Note: I tend to switch a lot between perspectives as I'm trying to keep up with both of them. Hope it doesn't make the story confusing.

Struggles

The sun disappeared behind the horizon and only the two planets stayed, reflecting the last of its light before they too hid in shadows and the sky drowned in darkness. The princes decided to settle down for the night.

They didn't need a fire for warmth, but it served to keep away wild animals. They gathered some fallen branches and stones to secure it. When they were done building a fire place, Loki leaned close to the wood and a spark of magic from his fingers set them aflame.

"Why do you never use that in battle?"

Loki looked up. Thor was grinning at him from across the flaring camp fire. "You mean the spark?"

"You could set your enemies on fire! Don't tell me it works only on wood."

Trust Thor to use everything in battle. In his eyes, things that weren't useful in battle probably served no purpose whatsoever.

"It's only a spark," explained Loki. "It's good for lightening candles or igniting small fires, but it would immediately flicker out in the rush of battle."

He saw the question in Thor's eyes.

"No, I'm not going to learn to throw fire balls," he answered with a smirk.

Thor grinned: "Why not?"

"It's impractical. Overly dramatic storytellers made it up, but no sane person would ever use it in battle."

Thor couldn't argue with that, since he wouldn't know. He put away the most uncomfortable parts of his armor and then lied down on his back, his arms crossed behind his head.

"I really hope we'll find the crown," he said off-handedly, staring up at the starlit sky.

Loki also allowed himself a more relaxed position, lying on one side, supporting himself on one elbow. "Having doubts is unlike you."

Thor turned to him, grinning: "If we don't, I will be furious that I had to suffer walking all the way there for nothing. Maybe then next time Heimdal will consider giving us a short-cut."

Loki returned the grin, wishing it would all be so simple.

He found himself in a cold, dark hall. It was snowing in there, despite the fact that it was indoors and there were no windows. He was alone and there was no way to go except forward.

He was running, though there was no need for it. The light at the end of the corridor was getting closer on it's own accord, one moment close enough to reach, the next barely visible in the distance.

And then even as it was only a mere spark at the distant end of the hallway, he reached it, suddenly, like being teleported. He was in a large room and he wasn't alone anymore. When he saw his company, he wished he was.

The room was filled with dark, muscled creatures, with strange markings covering their faces and naked chests. Frost Giants. None of them raised their blood-red eyes to meet his gaze.

"You," said someone. "Kneel."

He looked up to see Laufey sitting above them all on his throne. The smirk he wore didn't look right on his face.

Loki hesitated a moment longer than he should have.

Laufey's face changed and he was staring at his own face, with blue skin, markings and those horrible crimson eyes.

"Kneel," said Loki, the King of Frost Giants, and Loki, the Rebellious Prince, moved to kill him, only to find himself kneeling obediently.

When he woke up, he couldn't remember what he had been dreaming about. Not that it mattered. His dreams were lately just as frustrating as reality. He turned to one side, to face the forest and forced his eyes closed, wishing he would fall asleep again.

He eventually had to give up, his tangled thoughts not allowing him to rest. He got up and put on his armor. Oft times he did it with his magic, but this time there was no need to rush, seeing that Thor was still asleep.

The sky was a dark shade of grey, slightly lighter towards the east side. The sun wasn't up yet. Loki moved around the burnt-out fireplace, with the full intention of waking Thor up, so they could start moving again.

Then he stopped. There was something about the picture of sleeping Thor... He seemed so calm and peaceful, his tangled golden hair partly covering his face. Loki found himself fascinated by the sight.

Thor didn't look like some sort of sleeping beauty, innocent maiden, pristine and untouched, oh no. Loki throughout his life saw many of such ladies, all of them soft and gentle. All requiring protection and care. It made him want to spoil them, but it never made him feel respect the way this particular sight did.

Perhaps what charmed him was how steady and solid the peaceful aura around Thor seemed. A resting warrior. He seemed so powerful and enduring. Like the only thing in universe that could be relied upon.

He realized that he isn't even aware of how long he's been standing there, staring at Thor. He didn't feel like breaking the moment, suddenly too shy to look into Thor's eyes. Surely Thor would somehow read from his face everything Loki thought about him... More often than not Loki believed it must be so. And yet everyone deemed him an excellent liar.

The sun peaked over the horizon.

Thor moved, shielding his eyes with one arm and murmuring quietly. It suggested he's either dreaming or awoken. Loki bet on the latter. He quickly made his way back on the other side of their small camp. He had no intention being caught staring and explaining that Thor woke up before he managed to reach him just seemed needlessly complicated. Pretending was so much easier.

It didn't take long for Thor to give up the fight, the light inevitably won, and he stopped trying to fall back asleep. He opened his eyes and found Loki with a thoughtful expression, sitting next to the fire ashes.

"Good morning," said Thor to make Loki aware of his wakefulness and his younger brother turned to him and smiled, returning the phrase.

Thor put on his armor, wondering if they should bother with breakfast or simply skip the meal and bother with hunting only for lunch. Sometimes, they ignored food altogether, the adrenalin keeping them going, so they did a whole adventure without eating and then held a feast after they returned. But it only worked that way with shorter adventures, the ones that took couple of days at most. If Heimdal's words were any indication (and they were, considering that Heimdal wouldn't bother to warn them unless the problem was noteworthy,) this was going to be longer.

"Later," said Loki when faced with the question. So they set off without any delays. The rays of the waking sun slipped between the trees for once not held back by any branches. The whole forest shone like the golden halls of Asgard. Loki wasn't sure if it's impressive or if the comparison makes him feel weary.

Thor was humming a tune as he walked. Loki was quiet, listening, trying - simply out of boredom - to place the melody. The fact that it seemed to constantly skip between rhythms wasn't exactly helpful. He was just about to ask what the song was, without any actual hope for a real answer, purely to evoke a conversation, when he noticed something.

The trees around them were mostly overgrowth with other plants, their barks more green than brown. At the second when he looked up Loki saw on one of the trees a particular spot that was neither. The spot was coal black, rotten and dried.

It was under eye level, so Loki stopped and crouched to get a better look.

"What is it?" asked Thor curiously and came closer to see. He didn't get an answer.

Loki felt a tug of magic, when he touched the spot. It was unlike anything he ever felt before, but that didn't necessarily mean it was unknown to him. He reached for it with his own power. His perception of touch expanded beyond his fingers and soon he felt a whole web of energetic field that made up the trees spiritual power. It flowed from the roots to all braches and leafs. In this particular place, though, there was a disruption in the flow, like a knot on a rope.

Loki read about this kind of spell though neither he nor any of his tutors ever used it. The effect was similar to what a limited amount of specific poison does to flesh - shuts down body functions.

"Loki," called Thor, annoyed at being ignored.

Loki looked up to him.

"What is it?" repeated Thor.

For a moment, Loki searched for words to explain it to him. Thor never quite understood how energy works. "It's disrupting magic. Someone prevented the tree's energy to pour into this place of its trunk, so it slowly died away."

"The tree is alive, but part of it, right in the middle of its trunk, died?" asked Thor skeptically. "Because of magic?"

"Yes."

Thor bent down to look at and touch the spot too. "It's weird," he decided. "But is it important?"

"I just stated that it was done by someone, didn't I?" answered Loki, his expression thoughtful. "It means that we are not alone here, though it's been a while since the spell was cast."

"And I was starting to think that this day will be boring," said Thor, smiling blissfully.

Loki shot him an amused glance and then turned back to the tree. Once again he reached out, feeling the energy and where it was lacking. For a moment he wondered if he should break the barrier. He felt it, it wouldn't be too hard. Only a bit of his own energy to add an extra push to the tree's own powers and he could open the way.

But even before he was done thinking about it, he knew it would serve no purpose. The wood was already dead and there was nothing that could bring it back to life now. It was entirely possible that he would hurt the tree by leading its energy there. If he had come earlier, he would have been able to heal the wound, but at this point there was nothing to do.

"Let's go," he decided. "There's nothing more to see."

They set off and after a short while, Thor started humming again, but Loki paid no more heed to it, his mind preoccupied with speculations about the mysterious spell-caster.

A slim brown hare slipped from between the ferns. The forest was quiet save for a couple of birds that chirped somewhere in the trees. There was a brook pushing its way though the undergrowth and across boulders, soft froth creating under such small waterfalls.

The hare quickly crossed the distance that parted it from the scream. One more time it lifted its head to check the forest before it dared to bend down and drink.

It never knew of the dagger that ended its life. It only felt a pinch of pain before its consciousness faded out.

Loki came out from behind the tree he used for cover, closely followed by Thor. He picked up the hare, making sure it's dead and not suffering any more than it has to.

"Nice kill," complimented Thor.

"Thanks," murmured Loki, already busy with skinning the animal. He sat down on one of the stones that lay on the edge of the stream and after a moment Thor did the same.

The older brother didn't like sitting idly by while his sibling did all the work. He noticed a bush growing a few feet away and before Loki was done he collected a handful of purple berries that tasted similarly to currants.

When he returned, offering the fruit, Loki was holding a golden plate in his hands with slices of roasted meat upon it, looking almost as if he had just stolen it from the royal palace kitchens. Thor wasn't surprised by the sight, because he had already witnessed it many times, but it was still something to behold.

"Things like this really make me appreciate your magic," he said openly.

Loki smiled confidently and took a few of the berries from Thor's offering palm.

He never used his magic to cook anything. It was all just an illusion. In reality, they were eating raw meat with their bare hands, but Loki made it seem as if the meat had been cooked purely for their enjoyment of the meal. He even went into such details as smell and taste.

Thor personally thought that sometimes the taste Loki created with illusion was better than of the actual food that he was served during feasts. Maybe it was because Loki knew what he prefers after dozens of similar meals they shared. It was normal for Loki to pay attention to details, but Thor was still pleased to know that Loki bothers to remember trivia about him personally.

A golden goblet appeared out of tin air in Loki's hand accompanied by a spark of green light. Another illusion. It was very skillfully crafted and garnished with small green gemstones.

Loki used the goblet to draw water from the brook. As soon as it was filled, the color of the water turned to dark red.

"Wine?" he offered calmly.

Even despite what he just witnessed, Thor's senses where dimmed with the sweet odor of the liquor and his reaction was purely instinctive: "You shouldn't drink. If someone attacks us, you need to be ready for battle."

Loki clicked his tongue in a disapproving manner. "You literally just saw me cast this illusion on plain water. It isn't wine. It will not have the slightest effect on me."

And of course Thor knew that. It was just hard for him to indefinitely remind himself that everything he saw wasn't the way he saw it. He offered a sheepish smile in response to the defiant glare Loki was giving him over the edge of the goblet.

As soon as they were done eating, the golden plate was gone, leaving only bones behind. Loki's cup melted into tiny sparks in his hand when he had drunk the last drop of the wine.

"Don't forget to wash your hands," sang-song Loki, when Thor got on his feat without bending down to the stream first.

Thor rolled his eyes, but obliged anyway. "You always remind me."

"Only because you always forget."

Thor tended to ignore the fact that under the clean and shiny illusions he had held bare meat in his hands. Loki was sometimes confused about how Thor's mind worked, since he seemed to be aware of one thing but at the same time completely oblivious of another.

"You are like mother," muttered Thor in a moment of boyish stubbornness.

"Now that's just hurtful. Why would you ruin my reputation of a fearless warrior with such an insult?"

Thor snorted and Loki's fake smile didn't waver, hiding the sinking feeling that hung to his heart. He was once again reminded of his own weakness and, worse yet, that Thor saw this weakness.

If Thor was aware of Loki's thoughts at that moment, he would be confused about how Loki's mind worked, since he seemed to be aware of one thing but at the same time completely oblivious of another.

But Thor couldn't read minds and never noticed the self-loathing the simple tease brought with it. They both washed their hands in the stream and then they continued on their way, the sun shining how above them in the sky.

There was a whiz.

Loki's hand shot up and caught an arrow a second before it bore into his neck.

Then Mjölnir shattered the skull of the archer.

There were suddenly a dozen of them, coming from the shadows, jumping down from trees. They were about a head shorter than the gods, pale-skinned and rough-haired. Their clothes were worn out and filled with holes, in some places sewn or patched. There was something fierce in their deep set eyes, making them look savage and wild.

Loki lifted Sannindi and parried a blow from a sword. Their weapons were just as unkept as their general appearance, rusty and unclean. As he swirled, dancing away from another strike and managing at the same time to return the attack, he noticed that some of them don't even have a weapon.

One of them was holding a boulder above his head. He had obviously every intention to throw it at somebody's head. But Thor was faster. One quick, hard blow to stun an attacking warrior, who bravely parried it with his sword and was thus given a horrible pain in his arms and then he threw his hammer. Mjölnir shattered the stone in the hands of the astonished attacker and pieces of it rained down on his head. Then the hammer returned just in time to parry a blow from a different attacker, one with a dagger.

Loki once again jumped away from the sword that was unwisely targeted at his chest. It was obvious that these people weren't trained for fighting. One of them bended down to the dead body of the archer and took his bow, without even looking at the corpse. Due to the incompetence of his opponents Loki had enough time to throw one of his knives in his general direction. The knife cut through the wet wood of the bow, destroying it. At least now he didn't have to worry about having another arrow shot at him.

Some only held sharpened wooden sticks in their hands. As soon as Mjölnir broke them, they threw away the remainder of their weapons and ran, making strange angry hissing noises. They really acted more like animals then human beings. Only the ones with actual weapons, swords, axes and daggers stood their ground, but their blows weren't hard to cover.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves, is that all you can do?" taunted Thor. They didn't respond, only made more of the hissing noises. Another one managed to throw a stone and Thor had to strike it in midair to prevent it from hitting him.

An axe sliced through the air where Loki stood just a second ago. He teleported right behind the warrior and Sannindi neatly cut his throat before he could even gasp in shock. Droplets of blood flew from the blade, as it turned to parry another blow and then quickly breached enemy defense and sliced through his clothes, leaving a red scar on his chest.

Loki noticed that he can't feel his arm, when another blow wasn't as elegant as it was meant to be. Being tired from battle was normal, but it should never happen this soon and in such a way. He shot a quick glance at his hand, just to see if he can guess what's wrong without ever ceasing to move, as movement was what kept him alive and unharmed.

The sight of blue skin made his heart skip a beat.

No! Why? Where did it come from?!

He didn't understand. Why was he changing back into that hideous form? He didn't feel cold; it was well above freezing here. No one had touched him. What could have caused it?

Shock and fear occupying his mind, there was hardly any control to his movements anymore. A dagger moved past his defense, his own weapon unable to stop it and it opened a cut on his arm before he could avoid it. Blue blood poured from the wound and Loki felt lightheaded at the sight of it, almost forgetting to lift Sannindi to parry the next attack.

One trait Thor had to acknowledge as admirable was the endurance of the wild fighters. It seemed that no matter how many times he ruined their weapons or cast them aside with his blows, they would always eventually just get up and return to the fight anyway. Even the ones who ran before turned out to have come back with more stones and sticks, despite how useless those proved so far.

For a moment, he considered striking Mjölnir against the ground to knock them down and slow them a little, but he remembered that Loki is fighting near-by and he didn't exactly control the range of the shockwave he created. He swirled, his hammer easily getting though every defense they tried to set up. And then, as he turned to hit one that tried to sneak behind his back, he noticed something.

There was one who didn't join the fight. He was standing at the edge of the forest, inactive. It would seem that he was only watching the fight. It was his clothes that gave away what he was doing there. His long robe was easily recognizable, as it clearly was the best piece of clothing the wildlings possessed. Runes that were sewn on it with golden thread betrayed the character of their wielder.

Thor knew only a little about magic, mostly just commonly known facts that one could learn only by listening to stories. But he could still recognize a mage when he saw one. Similar robes were used by mages in tales, (though no modern mages used them anymore) and the way he just stood there, watching, gave him away. Thor didn't need to understand how magic worked to know that a mage on opponent's side in battle meant only trouble. As he swirled once again to avoid a blow and deal one of his own, he tracked the mage's gaze and found Loki.

A sword left him with a scar on his cheek before he knocked it away, because the sight made him do a double take. He didn't get a good look at him, his enemies using his split attention to their advantage, but he never saw Loki in what he called his true form before, despite how many times they talked about it, and it was unusual to say the least.

Thor didn't wonder what the cause of Loki's change was. It seemed clear. As long as there was a mage, strange things were bound to happen on the battlefield. He parried one last attack with it and then he threw Mjölnir in the direction of the mage, continuing to fight with kicks and blows of his fists. It was definitely harder to fight without his weapon, but his body was more than ready for it.

The mage noticed his death coming towards him too late. He tried to jump away, but then Mjölnir already hit him and he was sent flying though the air, until he hit a tree and fell to the ground like a rag doll. This event had a huge effect on all the other wildlings. When they realized that the most powerful one of them had been defeated, they turned and ran, picking up any weapons that were still intact lying around, but never returning to fight with them.

They disappeared in the shadows between the trees just like when they had attacked and the forest grew strangely still and quiet, giving an unpleasant feeling that they could be anywhere, merely waiting for a chance to attack again.

Loki was gasping for breath, his head spinning. Before they turned and run, they had managed to give him a few more cuts and scars. He couldn't stop looking at the blood, as it slowly trickled down his arms. He didn't feel any pain. It was as if those parts of his body that turned blue were no longer part of him.

Thor caught Mjölnir as it returned to him, but his eyes never left his younger brother. He noticed that not all parts of his skin are blue. Loki was facing away from him, looking at his own arms as if he saw them for the first time in his life. Thor felt an urgent need to comfort him, because his heart seemed to never have learned its lesson. He moved, shortening the distance between himself and his brother.

"Loki," he said and reached out to touch him.

The soft sound of his own name echoed in his ears, as Loki turned, startled to remember Thor's presence. The second his eyes met Thor's sky blue ones, he felt irrational need to run and hide, so his older brother wouldn't see him. He managed a quick step back, before Thor caught his arm, soaking his fingers in the blue blood, but what should have been a painful touch meant nothing, because Loki didn't even feel it.

"Calm down. Please, Loki, it's okay." His own words rang hollow as he looked upon Loki's face. Due to whatever had caused it, his skin was partly blue, dividing across his face. One of his eyes was red, while the other remained green, but both reflected such terror that matched only the one on the day he discovered the truth.

Then Thor noticed the blood and practical concerns kicked in. "Why aren't your injuries healing?" The scar he himself had received in fight was long gone.

Loki's thoughts were a blur. Had his body at last decided that it's time to stop lying and return to its true form? Why now? And why couldn't he feel anything? Was he truly turning into a heartless, soulless monster?

He wanted to cry and for once he didn't even have the strength to hate himself for it. He didn't want Thor to see him this way.

"Let me go," he said. Or more like whined, his voice strained and broken.

Thor didn't like holding Loki against his will but he was scared that if he obliges, Loki will run away or worse, teleport from him and he will never find him again in this wilderness. It seemed like an irrational fear, only the way Loki tried to move away from him justified it. He needed to know that Loki is calm first and since there seemed to be no other way, he decided to keep talking.

"It's going to be fine. We are going to figure this out. It's the mage who did this, somehow, isn't it? I'm sure you can break his spells no matter what they do to you. Please, stop avoiding my eyes, Loki."

A mage. Loki felt as if he'd been slapped. He allowed his nerves to drain all sanity from him, leaving him as a weeping child at the hated sight of his own monstrosity, when there was a perfectly clear reason for all of it mere inches away. All he had to do was think clearly, but he panicked. Was there nothing he could do without acting like a pitiful maiden?!

He didn't stop avoiding Thor's eyes, as he relaxed his stance. He believed he was going to choke on his shame as he closed his eyes and felt for his own energy, finding it in messy knots just like with the tree they found in the morning. It was so obvious now, why was he so scared before?

Thor noticed that Loki had relaxed and let his arm go. He wished Loki would look at him and explain what was happening. Did his words actually work or did Loki calm down from a different reason? He didn't flatter himself that he could calm Loki down with mere words, seeing that it had never worked before.

"Is there anything I can do, Loki? I want to help."

As he brushed Loki's shoulder, his younger brother turned away completely.

"Don't look at me," he snarled, his voice stronger now. His fears hadn't gone completely. He knew what had caused it, but that didn't change the fact that he was ugly to behold and he didn't want Thor to see him.

The disruptive spell blocked his magic from flowing through his body. Because his usual appearance was a work of illusion, when he lost magic his body gained back its real look. The parts of his body that were cut away from his power were numb and if he wouldn't renew the energy flow in time, they would die. As he slowly worked through the separated streams of energy, pushing though them with all the power he had left to clear the way, he opened his eyes and watched as his skin changed back.

It was morbidly fascinating. Blue skin covered with blue blood turned to pale skin with red blood shining brightly against it. He never realized that his blood is blue. He supposed he knew that Frost Giants have blue blood, though he never thought about it. What really bothered him was the strange, twisted realization that his curse goes deeper than skin. That truly everything about him, including the very blood he bleeds, is a lie.

His injuries started healing once he returned to his usual form. It wasn't because he was Aesir but because of his magic. He supposed he knew that too, long time ago when he had weaved a spell around himself to constantly heal his body, when he saw how easily Thor and everyone else around him heal. He didn't really remember it, for it was more than a thousand years ago, but he knew it was so, because he vaguely felt the spell when he focused on it.

Thor's patience was at its end. He was glad to see that Loki returned to his normal appearance and his wounds have healed, but he was just about done with waiting for answers.

"Stop ignoring me, Loki."

Finally Loki lifted his eyes to look at him, both of them green and brilliant, his skin pale and pure. He hesitated for a moment, but then a smile spread across his face and he started talking, the surreal cheerfulness of his voice far removed from the previous show of emotion.

"Right, you probably want to know who it was and why they attacked us. Do you remember our history lessons?"

Thor shook his head in confusion, only concern showing on his face. He didn't really want to know about any of that. All he cared about what whether Loki was alright.

"Not that I expected you to. These men were once Vanir mages. Let just say that they were interested in those kinds of magic that didn't help preserve harmony and friendship. Odin decided they were far too dangerous and should no longer be supported. They were asked to give up their knowledge, but they refused."

"Loki-"

"Interestingly enough, Frey, one of their biggest supporters, turned tail once Odin decided to stick his fingers in the matter and soon he was begging the Allfather to help him drive the darkness-spreading warlocks from his kingdom. That's not what we were taught, by the way; it's the truth. And so it was done, leaving them here in the wilds."

"Can I-"

"But despite how much he claimed to dislike their magic, Odin actually kept every study that was ever written on it. That's how I know about it. I imagine that as generations passed, the knowledge became a privilege known only by few of them while the others specified on survival. They attacked us, because we have clothes and weapons. Those must be very scarce in the wilds."

"Stop talking!"

Loki fell silent, offence clear on his face. But Thor didn't care, not as long as he knew that it wasn't real. Loki was trying to change the subject and make him forget any of what had occurred and that only strengthened Thor's notion to be concerned about it.

"What did the mage do to you, exactly? Why did you change?"

It was strange, Loki thought. Usually this approach would work with Thor and he would slowly let himself be lulled by the stream of words, until he forgot anything Loki needed him to forget. The fact that he actually endured this time could only mean that he truly cared. Loki allowed himself to be touched by that.

"He used the disruptive spell on me. He took my magic." The fake cheerfulness was gone, leaving his voice cool and even.

"Wait, didn't you say part of the tree died after this kind of spell was used on it?" There was genuine worry in Thor's eyes and Loki simply couldn't force himself to be insulted by it, despite how much he hated being babied.

"That would only happen if I didn't stop the spell and fix the damage it had done. I'm fine now."

"But you weren't before..." Thor's voice softened. "You were scared."

"I-" There was so much he could say. He could feign offence and make Thor apologize for such a claim despite how childish such a reaction seemed. He could try to change the topic again or find a way to turn it all into a joke. But there have already been enough lies about his true appearance. "I didn't want you to see me."

It was as simple as that. Believing he turned into his true form without any reason was one thing, but believing he turned into his true form without any reason in front of Thor's very eyes was something completely different.

"Why would you think it would change anything?" asked Thor, with a kind, caring smile.

To Loki, the smile was only an insult to the injury.

"Because I'm a Frost Giant, maybe?" His voice was biting and cold.

"But that doesn't-"

"Liar!" Loki screamed.

Thor stared at him, taken aback.

"Don't you dare say that it doesn't mean anything! You hate Frost Giants. I hate Frost Giants! How can you just go and deny it? And why would you? What changed?!"

Thor moved suddenly and Loki didn't even have time to gasp before Thor pulled him in, so close he was almost hugging him, but far enough so they could still see each others faces.

"Oh, Loki. I thought I am your guardian but it seems I've done a terrible job if you are so scared of me that you won't even let me look at you. Did you think I would attack you at first sight because I wouldn't be able to distinguish you from my enemy?"

Loki couldn't breathe. He couldn't begin to understand the feelings that filled him at the thought of how close to each other they were and that Thor just dubbed himself his guardian, the thing Loki always wished him to be but was much too scared to ask for.

"I was scared that once you see the truth, you will see through the lie thenceforth." He explained meekly.

"What lie? What do you mean?"

"Once you've seen what I really look like, you wouldn't believe the illusion I put on day after day. You would always see me as a blue-skinned red-eyed monster, even if I changed to look like I do now. If you never saw me, then I could still hope that despite everything that was said, you don't see me that way..." And then as an after-thought, he added: "You are so gullible when it comes to illusions, after all."

Thor snorted and smiled. "Maybe I am. It doesn't matter to me if I ever saw your true form. I will always see you like this." His thump gently stroked Loki's pale cheek. "My little brother."

Loki smiled back, for a short while simply enjoying the closeness. There was an ocean of calm and care in those blue eyes that he yearned to drown in. He wasn't sure why, but he found himself talking.

"For a moment there I thought I had lost control. I thought the monster was taking over me and there was nothing I could do about it. How do you- How do we know it will never happen?"

The spark of fear in Thor's eyes was anything but encouraging. He pulled Loki closer, actually hugging him this time, breaking eye contact. Loki closed his eyes and rested his head on Thor's shoulder.

"It won't happen," the older brother said simply.

"You are scared," murmured Loki, not believing his own words. Thor wasn't scared of anything. If not because he was strong, then definitely because he was foolish and stubborn.

"I wanted to protect you." Thor doubted there was ever any other reason for his entire existence. "But I failed. I watched you cry as you bled from wounds I couldn't heal. I couldn't as much as touch you. It was on that day that I realized there are things I can't protect you from. I doubt the fear will ever go away."

Whatever Loki was expecting, this wasn't it. He never realized that he might not have been the only one to suffer on that day. He didn't know how to respond.

"But it won't happen," repeated Thor stubbornly and squeezed him lightly. "There is nothing in you that would make you like them. You may look like them, underneath, but your mind is different. If nothing else, there is no Frost Giant as smart as you."

Loki smirked to himself. "And witty. Don't forget witty."

"And imprudent."

"And cunning."

"And attractive."

"Whoa there, keep it down or I might actually blush!" Loki gave a startled laugh and pulled back to look at Thor's face. He tried to ignore his racing heart though it did him little good. He told himself that Thor was only joking. He couldn't have possibly meant that...

Thor laughed too. He had no idea why he had decided to say it, aside from the fact that it felt right. Loki would take it as a joke anyway.

Loki always knew that he needed Thor to protect him. And Thor wanted the same thing. If this was the case, there seemed to be almost no reason to keep denying it to both of them. Almost.

But if he stopped denying, he would be forced to admit that he can never be safe on his own. That he was nothing. He would only be part of Thor. His heart told him that he wanted that. His mind screamed in refusal.

"Anyway, what I meant to say was that no matter what will happen I will always be there for you," said Thor, almost bashfully.

It was about time Loki took a leap of faith.

"I believe you," he whispered.

Thor's heart melted at the simple words. It was an offer of trust. He almost lost hope that he will ever receive it from Loki. He could only pray to never loose it. But right now, he felt whole. His world was resting in his arms.

Loki's eyes were warm and kind and Thor nearly lost himself in them. As he held him like this, he became aware of just how delicate and beautiful Loki is. All sensible thoughts were gone. Something inside told him what to do and he slowly leaned forward; gently, so he wouldn't ruin the perfection.

Loki gave a quiet gasp and moved away. He couldn't listen to his raging feelings, he needed to think.

"Maybe we should move on. We are wasting daylight," he said.

Thor was reluctant to listen to him, right up to the moment until the knowledge of what nearly happened caught up to him. Loki was his brother. Where were these feelings coming from?

He broke the embrace, leaving the moment behind.

Note: So close... You probably hate me now xD