Munch and Cragen left the hotel at 6:45 that morning. Eileen volunteered to stay behind, willing to wait to see Olivia. She didn't wish to impose, and she wanted everyone else to have their time with her first.
The hospital was quiet for the most part. The two men made it up to the right floor quietly, knocking on the door after sharing a look of anxious anticipation. They found Nick at Olivia's bedside. He kept his seat when they entered.
"Hey, champ." Munch offered her quietly, the words accompanied by a small smile.
Olivia took a breath and reciprocated the smile as her captain stood at her other side. After giving him her smile, she realized that it really was Cragen next to her. Seeing him opened a whole different series of emotions. He'd come away from his six month cruise to see her.
He felt a pang, one of pain and relief. Seeing her eyes open, that awful tube removed from her throat was a sigh he could revel in.
"It's so good to see those eyes again." Cragen felt the lump in his throat come on again.
Olivia let a single teardrop fall from her eye, sliding down her injured skin. The men noticed that the bruises were even more defined than before. She couldn't find the words to tell her former captain, one of her best friends how appreciative she was. It was so good to know he was only a phone call away on his cruise, but now with him right next to her, she was taken to another level of comfort.
Nick stood up. "I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee. You guys want anything?" He gave Olivia a look assuring her he'd be back.
"No thanks, kid." Munch replied.
Cragen shook his head a little. Nick left, leaving Munch his seat.
"You know, you gave us quite the scare." Cragen said with a sad smile. Olivia blinked, acknowledging his statement.
"Sorry." She apologized almost inaudibly, still wearing her weary smile.
The weak whisper was a beautiful sound to their ears. She was ok. She would recover because she still had her life. Munch took her injured hand tenderly, keeping her anchored in the real world. Olivia shifted her gaze to the other man she'd missed terribly.
The pained looks on their faces made Olivia ashamedly aware of the visible injuries. Her face was bruised and cut, she could feel it. She remembered it. Trying to ease their look of agony, she shook her head.
"It's not as bad as it looks." She managed.
Munch squeezed her hand as Cragen shifted his weight on his feet. "Like hell." The older man replied softly.
Olivia turned to find her former captain's gaze again. It was one of no judgement, but of great concern.
"Liv, I was on the force for decades and I never learned to have the kind of bravery you have. Could you teach me your ways? Make me as brave as you?" Munch kept the mood light in a serious way. It relieved the room of the incredible pressure.
He was being honest. He'd never seen such courage in one person. Olivia had gone into a situation accepting she would give her life to save that of a little girl's.
Olivia swallowed harder than she thought she'd have to. "I wasn't." She admitted softly.
Her whisper was particularly difficult to keep up. It was hard to speak, like the doctor had said might be impossible. She felt the pain below her, radiating from the place of Lewis' worst assault. It hardened the blow. Maybe if she hadn't allowed herself to be knocked unconscious, Lewis wouldn't have had the chance to rape her.
The men saw more tears drop from her eyes as she closed them. It began to play itself in her mind: the moment she'd had with Emily. She'd given her her badge, freeing herself from the last piece of her authority she had left.
:::
I'm a police officer." She whispered, removing her badge from her belt with a grimace.
Emily felt the cool metal object enter her grip.
"We're going to be brave tonight, right?" Olivia kept her voice low.
Emily let her body collapse into the only solace she'd had all day. The nod Olivia felt against her was all she needed.
"If you take this with you, it'll help you be brave."
She let go of the badge and let Emily have it. Olivia wouldn't be needing it where she was going.
"So - what are you going to do if I tell you to run?" Olivia whispered.
"Run downstairs and outside, and wait in the car until you come to get me."
Again, Olivia's heart broke. She wished she could be the one to rescue the little girl, but if Emily had a chance to run, Olivia would have to use the last of her life to fend off Lewis.
Olivia put her arm around Emily. She needed her to know that everything would be ok.
"You're a cop?" Emily's shaky voice came drifting up to olivia's ears.
She nodded when she heard the hope in her voice. "I am. And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you get out of here." Olivia replied in a whisper.
Emily sought comfort in the woman she'd met only an hour before. She leaned in to let her head rest on Olivia's chest. Olivia grimaced at the contact when the girl let her head rest on her arm burned.
The fear of Lewis' impending return disappeared from Olivia's mind. Emily's gasps in sobs caused Olivia more agony than she was already in.
"Is he going to hurt you again?" The innocence of the question threw another solid lump into Olivia's throat, her eyes tearing up again.
She couldn't lie, not when Emily could hear it, or possibly be forced to watch it.
"Yes." Liv replied shakily.
The tremor in her voice obviously discouraged Emily. "But if he takes me out of this room again, I want you to cover your eyes and plug your ears. You won't be able to hear it."
Olivia couldn't stop the trembling in her own voice. There was nothing she could do to prepare more for the torture that awaited her.
"Maybe you should have your badge – to be brave." Emily's hand pressing Olivia's badge back into her hands made it even harder to keep the sobs from escaping Olivia's throat.
What good the world had to offer. She witnessed it right then, in the worst night of her life. In the midst of the bad, there would always be good, like Emily.
"I carry it every day. You get to hold on to it for me, now." She let the badge stay in Emily's small hand. The five-year-old accepted it back gratefully. She ran her fingers around the edges of the badge. That little girl would take her badge back to the place she'd never be. She was going to die there.
:::
Cragen and Munch watched helplessly in terrified anticipation as Olivia squinted her eyes shut and relived those moments.
Brave. She'd had to be brave, but she didn't feel like she had been. The next words that came from the little girl played like a broken melody in Olivia's head as she remembered.
:::
"Why did you come here?" Emily was calming down, a relief.
Olivia sighed deeply, unable to stop the sound from echoing in the room. "I know him." She replied simply.
It would be better just to leave it at that. "He said if I didn't come here, he'd hurt you." She finished quietly.
Emily thought for a little bit, sucking air into her nose loudly, the tears having ceased falling.
The footsteps on the wooden stairs across the way alerted them both to the reentrance of the awful man. Emily's body shook again. Olivia whispered to her as she moved her arm.
"Hide the badge, Emily. Remember what I said." She began to feel the pain already, before Lewis even entered with his light.
His silhouette appeared in the dark doorway. "Good news. Found some stuff we can use."
Olivia moved away from Emily and flinched noticeably at the sound a metal object made when Lewis dropped it on the concrete floor. She said nothing to him. She had to be brave for Emily sitting next to her.
:::
Brave. She had been brave, no matter how much it felt like she hadn't. She'd been brave for Emily. Her mouth opened again, giving more than a whisper. It came out as a desperate croak.
"I had to - for that poor little girl." It was like the emotional floodgates had been opened, unable to be closed off again.
Munch noted the bandaged area between her fingers as he held her hand tenderly. He looked up at Cragen who wore an expression much like his own. The pain had been worse this time. It all had been.
"Olivia." Cragen kept his voice smooth. "Liv." He said again when she didn't acknowledge them.
She heard the voice and stared straight into his eyes as she returned to the present.
"You saved her life." He emphasized it to remind her of why she was lying in that hospital bed. She'd made the conscious choice to save Emily's life. She'd taken the oath almost to the end: "faithful unto death." In saving that girl's life, she'd almost lost her own.
"And you brought Lewis' to an end." Munch nodded, catching her focus. He added to what Cragen had said.
"If doing that doesn't take an extraordinary amount of bravery, I don't know what does." The end of his sentence caught his voice wavering.
Olivia closed her eyes, knowing she'd never be able to put the amount of thanks she felt into words. She had to try. "Thank you."
There was a second knock on the door, revealing Fin and Amanda.
"Hey." Amanda gave a quiet grin.
Olivia managed another small gesture of her gratitude. It had been the moment she'd seen Nick and Amanda that she'd changed her mind about leaving the earth. She had to stay, because she wasn't alone. Her life mattered to other people. The way they looked at her as she nearly bled out had made her sure of that.
"How ya feelin' Liv?" Fin walked in with his partner, carrying his own bouquet of flowers and a balloon. Olivia had a visible twinkle in her eye when he set them down on the center table.
"It doesn't hurt much." She had to whisper again. There was just not enough energy for her to do otherwise.
Amanda and Fin stopped by Cragen and Munch.
"Nick was here all last night, wasn't he." Munch didn't even ask a question. He already knew.
Olivia nodded slightly.
"That little rat." Fin shook his head, smiling when he saw Olivia do the same.
"Don't you guys ever sleep?" She used what she had left to ask them a humorous question.
"We're cops. You know we don't." Amanda smiled at her. It was a miracle. When she'd been helping Nick carry Olivia down those stairs, supporting her broken body outside that granary - when she'd collapsed on the ground in front of the paramedics, Amanda had been so scared they'd already lost her. She was terrified that they'd been too late. Now, only twenty-six short hours later they were joking together again, just like they always did. It amazed them all.
"Oh wait. We got you a present." Amanda reached to the table where she'd set her own flowers.
The box was a small one, but it yielded great contents. The iPhone was brand new, a replacement after they'd found her old one smashed against a pile of rocks. Olivia gave the last smile she had the energy to. "Thank you."
They could tell her whispers were getting weaker. It was time to let her rest.
"Supper's on us tonight. What would you like?" Cragen shoved his hands in his pockets as they prepared to duck out.
Olivia sighed. "Pasta." She replied simply, hoping she had the appetite for it later.
"Pasta it is." Cragen smiled.
"Hang in there, Liv." Fin put a hand on her good arm before they turned and left her.
Munch remained longer than the rest, studying her, searching to see if she had an answer to Brian's absence.
Olivia nodded once. "He took the job." She paused. "He's gone."
Munch let his sadness show, his sympathy for her.
"It was best." She felt the need to assure him that it was ok. She knew he harbored some pain. He'd just lost his best friend.
Thinking for only a moment longer, he whispered. "I understand." He kissed her cheek as he often did coming and leaving her apartment when he'd visited her and Brian. "I'm sorry." He paused again as he whispered close to her. "Rest up, Liv."