"Hey guy's, It's Mike here". Spoke a very unenthusiastic python as his face showed a look of annoyance as he drummed the tip of his tail on the floor impatiently. "And for whatever reason, Yinshen has yet to appear so I guess I'm going to have to do another one of these chapters alone! So, today's chapter is about"-
Before Mike could continue, the sounds of someone humming could be heard close by. Startled and confused, Mike turned his head to see none other than the black panther herself approaching without a care in the world. She continued to hum her merry tune until she found herself in front of her python companion.
"Oh, hey there Mike".
Mike could not believe how casual Yinshen was acting right now. She was late for the opening of the chapter and now she has the nerve to act like nothing's wrong. Mike was about ready to scold her.
"Yinshen! What the hell are you doing here late"?
"Oh, didn't you hear"?
"Hear what? What are you talking about"? Mike snapped impatiently.
"We're stepping things up a notch on the story a bit".
"Stepping things up? What the hell does that mean"?!
"Well, you remember that this chapter is about high school fan fics, right"?
"Yes, so what has that got to do with anything"?
Yinshen said nothing but instead looked around with an amused grin on her face. Mike reluctantly did the same. His eyes almost bulged out from their sockets as he noticed that instead of being in their usual spot on top of the Jade palace, they were now in the middle of a school hallway with lockers covering both walls.
"What the fu"-
Hey, T-rated story, remember? Watch the language". Yinshen reminded the snake.
"What the hell is this"?! Mike demanded.
"Well long story short, it was decided that standing in front of a single spot reading fan fics all day seemed a bit... lazy and repetitive. Which is why instead of simply reading a fan fic, we'll be taking part in them too".
"Taking part? How are we going to do- What the hell are you wearing"?! Mike blurted out as he turned round to see Yinshen no longer wearing her usual blue dress, but instead a well fitting school uniform complete with a buttoned white shirt, a blue skirt, black tights and black shoes.
"Hm, not bad". Yinshen mused, impressed with the uniform. Mike on the other hand, not so thrilled.
"Oh hell no"! He quickly snapped. "If I'm expected to wear something like that, you've got another thing coming"!
"Oh don't worry. You won't get a school uniform".
"Thank you".
Instead, Mike quickly found himself wearing a green one piece suit and was now holding a broom.
"Oh you fricking asshole"... Mike snarled.
"Well now that that's settled, let's get on with the story. Now in this version, Tigress the school girl is dating the jock/bully Tai Lung while Po, the lovable loser that we all like, tries to win Tigresses hand before the prom in a weeks time. Will Po succeed or will he be going to prom alone? Let's find out as we head to class".
Both Yinshen and Mike start to head to the nearest classroom. At least until Yinshen stretches out her paw in front of Mike to stop him advancing. Mike gives her a confused look.
"What"?
"Mike, you're the janitor. You can't just head into the classroom expecting to pass off as a student".
"What?! So, wait, what am I meant to do"?!
"I don't know, go sweep the halls or whatever it is janitors do".
"Are you seri- UGH! Fine! Whatever! Have fun repeating the eleventh grade Sailor Moon wannabe"! Mike hissed angrily as he slithered off, forced away from the story. Yinshen was now left alone with the watching audience.
"Okay, now that that's settled, let's head into the class where the main characters are taking their first lesson".
With that said, Yinshen takes the first door on the left and enters the classroom where, like her, everyone happens to be wearing a school uniform, except the teacher whom happens to be none other than Shifu.
Yinshen says nothing and takes a seat next to a depressed looking Tigress. Her school uniform is slightly shorter in an attempt to make her seem more attractive and sexy. Yinshen gives an annoyed sigh at this.
"Stupid male authors"... She mutters to herself before deciding to introduce herself in the typical school girl manner. "Hey there". She greets Tigress.
Tigress barely acknowledges her. "Hey". She replies.
"I'm Yinshen. I'm kind of new here".
"Nice to meet you. I'm Tigress". Tigress responds not sounding the slightest bit cheered up.
"Something the matter"? Yinshen presses.
"It's just"...
"Extremely tight uniform"?
"My boyfriend". Tigress responds, not properly paying attention to Yinshens guess, luckily for her.
"Your boyfriend"?
"Yeah... he's just"...
"A bitch"?
"A jerk"...
"Meh, same thing".
"I mean, he's just so insensitive and uncaring about anything. He treats me like dirt and he's always using me for his own gain"...
"So... why are you still with him"?
Tigress simply shrugged as a response, remaining upset.
...
...
"Wow. This version of you is a real pushover".
"Pardon"?
"Oh nothing". Yinshen smiled innocently.
With that done, Yinshen carefully waits for Shifu to turn his back before leaving her seat and changing to the one next to Po who remains focused on Tigress.
"Hey there". Yinshen greets.
Po, taking a much greater notice of the person next to him, jumps out of his trance and looks to find that for once the seat next to him isn't empty.
"Hi"... The panda replies in shock.
"I'm Yinshen".
"Po"...
"Nice name. Everything okay there? You seemed a bit distracted there pal".
"What, me? Distracted? Pfft. Yeah right. Like I'd ever get"...
Po trailed off as he noticed Yinshen smirking and pointing to her chin. Po raised his paw to his pudgy face to realise that the spot under his mouth was covered in drool.
"Oh uh... sorry". He smiled sheepishly.
"It's cool. So what's got your eye? Or rather who"...? Yinshen teased the panda despite already knowing the answer.
"Well... I uh, eheh... Can you... y'know, keep a secret"?
"Sure".
"See it's just that I... might have, kind of a crush on... Tigress"...
"Woah. No way". Yinshen replied with very little enthusiasm.
"I know right? I mean, look at her! She's awesome"!
"So, why not ask her out"?
"Well she's... kind of in a relationship".
"Let me guess. With the meat head in the front row with biceps the size of Mongolia"? Yinshen asked, pointing to the very front of the classroom where both of them could see the large snow leopard from the back.
"That's him. Yeah". Po nodded.
"You do realise that he doesn't treat Tigress all that well don't you"?
"I... guess so. A little bit, yeah".
"Well... why don't you maybe, I don't know... uh... DO something about it then"? Yinshen snapped in annoyance, startling Po. And unfortunately gaining Shifu's attention.
"You two, silence"! He snapped looking in Yinshens direction and making everyone flinch from the sudden harsh voice. Yinshen did not take kindly to this.
"Hey buddy. I'm trying to help fix a serious relationship problem over here, alright"? Yinshen spoke back in annoyance as she patted Po on the back. "Kind of a little bit more important then some lame brain science lesson don't you think? Are you always this cold hearted"?
18 seconds later...
"Stupid wrinkly old"... Yinshen fumed to herself as she left the classroom with a detention slip. It was clear that insulting the teacher, especially on your first day was not the smartest of moves. Something that the panther learned the hard way.
"I wonder how Mike's doing"?
SOMEWHERE ELSE...
"Are you bloody serious"?
As Mike had been sweeping the hallway, putting in a very half-assed effort as he did, he quickly found one of the furious five students. At least, that's what it seemed since the snake in front of him had so much make up on it looked as though her face was nothing but powder. However it seemed that the green snake paid no heed to it and planned only to add more like the crazy beauty diva she was making herself out to be.
"I know, right"? Replied the Viper knock off in an angry huff. "Like, I totally knew I should have gotten lipstick red instead of lipstick raspberry! Tell me I look pretty at least"...?
Mike wasn't entirely sure how to form his next sentence without receiving some sort of crazed reaction from the student Viper. After all he was a janitor talking to a student so if he dared to say anything bad or rude, it would be most likely that this student would cause him to lose the job that had been forced on him not so long ago. Mike needed to be very careful as to not insult Viper making sure to use only the sweetest and most encouraging words he could muster.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"You look like a goddamn whore ready to suck off every dude in the school".
NOT SO FAR AWAY...
Yinshen continued to walk down the hallway as she crumpled up the detention slip in her hand before throwing it over her shoulder. She stopped for a second to take a look at the school notice board seeing a picture of the American flag. The panther scoffed at the flag.
"Why do authors always have to make their stories take place in America? It's like they don't even realise that Kung Fu Panda takes place in China"! Yinshen complained feeling mildly offended. "If the real Po and Tigress read this train wreck of a story they'd be smacking their heads with their paws right now.
*SLAP*
A sudden quick whip-like sound startled the Panther as she turned her head in the direction the sound came from.
"The hell"?
Not long after speaking, an odd sight passed Yinshen's eyes. Coming from around a corner was a very pissed off snake clown. Upon a second closer look she noticed it was actually Viper with a stupidly crazy amount of make up applied to her face. Yinshen smirked.
"Hey Bobo! The circus isn't supposed to be in town for another six weeks"!
If Viper had heard her she didn't show any reaction to it and continued past Yinshen and off to heck knows where. Holding in a laugh, Yinshen turned from Viper and walked over to where the snake had appeared from. From there she saw none other than the janitor.
"Ah, there you are". Yinshen smiled. "I was beginning to think you had run off"- Yinshen paused as she noticed something. "Uh... Mike? Your... cheek is kind of"... She spoke, gesturing to her left face cheek. As far as she knew it was not natural for the left side of a snake's face to be red and partly swollen.
"Yeah, I know. Can we just move on please"? Mike sighed in an annoyed tone.
"Very well then. You'll be happy to hear I've already chatted to both Po and Tigress. Long story short, but not short enough thank you author, is that Po is trying to get girly Tigress to be his girlfriend. Unfortunatley for him Tai Lung is already Tigresses boyfriend who treats her like dirt. So Po has to stand up to Tai Lung and Win Tigresses heart. You know, like all the other school fu stories out there. Oh, by the way, what's with the walking makeup bag I just saw"? Yinshen spoke. Her last sentence breaking away from the plot of the story and directed towards Viper.
"A lot of people seem to find Viper some kind of super girly girl and I guess try to apply it to their stories as much as possible". Mike shrugged. "Moving on, now what can we expect from this story"?
"There's really only one important scene of the whole story really. Waiting for Po to finally be with Tigress. Which'll happen either soon or during prom night".
"Well it better be soon. I don't want to be here for another second".
"Well I suppose we might as well wait and find out since it's almost lunch break".
"Hey, speaking of which, aren't you meant to be in class still"?
"Aren't you meant to be finding some ice for that face of yours"?
"Touche".
A few moments later the bell rings. Animals of all kind flood out of the classroom and converse like normal teenage students.
Out on the football grounds, a different scenario was taking place. Po and Tai Lung were basically yelling at each other, over Tigress no doubt who happened to be standing over at the side looking rather worried. Through the commotion, neither of them noticed the snake and Panther watching from the bleachers. Both of them looking rather bored. Mike was curled up using his own coils as a head rest as Yinshen lazily used one of her fingers to stirr a bucket of popcorn.
"So"... Mike began. "They're... just yelling at each other"...
"Yep".
"... So... no fight scene"?
"Nope".
"Lame".
"Yeah, I'm willing to bet the author just got lazy and decided not to write a fight scene up".
"Shame".
So after... God knows how long of nothing but talking and arguing, Tai Lung eventually stepped down and walked off. Po on the other paw smiled as Tigress ran over to him and kissed him. And so Po became more confident and happier than he could ever be.
"Okay then, done. Po won the day. Yippee. Go team Po and... whatever... Can we go home now"?
A few flashes later, Both Mike and Yinshen find themselves out of their uniforms. Yinshen back in her usual blue dress and Mike with... nothing since he's a snake. The pair of them happily found themselves standing in front of the Jade Palace.
"Oh thank God we're done". Mike sighed.
"I'll say". Yinshen smiled. "And what with this whole joining stories thing it'll be interesting to see how we deal with the Heat Fic next chapter".
"Yeah".
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...
"Wait! WHA-
THE END
Alright guys, we're done. Hope you like the new style I wanted to try out with Mike and Yinshen joining in on the story. Just something I wanted to try out to make the story more interesting. See you next week. Cheerio!
P.S. While I do have a fic to make fun of next chapter it IS NOT going to be a heat fic to your pleasure or displeasure.