Four hours of excruciating flight later, Cragen and Eileen's plane landed at JFK airport. The pace at which they exited was astonishing to everyone around them. The look on Cragen's face told them everything, without telling them anything. Their baggage appeared in the claim as soon as they got downstairs.
Eileen noted the way Cragen constantly checked his watch, refusing to look at the screen of his phone, fearing another news story. He'd finally cut himself off. He wouldn't read anymore of what he wasn't sure was true. His shaking hand reached out to snatch his suitcase, the one thing he'd brought back. He had dropped almost everything to be back with the people he loved. He may have retired, but he'd never stop being their captain.
Eileen touched his arm, giving him a steady look. It silently told him that she was right there with him, that no matter what happened, he wouldn't have to go it alone. Cragen nearly cried the moment he saw her dark eyes meet his. So many things were infiltrating his body. Every little emotion seeped into his heart, then spreading as every vessel filled with everything he felt.
No one had called, Cragen was sure. He'd checked every ten minutes. Was that good news? Or was it bad? He couldn't think straight enough to know the difference. He walked out of the airport on shaky legs. There was part of him that wished he'd never come back. Maybe if he wasn't there, if he didn't see it, none of it was real.
Everyone who was lying in their hotel beds got winks of sleep. Others got more. But they all had one thing that was the same: nightmares. Usually jolting awake was the thing that brought them away from the rest they so desperately needed. The naps turned into a way to pretend for a moment that nothing had happened, that it was all alright.
Time passed as slowly as it had ever been, but still seeming fast. The sun rose high into the sky, though hardly a soul could tell it was there. Clouds wrapped their arms around the sun, making it impossible for the rays to break through the darkness. Lightning lit up the sky at 11:30 that day. Rumbles of thunder reverberated off the windows of buildings and rolled through the city with force. Rain came down in blinding torrents before settling into a steady fall.
Nick was lying on his back, finally sleeping when his phone rang. Every time he heard the ringer, his heart sunk. It was like he was just waiting to hear the news that his best friend was gone. Maybe if he didn't answer, she wouldn't leave him. Rationalizing, Nick shook his head and reached over to grab the phone.
"Captain." He answered, sitting up a little bit.
"Nick. We just got into JFK. You guys are at the hospital?" Cragen's voice was as panicked as it had been hours before.
Nick, having completely forgotten about his former captain's arrival sat up farther.
"No. No, we checked into the Park South Hotel. We're all waiting for any more news." He explained with a painful swallow. The pause on the other end was full of emptiness.
"We got you and Eileen a room, Captain. I'll send you directions." Nick tried to keep his captain thinking in the moment, not about what was coming, or what had past.
Cragen cleared his throat before answering. "Thanks Nick."
There was an even quieter pause. The question about to leave Cragen's mouth was something to which Nick needed to think about an answer. The old man didn't need any words that might get his mind going faster toward a deep abyss of uncertainty. Cragen hadn't seen any of it actually happen. He hadn't been there. Nick knew he would need time to think about how to answer Cragen when he asked what was happening, what had already happened.
"Captain." Nick stopped, keeping his eyes closed for longer than he usually did. "We'll talk about it when you get here. She's still alive."
He assured Cragen what he wished to know the most. The tremble in Cragen's voice physically hurt Nick's heart. Cragen had done everything he could to protect the woman he'd so long loved as family.
He didn't tell Nick that he was going to see Olivia before he even thought about heading to the hotel. He thanked Nick and hung up without a response.
Simon got a call while he sat in his car on the west side of Newport, Oregon. He and Tracy were visiting her parents out in the beautiful Pacific Coast city. He had just returned to the beach home with the pizza he'd picked up when his phone rang. Unable to recognize the number, Simon let it go to voicemail. He picked up the pizzas, a delicious aroma wafting up to him as he carried them to the door of the house. The clouds were dark, the blue sky invisible. The door opened easily, even with the three large boxes of food in his arms. The warm air of the inside atmosphere sharply contrasted the cool spring air of the coast.
"Hey! Guess who's got supper?" He smiled as he shut the door behind him and climbed the stairs to the large family room, kitchen, and dining area, all glowing brightly with light hardwood.
Ty was the first one to jump up from the game of trains he and the other three children were playing on the ground. The family had gotten together, Tracy's brother and his family joining them in the home. Simon's kids, Ty and Olivia, had meshed perfectly with Alicia and Michael. Simon's phone rang again as he set the pizza on the counter. He grabbed it out to find the same number calling. He ignored it again.
The walk to the hospital room was a long one, and Cragen took it alone. Eileen told him she'd let him have some time, and she had sat down in the waiting room on the first floor. Cragen didn't have control over how his body was getting to where he needed to be. Without knowing where he was going, he arrived in the ICU.
The nurse at one of the desks looked up, noting his distant expression. "Sir. Sir can I help you?"
He turned and looked at her, taking a few steps to close the distance between them.
"I'm looking for - Olivia Benson." He replied shakily.
The nurse put her eyes to the computer. After clicking only twice, the woman glanced up at him.
"She's in room 220. I'll take you." She got up, concerned by the paleness in his face.
Cragen walked beside her down a hallway that seemed to be sucking the life out of him. Every white object he saw, every white wall passing him, every tile beneath his feet took another vital breath from him. The air was too thin to supplement his lungs. He was about to see what had happened - what it had caused. The nurse suddenly stopped. Putting her hand on his arm, she sighed.
"Ten minutes is all I can allow you with her condition." Seeing the way Cragen was staring into the room, she whispered sorrowfully. "I'm sorry."
Then he was alone again. He entered the room cautiously, putting one foot slowly in front of the other. His throat was so swelled up he thought he'd suffocate. Behind the curtain, he found a body like one he'd never seen before. It wasn't Olivia. No way. Her hair was darker, her skin white as snow. He took only one step further. It was her. Then he felt the spear permeate him hard. It was real. It was so real. Tears sprung to his eyes as he looked at her. The time it took him to reach the bedside was lost in the recesses of space. The pain didn't allow him to think of anything else. Time stopped altogether. Life froze as he sat down next to her.
Her face was bruised and stitched, one of her arms completely wrapped, a wound in her side patched as best it could be. Her cheeks sunk into her mouth, making it seem like she was already dead. After all, it was just a machine that was keeping her breathing. Cragen recognized the ventilator immediately. One tear followed another down his cheek.
"Oh Liv." He whispered to her.
Her hand wasn't as warm as it should have been when he put his own upon it. Then he squeezed it gently, holding it. He couldn't see. He couldn't breathe. All he could do was think about the last time he'd seen her. He remembered that night in his office after he'd announced his retirement.
"I told you to take care of yourself, Liv." The words were drowning in his suppressed sobs.
His finger moved over the smooth, chilled skin of the top of her hand. "This isn't what I meant."
He held it together for just one more sentence. "You deserve so much more."
The first of many cries came from his throat. Cragen bowed his head and let the crying rock his body.
A soft knock on the door signaled the arrival of the captain. Nick got up as quickly as he could, snapping out of sleep again. It was only 12:50. The door swung open to reveal Eileen and Cragen.
"Captain." Nick could tell immediately where Cragen had been. It was written in his eyes as they reached out to hug one another. It was a short, but firm embrace. Nick pulled Eileen into a hug as well before inviting them in.
"I'll get the others." Nick suggested.
Cragen shook his head. He couldn't process anything. He didn't need more people.
"Let them rest." He replied breathily.
Eileen put her hands in her pockets, asking what she knew Cragen never could.
"What happened." There was no question mark at the end. She was demanding an answer.
Nick retold it - all of it. He watched as Cragen's and Eileen's faces changed with different emotion. He drew toward the end - the most painful part.
"When we got to her, Lewis was dead. But he'd stabbed her."
Cragen sat on the bed, uncertain his legs could take his weight.
"Doctor says her lung collapsed. They're trying to make it possible for her to breathe on her own again." He finished with his eyes cutting right into Cragen's.
"And if they can't?" Cragen already knew what the answer was. Nick didn't answer at all.
"When will she wake up?" Another question that left no room for a small lie.
"We don't know." Nick softly spoke. "Hopefully soon."
The afternoon passed with storms rolling into the skies above Manhattan. The rain settled in puddles on side streets and main streets alike. Heavy foot traffic lessened to more than half of its usual volume as the torrential rains continued. The headlights of the traffic occupying the wet roads cut through the foggy day like a knife through paper.
The granary was still alive with investigators and press. The concrete exterior was dyed a dark gray as the rain ran as tears down its side. It mourned what it had harbored. Its skeletal insides echoed with unheard whispers and intricately coded messages. They filtered between the eerie sounds of the rain pattering on the outside. A leak had water flowing down to the concrete floor on the level where the most recent terror had occurred. The tiny, thin stream followed the downward slant of the floor, mingling with what evidence the place had to offer.
There was nothing that the old structure would give away. It would keep its secrets forever, no matter how many people tried to persuade it to do otherwise. What happened was only to be known by the people to which it had happened. Only they would know for sure everything that the building kept within. No one else would ever know.
Standing alone on the rippling waters of the canal, the Red Hook Grain Terminal would remain silent for as long as it stood.
Next chapter we'll see Emily again. Thank you for reading! Have some thoughts? Drop me a review! I'd love to hear them all!