72

We should clear the air before we start over, we have too many unresolved issues bubbling away beneath the surface.

Yeah, I guess.

So here we are, sitting on opposite sides of my dining table.

"Let's go for the 'ripping off a band-aid approach'" I suggest. "Just lay everything out, point by point."

"Okay." She nods but looks as though she wants to vomit. "Isleptwithyourbrother." The words come out in a rush before I knew we were even ready to start. I stare at her in surprise and she flinches. "I know it's the biggest elephant in the room. I wanted to get it out of the way," she says with a shrug.

"I was worried about saying it in case you felt I was throwing it in your face again."

"I know you struggle with it still."

"It was how Whitlock came out with it, all 'I swear her exact words were, 'I fucked him, but he wasn't as good as his brother'.'"

Her mouth hangs open and she looks at me in disbelief, a harsh laugh ringing out.

"He said what?"

I don't answer because I know she heard me perfectly well.

"I promise you, I never said any such thing. I don't even know how he knew about it. Small town gossip, I guess."

"You never said that?"

"Someone walked in on us, I never discussed it with anyone."

My heart's aching, and I have no idea if it's over discussing what happened, or the loss of my big brother.

"I want to know why. I mean, I need to know. Why Emmett?"

Her eyes are glassy.

"You scared me. Everyone I got close to ended up pushing me away. You were always the only constant in my life, even my parents passed me off from one to the other when the going got tough, but you were always there. Guys always backed off as soon as I slept with them and I worried you'd do the same. Plus the fact I was already destroying you. Look at the trouble you were getting in for me! I guess I thought having sex with Emmett would be the best way of forcing you away, but I panicked afterwards about wrecking things between the two of you, that's why I never told you who it was. Turns out the fact I went and had sex with someone else was enough, it didn't even need to be your brother."

She looks down, shaking her head. It's more or less the same thing she told me in the email she sent when she left the last time. There's something more powerful about hearing it from her own lips though.

"I couldn't let you love me," she adds, raising her head to look right at me.

"I'd loved you all along, it was too late for that," I admit.

"You'd never told me until we slept together."

"Of course not, I knew you'd freak out. I guess I thought the fact you'd finally let me get close to you meant you felt the same way."

"You know the most fucked-up part about it?" she asks, smiling sadly. "I did.

~S~