Ana's POV
The last 8 weeks have been good. Though Christian is a little ... well, very overprotective. He has read everything about the early stage of a pregnancy he could find. If he could wrap me in bubble wrap until the baby is born, he would do it. One night he came home completely freaked out because he read an article about ectopic pregnancy and how the baby could not grow there and that in rare cases the mother dies.
I told him that our baby was right where it's supposed to be, but he called Dr. Greene anyway. Oh, poor Dr. Greene. I don't think she will be my Doctor if I have anymore babies. Christian called her so often that she threatened him to change her number if he would call again. I get it. Last week he came home with a humongous jar of pickles, because he had read that pickles were the most common craving and he wanted to make sure we would have enough of them once I started to crave them. Let's just say if the next ice age starts, Christian and I can survive for at least one year solely with those darn pickles. Though, I didn't have the heart to tell him that I hate pickles, so I actually ate one just to make him feel good.
I have to say, other than the fact that my pants don't fit anymore, I really don't feel any different. I had only very little morning sickness. All in all there were three or four days were I had to vomit and a few more days were I felt a little nauseous all day, but that's all. The now at nearly 13 weeks I have noticed that my boobs are a lot more sensitive and I needed new bras a cup bigger, as my old bras just didn't fit anymore. But what I love the most is the tiny bump that is starting to pop out now.
I can't wait until I can feel the baby move and of course, I want to know if we are having a boy or a girl. To be honest, I don't have a preference. That is why a small part of me wants to wait until the baby is born to find out what it is, but I can't do that. Christian would go insane until then, he wants a boy and he makes no secret out of it. I know he will love a girl just as much, but I think for his peace of mind having a boy first would be ideal. Yesterday we had a little argument, because he wanted me to have an amniocentesis, so they could check if the baby is healthy, but I'm strictly against it. First, I'm 22 and in my family all babies were born perfectly healthy and second I know if I do this and something would happen to the baby, Christian would never forgive himself. In the end we talked to Dr. Greene about it and she assured Christian that there was no need for me to have this done.
I understand his reasons though, he has no idea who his biological father is and we don't know much about Ella's family history. So, there could be issues about that, but I don't allow myself to even go there. So far our baby is developing just fine and I know it will stay like this.
Tonight we are having a family dinner. Since I'm nearly 13 weeks along now, we want to tell our families. Grace already knows and I suspect she told Carrick, but other than that, we managed to keep my pregnancy a secret. I can't wait to tell my parents. Lord knows they need good news. Two weeks ago, Jenny had another complete breakdown and what little progress she had made is now back to zero. Flynn says this happens sometimes and that there is still a very good chance for her to have a normal life, but honestly it's my mom I'm worried about. If Jenny doesn't start to make progress soon, she will most likely lose it. Even my dad can't take her sometimes and comes over to stay with us for dinner and have some time with Patrick. I'm worried about them and their marriage. My dad is doing all he can, but my mom is just... I don't know, it's like she forgot all about her husband and two other kids since Jenny was diagnosed.
I mean, I understand that it must be one of the most terrible experiences as a parent to have a sick child and you can't help your own child. Only thinking about going through something like this with my baby is enough to send me into fits of panic, but she isn't helping Jenny by pushing anyone who wants to support her away. She makes this worse for herself and I fear that by the end of this Jenny will be released and moves on with her life while our parents marriage is ruined and her relationship with Patrick and I will have some major cracks.
I hate to say this, but I would rather my mom wouldn't be here tonight. I know Christian feels the same, because just like me, he knows she won't even pretend to be happy and most likely blame me for getting pregnant at a time were my sister is sick. If she does, I have no idea how I am going to react, but I already asked Grace to sit next to Christian, so she can keep him calm if I can't do it, because I'm dealing with my mother.
I know my dad will be over the moon. He loves babies and I know if my mother would have wanted more, I would have at least 3 more siblings by now. He will make a great grandpa, the kind that takes his grandkids fishing and camping and teaches them all kind things about nature and animals. Of course, our kids will be watched by security doing things like that, but Christian and I agreed that we would not lock our kids away to keep them safe. If I need to have my kids surrounded by an army of security so they can have normal experiences no child should miss, so be it.
Security will be tight, I know that and actually, I might be just as obsessed with security as Christian. After what happened with this Hyde guy, I know how fast something can happen. I would never forgive myself if something would happen to my child just because I was against too much security. After all our children will grow up with security, so for them it will be normal.
Thinking about security brings my thoughts to Luke and Prescott. Luke is happy with his new position and I almost convinced Christian to give me Prescott back, but then I talked to her. Amber told me she didn't want to be my CPO again. Apparently she started seeing me as a friend and she feels that because of it, she can do her job properly. Amber said she would always give me a little more space than she usually would with anyone else and that in her mind, this is the reason why that guy could throw that bag at my before she was able to shield me with her body. I can't deny that I started to see her as a friend as well. I invited her over for a little girl time with Mia and Kate and we had a blast. She has the weirdest sense of humor and says things without thinking about it twice. At one point I was laughing so hard, I needed to run to the bathroom because I nearly peed my pants.
Christian had used the same day to have guy time with Elliot, Luke, Patrick and to my surprise his head of HR, who turned out to be the guy Christian was telling me about. His wife Megan is five months pregnant and the kind of bonded over the fact that their wives are pregnant. Secretly I suspect Christian already told a lot of people and told them not to tell me they know. He is so excited about the baby, it makes me smile just thinking about it.
But I'm glad that he finally learns how to make friends. He needs it, I mean, he has such a stressful job, that he needs to have not only family, but also friends to balance his stress level. If that means I have to give up some of the time we would normally spent together, I don't mind. It gives me time to meet Kate, Jose and Dave and do special things with Patrick to take his mind of what is going on with our parents and Jenny.
Between me and my siblings, Patrick was always the most sensitive of us three. If something is off, he is off. He was always trying to stop any fight and I know this situation in effecting him. I'm worried that he will fly off the handle if it get's too much. I talked to Christian and he agreed that Patrick needed a way to release all the emotions he has bottled up inside. For the last three weeks Christian's personal trainer Claude started to give him kickbox lessons and it seems to be good for Patrick. Also my Dad, Christian, Jose and I all came up with a special thing to do with him. My Dad took him to camping weekend in the olympic mountains, Christian took him gliding, I took him and three of his friends to an indoor go-kart racing center and Jose went bungee jumping with him.
He loved all of the trips and it was good to see him carefree and just enjoying himself. He is just 15 and that alone is not an easy age, but with all that is going on, it is important for us to have an eye on him, so we can protect him from getting into trouble. I wanted to talk to my mother about him, but my dad asked me not to. She has been very harsh to everyone for the last couple of weeks and he knows that I won't take any crap where my brother is concerned. So, to spare us a fight, I've let it go for now. Instead now, I'm more a mother to Patrick than our mother is.
I know he thought living with his sister would mean no rules, but I can't do this. Not if this could become his living arrangement for a long time. So, he has a bedtime, has to do his homework, help me around here and other rules just like he had at home. Surprisingly he follows them without any problems. I know he misses our parents, but for now this is for the best.
I also found someone to manage my project for me. Her name is Kelsey, she worked as a teacher in middle school for 12 years and went back to college to study child's psychology. Now, she has her degree and wants to start working with kids again. I love this woman, she has brilliant ideas, knows exactly what needs to be done and I feel that she will do great things with the center. I'm still planing on going to schools with Kelsey and the rest of the team, we hopefully will have formed soon. First, it still is my project and second, if I'm with them this will get more attention by the media and in this case, I don't mind the media attention one bit.
Other than that, I have no idea what they want from me. It's crazy, but two days ago Kate gave me a magazine with an article about me and they said I was one of the best dressed woman in the united states. That's just plain crazy, I don't dress any different from any other 22-year-old in the world. Most of the time I'm running around in jeans, t-shirt and flats. Ok, I do have a huge collection of high heels, sometimes I like to really dress up and being the wife of a famous CEO has also had his influence on my dress choices, but still, there is nothing special about my style.
I also had a lot of requests to appear on covers of fashion magazines, but I said no. This is just not my world. There was one request that I would have done before I've met Christian, but I know he will lose it if I would even dare to mention this. I had a request from PETA to take pictures for their 'I'd rather go naked than wear fur' campaign and since I'm a huge animal lover, this is something I would have done without thinking twice, but Christian would never allow me to let someone take pictures of me while I'm naked. Plus, again, my husband is a respected businessman, so I really can't do this.
But, this whole nude pictures thing had me thinking. I have no idea how my body will look after the pregnancy and I really like the way I look naked now. Since it's Christian's birthday soon, I decided to give him some erotic pictures of me. Kate took some classes in photographie in her first year of college, so I asked her to do it and on her day off two weeks ago, she came over and we did the shoot. She took pictures of me in the master bedroom, in the pool that belongs to our gym and a Christian's study.
Some are black and white and some in color, but all turned out really amazing. I put them together in a photo book, that is now hidden in one of my suitcases, so Christian won't find it, but I'm pretty sure he will love them. Kate even suggested that I would have one blown up to full body size, so we could hang it into Christian and my bedroom, but I don't thing that this is a good idea, I would die of embarrassment if the security, my dad or Patrick would see it if they would ever walk into the master bedroom.
Since the pictures turned out so well, I will ask Kate to take pictures like this again, when I'm 7 or 8 months along. I really like those pictures where the focus lies on the belly and I hope I will be one of those pregnant women who have a huge belly, but otherwise stay as slim as the were before the pregnancy. I know my mom did with Patrick, so maybe there is hope for me. Truth be told, I'm a little worried I will end up getting huge everywhere. I don't think Christian will like that and me neither.
"Baby, I'm home" Huh? I look at my wrist watch and it's only 3 in the afternoon. Why is he home so early? Oh dear, I hope this doesn't mean that my darling husband has read something about pregnancies and couldn't wait to share it with me. I get up from the sofa and walk towards the entrance and stop in my tracks when I see the woman standing next to him. Oh no! It's Gia Matteo, the architect who helped us with the plans for the remodeling of our home. I hate that woman!
"Hey baby" Christian kisses me and I glare at him, letting him know just how annoyed I am that he brought her here.
"Hi. Gia, it's so good to see you" I gush when I turn to greet her and I'm sure my smile is just as fake as hers.
"Ana, you look good. Have you gained some weight?" Whoa, did she really just say that? I what to tackle her to the floor and rip her fake blonde hair out, but instead I continue to smile.
"Actually yes, so why don't we all go into the livingroom." On the way there I stop at the kitchen and ask Gail to bring us some drinks, before joining them in the livingroom.
"So, Gia, what brings you here?"
"Oh, Christian called me today, he said you wanted to remodel the room next to the master bedroom." she says and my face falls.
"Baby, what is wrong?" Christian asks and I ask him to follow me outside the livingroom.
"Baby, I know you don't like Gia, but she did a great job with the house and I think she will do a great job with the nursery."
"Well, first you could have asked me and second, I want us to do the nursery."
"What?" I can tell from the look on his face, that this idea never even crossed his mind, but I never even thought of letting it do anyone else.
"I want us to paint and decorate the nursery. If you don't want to do it, I can do it on my own or ask my dad to help me."
"Ana, you are pregnant, I don't want you to paint and do all that shit, if we can hire someone to get it done for us."
I know he has good intentions, but suddenly I'm furious. "Well, then go on and hire her, even better hire someone to shop the baby clothes and everything else as well. Oh, and don't forget the fucking nanny so we don't have to do anything for our baby once it is born too." I yell and storm upstairs, I run into our bedroom slam the door shut and curl up in bed where I start to cry.
I have no idea what is wrong with me, but I can't stop crying. "Ana, baby please, don't cry. If it means that much to you, we decorate the nursery on our own." I hear Christian's voice next to me and that only makes me cry harder.
"I... I don't even know why I am crying." I sob and cuddle into him.
"It's just the hormones baby, I've read about this."
"Oh, so now I'm some weird pregnant lady" I snap and I really didn't mean to do that, what in the world is wrong with me?
"Baby, you are not weird, I guess it was not a good time to bring Gia here and I should have talked to you first, I'm sorry."
"You could kick her out and act really rude towards her to make it up to me" I murmur against his chest and he starts to laugh. "So, I can be rude without getting pinched or kicked by you, if the person on the receiving end is someone you don't like?"
"Yes, I guess we can make a deal about that."
"Well, then I'm sorry that I have already asked Taylor to see Gia out." he says and I look up at him.
"I'm worried about tonight Christian, you know my mom is acting to weird ever since Jenny was admitted and I have no idea what she is going to say about our baby." I can tell from the look on his face that he is worried aswell.
"You know Ana, I really liked your mom when I first met her, but now, she really gets on my nerves and I'm trying to keep my cool for you, but if she says one wrong word about our baby, I will lose it."
"Well, that was reassuring" I snort and he has at least the grace to look guilty. "I'm not going to lie to you, Ana, this is how I feel about your mom at this point, it might change once she manages to pull herself together, who knows, but I feel like I should give you a warning about what might happen tonight."
"Maybe she will surprise us all and will be over the moon once we have told our family about the baby" I say, but I don't even sound convincing to my own ears.
4 hours my parents, Christian's parents, Mia, Kate, Elliot, Jose and Dave have arrived and we are having dinner in our dinning room.
Christian is so excited he barely sit still, I know he is dying to share the news and when dessert is served I lean over to him.
"I think it's time to tell them" I whisper and he get's to his feet so quickly that I have to giggle.
"Everyone, Ana and I have some really good news we want to share with you all. We are expecting our first child."
Mia and Kate start to squeal so loud I almost have to cover my eyes and my Dad is the first to congratulate us and hug me. After him everyone else follows, but then I realise that my mom has said nothing, I look at her and she just sits there, stone faced.
"Mom, don't you want to say something. I'm pregnant, you are going to be a grandma" I try to sound cheerful, but I guess it is pretty obvious that I'm hurt by her reaction.
"What do you want me to say Anastasia, it seems like your selfishness just reached the a new high. Can't you for once think about your sister, she is in a mental facility while you are enjoying your life, maybe she will never have a family. If you want someone to take care off, then take care of your sister. It will be your job anyway if she doesn't get better. Your father and I won't live forever, you know and..."
"That's enough Carla!" every one in the room looks at my father who has just raised his voice. Boy, does he look mad. I can't remember ever seeing him this mad.
"Carla, I can't take this any longer. I have said nothing, but I know what is really bothering you and you will not take it out on Annie. If you can't be happy for her then leave, but do not ruin this for her! You won't feel any better by making anyone around you feel miserable."
My mom stares at him for a second and then storms out of the dinning room. "I'm sorry Annie, your mother... I don't know, but believe me, I'm so happy for you and she will come around eventually."
"Daddy, what did you mean when you said that you know what is bothering mom?" my dad sighs and I know he does not want to tell me, but I need to know. So, we excuse us and leave the dinning room to sit in the kitchen.
"Do you want a beer daddy?"
"Yes, please." I get him one and because I know he always drinks it from the bottle, I don't even bother to get a glass for him and just take a can of grape soda for me and his beer from the fridge.
We sit down at the kitchen table and he takes a long sip of his beer. "First, you have to believe that your mother loves all three of you Annie." he stops and looks at his hands.
"Daddy, please just tell me, I'm a big girl, I can deal with it." he takes my hand and continues.
"You know that your mother was only 18 when she had you, so when we married she told me that she did not want anymore kids. Your sister, well you know there no such thing as a form of contraception that is 100 percent safe. Your mom wasn't too thrilled, but we decided to have the baby. We were both so young and I promised your mom we would do all the things that she wanted to do in her youth once you and Jenny were in college.
And then Patrick happened. You and Jenny were so little, you didn't notice it, but I nearly left your mother, because she wanted to have an abortion. It was luck that it was already too late for that and secretly I wanted a third child. So, now Patrick is only three years away from college and your mother thought she could finally travel and do all the things she missed out, but now Jenny is sick." he stops again and suddenly I know what is going on.
"Wait, her meltdown before the wedding... she wanted to me to cancel, knowing that Christian would freak out, but why?"
"Because Dr. Flynn told us that Jenny might need someone she can live with, someone who looks after her, maybe for the rest of her life if therapy and medication won't help and Carla knew Christian would never allow Jenny to live in his house, not after what she has done to you. And now, with the baby, she knows that she will never manage to make you take care of your sister. She just forgot one thing and that is I will do it. I will never let any of my children down and that is why I've made a decision, I will tell your mother that she can go back to Montesano and that it is best for us to live separate."
"You want to divorce mom?" I have to fight my tears, this is just too much. I knew that my mom was never the most motherly person in the world, but how can she be so selfish? And what did she miss out on? I remember a lot of times where she went on vacation for weeks and dad had to take care of my siblings and I on his own.
"No, but we will live separate. There is just one thing I need to ask you."
"What is it?"
"Your brother, can he stay here for another couple of months? I need to find a job, sort things out between your mother and I, and I don't think that it is a good idea if he get's in the middle of all of this."
"Daddy, Patrick can stay here until he goes to college if he wants to and as for a job, I can give you money and..."
"Annie, stop right there. I'm healthy and I can work for anything I need. I know you have my best interest at heart, but I'll be damned if I let my kids support me."
"Ok, but you should talk to Elliot, he has his own construction company, maybe he needs a good carpenter or knows someone who does."
"That is a good idea, so don't be mad, but I'm going to call it a day now, I'll have to find a hotel..." now it's my turn to interrupt him. "Daddy, you will not stay at a hotel, we have five guest rooms and you are more than welcome to stay, plus, I won't take no for an answer, so you have no choice but to stay."
"Thank you Annie, and darling, I'm very happy for you and I can't wait until my first grandson is born."
"It could be a girl."
"Nope, I took one look at your mom both times she were pregnant and knew exactly what we were getting and looking at you, I'm telling you it's a boy."
"Okay, you should tell it Christian, he is kind of freaking out thinking it could be a girl, he wants the baby to be a boy."
"Believe me, he will be over the moon and completely in love with it, no matter if it's a boy or a girl the moment this precious baby is born."
"I know" he both turn our heads when we hear someone clearing his throat and Christian comes in.
"My family and our friends left Ana, they will be back this weekend for a BBQ, is everything alright?" he asks as he gets himself a beer and sits down.
"I will tell you later, but my dad is staying here tonight."
"Sure, you are always welcome to stay here, Ray. I hope you know that."
"Yes, and I really appreciate that and the fact that you help Ana taking care of Patrick."
"He is a good kid, if our baby turns out like him, Ana and I can be very proud."
"You are right, well I leave you kids alone and check on Patrick, in which room do you want me to stay Annie?"
"The one next to Patrick's room, if you need anything just ask me."
"Okay, good night Annie, good night Christian." my Dad leaves the kitchen and lean my head against Christian's shoulder.
"He is going to leave my mom and you know what, I can't blame him."
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"
I fill him in and he lifts me up and puts me into his lap. "I'm sorry that this had to happen Ana, especially today, but to be honest, I think this will be best for all of you. If Carla's greatest concern is not the well-being of her children, but her own fun then they will never come to an understanding. And honestly, did she really think I was going to leave you or let you take care of your sister? After everything she did to you?"
"I don't know, I mean one day maybe I will have to take care of Jenny and I will if my dad can't do it anymore, but this is the worst case scenario and I still believe that Jenny can have a normal life once she comes to terms with the fact that she is sick and needs help."
"I hope so, anyway, I'm going to talk to Elliot, if Ray wants a job here in Seattle, Elliot probably has work for him or knows someone who does. Do you want to try to talk to your mother?"
"No, not now. I think we both need a couple of days to cool off or we just end up fighting again and I'm sick and tired of arguing with her."
"Good, is there anything I can do for you now?"
"Yes, take a sip of your beer and then kiss me"
Christian looks at me as if I have grown some horns and I giggle. "I'm dying to have a beer, but I can't drink it, if you take a sip and kiss me, I can at least taste it" I explain and he shakes his head clearly amused. "It's a dirty job Mrs. Grey, but someone has to do it." and with that he takes a sip and kisses me. Mmmh Christian and beer, tasty!
Since Christian has some work to do in his study and it is only 9 pm. I decided to take a long hot bath and read a book while I soak in the warm water.
"Baby, are you still in there?" Christian voice startles me so much that I drop my book into the tub and start to cuss.
"Jesus, you scared the shit out of me." I scold him. "Well, there goes my plan to share your bath with you" he smirks.
"What? Eww, you ass!" I laugh and throw my now soaked book at him, but he moves gracefully out of the way.
"Just saying, so are you planing on growing fins, because you are in there for at least an hour and a half."
"Wow, that long and no, I was just reading." He walks over to where the book is lying on the floor and picks it up. Crap, I didn't want him to know that I was reading stuff like that.
"Bared to you? Sounds like some chick flick."
"It's not, it's an erotic novel, Kate recommend it to me."
" , you surprise me, I had no idea that you are into mommy porns" he teases and I poke my tongue out at him."Since I'm going to be a mommy soon, I think I'm entitled to read it. Now, do you want to come in, because if not I'm coming out now."
He starts to strip and so I slide a bit forward, to make room for him behind me. When he is in the tub I lean against him. "Baby, can I ask you something without you getting upset?"
"You can try"
"Do you feel like you are missing out on something. I mean you are only 22, do you feel like I have pressured you into having a baby."
I turn so we are sitting face to face and I know he spent the rest of the evening thinking about this. "Christian, first, no one can pressure me into anything and second I want this baby. Yes, we didn't even have to try because I was already pregnant when we decided that we wanted to try, but still I wanted to get pregnant.
I'm 4 years older than my mom was when she had me and I didn't miss out on anything. I went to college, I travelled due to my dancing, I have had a shinning career as professional dancer and now I'm in a different phase of my life. I really want this and I would have told you if I wasn't ready. I might be only 22 Christian, but I think I've been through enough and experienced enough to know exactly what I want and I want a family with you. This..." I take his hand and place it over my belly. "This is only the beginning of our family, so don't ever think I want this baby any less than you do."
He softly strokes my belly and smiles shyly at me. "Good, and thank you for not getting mad at me. It's just... I... I know how it feels to have a mother who doesn't want you or love you... and though I know you would never be anything like Ella, I was worried after tonight that you might felt the need to have a baby now, because I want is so bad."
I lean forward and hug him tightly. "I love you, Christian Grey and I will love our baby just as much, don't ever worry about it. Our baby will have tons of love every day of his or her life."
He cradles me in his lap again and I know most people would have been upset about a questions like this, but I know where this is coming from. He had a horrific childhood before he came to live with the Grey's and even though on the outside he is such a strong man, somewhere deep inside is still the scared little boy and this is why I could never be upset about this question, he just needs the reassurance that his child will have all the love and care he missed so desperately when he was a small boy.
He is right, I might be young, but unlike my mother, I know that the decision to have a child doesn't mean to give birth, raise the kid for 18 years and then move on with live. There are so many things that can happen and I know I will take care of my children until the day I die and if I wasn't so sure about that, I would have never agreed to have a child, simple.
Many of you wanted more drama in form of Jack Hyde and it will come. I can reassure those who are worried, Ana will not lose the baby... Next chapter will be up friday... I hope you are all going to have a Happy New Year... and if you have the time, please leave a review :-)
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