60
"It's too bad Izzy had to leave early, we were going to drive out to the beach after dinner," Marie says as she fastens her seatbelt.
"Oh. I …." I hesitate.
"Oh!" Her expression is one of horror as she realizes what she said "It wasn't a hint, I didn't mean …." She looks down, obviously embarrassed. I feel bad for her.
"No, it's fine. We can do that if you like?" My initial reluctance still weighs on me, but I hate to see her feeling so uncomfortable.
"You really don't have to. I promise it wasn't what I was getting at."
"I know," I say, smiling to try and make her feel better.
My anxieties around Marie at the beginning of the evening, I decided, were more about Izzy and whether she would recognize the turmoil I was in over her cousin.
The time I've spent with Marie this evening has been far from uncomfortable.
It's uncomplicated because we don't have a history to define us or give us expectations and fears. It's unexpected because neither of us knows the other well enough to know how they'll react to anything. It's easy, because we seem to have some kind of rapport.
And of course, when I stop to think about it, it's also terrifying, because you have to add all of the above to the fact I'm in some kind of currently indefinable relationship with her cousin.
~S~