Chapter Fifteen: Nellie Has a Past
The four days had passed slowly and Nellie had taken diligent care of his wounds while she could. She knew that nothing she said was going to stop him from leaving when he was ready and she wanted to at least be sure that for the four days that she had him, his cuts were going to be clean, tightly bandaged, and cared for. By the fourth day he had healed enough to be able to pick up his bag without searing pain surging through his forearm. He worked for the four days that he stayed, something that deeply bothered the little baker, and on the last day he found himself dreading having to go to the pie shop below. Their last confrontation had not ended well and he didn't want to face that again. When at last he closed his shop, he took up his bag and made his way to the dark, empty pie shop. When he saw that it was completely abandoned, he sighed and made his way to the parlor. "Nellie?"
Mrs. Lovett was sitting on the sofa, tears already brimming at the corners of her eyes. She had closed her shop two hours early trying to prepare herself for his departure and it hadn't worked. All it had done was make her watch the time like a vulture and cry every time it chimed a new hour. She didn't answer when he came in, not trusting the tears to stay hidden or her voice not to crack.
"Come now, pet," he spoke softly, trying as he had the day before to ease her into it. He set his bags down and came closer to her slowly. "We have two hours left together…" It wasn't enough to do much, but it was enough to comfort the trembling baker as best he could.
Nellie let out a shaking sigh and looked down, afraid to meet his gaze. "Two hours… for one month…"
"I gave you four extra days… That's four less than I would be gone, pet." As he spoke he took her hands and pulled her up gently, taking her into his arms. Her hands automatically pulled him closer and held onto the back of his shirt tightly as another shaking sigh escaped her.
"I know…" It was all she could manage to say as she pressed her cheek against his chest, trying to feel his heartbeat while it still beat next to hers.
"Come now, there must be something you want to do in our last two hours together, pet?" Sweeney looked at his little baker, her trembling lip and red-rimmed eyes… He could feel the guilt already seeping back into his heart and he made an effort to hold it back.
"I… I don't know…"
Sweeney gave a sigh as he watched her. "You want me to hold you for two hours, don't you?"
Nellie bit her lip and looked up at him slowly, nodding her head softly.
Sweeney gave another sigh and pulled away from her. Taking her hand in his, he led her to the sofa and sat down, gesturing for her to sit next to him. Nellie gave a sad little smile and sat next to him, laying her head in his lap and putting a hand on his knee. At least he was being sweet… even though it probably would not last long. In the four days since he had told her, he had not said that he loved her and any affection he gave her had become guarded. She knew part of that was her fault… but it still hurt knowing that he was leaving her.
He put a gentle hand on her head and began to stroke her curls softly, wary of the numerous pins holding it in place. Nellie relaxed slightly at his touch and began to close her eyes. "You want me to sit here with you for two hours?" Nellie held in a sigh at his words, it was already making him uncomfortable… She looked up at him, hoping that if he saw her face he would let her stay like this longer.
"Yes…"
"For two hours?" Sweeney gave a soft sigh, already feeling a slight tension building up. "You are so demanding." He said it teasingly; hoping that if he played with her the silence would end.
Even though she wanted to stay in his lap, his good mood was more important. Smirking, she pulled at his shirt collar, lifting her head to kiss him softly. "I'm not that demanding…"
"Two hours, pet, two." As he spoke, he lay back on the couch and pulled her over him. There was still an awkward tension between them but at least there wasn't silence. Nellie widened her smirk as he pulled her over him and looked into his eyes.
"Stop complaining."
"It's just… two whole hours." Sweeney pulled a loose curl of her hair gently as he teased her and Nellie couldn't help but actually start to feel good again. He always did that… Make her miserable before he made her good again… even though she was just going to be miserable in a matter of hours. She gave him a soft laugh and kissed his nose. His hand swept across her cheek, tucking the curl back behind her ear and she could feel her heart melting.
The familiar feeling of his hands roaming through his hair made her relax against him as he removed all the pins he could find, her eyes locked lovingly onto his. When he finished, his hands found her cheeks again and brushed the loose mess of curls back away from her face.
"You should wear it down more often, pet…"
"You like it better?" Her voice was soft and her hands rested lightly on his shoulders, her gaze occasionally drifting to watch them rise and fall with his breath.
"I do… Why have long hair if you're just going to tie it up?" He really did like her hair. It was soft and he liked to run his fingers through it as they lay together or grab it as they made love… Of course those wouldn't be the reasons he would give her.
Nellie bit her lip and shrugged, guessing from the slightly guarded look in his eyes that he didn't want to really talk about it, he just wanted her to do.
"You don't like it?" Sweeney began to stroke her cheeks lightly, keeping a careful watch on her expression.
"I don't care… If you like it then I will." It was a small sacrifice to pay if it meant that he could be more affectionate with her.
He frowned a bit as he watched her face. There was something off about her expression. Had he made a mistake already? "Don't make yourself like it… If you don't like it then don't wear it down."
"I want to…" Nellie kept her voice soft, trying to assure him as much as she could in her body language that it was okay. He didn't need to pull away yet…
He let out a sigh and Nellie relaxed again as he pet her hair. His legs moved from beneath her and she found herself settled between them as she lay against him. "Curly hair shouldn't be wasted…"
She smirked a bit at his comment. "'Course."
Sweeney trained his gaze towards the ceiling as he pet her hair. Against his own stomach he could feel a light kick through her abdomen. "Do you dream of the child?" The question came before he could process it and he regretted it almost immediately.
Nellie smiled against his chest. He never asked about their child… "Oh, yes…" In fact she dreamed of it very often. They weren't always good dreams… but the baby… the baby was always perfect…
"What do you see?" It was too late to take the questions back but he began to feel oddly calm as he stared at the ceiling. As long as Nellie wasn't looking at him… it wasn't that hard to talk about it…
"I think it's gonna be a little girl…" Nellie hesitated before she continued. "I… I hope she will have your eyes…"
"You want her to have cold, hardened eyes?" The mention that the baby could be a girl had welcomed the uneasiness back inside his chest. It was already too much that he was starting a new life… he didn't need to replace them entirely… "They're not very appealing on a new born. You might have priests attempting to exorcise the child." He continued to pet her hair as he spoke but he hoped the sharp edge to his joke would change the subject.
Nellie gave a soft shrug, sensing the change, and continued carefully. "Whatever… I don't believe in God and all of that religion stuff."
Sweeney raised an eyebrow and looked back at her. "That's… surprising of you, pet…"
Nellie raised her own eyebrow back at him. She baked people into pies for him and he still thought she was religious. "Really?"
"I thought you and Albert were members of the Parish?"
"Ah…" Nellie gave a dry laugh as she thought about the days that Albert used to send her to church. "Yeah, well, because it looked "proper," I guess."
"So even then you weren't religious?" He as genuinely surprised and interested at what she was telling him and as he spoke he sat up against the arm of the sofa, causing Nellie to slide to his waist. Nellie laughed at his sudden interest in her life but didn't adjust herself.
"Me? Religious?"
"So does this mean that we won't ever have to really get married, then?" He smirked looking down at her, half-joking. Nellie's attention sparked when she heard the word marriage and she quickly looked up at him.
"So you would like to?"
"Well, if you aren't religious, then what's the point?" Sweeney folded his arms behind his head as he looked down at her, leaning against the arm of the couch.
Nellie gave him her cutest pout. "Marriage isn't about religion."
"It's an agreement before God that we'll somehow stay together. If that's not about religion, then what's the difference between what we have now and what we would have afterward?'
"It's different for everyone. I don't want to say "I love Sweeney Todd" to God. You're the only one who needs to know it. I'm not living my life with Him and you. He's not important. You are. If we get married, I promise myself to you and only you. That's all."
"Are you saying you haven't pledged yourself to just me?" He sat up straighter as he teased her, bringing her face level with his crotch.
Nellie smirked widely and moved herself back into his laps, her legs on either side of him as she slid a hand to his crotch. "Well…" She whispered teasingly. "If they want me, what can I do? It's not my fault if I'm a… "Bloody Wonder…""
As her hand pressed against his crotch, he could feel his erection coming. "Well, then," he moved his face closer to hers until they were only an inch apart. "I don't think that's very fair considering how faithful I've been. How do I know the child's mine?"
Nellie squeezed his pants softly. "Mhm… Just a guess really…"
He growled lightly as her fingers played with him over the fabric of his pants. "It doesn't count if you fucked the corpses."
Mrs. Lovett raised an eyebrow as she looked at him and began to laugh uncontrollably.
"So, pet," as he spoke he bit lightly at the nape of her neck, "how many men have you fucked?"
Nellie gasped and laughed again. "You're so inappropriate!"
"Just tell me," his teeth began to nibble at her collarbone and he smirked as her laughter continued.
Nellie's laughter began to subdue and she sighed at the attention he was giving her. She was so relaxed that her guard slipped completely. "I can't count."
Sweeney raised an eyebrow, noting the tone of her voice with her answer and looked up. "What do you mean?" A mixture of disbelief, jealousy, and anger began to form when he realized from the look on her face that she had been serious.
She raised an eyebrow back at him. It was too late to back out of her answer and if she could she would try to make it seem like an overreaction on his part. Anything was better than the truth. "I mean that I've fucked too many men to start counting."
"How do you lose track?" The disbelief and the anger were present in his voice as the shock overtook him. He had certainly expected more than himself and Albert, but not so many to the extent that she couldn't count.
"Why does it even matter?!" Nellie could feel the panic rising in her chest, she had messed up and it was going to be much worse than four days ago if he knew the truth.
"You should know!" He glared at her as his voice raised. "You should always know!"
"I… I…" Nellie was surprised at the genuine jealousy in his voice. Anger she had expected… jealousy she had not. "Well, sorry?!" She got up from his lap quickly, not wanting to be shoved or thrown away from him.
"How many were while I was away?" Even though he was angry and disgusted with her at the moment, the sick curiosity had overtaken him.
Nellie bit her lip, trying to stay calm and think her way through the situation. "I-I don't know… Sweeney, it meant nothing…" There were only two explanations for what she had said and she didn't want Sweeney to reach either of them. Either she was a whore and slept with several men for free; or she was a prostitute and slept with men for money.
"Were you ever pregnant? I find it hard to believe that I could be the only one capable." His tone was harsh and Nellie felt a chill go down her spine as she remembered how cruel he could be when he was angry at her. At the mention of pregnancies, she could feel her heart drop. Memories that she had spent years learning to block came flooding forward but she managed to swallow them back enough to answer him.
"Well… yes. But I lost the baby twice." Nellie swallowed as she watched the expressions on his face shift back and forth between angry, confusion, and astonishment. "Past is past, Sweeney."
Sweeney moved away from her, towards the back wall, not wanting to be anywhere near her as she spoke. "Lucy only ever had me by choice," he muttered, thinking of the possibility that any man, men that he killed or men that he let go, could have touched the baker; could have fathered a child with her just as he had. The thought was sickening and enraging.
Nellie looked down and swallowed her memories as they threatened to spill over the dam. "I don't think it concerns you, anyway."
His anger won over at her words. "Everything you do, everything you've done, everything that has ever touched you, or been near you, concerns me." His stature straightened and the darkness dripped from his voice as he glared at her. A deep possessiveness and jealousy burned in his chest and a desire to kill every man in London filled him. He may not have intentionally chosen to feel for her or to care for her, but Nellie was his now and everything that concerned her was his right to know.
Looking up at him, Nellie frowned, one hand instinctively going to her stomach as her child moved against her womb. "No… We… We weren't together. It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does." Sweeney's hands clenched into fists as he spoke and Nellie quickly moved her arm around her stomach, wary that he might hit her for the first time in a long time. She could tell by the anger in his eyes that he had reached the two conclusions she dreaded. She could only hope it wouldn't be the first one. Neither was preferable, but at least the second one meant that she didn't do it for free for everyone. "Is that how you paid your bills, Lovett? Fucking every man in London?"
Nellie's heart beat quickly in her chest and the shattered pieces he somehow kept putting back together, crashed in her chest. "S-Sweeney…" She didn't know what to say to calm him down or fix anything. It was true… She got too relaxed and she admitted something that she had meant to take to the grave the moment she saw his face again. Her gaze lowered, her eyes not able to look at him anymore without giving way to tears.
"You can't control yourself, can you?" He thought of how quickly she had let him in her bed, how quickly she had tried to get him there. Whether it was truthful or not it was all he could think about.
Nellie gasped softly and looked up. While she had expected he would be cruel, she didn't think that he would imagine that she would have truly wanted any of it. "Sorry?!" Her eyes brimmed with tears and Sweeney ignored the hurt and disbelief present in them.
"Do you know how many women I've fucked?"
Nellie sighed shakily and shook her head. "I don't need to know because it doesn't even matter!"
"Two." His glare burned into her skin and she desperately wished that she had kept silent and let him do as he pleased. "Lucy. You. Two. I never had to pay either, though I suppose I should be paying you. You are a whore, aren't you?"
Nellie took a sharp breath at the familiar slur that she had tried so very hard to never have to hear directed at her ever again and her eyes widened as she saw a flash of pure rage in his eyes. Tears started to fall freely down her cheeks but she didn't dare move the hand from her stomach to wipe them away. "N-No!"
"You opened your legs to anyone who would enter. Took their coin. Isn't that how whoring works?" As he spoke he walked to his bag on the floor and took out the small purse of coins he had saved for his journey, throwing it down at her feet. "There. That should cover my debt."
Nellie took a shaky breath and ignored the trembling in her legs. "I'm… I'm not a
whore…"
"Yes, you are." Sweeney slung his pack over his shoulder and turned to leave, not even wanting to look at the baker now that he knew. It wasn't so much the knowledge that she had willingly had sex with other men for money that bothered him as it was the fact that she had kept it from him and that at any given moment before he slept with her, a man could have been fucking her any way he pleased. Perhaps even before coming to him for a shave. It boiled his blood to think about it and he wanted to be as far away from the situation as possible.
Mrs. Lovett could feel her heart cracking and crumbling inside her chest as he walked towards the door. "D-Don't leave!" She had fought so hard to keep what she had done away from him. It was never her intention for him to find out anything about her. Especially not this. She would rather he had found out about Lucy than known about what she had done to survive when the shop was out of business.
"I believe I've told you once before that I don't bed whores." His voice was as cold as it had ever been and Nellie felt an immense panic as he walked into her pie shop. No matter how badly he was hurting her, she couldn't let it end like this. If he left knowing this, he would never come back.
"Sweeney, no!" Her voice cracked and, though her legs were trembling and her stomach felt like a lead weight on top of them, she ran after him.
As angry and Hell-bent on leaving as he was, Sweeney stopped when he heard her coming after him. Even though it disgusted, angered, and terrified him that he loved her, he still loved her, and she was still pregnant. "Don't touch me."
Nellie gave a shaking sigh as she saw him stop and small well of hope opened her chest, draining some of the panic and the pressure. She leaned her weight against the serving counter and tried to even her breath as she watched his back carefully. "Sweeney… Please… You don't know anything about my past… You don't know how hard it was, alright? You can't get mad at me because of my past… Please, love…"
"How many men will come to you once I'm gone?" It had already crossed his mind that he had barely been back in London for a year. Once he left and it was assumed that she was alone, the men would come again. He had no doubt of that. "A whore never goes out of business."
She looked at him disbelief. How could he ever think that after the devotion she showed him, the never-ending love, support, and care that she had provided for him, that she would ever consider being with another man. Things were so different now that it was unfathomable to her that, even in the worst situation, she would sell herself again. Even without him… as agonizing as that sounds… she had Toby and she had the little baby with half of him inside of her. She will never let them see her fall so low. Never.
"Well?" He demanded harshly. "How many?"
"I… I don't know... " Nellie lowered her gaze as she began to cry again, not wanting to look at him anymore as she spoke. "Sweeney, I had no choice… When Albert died, I needed to have some form of income." She hesitated a moment before lifting her gaze to his back once more. "Sweeney, I had close to no business for years after my husband died. I… I couldn't afford to live on just the shop alone… and I can't sew, no one would hire to me to work in their homes, and… no one wanted to rent the apartment… I had no other choice."
"Well, now you shall do exceptionally well. I'm sure they can pay you extra in pity for your child." Sweeney refused to look at her, knowing full well that as angry and upset as he was, he would calm down and she would lure him back to her.
"Please… I love you so much, Sweeney… Don't leave like this." He could hear the panic in her voice but he refused to look at her, wanting to hold onto his anger as long as he could.
"I paid you what I owe you for warming my bed. Let your gentlemen of London come again. That's what you do when the man has gone, isn't it?"
"Sweeney… I didn't love Albert… I love you. That's the difference..." Nellie bit her lip, waiting for a reaction. "I won't do anything 'cause I love you and I'm with you…"
"I scarred you for a reason, now I wish I hadn't." He silently wondered about the few little scars that had been on her body before he marked her as his own. Had they come from drunken customers? Over-rough sexual partners? He didn't know anything about her and he never would.
Nellie began to approach him slower, sensing a softer tone in his voice even though he was still upset with her. "I… I love you, Sweeney…"
"You loved Benjamin but you still sold yourself while he was away and Albert lived and died."
"But Benjamin didn't care. Benjamin didn't love me…" She kept herself an even meter behind him, wary of getting too close. "It didn't matter…"
"It matters now. You belong to me." The strictness slid back into his tone and Nellie swallowed.
"I know… I know I'm yours now."
"The past of my possessions is my business. Whatever you fuck, have fucked, or
will fuck, is my business." As he spoke, he finally turned to face her. Her cheeks were shining from the tears and her eyes were so rimmed with red that you could hardly see the white. Parts of her were still shaking and her ever present hand on her stomach remained. She bit her lip, knowing he was analyzing her, and looked down from his gaze.
"I'm sorry…"
Sweeney could already feel the sympathy and rationality slipping back into his mind and his anger dissipating but a part of him still wanted to be angry. "I suppose you were hoping for a fuck before I left? Well, I'm afraid, pet, that I've run out of coin for you."
Nellie looked back into his eyes in disbelief that he was dragging this on so long. "How can you…"
"You brought this on yourself." He glared at her as he spoke. "How many men have you fucked since I got back?"
"No one." Nellie kept her eyes trained on his, hoping that he would see that she was telling the truth. "Just you."
"When the pie shop was still under those first few weeks, you fucked no one? Not one man?"
"No. No one." Nellie sighed shakily, hoping that this was the end.
"How is it you could control yourself then?"
She tried to ignore the implications of what he had just said and swallowed the pain. "You…"
"So you need a caretaker, pet. To keep your legs shut for you?"
Nellie gasped and slapped him reflexively. His reaction was quick, a dark growl escaping him as he grabbed the wrist of the hand that slapped him, twisting her arm as he pulled her closer to him, closing the gap between them. Nellie gasped again as he grabbed her and moaned in pain as he twisted her arm back, looking into his eyes and breathing shakily.
"Mind your manners, pet." He let go of her arm, glaring at her as sting on his cheek began to fade.
Nellie tried to calm her shaking breath. "You deserved it."
"You deserve a beating and you would get one if you were not in this condition." As he spoke he rolled the sleeves up on his shirt and Nellie immediately covered her stomach.
"You wouldn't dare…" Her voice was a whisper as she watched him. He may have hurt her but he had never beaten her. "Would you?"
"You have scars don't you?"
Nellie swallowed, her eyes locked onto his body movements. "Those are because you wanted to protect me. Not give me a lesson."
"Evidently, I need to teach you. Be very happy you are with child." Even as he spoke he knew he wouldn't do it but the anger was still present and he still, regardless of the childish aspect of it, wanted to make her suffer.
Another shaking sigh escaping her. She had completely ruined everything. "You said you would come back. You promised."
"I didn't say I wouldn't come back." He left out a soft growl. "I expect a number by the time I return." Even if he couldn't hit her now, he could give her a bruise for every man that she let touch her after the baby was born.
Nellie swallowed hard. "You still love me?"
"I thought I told you I don't repeat myself."
"Do you?" She frowned sadly, watching him.
"Figure it out for yourself," he muttered, letting his bags drop to the floor.
Nellie bit her lip. "Sweeney… I'm not a whore… I was, but… It canged."
"A whore will always be a whore." He looked away from her, mumbling the words.
Nellie inhaled a sharp breath and looked away from him. "Goodbye, Sweeney."
The last of his anger disappeared and he looked back at his exhausted lover. "I still have an hour. I can't leave until sunset,"
"You can leave now." She swallowed her hesitation and her fear, letting the anger and the hurt dwell over it.
Sweeney sighed again, watching her. "Come here."
Nellie bit her inner cheek, needing her will to hold out. "No."
"Come. Here. I will not hurt you." HIs voice remained calm as he spoke, always watching her carefully.
Nellie shook her head and began to walk back into the parlor when he closed the gap between them, grabbing her arm. Pulling off harshly, she looked back at him with venom in her eyes. "Do. Not. Touch. Me."
Sweeney grabbed her arm again tightly. "I had promised not to hurt you again if I could help it. I have one hour. Talk with me in the parlor."
"Oh? Now you want to touch me? Even if I'm some kind of whore? That's new!"
"Nellie…" He pulled her against him as he spoke, wrapping his arms around her tightly enough to keep her from pulling away.
"Leave me!" She struggled against his grip but it was worthless, he only tightened his grip on her.
"No."
"Stop!" She bit her cheek, stopping her own struggle.
"No." He said again as he kept his grip on her tight. "You aren't calm yet."
Nellie rolled her eyes, sighing heavily. "I am fucking calm."
"If you were calm, you wouldn't swear."
Nellie bit her cheek and looked at the floor, waiting for him to let go.
"There now, pet. Will you sit quietly and speak with me? You won't walk off?"
"Mhm." She gave a soft nod, still refusing to look up at him.
Sweeney let go of her slowly, gesturing for her to go into the parlor.
Nellie sighed and did as he bid her, Sweeney following close behind and gesturing for her to sit on the sofa in front of him.
"Sit."
Nellie bit her tongue and sat down slowly.
He remained calm as he looked down at her. "Listen well, pet. You should know that I do not easily forgive the past nor do I look kindly upon those who touch my possessions without asking. While I am away, I expect you to remember every face that's dug a coin into your palm in exchange for the hole between your legs. Any that touched you as result of whoring or after Albert's death, I want you to kill them."
Nellie's eyes widened and she looked up at him in shock. "W-What?"
"You heard me, pet. Kill them." His tone was sharp and she knew that he was serious. "I'm leaving one of my razors with you. Kill them."
Another shaking sigh left her lips as she realized just how serious he was. "No!"
"Do you want me to forgive you? Do you want me to come back and stay?"
Nellie took in a sharp breath and knew that she would do anything to make him stay. Even this… if she had to. "Y-Yes… Of course…" She looked down, panic filling her chest as his eyes searched hers. "But really, love… it's not necessary…"
Sweeney hooked a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him, pulling her chin up harshly. "Those men touched you. They will be punished. You betrayed me, this is your punishment."
Nellie's breath could only come in shaking bursts as she looked into his eyes. "I wasn't yours when it happened."
"But you are mine now. You will do as I say or suffer the consequences."
Mrs. Lovett swallowed hard. "I'm not the murderer. You are."
"Fine. I'll kill half of them. You can receive bruises for the half I kill but otherwise you must kill the others."
Disbelief filled her. How could he ask her to do this? She didn't hurt people… That wasn't what she did… "I… I…" She swallowed, lost on her words for a moment. "It's completely insane! I can't do this! A lot of them are probably dead and I don't remember all those faces! Do you think I enjoyed it?! I didn't want that, Sweeney. I had no choice."
"Try better to remember, pet." He took a lock of her hair in his fingers as he spoke and tugged on it harshly. "If you do not do this, your punishment will be much worse."
Nellie felt fresh tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "You can't ask this of me."
"I can and I have. If you won't kill them, then I shall and you will watch. The fathers of the unborn spawn you lost will receive torture first."
Nellie frowned sadly and looked away from him. "What if… What if I get caught?"
Sighing, he let go of her hair and kneeled in front of her. "If you do not kill these men, then I will. Do you understand why this must be done?"
She looked at him slowly, shaking her head softly.
"Well, pet," his voice softened as he spoke, "What's happening now with another man that touched the woman I bed? Hm?"
Nellie bit her lip and looked at her lap, frowning like a scolded child.
"Go on, answer. What's happening with him?" Sweeney placed a hand on her trembling knee.
She looked at him again softly and answered barely above a whisper. "He's going to die?"
"Yes. I don't care if I was there or I wasn't. He touched Lucy, he will die. London touched you, they will die." He finished with a soft warning growl and stood up. Nellie would learn a lesson one way or another about keeping secrets from him.
Nellie bit her lip nervously and kept her gaze on her lap, nodding slightly.
Sweeney sighed before sitting next to her on the sofa. "Come here." He patted his thigh gently, motioning for Nellie to lay her head in his lap.
She looked back at him softly and hesitantly lay her head in his lap, recognizing that the fight was over and it was easier to give in to him before he left her again. He began to stroke her hair softly and she stiffened a bit before relaxing slightly at his touch.
Sweeney remained silent for a moment as he stroked her loose curls. "I still have the better part of an hour before I can leave."
Nellie glanced up at him, still frowning with tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes as his fingers ran through her hair.
"I am… sorry that I lost my temper." He kept his gaze fixed on the wall, not wanting to look at the hurt on her face.
Nellie took a breath and nodded a bit, not truly believing him.
"Are you… alright?" She thought that she could pick a note of concern from his tone and the tears came closer to falling onto her cheeks. She shook her head without looking at him.
Sighing again, he moved his hand to her back and began to rub it softly. "I wasn't angry at you. I was angry at what happened. I still…" he found himself hesitating, not wanting to say it again, "love you."
"You called me a whore…" Her whispering voice shook a bit and she shivered as his hand moved over her back.
"I lost my temper." As he spoke he gently pulled her up and held her against his chest. Nellie bit her lip and started to cry, wishing that he had left while she was working, it would have been so much easier if she had found him already gone.
"Will you… forgive me?"
Nellie snuggled silently against his chest, hoping that he would take it as an answer and leave her be.
"Is that a yes?" Sweeney ran his hands through her hair gently.
Nellie sighed shakily and closed her eyes. "Of course you're forgiven…" She snuggled against his chest again, keeping her eyes shut tightly.
He tightened his grip on her, knowing that she was still upset. "You don't like it when I call you "pet," do you?"
She sighed and pulled away from him enough to look at his face. "Is that what I am for you? Just your pet?"
"Of course not." His tone became defensive and Nellie inwardly flinched. "You are mine though."
"Are you mine too?" She kept her voice soft, not wanting to waken his anger again.
"Must you really ask?" His own voice softened and a small sense of relief came over Nellie.
She gave a small sigh and put a hand on his cheek softly, stroking it with her thumb. "I love you, Sweeney."
He gave a soft sigh at her touch. "And I, you, my pet."
Nellie sighed again and smiled slightly. He didn't say it but at least he was being sweet again. Time would pass soon enough and she knew that even though tonight had hurt, she would still miss him with everything she had.
Sweeney lay back on the sofa, hugging her to his chest. "I really am sorry," he muttered, already feeling the sense of shame he often felt once he calmed and realized how badly he had lost his temper.
Her smile grew slightly and she gave him a gentle kiss. "It's okay…"
He returned the kiss and slid his hands to her waist. Nellie sighed in submission as the kiss was returned and looked at him softly when he broke it with his own sigh.
"Don't hit me, but I actually need that money back that I threw at you earlier…"
Nellie raised an eyebrow, looking into his eyes, surprised that he would even mention it again now that they had calmed. "Fine." She got up a bit clumsily from the sofa and walked to the purse, still on the floor where her feet had been. Squatting uneasily, she picked up the coins and walked back to him. "Ah, well, at least I'm a nice whore. I don't charge too much." She gave him a mock smile and dropped the purse onto his chest.
"Nellie," he sighed and took the purse in hand, setting it on the end table next to the sofa. "I said I was sorry."
She looked away from him, biting the inside of her cheek.
"You're still angry with me, aren't you?" Sweeney finished with a sigh and folded his hands over his stomach, looking down at them.
"Well, just because I forgive, doesn't mean I forget."
"Funny, aren't you the one who chastises me for that?" He moved his gaze from his hands to her face.
Nellie sighed and rolled her eyes. He wouldn't succeed in making her feel guilty for his anger. She may wish that she had never said anything to begin with, but his temper was certainly his fault.
Sighing, Sweeney got up and walked towards her, pulling her into his embrace once more. "I'm sorry," he muttered, holding her against his chest and trying to ignore the slight movement he could feel against his side as the child pressed against her skin.
Nellie sighed again and bit her lip as the baby pressed towards him. "I'm not a whore… I had no choice."
Sweeney kept his silence, rubbing his hand in small circles on her back.
She frowned sadly at his attempt to comfort her. "You said you wouldn't hurt me again."
His grip on her tightened and he sighed again, whether in annoyance or loss of words she couldn't tell. "I only meant physically. You know as well as I do that my temper is… unpredictable."
"That hurt, Sweeney." Nellie swallowed, glancing at the clock. Half an hour.
"How many times must I apologize?" He was becoming slightly frustrated but he caught his tone, sighing and sweetening it before continuing. "What can I do for you to stop hurting, pet?"
"What is said is said…" A moment of hesitation paused her before she looked up at him. "Did you mean it?"
"Mean what, pet?" As he spoke he tucked a wayward curl back behind her ear. He knew she wanted him to admit that he was trying to hurt her while he was upset. Still… he didn't want to face that. He didn't want to feel guilty for something that he couldn't control, but he did.
Nellie looked away, frowning. "'A whore will always be a whore.'"
"I was angry, lamb…" His voice was honeyed and she felt slightly belittled by it. "You know what people can say when they're angry…"
She gave him a sad smile, knowing she wouldn't be able to make him understand and nodded softly.
Sweeney took a breath and held her tightly. He knew that he had once again ruined a day with his temper, whether he was justly angry or not, and he only had so much time to make her content again before he left. If he said it… it would help, and he knew it, but he still wanted to deny it, to bury it and abandon it. "I do… love you."
She pulled away from him softly, keeping the smile on her face. "I love you too."
"Shall we go back then, pet?" Sweeney began to walk back towards the sofa, taking her hand in his. "To where we left off… before our little fight…"
Nellie rolled her eyes and gave him a smirk. Twenty-five minutes.
Laying down on the sofa, he pulled her down onto his chest, settling her between his legs. Nellie widened her smirk and began to kiss his neck, breathing in the scent of the perfumed aftershave on his skin. A soft growl vibrated against her lips.
"I believe you were saying something about not knowing if the child is mine?" A teasing tone coated his voice and she looked up at him in mock disbelief though she felt a small pang of hurt in her heart.
"Can't you just shut up!?" She meant it on a certain level and she kissed him deeply, hoping that it would be over soon and she could grieve on her own.
He grinned slightly against her lips and his hands began to pull her skirts, dragging them up to her hips. "Never," he whispered against her lips before deepening the kiss himself.
Nellie smirked into their kiss and tried to focus on just the imminent sex. She let him take her hand and slide it to his crotch. She smirked more against his lips, undoing his trousers deftly with her fingers.
"You are so demanding." His hands began to pull at the laces of her dress and she gave a small laugh as she pulled his pants to his knees. Her skirts were hiked up to her waist and his hands quickly pulled her bloomers and her stockings down and off her legs. The spank was unexpected and she jumped a bit, quickly smirking. She kissed him again, hoping he didn't catch her momentary lapse, and placed herself onto his cock slowly. A groan escaped his lips as she settled on top of him and his grip on her tightened.
Nellie moaned loudly for him, throwing her head back. He began to thrust upwards, his hands holding onto her hips tightly. She closed her eyes, moaning as she always would for him. "Aaaahh…"
Sweeney pushed her onto onto her back, thrusting into her again and kissing her roughly. Nellie experienced a moment of shock and fear as he pushed her back but she immediately moaned again and returned his kiss, moving her hips hard against him and looking at the clock. Twenty minutes.
His nails began to dig into her shoulders as he felt his climax nearing and Nellie ignored it, trying to focus on the pleasure of fucking and not the anxiety of his nails on her back. "Sweeney…" She sighed, feeling close to her own climax, and moved her hips faster against him.
Sweeney felt his climax and whispered her name against her shoulder, placing a light kiss where it fell. Nellie moaned and came, breathing heavily in relief and afterglow. His arms held her closely and he breathed in the scent of her skin as he kissed her neck and brushed her hair aside.
Nellie smiled tiredly, and stroked his chest softly. Fifteen minutes.
"I only have a few minutes left…" His voice was soft as he reminded her, his face still harbored against her neck.
Nellie felt her heart stop for a moment. Now that he had said it himself it reminded her that as much as she wanted to grieve alone, she would want him back to comfort her when she was finished. "Already?" Her voice was almost a whisper and she glanced back at the clock to be sure that she had read it right, suddenly wishing for the last fifteen minutes to come back.
He cupped her cheek softly and stroked it gently with his thumb. "I fear so, my pet."
Nellie frowned sadly, feeling the tears coming back and the familiar guilt and suppression, and gave a shaking sigh. Sweeney moved away from her gently, giving her a small kiss. Standing, he fixed his pants and tucked in his shirt. When he walked over to his bag he knelt in front of it and removed one of his shirts, tossing it to the baker who still lay with her legs open and her skirts around her waist.
"Wear it when you sleep." It was partly a reminder for the baker and partly a reminder for everyone else that she was his, but he also wanted to leave a bit of himself with her; besides their unborn child.
Nellie sighed shakily and gave a small nod, sitting up, her skirts falling over her lap as she clutched his shirt against her chest. Sweeney walked over to her and knelt at her knees, taking her hands in his.
"I really am sorry about earlier, pet." He kissed her fingers softly and Nellie bit her lip, looking down at him.
"I know…" She couldn't raise her voice above a whisper, wanting him to leave or hold her and never let go.
Sighing, he stood and pulled her with him, holding her against his chest once more. Ten minutes. "One month, pet… Just one. I promise…" He could feel his own heart growing reluctant. He didn't want to let go of her but he knew that he had to leave. Once he killed the judge… he could bury Lucy in his heart and… maybe… move on… let himself love Nellie the way he already knew he was beginning to.
Nellie bit her lip and snuggled into the embrace, her heart starting to beat quickly. "I need you so much…" Her voice shook and he could feel his heart starting to bleed.
"You will be alright… you have the boy." Sweeney began to rub her back gently, glancing at the clock. Eight minutes. "I will come back…"
Nellie swallowed hard, fighting back the tears.
"Shh, don't cry, pet…" He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, holding her closer.
"You can't leave, Sweeney…" A tear rolled down her cheek as she spoke, her breaths beginning to shake with the threat of hyperventilation.
"I must… The sooner it's done, the sooner we won't have to live this way…" He hooked his fingers beneath her chin and tilted her head up softly to kiss her. Her lips trembled against his and the tears began to fall freely.
"I love you so much, Sweeney… It should be enough for you to stay…" Nellie frowned sadly looking into his dark eyes. "You don't really have to go, love… The judge won't bother you anymore… and he won't bother Lucy either... " She blinked back the tears, her heart beating heavily in her chest. "Please… Please stay…"
Sweeney could only sigh, his own heart weighing in his chest with guilt and regret, placing a kiss on her forehead as his hands cupped her cheeks. "It must be done… Lucy will not have suffered in vain and nor will you." His voice was quiet but stern. "I do love you, pet…"
"Stay then!" Nellie raised her voice in desperation. "Stay... " She took his hand from her cheeks and held them in her own. "Please… I promise I will do anything you want me to… Just stay… Please don't leave me, not again…"
"I can't…" Sweeney kept his voice soft, wanting desperately to wipe the tears from her cheeks and convince her that he would truly come back for her. "It must be done. I will return, and then I will never stray."
"N-No… Sweeney… Please…" She looked into his eyes desperately, holding onto his hands tightly. "I need you to stay." Her eyes darted to the clock. Five minutes.
"And I will, as soon as I return." The clock chimed the hour and he let out a soft sigh. "It's time."
Nellie inhaled a sharp breath, digging her nails into his hands. "P-Please! Don't!" She pulled him against her desperately, holding onto him tightly.
He returned the embrace momentarily before pushing away from her gently. Taking her face in his hands, he gave her one last kiss. Nellie returned the kiss deeply, not ready to let go of him. Sweeney let the kiss linger a bit before pushing her away again gently. "I have to go…"
"Please…" Nellie pulled him back towards her desperately.
Pushing her gently away again, he slung his bag over his shoulder before taking her hand. He kissed her again, trying to calm her. "I love you and I will return." He turned away from her as soon as he finished speaking and began to walk away from her.
Panic bursted in her heart as she watched him walk away and she ran after him quickly. "Please, don't leave! Sweeney, love, please, we could have a life, us two…" Her voice broke as she grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. "You don't need to kill the judge, he's gone, love, he's gone… Please don't leave, I need you so much, you promised you would never hurt me again… Please don't leave, please…"
Sighing softly, he pushed her gently to the side and continued to the door, walking out. Nellie's breath quickened as she watched him, her heart beating quickly in her chest and her entire body trembling.
"Sweeney!"
He could hear her outside and hardened his heart, continuing his way down the street without looking back. Nellie ran to the door and leaned against the doorway, breathing heavily and shakily as she watched his figure recede down the road. He was gone… and she was alone.