Nick made it so that his hands enclosed hers after she grabbed his arm, squeezing weakly. Her eyes were open, a beautiful and equally terrifying thing to see. Initially, he felt relief as he saw her eyes finally stare into his. But they were wide, frantic. He was her partner - he could read that all easily. Her eyes glistened with oncoming tears as she fought the pain, the excruciating discomfort. Nick couldn't hear the muted cries she gave, but he reacted quickly. He pushed the red button near her, given by the nurses in case she woke up alone.
"Hang in there, Liv. They're coming." His voice faltered in the panic he felt.
She was back with him, but for good? Would she stay? Or would she slip away again, only making it harder to say goodbye when they knew she was aware of her life fading?
Olivia laid her head back on her pillow, squinting her eyes shut as she gave the energy to thank him. The small pressure her hand put on his made him sure she was speaking to him silently. Nick's tears became real. They stopped themselves when a pair of nurses and a doctor came rushing in, instructing him to come away from the bed. Her hand slipped from his, and he stood helplessly again.
"Get that pain medication into her!" The doctor shined a light into her eyes as he spoke to her hurriedly.
"Olivia, Olivia we're going to take care of the pain. Just try to relax." He had to slow her breathing. At the rate her lungs were taking in air, the machine couldn't keep up. Her lung was in danger again.
"The tube is helping you breathe. Is it giving you any discomfort?" He asked her.
Olivia felt nothing but the burning in her side. She shook her head.
"You're going to be ok." The doctor stood away from her as the nurses finished administering the IV drugs.
Then he turned to Nick. "Will you stay with her - to keep her calm?"
What the doctor didn't know was that, even if he'd asked Nick to leave, the detective would stay. He didn't have a choice.
Olivia's mind was still racing, but it had slowed. She felt the pain dulling as the pain-killing agents ran through her veins and relieved her discomfort. She closed her eyes as her memory of what had happened came back. Lewis. His scarred face popped into the darkness covering her eyes. She felt a different kind of pain take over when she recalled the way she'd felt in the moments before her team arrived. Olivia became nauseas again when the smells came back. He was still on her, in her. Nick was right next to her, the only one in the room when she opened her eyes again. Even if she didn't say anything, it wouldn't change the fact that it had happened. Her assailant was dead, but he'd left a mark, a permanent one.
Nick sat down cautiously, taking her hand again gently. She couldn't say anything, but once that little girl's face came to her head again, she had to know. Had they found her? Was she safe? Olivia let go of his hand, raising it as the only good one she had. She held it to her ear - a phone. Nick understood, nodding and taking his own from his pocket. He held it to her when she begged wordlessly. She was thankful for his ability to read her so well. She reached her weary arm out and brought up the note pad, typing only one word, a name.
"Emily." Nick read aloud. He took a deep breath as he stared into the eyes of his partner. He thought he'd never be able to do that again. What a blessing.
"We found her right where you said she'd be. She's ok. She's home now." He assured her quickly, seeing how much it pained her.
Olivia gave him a nod. She was so relieved that part of her plan had worked, if only a small part. Emily was going to be ok. That had been her one job, her only job besides seeing to the end of Lewis' life.
She began to type again.
To her message, Nick replied. "Yes. He is dead. He's gone."
She let her hand fall to her side before she held it to Nick's again.
"Do you want me to call the others?" He wanted the quiet with her and only her, but he knew how much the people back at the hotel were fearing.
The slight shake of her head told him what he needed to know. Her words came through on the screen of his phone.
Will you stay with me?
She didn't want to be alone with Lewis, even if he was only in her mind. Nick found it suddenly hard to swallow. He stroked her hand tenderly.
"As long as you want." The reply was a raspy one, so quiet it could have been carried away.
Olivia closed her eyes. Her thoughts shifted to where Brian might be. He wasn't with her. Had he gone? No. She knew in her heart. He hadn't gone. Not yet. He would say goodbye. That's who he was. He wouldn't leave without seeing her again. But she knew it was time. She didn't want him staying just because of Lewis. They'd discussed that. That was what had brought them close, both he and she knew that. She couldn't leave New York with him, and he knew that. It was over. They were ready for goodbye.
Olivia closed her eyes and let them leak the emotion she'd been hiding. Lewis had taken her authority, her safety, everything from her. Now he was gone. Now she could let it go.
Nick watched as tears streamed down her bruised face, swallowing hard to prevent his from leaving his eyes as well. He wanted to tell her how much he had been afraid he'd never see her eyes again, but he couldn't move his mouth. He couldn't hardly breathe. He just held her hand, and she held his as they offered comfort in its most still form: silence.
Brian slept uneasily, along with everyone else awaiting news. None of them knew that Nick had left his bed. None of them had any idea that Olivia was awake, still not out of the woods, but awake. Their sleep came and went uneasily until 12:25 A.M. Each of their phones lit up with the text message from Nick.
Munch reached for his phone slowly, his eyes already having been open to see the light of the screen. He read it with anxiety seeping into his racing heart. A call in the middle of the night was never good. As a police officer, he knew that better than anyone else ever could. He read the words, simple, but relieving.
"She's awake. We can visit tomorrow."
Nick's message was so short. Munch felt his heart fill, replacing his anxious terror with dizzying relief. He actually smiled.
"Brian." He spoke into the night. "Brian."
Brian stirred, not having been sleeping deeply. "I'm still here, John." His words were laced with pure exhaustion, his voice deeper and rougher than normal.
Munch displayed his smile, invisible in the dark, as Brian's phone went off.
"Oh god." Brian's voice became panicked again as he reached for it.
Munch shook his head. "No. It's Nick. He says she's awake. We can see her tomorrow."
Brian let his body collapse back against the pillow. He closed his eyes as he breathed out what he'd been holding. The bitter feelings nagging at him were muted for a moment. Olivia was alive. She was conscious and alive.
Amanda rolled over when her phone buzzed. Her mind immediately raced toward the idea that it was the call, the call telling her that Olivia was gone. She opened Nick's text message with her emotional floodgates about to break open.
"Fin!" She tossed one of her pillows when he didn't stir.
Fin jolted awake at the contact the object made with his legs. His phone lit up silently. He cursed, remembering he'd had it on silent. "What happened?"
Amanda could tell he was thinking the same thing she had been. He sat up to grab his lit device off of the bedside table. He didn't even open the message before Amanda spoke to him.
"She's awake." Her insides untied themselves from their painful knots. Now she felt herself realizing how dark of a cloud she'd been beneath.
Fin snapped his head up to her. "She's awake?" He didn't read what was in his hand.
Amanda's nod sent coils of relief down his spine.
Cragen, awake when his phone buzzed, grabbed it before he could feel the horror spread through him. He couldn't hesitate from opening it. He was well aware that if he did, he might never have the courage to open it. The sigh he gave was audible. It was one of incredible peace.
Eileen reached her hand for his. "What? What is it?" She was waiting for the call as the rest had been.
Cragen watched his phone go dark before lying back down, breathing easier. "She's awake."
He felt the relief spread throughout his body as he held Eileen's hand. They sat in silence as the darkness seemed less threatening.
"She's going to be ok." He whispered as if he was trying to convince himself it was real.
Nick held Olivia's hand as she drifted into sleep, helped along by the new drugs in her system. It kept the nerves at bay, along with the nightmares, the flashbacks. She closed her eyes slowly, allowing a single tear to slip out. She found she couldn't remember when Lewis had taken her as his own. She could feel the pain. She knew he had, but the memory was dark. She'd been unconscious.
It made her sick, trying to put the pieces back together to find there were a few that couldn't be found at all. Was it better to not know, instead feel the lasting effects without any memory of how they'd happened? Part of her wished she'd known, then grateful for the time that she had been unconscious. She'd never know what he did to her. No one ever would Except the man who had done it. That's what sickened her most. In death, William Lewis held the secret of what he'd done to her. It was a secret she could never uncover.
Her second tear slipped as she gave a final squeeze to her partner's hand. Nick watched her with a heavy heart. Now that she was awake, he was able to read the pain in her eyes. He saw the tears, immediately wishing he knew what was causing them. All he needed to do was hear her voice again. He wanted that connection with her again, but he would wait. He would stay.
Olivia's hand went limp in his as she relaxed in the clutches of sleep. Nick didn't let go of it. He moved his chair close enough to her bed so that he could lean back comfortably with her hand still in his. He put his feet up on the bed, swallowing hard as he held onto her for dear life. Sleep took him slowly, and the night in the city deepened as the hours drew closer to morning.
The first lights on the horizon awoke Brian. He sat up quietly, resting his feet over the side of the bed before he got up. He knew he had to do it now. The feeling in the pit of his stomach killed him.
:::
"I don't want you to stay just because of him - because of what he did. Not when you've got such an amazing opportunity for yourself." Olivia was sitting on the couch with him, her eyes leaking raw emotion.
They were having the conversation. It was the end.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore." Brian felt his voice hitch as his whisper dropped below audibility.
Olivia offered a smile through her tears and held his hand tight. "I know."
The tremor in her voice was obvious. "I'm going to be ok, Brian. You helped me more than you know." She finished.
Brian felt his own tear fall from his eye. He nodded.
"I don't regret it - giving it another try." He said, the hint of a smile on his face.
Olivia was able to smile back. "Neither do I." She squeezed his hand.
"You're a good guy, Brian." She said, ready to let him go. "You're going to find someone else. You and I will be fine."
Brian let the words sink in. He was ready, but it still hurt. They were drifting apart. They had to come to terms with the compromises they'd made. Olivia knew she couldn't go any further.
They'd been one another's support through the hardest times of their lives. They'd saved each other more than once, but the time had come to admit what they couldn't change and move on.
Brian was moving. He was moving to Florida to take a job he'd been offered, one with benefits too great to ignore, and he knew he couldn't drag Olivia from New York. They just couldn't move on in their lives without saying goodbye.
"I love you." Brian whispered, feeling his tear stop.
"I love you too." Olivia kissed him as she cried in silence.
"You'd better get packing. That job won't wait forever." She stood up, giving him a small, sad smile, and then she left him on the couch, numb.
:::
Brian made his way to the bathroom, changing quietly, careful not to wake Munch. He was going to say goodbye. He knew she didn't want him to stay just to watch her recover. The longer he stayed, the harder it would be to leave. It wasn't fair - to either of them. And so he found himself going to say goodbye and leave like he knew he had to.