A/N: Well, I'm back, unrepentant and unforgiven, apparently, as I'm still in this rack thing… You may wonder how I'm writing this with my arms and legs tied down. The answer? I don't know… I just am.

Supreme Kai: I'm not going to let you out until you change things back to the way they were.

Me: Supreme Kai, you're after the wrong thing. Look… you want to make your universe better, go back to your little planet and wait for the hero you saw in your vision to show up somewhere….

Supreme Kai: Where should I look for him?

Me: I'm sorry, I can't tell you. It would disrupt the-

Supreme Kai: Normal flow of destiny? Too late for that, isn't it?

Me: Look, you can't blame me for everything that goes wrong! Well… maybe you can…but I have a purpose here! I liked the way things turned out in the normal version, don't get me wrong, but I'm a writer, damn it! I write from inside, and I come up with alternatives and twists… you can't tell me what to write any more than you can tell the wind which way to blow! So go back to your little planet and wait for the child that looks like Kakarrot! And I think I've confronted my inner good/vs./evil issues. It's time for me to go. disappears .

Supreme Kai: Where did she go? You mean… she was here only because she wanted to be? Wow… talk about issues….

Learning to Kill

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more

Kress looked down the hill at the small village before him. He could see people milling around peacefully, men, women, children… they were all green-skinned, but other than that, they didn't look much different than he did.

His senses told him that Radditz had approached, and was standing beside him. Kress could not look at his uncle… he had to do this, he knew, and he needed to do it quickly, or he would lose his nerve. He forced himself to think of the reason he was doing this, that one motivation… to keep his family on Earth safe. With them in mind, he began to power up.

Goku slept fitfully in his space pod. He was dreaming, that he knew, but it seemed like his dreams were so real. He dreamed about Gohan, alone and scared, and then suddenly he saw him in armor that looked just like Radditz's. He was still a child, and Goku could feel the tears on his face as if they were his own. He was facing a small village, with his hands raised, and was going to fire an energy blast at them.

i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

NO! Goku screamed, but it seemed like he couldn't make a sound. He could feel a pain deep in his chest, and somehow knew it was Gohan's pain, that he hated what he was doing, but felt like he had no choice.

i'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

'I'm sorry, Dad,' his voice said softly, and with a rush of energy the village was engulfed in bright light, then completely disintegrated before his eyes.

Goku awoke with a start, and felt his face. He was crying, and the feeling in his chest was still there. Looking out to the stars, he reached out with his senses to try to find his son, but again found nothing. He sighed. "Oh, Gohan," he said to the vacant stars. "I'm sorry."

am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

Kress blinked back tears all day as he destroyed village after village, until Radditz was certain there were no more living beings on the planet. Every village was like a stabbing pain in his heart, and it was even worse when they had to kill the individual survivors. There had even been a young boy his own age, looking at him with complete innocence, as Kress lifted a hand and blasted him into nothing. Each person represented a tiny bit of Kress's soul, and as he destroyed each one, he felt himself get colder and colder inside. He didn't think he would ever be the same person he had been… and he knew that he would never sleep again. The tears stopped coming the closer they came to ending their mission… whether it was because it was almost over, or because he had run out of tears to cry, Kress did not know. One thing was for certain… the people of this planet had not been the only ones to die today. With them died a little boy named Gohan.

"Kress, it's time to go," Radditz said to him after they had scoured the planet one last time.

Kress nodded, and followed Radditz back to the space pods. Kress tried to think of his family, how he'd kept them safe, but his heart knew it was a lie. Today had been wasteful, and the family he had saved today didn't belong to him anymore… they belonged to the little boy who died. Even if, by some miracle, he was reunited with them, he knew he would never belong there again… he was a monster now, a killing machine, and nothing he ever did could repair his heart.

"Bulma? Are you in here?" a voice asked from the doorway. Bulma turned around in her chair to see Yamcha standing there, holding some flowers. "You got a second?" he asked.

Bulma sighed wearily. She had been up all night on the computer, scouring the information Goku had sent her to find any records at all of where Gohan might be. She had been locked away in her lab for so long, she didn't think of herself as being on Earth anymore, but in another ship out there in space. She had even forgotten why she had been angry with Yamcha last time he came… surely there had been a reason, hadn't there?

"Hi, Yamcha," she said groggily, stretching the soreness out of her shoulders and neck. "What's going on?" she asked, suddenly nervous that some other tragedy had befallen her friends.

Yamcha smiled. "Nothing much. Look, Bulma… I wanted to apologize for last time. I don't care anymore who was wrong and who was right… I just want things to be okay between us," he said, handing Bulma the flowers. "Do you think there's any way we could put the past behind us?" he asked.

Bulma gave a small smile as she breathed in the fragrance of the flowers. They were her favorite, and Yamcha knew that. "Yamcha… yes, I suppose so," she said, deciding it wasn't important why she was angry with him, either. Somehow, their problems with eachother seemed petty in light of what had happened… her friend Chichi was pacing her house, trying to keep up pretenses that both her husband and her son were coming home… more than once she had brought over extra food because she had been so used to cooking for Goku and Gohan.

Yamcha smiled. "Look, Bulma… I know you're probably busy, but Chichi's here, and she's more than willing to man the radio if you want to go somewhere… maybe out to eat something? Get some fresh air?"

Bulma raised an eyebrow. "With you, you mean?" she asked slyly.

Yamcha blushed. "Well, yeah, that is what I meant… So… will you come have dinner with me, Bulma?" he asked.

Bulma gave one last look at the silent radio, then looked back at Yamcha and smiled. "Sure, I'd love to," she said.

That night, Chichi sat next to the radio, staring at her hands in her lap. She would have been here more often, if she had felt she'd do any good… she didn't know much about computers, that was more Bulma's area. The thing she was best at was cooking, but there was no one to cook for… still, it kept her hands busy, and when her hands were busy, so was her mind. But sitting here, just waiting… she had a bad feeling, and nothing she told herself could get rid of it.

"Hello? Bulma, it's me, I'm just checking in. No luck with the Marin station."

"Goku?" Chichi asked, holding the button on the receiver. "Goku, it's me, Chichi."

"Chichi? Hi, is everything okay?" Goku asked softly. He knew what a toll all of this was taking on his wife. They had just settled down and started a family not long ago, and suddenly she was all alone.

Chichi swallowed, holding herself back from yelling into the receiver. "It's not fine, Goku, but I've gotten through today so far," she said.

"I think I know what you mean," Goku's voice said quietly. Chichi was shocked. She had never heard Goku sound that depressed before… he had always been upbeat and optimistic.

"What's wrong, Goku?" she asked, instinctively knowing that something bad had happened.

"It's nothing, really… just a bad dream… but it seemed so real…"

"Gohan has killed," Chichi said, her voice wavering.

"H-how…that was what my dream was about," Goku said, astonished.

Chichi did her best not to cry. "I had a dream just like it. There was a small village, and Gohan was so sad… I could almost feel him crying…"

There was a pause. "Then it wasn't a dream…" Goku said softly.

Chichi couldn't help it anymore. She began to cry. "Oh, Goku, what are we going to do? What have they done to our little boy?"

Goku's voice took on a degree of hardness. "I'm going to find him, Chichi. I promised you I would, and I will."

"No," Chichi said softly, so softly that Goku almost didn't catch it. "No, Goku, you won't."

"What do you mean?" Goku asked hesitantly.

Chichi swallowed, but knew what she had to do. "Goku… it's been almost two years now. Space is too big to find him in… and he's not…he's…"

"He's still Gohan," Goku replied, getting a sense of what his wife was saying.

Chichi bit her lip. "He's strong, Goku," she said. "And he's smart. Whatever they have done to him, he's a survivor now. We can't keep looking for him like this. We have to trust that… when the time comes, he will find us."

"Chichi… are you sure?" Goku asked after a pause.

Chichi wiped the tears from her eyes. "Yes, Goku. We did our best. We have to let him find his own way now. Come back home."

There was a longer pause, until finally Goku replied. "Okay, Chichi. I'm coming back. I… I'm sorry."

Chichi smiled sadly. "You did your best, Goku. That's all we can do."

A/N: I cried writing this. Maybe I let myself out of HFIL a little early, huh?

I'm sorry about the lack of editing… is having some problems loading when I go to edit. So, as soon as I can, I'll have everything spaced out with neat little lines, but until then, be warned that scene changes may come out of nowhere.