, Nell." He grunted a bit as a surge of pain ran through his arm as he reached to check the bedside drawers for a clean shirt.
Nellie bit the inside of her cheek and wiped her cheeks, ashamed that she could already feel the anger diminishing and snuffing out as he called to her.
"Come on, pet... Let me see you..." He tried one last time to get her to come back, giving up on finding a clean shirt.
Nellie rolled her eyes and opened the bathroom door slowly, feeling like an idiot for giving in so easily. Sweeney couldn't hear the door open from the bedroom and, assuming that his will was beaten, lay back on the bed in defeat and wishing he weren't too weak to go after her. Nellie walked back to the bedroom, her head hung low as she looked at the floor and wished she had the strength to fight him even if he was hurt.
Mr. Todd groaned and ran a hand over his face, still unaware that she had come back and bemoaning his own stupidity in ever letting himself become weak. Nellie looked up when she heard him groan and walked to the bed slowly, sitting down on the edge.
"You didn't mean it?" Despite herself there was a small well of hope still in her heart that he had. He just looked so... defeated... It broke her heart if it was possible to break it more.
He looked at her as she spoke and considered his words carefully. He would not be so weakened again. "I do love Lucy, nothing will ever change that... I won't deny though that I said some things to you that I never should have last night. You're not meant to know." He looked away from her, not willing to open more than he had. It had taken him two years in prison to learn how to block everything away and keep it hidden, he wouldn't destroy that when he needed it most. He needed her to be happy but he wasn't ready, nor would he ever be ready, to fully open to her.
"You said you loved me... and you said you wanted the child... and you also said I had been so blind... That I should have seen it... It was all lies." Nellie could feel the tears burning at the edges of her eyes and dug her nails into the bedspread to keep from crying.
"I didn't say it was lies." He kept his voice hard and his gaze low. "Just that you weren't meant to know."
Mrs. Lovett frowned a bit as he spoke, the cruel edge to his voice making her shiver a bit, and looked at him softly. "B-But it's true then? You love me?" She examined his face but his features were hardened over. He wasn't going to let her know with his expression. Still, the hope in her chest grew a bit. If he was guarded that meant he was hiding how much he actually felt and that meant that he could love her. If only a little.
"If it's not a lie, then what else is it?" He snapped at her, glaring a bit.
Nellie sighed shakily, both in relief and wariness, and looked away from him. "You love me..." Sweeney didn't answer, closing his eyes and laying a bandaged forearm across them. He just wanted his headache to clear so he could think this through and find a way to please her without weakening himself. Nellie bit her lip, watching him, and smiled softly. "I love you too..."
Using his free hand he pulled at her arm, wanting her to lay next to him on the bed. Nellie gasped a bit, not expecting him to touch her, and smiled slightly, laying next to him on the bed. He didn't speak a word to her or unveil his eyes but he used his free hand to pull her closer against his side; ignoring the slight pain it caused him. Nellie sighed and snuggled against him, relieved that the fighting would be over.
"You're very demanding." He finally spoke, though still refusing to uncover his eyes.
"I am not." Nellie moved her head to his chest, laying her arm over his stomach softly.
"Yes, yes you are." As he spoke he traced a hand down her spine.
Nellie rolled her eyes. "If you say so."
"I would have told you eventually on my own terms."
"It's not my fault if you told me. You can't blame me."
"Weren't you the one who asked me to?" Sweeney moved his arm from over his eyes and laid it over his stomach above her own arm.
"Well, earlier I didn't ask."
He sighed, more annoyed at himself than her. "I realize that. Now that you know, don't expect me to say it."
Nellie smirked widely against his chest, the pressure in her own slowly dissipating.
"I mean it." He managed to make his voice cold again. "No pestering, just assume."
Nellie kept her silence and her smirk. As long as she knew he loved her at all it would be enough.
"There, is everything alright again, pet?" As he spoke he sat up slowly, dropping Nellie's head into his lap. She gasped a bit, not expecting the sudden movement, but didn't complain.
"Mhm..."
He began to stroke her hair softly as he looked down at her head in his lap. "Good." As he ran his fingers through her hair he couldn't help but start to become aroused with her head so close against him but he didn't say anything and hoped she couldn't feel it.
Nellie nudged her head closer against him, confirming what she thought she could feel against the back of her head but didn't do anything else. He held back a growl as he felt her press against him and continued to pet her hair gently.
"Sweeney..." Nellie turned her head to look up at him, hoping that he would let her ease the awkward tension.
"What?" He looked down at her, hoping that she wouldn't go.
Nellie bit her lip as seductively as she could with her still slightly red-rimmed eyes and tear streaked cheeks. 'I want you,' she mouthed silently, softening her gaze.
He raised an eyebrow down at her, surprised that she would want to pleasure him after all he had done in the past few hours. "What if I don't want you?" It was only a tease but he wanted to be sure it was because she wanted to and not because she felt obligated to.
Nellie's smirk widened playfully. "Oh, I may be blind love, but I can feel that you really do want me."
"Perhaps I have a razor in my pocket." He smirked down at her, relieved that he wouldn't have to say no.
Nellie raised an eyebrow and sat up. "Sweeney, if you can't say you love me, at least don't pretend you don't want me." As she spoke she moved her lips closer to his until she was close enough to feel his breath.
"I'm only thinking of you." He whispered back against her lips. "I can only pleasure you so much in so long before it becomes... dangerous." Nellie parted her lips slightly, waiting for the kiss she was sure would come.
Smirking, Sweeney lay back on the bed and put his hands behind his head, leaving Nellie kneeling in front of him on the bed. She raised an eyebrow looking down at him. "Oh, cause I have to pleasure you first."
"I never said anything. I just figured I'd save you the exhaustion and reserve myself but of course everything I do if for me alone." He gave a dramatic air of martyrdom and Nellie rolled her eyes.
"You're such a little shit." Getting up she began to strip off her dress slowly, accentuating her breasts as she pulled the fabric down. Sweeney looked away, enjoying making her suffer a bit.
Nellie gasped at his stubbornness. "You're not even going to look?"
"I'm doing it for your own safety." He managed to keep his voice calm despite the growing erection.
Nellie moved into his field of vision and removed the rest of her clothing. "Oh, really?"
Sweeney only turned away from her, the game of it easing his headache and lightening his mood. "I'm stronger willed than you think, you have to work harder than that."
Taking the challenge, Nellie got onto the bed on all fours and crawled over him, maneuvering herself so that her stomach would not get in the way. Sweeney closed his eyes as he felt her thighs settle on either side of his torso and the warmth of her own arousal settled over his abdomen. He was determined to win this out, however, and merely clenched his fists to keep from touching her.
"Not tempted." It was a lie but Nellie was satisfied in knowing that he still wanted her and that she could still want him.
Her smirk widened at his attempts to win their battle of wills and she moved herself to kneel beside him, trailing her hand down over his muscled stomach to the opening of his pants. "Sure, you're not."
His stomach muscles twitched slightly as her hand traveled southward but otherwise he managed to remain calm at her touch. "Nothing."
"Mmh..." Nellie began to undo his pants slowly, smirking a bit as his need for her rose from beneath the cloth as she pulled his pants down his hips. Before he could stop it, a low growl emanated from his throat as the pressure was taken off of his erection.
Nellie faked a gasp and looked back at his face. "What was that?"
"Nothing." Sweeney raised an eyebrow, not quite willing to give in yet, and turned onto his stomach. Without a word Nellie laid down next to him and took his hand, moving it between her thighs. Taking two of his fingers she began to guide them to rub her clit, moaning as she looked into his eyes.
"Mmh..."
Sweeney raised an eyebrow at how bold she was being as she continued to move his fingers for him in circles. "If that's the way you truly want it." He gave a mock sigh before turning onto his side and taking control of his hand again, pulling her as close against him as he could. He kissed her lightly on the lips and trailed his slightly dampened fingers along her side.
Nellie smiled into the kiss and returned it eagerly, finally feeling the last of her nerves slipping away as his sensitivity returned. Sweeney gently pushed her onto her back and hovered over her. He began to leave a stream of kisses from her lips to her chin, down over her throat where he placed a small possessive nip, and down through the valley of her breasts.
Nellie gave him a small moan of encouragement and closed her eyes as his kisses extended down over her naval. However, the trail stopped there though she didn't have time to complain. His lips found hers again and he slipped a finger through her entrance, pumping it slowly.
She bit her lip and gave an appreciative sigh at his touch. "Aah..."
Responding to her encouragement he added a second finger and began to move them faster. Nellie released her lower lip and he kissed her deeply, earning another moan as she closed her eyes. Sweeney could feel his patience wearing thin a bit as his want for her grew and removed his fingers quickly. Without hesitation he thrust himself into her and began to thrust hard against her hips, his hands tangling into her hair as he bit down on her lip. Nellie moaned loudly at the sudden change and opened her eyes as he began to thrust harder.
Sweeney couldn't help but bite harder on her lip, drawing blood though he didn't mean to. "Nellie..." he muttered softly against her bleeding lip.
Nellie moaned in pain and pleasure but didn't interrupt him. "Sweeney..."
Sweeney growled as he felt her climax around him and finished soon after her, rolling over to her side and pulling her against him tightly.
Nellie let herself be pulled, too exhausted to protest, and tried to slow her breath.
"Now see, you've exhausted yourself." He let out a sigh and began to stroke her back, following the path he had carved for himself.
Nellie gave a small smirk and snuggled against him. "It was worth it."
Sweeney smirked slightly and tugged gently on some of her loose curls. "What, no declaration of love? Isn't that always what you go on about afterwards?"
She rolled her eyes but kept her smile. He was teasing her but she wished that for once, now that she knew, he would say it back to her. "I love you, then."
"I know. You don't have to say it every time." He smirked down at her, enjoying the relaxed look he had made on her face.
"I have too much love for you." She said honestly, though she quickly followed with something teasing to keep the serious edge out of their conversation. "I can't keep it all in. I'm gonna explode."
"You shouldn't love me, pet." Sweeney had noticed the slight change in her tone and once again he found himself wishing that he had never said anything to the baker at all. It was his fault they were in this mess. Because he couldn't control himself in the beginning, now he had emotions he didn't want to deal with and a pregnant lover he never meant to have and couldn't stop hurting.
Nellie gave a small, sad smile and looked away from his gaze. "I know... but I can't help it."
"Then I'm sorry." He paused and looked up at the ceiling. Too much had happened. He loved Nellie but he couldn't process it properly. He loved Lucy but she was long taken away from him. He had a new child coming that he wasn't prepared for and his other child believes he's rotting rightfully in a prison. "You have to know I can never... return to being who I used to be."
"I don't want Benjamin, love..." She knew the first day that he came back that Benjamin had died a long time ago.
"You fell in love with him, not Sweeney. Don't pretend otherwise." As he spoke he turned his head so that he could rest his chin atop her hair, not wanting to be looked at.
"I loved Benjamin but I'm in love with Sweeney Todd." Her voice had softened a bit but he still felt the firmness of what she had said.
"Then you're a very foolish woman, I'm afraid." Sweeney shivered a bit and pulled the blanket over them, holding onto her tighter.
Nellie gave a small smirk at his shiver. It was nice to get reminders that he was human. "I know that, too."
He sighed and held her as tightly as his wounded arms would allow him to. "Then... I suppose I love you in all your foolishness."
She couldn't help but smile widely as she heard him say it and nuzzled her face against his chest, knowing that if she looked up at him he would close himself away again. Her heart was beating quickly in her chest.
"Sleep." Sweeney said it as more of a command as he felt her move closer against him. He needed some time to process the entire day and it was getting to be too much for him to handle. Nellie sighed but hummed obediently against his chest and closed her eyes. She wouldn't ruin the peace between them, if he wanted her to rest for now she would.
Sweeney waited until her breathing evened out and looked down at the sleeping baker. He felt his own heart quicken as a burst of anxiety settled in his chest and he quickly looked back at the wall. Somehow he had managed to make a new life, the only problem was the old one still haunted him. The judge was still alive, his daughter was within reach but unattainable, the woman who was supposed to be his only love is dead. Nothing was the way that it should have been and he felt the terror of it settling on his heart. He had done this to himself and now he had to pay the price.