56

"What?" I dip my head to try and catch her eye. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all. It's just, I…" She sighs and takes a step to the side, away from me. "I'm not sure."

I turn and slump against the refrigerator in her place.

"I'm not sure either," I admit defensively. "Fuck, if I think too hard about any of this, I'll be running away faster than you'd believe I could move. But to hell with thinking it through; it felt right to me."

"I'm not saying never," she says, her voice shaking slightly. "Just maybe not today."

"Is this how it's going to be?" I demand, my adult confidence shedding away at her rebuff, to leave the scarred teenage boy within on display. "Because I've been here before, Izzy; where you keep me hanging around the edges of your life with no intention of letting me in."

She winces, but I can't hold any of this back, it's been too long coming. "I'd rather you were honest with me now, than let me make the same mistakes again. I thought things were different. I thought you'd changed."

Tears track their way down both of her cheeks and a pang of guilt hits me hard, mixing sickeningly with the fear I'm also harbouring.

"I have changed." Her voice is barely more than a whisper. "And that's why I'm asking you to stop. This isn't me anymore; stealing kisses while the kids are around; when they could walk in any minute. Don't you see? This isn't just about us now. Any decision we make has an impact, however small, on at least two other lives. I'm not reckless these days, you probably couldn't actually class me as anything less than excessively cautious. In fact, if you knew anything about the way I am now, you'd realize the way I've been behaving around you these past few weeks, is the most rash I've been in years. So say what you like to me, but don't ever accuse me of not having changed. Because that's bullshit."

I stand, one hand shoved into my hair, gripping tightly as she wipes fiercely at her wet cheeks and marches outside. She diligently helps Jimmy tidy the sand toys away and puts the cover back over the sandbox before she walks him back inside.

"What do you say to Edward?" she says, the tone of her voice completely even and normal as she stops him in front of me. She's good.

"Thank you," he says, completely oblivious that anything has gone on.

"You're welcome," I tell him, still too shell-shocked to offer much more in the way of small talk.

"I'm sorry," I say to her. Jimmy looks between Izzy and me and she shakes her head. I get it. Not now.

"Call me in a couple of days," she says, leaning in to kiss my cheek before she goes to gather their things.

I stay in the kitchen, head in my hands at the table until I hear the front door close.

"What the fuck happened now?"

I look up at Rose.

"A misunderstanding. I hope."

~S~