Ana's POV
I am so nervous. Today is Wednesday and today I am going to see Jenny for the first time in almost a year. I'm not sure I can do this. I want to see her, want to see that she is better, but it would crush me to see that in reality nothing has changed. My dad told me she really is doing very well, but I'm almost worried that me showing up there will make things worse for her again. If it wasn't for Christian I don't think I would be with him in the car now almost there to see Jenny.
He has spent all morning calming me down and even picked my outfit for me and braided my hair when I couldn't decide what to wear or what to do with my hair. I feel like ever since Jenny called he is the only reason why I have kept my sanity. I never believed in this 'someone is someone elses rock thing', but Christian really is mine right now. I always saw myself as strong and independent, and hated it to show weaknesses, but between my therapy sessions with John, the pregnancy and now Jenny, I'm glad that I have Christian and that he is making the decision which need to be done for me right now.
"You alright, baby?" he asks and squeezes my hand a little.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For everything, without you I guess I would have checked in to some sort of mental health facility myself by now."
"I won't let that happen, besides, I like to take care of you. It's what I want to do and I'm glad that you let me." his smile is so ridiculously big that I have to laugh.
"Something amusing you, Mrs. Grey?"
"Yes, you ... ouch" I hold my belly and take some deep breaths.
"Shit, what is wrong, do you need to see Dr. Fisher?"
"No, I'm fine. Teddy just kicked me in the ribs. I swear that boy is either going to be a kickboxer or a soccer player."
"How do you know it was Teddy?" Christian looks at my belly trying to figure out how I knew it was Teddy and that makes me giggle.
"Teddy always lies right in front of Rachel, so I figured he is the one who likes to kick my ribs, while Rachel is the one who kicks me in the kidneys."
"That makes sense, can you imagine in 7 or 8 weeks from now, we will hold them in our arms." he says while he gently caresses my huge belly.
"If it was up to me I wouldn't mind if they decide to come out a week or two earlier."
"Well, Dr. Fisher said we should expect them to show up a little earlier than your due date. Maybe next year around this time you are pregnant again."
"Are you kidding me? No way! Do you hear me, Christian. No! If we decide to have another baby, it won't be until these two in here are well out of their diapers!"
"Maybe, but don't forget according to that old lady we met during our honeymoon we will have seven kids, so we better not wait too long" he teases and I glare at him.
"Christian, there is no way I'm going through five more pregnancies, if you want seven kids then you better start to invest in some research to find a way for men to carry a child, because you will have to carry at least two or three of them if that's what you want."
I start to pout when he starts to laugh. But honestly, who does that? Tell a woman who is 8 months pregnant with twins that he wants five more kids. If I had to decide this now I would say two kids are enough, but I know it's mostly the fact how uncomfortable and exhausted I am right now that is telling me I don't want anymore kids and I most likely change my mind once the twins are here with us and a couple of weeks or months old.
Once we arrive at the facility, I'm so nervous, I have to force myself to get in. A nurse has us all sign in and leads us into nice looking room with a table, chairs, some plants, a bookshelf and paintings on the walls.
"It's not as bad as I thought, actually it looks nice in here." I mutter and then I hear the door open again.
"Hi" I turn around when I hear Jenny's voice and just look at her for a moment. She looks really good, dressed in a pink dress with a white cardigan and flats, her hair is cut to a bob and she is smiling.
"Wow, you look so pregnant, are you sure it's just twins?" she giggles and I laugh.
"I hope so, you look good, I like your new hairstyle."
"Thanks, well ... I had to cut it, I had this phase where I let myself go pretty badly and didn't shower for about six weeks. They tried to get me under the shower, but I was so aggressive and they couldn't even get me in there with four nurses. My hair was a mess and needed to be cut short, it's starting to grow back now, I like it, so I might keep it that way. Do you want to sit?"
"I like it, makes you look even younger. I'm thinking about cutting my hair, too." I tell her and sit down.
"Really, please don't. Don't you remember that summer when we played in the woods all day and we had the ticks so often that mom gave up and had us both get our hair cut short like boys. You look so weird and you hated it" she giggles and I have to laugh.
"I totally forgot about that, yes, I looked like a skinny boy with huge ears and you still looked cute, I guess cutting my hair is no longer an option."
"Is Patrick here, too?" she asks and I shake my head.
"He has soccer practice today, but he wants to visit you on Saturday with Daddy." I tell her and remember the cookies and vanilla milk Maria has made for Jenny.
"Christian, do you have the bag?" I ask.
"Shit, it's still in the car, I'll get it." as he leaves he nods to Taylor and my security to keep an eye on Jenny and I sigh.
"Hey, it's okay. He doesn't trust me, that's okay. I haven't given him any reason to do so. And you are pregnant, so he has even more reason to worry about you and me sharing the same space. I just hope that one day I can prove to you and him, that you can trust me."
"I hope so, too. Do you think you can come home soon?"
"I ... I actually feel safer staying here for a little longer. You know in here I have my daily routine and ... I just feel like leaving too soon isn't a good idea. My therapist thinks I could start an outpatient program soon, but the staff really leaves the decision to me. I want to try first, you know spend a weekend with Dad and see how it goes. I thought maybe I spend Thanksgiving with daddy and Christmas, but I guess he wants to spend Christmas with you as the babies will be born by then."
"If they let you out for Christmas, you are welcome to spend Christmas day with us Jenny" I turn around when I hear Christian say this and give him the biggest smile. I know he doesn't like that idea, but I would hate if I couldn't see my Daddy on Christmas or know that Jenny had to spend it in here without her family.
"Thank you, Mister Grey."
"Call me Christian." he mutters and puts the bag on the table before he sits down with us and I start to unpack the bag.
"Maria was a little worried they wouldn't feed you well in here, so she packed some things for you" I explain and put fruits, chocolate, chocolate cookies, a jar of vanilla milk, some crackers, orange juice and candy on the table.
"Oh wow, umm ... I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I can't keep this here. I have a roommate now, and she is not only bipolar, but also suffers from bulimia so keeping food in my room is a really bad idea. You know, put temptation on her. But I would love some of the cookies with the vanilla milk now, is that the one Maria makes herself?"
I nod and she takes the jar opens it and puts a straw in. "This is so delicious, do you want some?"
"No, thanks, lately I can't stand any dairy goods, strange pregnancy habits I guess"
Two hours later I am back in the car with Christian and look out of the window deep in thoughts.
"Penny for your thoughts" Christian says and I look at him.
"Just thinking about what Jenny said during the therapy session with her therapist." I tell him. Jenny's therapist asked for him and the security to wait outside the room. He didn't like it, but agreed in the end since her therapist told us that Jenny was no danger to me.
"You hugged her when we left, so I guess it went good."
"I don't know, it was sad. Finally hearing what went through her mind, even as a child. How she felt she had to compete with me for our mother's love and always tried to be more like me until she just couldn't take it anymore. She thought everyone was against her and at some point she started to believe that it was all my fault and it kind of went from there. I'm just shocked that it took me or anyone for that matter so long to realise that she is sick. Maybe with the right help, a lot of things could have been avoided."
"But that is what makes mental illnesses so terrible, some people even know that something isn't right with them and it still takes years for them to get the right diagnosis and the help they need."
"I know, it's just you know me, I want to fix things and it drives me insane that my sister was sick for so long and I didn't notice it. And now, I really want to believe that we can work things out, but it's not that easy. I hate to say this, but I feel like I can't trust her at all. I want her to come over on Christmas day, but there is no way she is going to stay over night at our place. I would probably have to lock our bedroom, in fear she comes in while we are sleeping. Does that make me sound crazy?"
"Not at all, baby. I think it's pretty normal that you can't trust her right away. To be honest, I only invited her for Christmas so Ray could come over, but I don't want her to stay over night, either. Our twins will be born by then and I would probably not sleep at all knowing she is in the house. It will take time for her to earn your trust back, once you decide she deserves your trust, I'll try, too."
I nod, he is right, I can't expect that after one meeting all is back to where it was years ago. Too much has happened in the last years between us and not all can be dismissed because she was sick.
"Do you want to visit her again?" Christian asks.
"Yes, her therapist advised us to have a weekly therapy session, so we can work on our relationship. See if there is a way to repair it or if it would be best for us to move on with our lives without being close to each other."
"How do you feel about that?" he asks and I smirk.
"You stole that line from John, you do know that, right?"
"Yup, but he most likely stole it right out of psychology 101, so tell me, how do you feel about it?"
"I don't know, I want to have a relationship with my sister, but it has to work out for both of us. You know, if I end up being an anxiety trigger for her or I feel uncomfortable around her then it might be better for us not to see each other or just call each other on special occasions like birthdays and Christmas. This might sound harsh, but she is not the number one priority in my life. I will always try to help and support her, but I can't devote all my time and effort to her. You and our babies come first, then there is Patrick and the rest of our family. I just have so much going on in my life and I am tired of trying to fix everything. So if these therapy sessions work out and we can be like normal sisters again, I would be happy about it. But if not, I don't think I'm going to be devastated about it. That sounds terrible, right?"
He unbuckles my seatbelt and puts me in his lap. "Christian, I'm to heavy ..." I try to protest, but he stops me by pressing his index finger against my lips.
"You are as light as a feather, baby. And no, I don't think it is a terrible thing to say what you just told me. What happened between Jenny and you is not just something that happened in a short amount of time, first she betrayed you and then she wouldn't speak to you for four years. She ruined your dress just days before our wedding and though she is sick, those things have hurt you, rightfully so. To be honest if this had happened to me with Elliot or Mia, I'm not sure I could ever forgive them sick or not. Yes, she is your sister, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be close, some siblings just don't get along and are better off keeping their contact to a minimum. Just wait how you feel about her after a couple of therapy sessions, talk to John about it and once you are ready you'll know what to do."
"I should hire you as my shrink, you always know what to say to make me feel better." I murmur and wrap my arms around his neck.
"Well baby, I'm available 24/7 if you need me, though you have to pay me with sexual favors." he says with a wink and I snort.
"I guess if that's what you want as a payment I have already earned myself a lifetime of therapy sessions with you. Besides, maybe I should cut you down a little so you can slowly get used to the 6 week dry spell you have to endure once our twins are born."
"Ahh, shit baby, did you have to remind me of that? Fuck me, I will probably lose my mind in those six weeks."
"You should give yourself more credit than that, Christian. After all, we've met in early June and had sex the first time in late September. So you went nearly 4 months without getting anything."
"Yes, but that was before I knew how tight..."
"Christian!" I gasp and cover his mouth.
"What, just saying."he mutters petulantly.
"Could we not discuss this in front of Taylor. I'm sorry Taylor" I mutter completely mortified.
"No, apologies needed Mrs. Grey. May I speak freely?" he asks and Christian nods.
"Get cars with privacy glasses, for fuck's sake" he mutters making not only Christian and I, but him too burst out laughing.
"Good advise, Taylor. I'll look into it." Christian chuckles and I cuddle up against him.
"Anything you would like to do until dinner?" he asks and I pull his head closer to whisper into his ear.
"Yes, I want you to take me to the bedroom as soon as we are home and fuck me senseless until dinner"
His face lights up and we both have to laugh again when we see Taylor roll his eyes in the rear-view mirror. After a day like today, to laugh feels so good and I am sure once we are home Christian will find some ways to make us both feel even better ...
Next chapter will be their anniversary and we are getting close to the birth of Teddy and Rachel. For those of you who wondered if Jenny would cause more drama, no she won't. I'm slowly wrapping this story up and I have no more drama planned for this story...